(NeoAU1) Memoirs of a Sword - Part 4 - END
by Salty Hakuouki
Summary: Kofu didn’t end well for the Shinsengumi and Nagakura and Harada left. Saito is tasked with organizing the retreat from Edo but he’s anxious about how to deal with his wife’s pregnancy. Not sure battlefields is a wise destination even if she’s the medical officer... SaitoXChizuru Canon - AU in Saito’s POV M-Rated chapters : 5, 25, 40
1. Previously

**Hi ! Welcome to « What I do not say, I still feel - Part 4 » ! **

TRIGGER WARNINGS : The first part was already rated M because of violence, murder and sexual and adult themes. This part 3 is still rated M for these reasons.

Lemons will be indicated here when there's some. First one in chapter 5 Castella. Then chapter 25 Nihonmatsu and chapter 40 Son

**I'm starting to wonder if this fic will actually have an end one day... Already part 4 which wasn't planned at all but hey, part 2 and 3 weren't planned either. This POV really got out of hand ! I mean, seriously ! Part 3 was less than 3 months... Hajime really has a lot to say ! **

**Just like for Part 2 and 3 ****if you don't want to read Part 1, 2 and 3 and want to start the story now, here's a summary ! Politics and context first then the SaiChi relation (part1 part2 and now part 3). Don't read if you haven't read these parts before and don't want to spoil yourself. **

**Politics and context :**

The battle of Toba-Fushimi was a total fiasco for the shogunate troops. Although the SatCho had only a third of their effectives, they were better organized and equipped with modern guns and weapons.

The Shinsengumi fled to Edo, following the shogun and they renamed Kouyou Regulation Company. Kondou Isami became a daimyo under the name Okubo Tsuyoshi and they departed to Kofu to defend a castle. The imperials got there before them and there was no other choice than to retreat (100 against 3000).

During their time in Kofu, Edojo (the castle) had been surrendered by the loyalists ans the Shogun is held prisoner in Ueno at the Kan'ei temple. Kondou led the big of the army to Nagareyama in the Aizu province and Saito is supposed to organize the transfer of the back up troops, Rasetsu and artillery from Edo to Nagareyama.

The action starts in early April 1868. Nagakura Shinpachi and Harada Sanosuke had quitted the Shinsengumi.

**Saichi part 1 :**

At first, Saito felt like Chizuru was nothing more but a bother but he eventually fell in love with her. Souji was teasing him all the time about it but Saito didn't want a relationship. He had the feeling that it would be dishonorable to be with her without marrying her and so he restrained himself. He met Yuki, an oiran who looked vaguely like Chizuru, and started to see her a lot as a decoy. She dared him to confess to the woman he love and he eventually did it when he took her to Gion's festival. She answered his feelings and they kept their relationship secret.

Hijikata decided to use Chizuru as a spy and disguised her and Heisuke as maikos to gather informations in a tea house. Saito could only see her from afar for months and had joined Sannan for night rounds to give a report on the Rasetsu corp. One night, Chizuru was nearly raped and Saito saved her. From then, he decided that Heisuke wasn't enough and that he would personally find a way to assure her protection. The okiya wanted to sell Chizuru's virginity and Saito, with the help of Yuki, who became his friend, disguised as a geiko to get into the tea house and got violent with the man willing to buy Chizuru's virginity. Chizuru went back to the compound and no one knew that Saito was involved except from Heisuke who held his tongue.

For their birthday in February, Saito brought Chizuru to eat castellas and he got guilty because it's time for her to find a husband and he couldn't marry her. He asked her to promise she wouldn't waste her life on his account but she refused, telling him she'd walk by his side even if he could never marry her.

After the fail of the rescue of Sakamoto, Chizuru got missing for hours and Saito restlessly searched Kyoto for her before Shimada told him she was back at the compound. Due to his fear of loosing her (and Souji stealing his futon) he got in her room and they spent a night together platonically. Saito didn't want to be the one dishonoring her.

After the loss of Tairô, a member of his unit, they both felt a lot of grief and were splattered in blood. They went to the bathroom but their need for confort made them fall into each other's arms and Chizuru got her first time. After it, they took a bath together and Saito asked if she ressent him for taking away her innocence. She said she'll have to find a husband who doesn't care his wife is spoiled and Saito told her she's not marrying anyone but him.

They started spending most of their nights together platonically until Chizuru's birthday, when Saito made homemade castellas to celebrate, taking the excuse of his birthday for the other captains. After the dinner he joined Chizuru in her room and made love to her but when Chizuru orgasmed, her eyes lit with a golden color. Saito was totally confused by the sight of it.

**SaiChi part 2 :**

Saito quitted with Ito and left his wakizashi with Chizuru as guardian of his honor. During his stay, Chizuru lost a child and Saito had a lot of difficulty to overcome this loss. Yuki, the oiran, helped him a lot and talked to him about her own daughter, Haruhi, taken away from her when she was a baby. Chizuru was sent to Osaka to learn medecine with Matsumoto-sensei.

Saito stayed 6 months with the guardians. He saved Chizuru who was abducted by Amagiri and learned that she was a demon but his feelings for her weren't impacted.

Saito got a lot of money for the murder of Takeda Kanryuusai and used it to free Yuki the oiran from her pleasure house but he discovered that she betrayed him and wanted to poison him. He abandoned her just after.

He came back eventually and defended the compound against Kazama while the others were taking care of Ito. He took back Chizuru to her room and they shared a moment together. In the morning she gave him back his honor and he went to ask Kondou-san for permission to marry her. He agreed but first they were sent on mission together at Tenma-ya to protect Miura Kyutaro.

They prepared their wedding while at the inn and Chizuru started working with Sannan on the Ochimizu. Yuki came to visit Saito who was very cold with her. She took her own life after their discussion.

The night the Tosa attacked the Inn, Chizuru got abducted by Kaoru but she managed to free herself, turning into her demon self. She had trouble turning back into her normal self and Saito helped her hide to get back to the inn. She was worried that Saito wouldn't marry her now that she was a monster with horns but he reassured her. They married the next day with all the Shinsengumi there.

A month later, Chizuru's experiments took a turn that Saito didn't like, using her demon blood. She didn't listen though and kept doing her researchs.

Saito found Haruhi, Yuki's daughter, in a pleasure house. She was a child prostitute and Saito adopted her.

Kaoru came to the headquarters. She wanted to take Chizuru to safety with her and Kazama since Kyoto was soon to be a battlefield. Saito informed her that she was her wife now and wasn't going anywhere. Kaoru reminded him that a marriage isn't official before the conception of the first child and Saito began to fear that Kazama could still come for her.

Sannan gave to everyone a vial of Ochimizu and medecine made with Chizuru's blood in case of emergency and Saito sent Haruhi to Osaka with Okita and Kondou-san to put her to safety. Chizuru stayed as doctor.

While Saito was trying to get to Ryu'un temple, Chizuru came to deliver a message and got shot in the stomach. Amagiri Kyuju who was on the other side, performed first aid and fought Saito who didn't wanted to let Kazama have her. Amagiri let them go and Saito carried Chizuru to Yodo castle but they shot him. He carried Chizuru out of town, direction Osaka. The hours passed and Chizuru was getting better, healing, while Saito's condition was getting worse, with infection and fever. They were only two hours away from Osaka when Kazama found them and he totally overpowered Saito. Chizuru sacrificed herself to save Saito's life and she followed Kazama while Saito was dying from all his wounds on the forest floor.

**Saichi part 3 :**

Saito woke up in the forest and realise he had drank the Ochimizu but Chizuru was gone with Kazama. He was found by Yasha Koan and his daughter Mika, two members of the Yase Clan who informed him that Chizuru had been rescued and was safe in Osakajo with Sen. They went to Osaka to find that the Shinsengumi already left except Kondou, Okita and Haruhi. Chizuru seemed severely traumatized. She wasn't speaking a single word and Saito tried his best to sooth her without success until he realized that they had all been fooled and that it was Kaoru in disguise. After torturing him, Saito travelled with Koan and Mika to go get Chizuru back. He took his daughter Haruhi with him. Eventually, he found out that his companions were Kitsune (fox spirits). The travel was pretty hard especially for the kid but the old fox Koan helped her a lot and for Hajime who had a lot of trouble dealing with his bloodlust. They rescued Chizuru in Hakone, Mika taking her appearance to trick Kazama. The trick didn't work though and Kazama found them, bringing Mika's tail with him. He killed Koan and tried to hurt Haruhi too but Hajime defended her with his Rasetsu abilities. He got injured by Kazama's magic blade from which oni can't heal but he killed Kazama. The blade is now in Chizuru's hands.

They joined back the Shinsengumi in Edo and Hajime hid his Rasetsu nature to everyone to work but the bloodlust was getting hard to cope with and he lost control while loving Chizuru, piercing her skin with a hairpin to drink from her. Without even realizing it, he almost bled dried her and felt a lot of guilt and disgust but Chizuru was very comprehensive due to all her researchs on the Rasetsu. She was still very involved in it and giving a lot of her blood to Sannan for the medecine craft. Since Hajime drank it, he was feeling amazing and even questioned if he could be cured but he wasn't.

They departed to Kofu, leaving Haruhi with Souji at Matsumoto-sensei's clinic. The day before the battle, Chizuru forced Hajime to drink her blood and it permitted them to be intimate safely. She tried to convince him to drink small amount of blood everyday to keep the bloodlust away. After they fled the battle, they came back to Edo and Chizuru announced her pregnancy. She's hiding it to the rest of the Shinsengumi.

**Characters status : **

Saito Hajime : in Edo. Rasetsu

Hijikata Toshizo : in Edo.

Kondou Isami : in Nagareyama (Aizu)

Okita Souji : with tuberculosis in Matsumoto clinic.

Saito Haruhi : in Matsumoto clinic. Has a crush on Souji.

Saito Chizuru : pregnant in Edo

Nagakura Shinpachi : Quitted the Shinsengumi. In edo at Ibuki's house.

Harada Sanosuke : quitted the Shinsengumi. In Edo at Ibuki's house.

Toudou Heisuke : in Edo, Rasetsu. Experimenting a new daily treatment.

Sannan (Yamanami) Keisuke : in Edo, Rasetsu. Starting to suffer from the madness.

Shimada Kai : In Nagareyama

Yamazaki Susumu : killed in action, Kyoto

Inoue Genzaburo : killed in action, Kyoto.

Nagumo Kaoru : prisoner in the Yase clan.

Kazama Chikage : killed by Hajime.

Amagiri Kyuuju : no news.

Shiranui Kyo : no news.


	2. Shortened

April 1868

In the beginning of april, I started digging myself into work again, assisted by Keisuke. Even if he joined the imperialists, I had more trust in him than in any of the Rasetsu. He was in charge of the inventory of all the arsenal and I was starting to organize the convoys between Edo and Nagareyama to transfer the backups troops and the Rasetsu whose ranks had been growing with Sannan's recruitment which personally, I didn't approve, but no one asked for my opinion anyway. I started with the human troops first and the small artillery. The Rasetsu would be last as requested by Sannan.

Hijikata-san was still there and that was very uncomfortable for Chizuru. It was easier to hide all her sleeping to the Rasetsu whose sleeping arrangements were so different from hers but to Hijikata-san, that was a challenge. I told her she'd better tell him but she was afraid he could order her to stay in Edo and so, she was fighting her tiredness. I was very worried about it. The last time, she pushed herself too hard and lost the baby and now, she was doing the exact same thing as if she didn't learn any valuable lessons from this experience... Yet, I wasn't sure I was the right one to give her advices. It wasn't like I could really understand what was going on inside her or had any kind of experience on the subject. I knew there was a baby and that if it were to survive, it'd get out eventually after a few months. Period. End of knowledge. Could someone like me really give her advices ?

Coming back from a meeting with Sannan, Chizuru came circling my neck from behind and deposited a small kiss on my cheek while bringing her opened finger to my lips. Without a second thought, I extended my tongue to lick it and captured her finger in my mouth, sucking gently until the wound closed which was pretty quick on this kind of small injury. It became a ritual and I was feeling more comfortable than before at drinking her blood this way. I didn't even lift my gaze off my work and kept writing while sucking. When I remembered the effect her needle pierced finger had on me a month ago and how I had trouble focusing on the kanji dancing before my eyes, I couldn't deny that there was a lot of improvement on my self-control now that I was drinking her blood in small quantities on a daily basis.

With another kiss, in my neck this time, she detached herself from me to unfold the futon and lay on it, a book in hand. I kept working at my desk while Chizuru was reading in bed, studying her father's researchs that she took from the Yukimura clinic. The peaceful silence of the room was only disturbed by the small sounds of the pages of her book and the scribbling of my brush. It was a calming sensation and the taste of blood still in my mouth was also easing my mind.

When I finished writing the document I was working on, I stretched and got up.

« I'll make some tea. » I told Chizuru « do you want a cup ? »

« Yes please » she answered with a giant smile « do we have jasmine ? »

« I'm not sure but I think so. » I answered.

« Okay. » she said « thank you, Hajime. »

I nodded and went downstairs to prepare some tea. I found a jasmine one and made two cups that I took with me upstairs, along with some sweets I found in a cupboard. Chizuru was one month pregnant now and when she wasn't sleeping in excess, she was eating with the same immoderation. I knew she was an actual Oni but she really was eating like an ogre. That wasn't bothering me though, food was strength, both for her and the little one.

I gave her her cup and the plate of sweets and got back to my desk with mine, sipping the tea while writing again. I really was lucky to have a calm wife like Chizuru, letting me work in peace and understanding the position that was mine... Most of our evenings were very calm and peaceful, each one of us working on our duties.

Suddenly, I heard her gasp and she stood up, completely lost or anxious, I didn't know. I immediately came closer to sooth her. She was having a lot of mood swings lately and I had to keep them under control before she started to reveal her Oni form that was now showing up every time she was experiencing overwhelming emotions.

« I need to see Hijikata-san. » she told me, completely panicked.

« Wait. You can't go now. Calm yourself first. » I ordered.

« You don't understand, we have to stop expanding the Rasetsu corp. » she said, trying to get out of my grip but I was holding too tightly.

_Finally something rational and judicious coming out of these experiments. About time. _

« I agree but seeing Hijikata-san can wait a few minutes. Be reasonable and calm yourself. He's never seen you Oni form yet and you will have some trouble explaining why it's showing so easily lately. »

« I'm not in demon form ! » she frowned.

« I know, not yet, but please, calm down. » I stated, making her sit back on the futon « please. »

My voice seemed to have a soothing effect on her and she stopped wiggling to stay still. I stayed with her, holding her hand and she steadied.

« Tell me what the problem is and I'll go tell Hijikata-san if you prefer. » I tried.

She stiffened and stayed silent. I waited patiently but nothing came and that was starting to worry me. What could she have discover that put her in such a state ? It couldn't be good for me otherwise, she would tell.

« Is it about the madness ? » I asked after a while.

« No... » she said eventually « Hajime, it's... The Ochimizu is taking your life away. »

« I know, I will surrender to the madness eventually at some point. » I said, not understanding how this old information could upset her that much.

« No, it's feeding on you. Just like you're feeding on blood. » She tried to explain and that left me even more confused.

« What is it you are trying to say ? » I asked.

« The powers, the strength, the healing... Every time you use it, it fuels on your lifespan. Your life is getting shorter everytime you unleash the Rasetsu in you. »

_My life... is getting... shorter ? So that means that I had a predestined lifespan since the beginning ? Are we all toys in the hands on destiny ? _

« I see. » I nodded « you do not have to trouble yourself about my lifespan. I never use my Rasetsu abilities. I only relied on them once against Kazama. »

« No, you also unleashed them everytime you suffered the bloodlust and also... The day you lost control. That is already a lot ! » she said with small tears on the corner of her eyes.

« I object. » I said, wiping her tears with my thumbs « Listen, Sannan and Toudou are using their powers in battle, they also experience more bloodlust and they are still there. My power use is negligible. I'm perfectly safe and I don't experience bloodlust anymore. »

« Okay so maybe you are safe but what about the rest of the Rasetsu corp ? » she asked « how can we allow Sannan to recruit people while knowing they are gonna die young ?! »

« We're warriors, Chizuru. We're all going to die young » I sighed and I saw her stiffen again, cursing myself for speaking before thinking.

_Well done, Hajime. Perfect thing to say to your pregnant wife. Defuse that quickly you moron._

« But this is indeed a valuable information that must be brought to the attention of the vice commander. » I nodded « I agree that in light of this new knowledge, the Rasetsu corp mustn't be expanded any longer. You made a great discovery for your researchs. »

« You intend to die during this war ? » she asked softly as if she already knew the answer but never dared to ask.

_Failed. _

« No. » I replied softly « I intend to see the end of this war and to live with you, Haruhi and the little one. However, until then, I will do everything that is expected of me because it is my duty. » I saw little tears again and wiped them once more « But I do not intend to die or throw myself into unnecessary danger. Do not trouble yourself. »

« Are you telling me this only to make me feel better or is it the truth ? » she asked, suspicious.

« It is the truth. » I nodded « drink your tea, it's getting cold. »

« Trying to change the subject... » she mumbled.

But even if she was pouting, she took her cup and started sipping, taking some sweets in her mouth and chewing angrily. I couldn't help but smile and she furrowed her brows some more.

« What ? » she asked in a sharp annoyed voice.

« Nothing. »

_You're just adorable._

« Known you for a long time now, you know. » she pouted « you never smile without a reason. And even if you've got one, sometimes... » she mumbled again.

I didn't answer and got back to my desk, trying to hide my smile. When I thought about it, it was pretty funny that I was the Rasetsu but she was the one surrendering that much to her emotions. Sitting down, I saw that her gaze was still fixed on me, suspicious. I took my brush in hand to review Keisuke's inventory and opened my mouth once more.

« Try to sleep on it and we'll go speak to Hijikata-san tomorrow. » I said calmly « This book you have in hand seems to be rich in informations. Maybe try to review more so we can have more knowledge to share and not disturb him multiple times. »

« Yeah, okay. You're right. » she sighed, plunging back into her book.

She read for about two more hours before falling asleep on it and I came back to her to take the book, her cup of tea and pull the covers over her. The night wasn't that advanced and my Rasetsu self could work some more. I had only a week to organize everything and I was lacking time, especially with Sannan making arrangements behind my back that weren't what Hijikata-san decided. I already agreed to transfer the Rasetsu last but he was asking for more time, more ressources... And according to Toudou, even if he wasn't meeting with women anymore, his suspicious behavior was still going on which was making me concerned. Chizuru wasn't the only one impatient to have a talk with Hijikata-san.


	3. Letters

We had our meeting with Hijikata-san in the morning and explained to him the way the Ochimizu was shortening the Rasetsu lifespan. Chizuru wrote a small report about her researchs and he said he was going to review it during the day when he had time and that we would have another meeting in the evening to talk about it in the presence of Sannan and the Rasetsu. I could already decipher that it wouldn't go smoothly.

I went to take the mail like every morning since it was still my duty to take care of it even if I had all those convoys to organize. I skimmed quickly through it and got surprised when I found one adressed to Chizuru. From whom could it be ? Even if I was very curious, I didn't open it and put it on the side, waiting for her to wake up again so she could read it. She went back to bed after our meeting and asked me to wake her up after an hour since she had a lot of work to do. When we returned from the vice-commander's office, she asked me to include all her books in the convoys but I had to refuse and we argued about it. Each man I was sending to Nagareyama with books wasn't carrying weapons and that was more important in this time of war than any of her researchs. She had to finish skimming through them before we depart and take notes on the important stuff since we would probably burn them before leaving so they couldn't get used against us. That was stressing her a lot and making her irascible but I wouldn't change my mind. In Nagareyama, a riffle would be a lot more useful than a book. She understood it even if it wasn't pleasing her. I even told her that if she wanted these books that much, nothing was preventing her from staying in Edo. She turned into her Oni form out of anger to yell at me and I had to unleash my Rasetsu self to keep her under control... And now, she was sleeping peacefully like nothing happened...

I wondered if the baby could be an evil spirit and if it could make Chizuru become evil too. I probably would talk to her about it at some point, these mood swings weren't natural and I couldn't ignore the possibility that perhaps, she was possessed. She was stubborn before being pregnant, yes, but also sweet, calm and comprehensive... Now she was a real Oni sometimes, full of anger or overwhelming sadness and the next minute, loving and tender as if her kind nature was fighting a wicked one that sometimes was taking control over her.

« Kumichô » I heard Keisuke call behind the shoji and I immediately got out so that he wouldn't wake Chizuru up. He glanced at her, sleeping, and looked at me with concern « Is Yukimura ill ? »

« Just a little tired. She worked until late yesterday. » I answered calmly « what is it, Keisuke ? »

« Hum... I'm sorry to disturb you... » he started, visibly uncomfortable « There's a kid outside who claims to be your daughter. I told her you have no daughter and she insulted me so I sent her away, sure that it was a hoax, but she came back with a kimono with your kamon on it and she threatened me with a sword. So, I thought that maybe, I should talk to you about it. Sorry for bothering you with something as trivial. »

« That indeed sounds like my daughter... » I sighed « you couldn't know about it, she joined after you left. I'll meet her, let her in. »

« Pardon me, Kumichô ! » bowed Keisuke, embarrassed « I won't do it again ! »

« It's alright, get her in and ask her to wait for me downstairs. I'll join her in a minute. » I ordered.

« Alright, Kumichô. » he bowed again before disappearing down the stairs.

I got back in the room to finish the document I was writing and headed downstairs too, finding Haruhi eating sweets with a cup of tea that Keisuke was bringing to her with deep apologies. I crossed my arms and furrowed my brows.

« You can make tea yourself. » I said with disapproval.

« Otousan ! » she yelled, all smily, and it was very hard to keep my brows furrowed but I managed.

I sat with her at the table and immediately, a cup of tea was also placed in front of me, which made the kid chuckle.

« Is it true you insulted my warrior and threatened him with your wakizashi ? » I asked.

« But he wouldn't let me in ! » she pouted « And he's exaggerating about the insults. I just said he'll regret to be such an uptight person when you'll find out he left me at the door... »

« Is it really what you said ? » I asked again.

« Maybe I muttered something about a broom up his ass and an atrophied brain... » she muttered.

« That sounds more like it.. » I sighed « It's unacceptable. And unsheathing your wakizashi is also unacceptable. You are only allowed in my presence or Souji's, may I remind you ? I hear one more time that you broke that rule and I'm taking it away from you since you proved you weren't disciplined enough to haven anything else than a toy. »

« Sorry... » she pouted.

« And what are you doing here all alone ? » I continued « I don't want you to wander in Edo by yourself. »

« Matsumoto-sensei is sending me » she defended herself « he asked me to bring some books for Chizuru-neechan. »

_Books again ? Soon we won't even be able to walk in our room... It's already a challenge._

« Let me see. » I asked and she got away to bring a little charriot with five or six books on it. I picked them up but they were in western language, probably portugese since Chizuru could read it. There was one in japanese though « Women and pregnancy, a guide to giving life ». I quickly hid it under the western books before anyone could see the title and turned back to Haruhi.

« Do you know what it's about ? » I asked.

« No, I can't read it. » she denied « except the one in japanese where I could read woman and life »

« Alright. » I nodded.

I'll tell Haruhi at some point but I wasn't sure if Chizuru would agree to tell her just yet.

« Chizuru's upstairs. » I told her « Wake her up and make your deliver. You will go immediately after and I will walk you back to Matsumoto-sensei's clinic. »

She wiggled on her chair, looking for a way to tell me something and I waited patiently.

« Otousan... » she said after a time « It's... It's my birthday today. I'm ten. »

_Oh. Right. She's a spring child but I never asked her the date of her birthday. I should have. _

« Happy birthday, Haruhi. » I said calmly « unfortunately, I do not have time today to spend with you but I'll try to find some in a few days. Is there something that would accommodate you on this special occasion ? Something you wish to ask ? »

_Maybe a doll or a kids book... Not sure she ever got a doll before. _

« I'd like a letter, please. » she bowed respectfully.

« A letter ? » I repeated, confused « which kind of letter ? »

« Matsumoto-sensei is going to move Okita-san to Sendagaya. » she explained « I'd like you to allow me to go with him and make a letter to Matsumoto-sensei to say that you're okay with it. Please, Otousan ! I don't want Souji to be alone when... you know... I want to take care of him... »

I felt trapped. I knew that Haruhi was in love with Souji but she was a kid and I wasn't keen on letting the both of them solely together. Yet, the hope in Haruhi's eyes and my trust in Souji made me agree and she jumped to my arms, happy to get her wish granted. I asked Keisuke for ink and paper and wrote her letter, authorizing her to go live with Souji in Sendagaya. She put it in her kimono sleeve and I grabbed her wrist, bringing to my eyes an injury that was tightly wrapped in a bandage on her arm.

« What happened ? » I asked her, concerned.

« Okita-san allowed me to try dueling with real swords but due to his weakness, he missed with his katana and made a small cut in my arm... It's okay, it doesn't hurt and we went back to training with bokken. »

I nodded. Souji told me he had trouble lifting his sword, that wasn't surprising. I was glad that they came back to bokken before he turned my daughter into sashimi.

« Let's bring the books to Chizuru. » I said.

I should already have woken her up, she slept half an hour more than expected. I took the books in my arms and got back to the room, Haruhi following me. She woke Chizuru up and the latter was enchanted to see her. I put the pile next to her futon and she thanked me. I also told her about the letter for her.

« All these books are for your researchs, Chizuru-neechan ? » asked Haruhi with wide eyes, looking around her.

« Most of it, yes. » she replied « the ones you brought are different. »

« Why ? » asked Haruhi.

I looked at Chizuru, wondering if she was going to tell Haruhi. It wasn't a big risk anyway.

« They are books about pregnancy. » she said with a smile « because I am pregnant. »

« Oh. » simply said Haruhi before thinking intensely, one of her trademark behavior when she had new informations to process « Do you need the herbs that kill ? I have a lot. »

The question was asked innocently but my eyes widened. I was expecting something like « congratulations » or « I'm gonna be a big sister ! » not « let me help you kill it. »

« No » laughed Chizuru « we are happy. »

« Then I am happy too ! » replied Haruhi with a giant smile « I can't wait to have a real sister ! »

_I prefer this... _

« Haruhi » I asked « why do you have them ? »

« My ex-sisters gave some to me. » she said with the same innocence « they said that even if there was no risk because I wasn't bleeding yet, it'll become handy soon. I kept them when I left. »

Okay... So they were leftovers from her previous life. That was a bittersweet satisfying explanation. I didn't like it. She was a Saito now and she shouldn't have anything linking her to that past. Before I could voice my concern though, Chizuru talked.

« You must never take them. » she said seriously « you could die or damage your body. Destroy them or give them to Matsumoto-sensei. »

« Okay. » she nodded seriously.

« You're not sexually active, are you ? » asked Chizuru.

_Can we not speak about Haruhi's sexuality in front of me ? _

« Not since I got out. » she answered.

« So you don't need them anyway. » Chizuru smiled kindly.

Haruhi seemed to think again and looked at Chizuru's belly.

« Is it gonna be big ? » she asked bluntly « how long does it take ? »

« Months. » she smiled « and it's going to start growing soon. »

« Is it a sister or a brother ? » she asked again.

« We have no way of knowing. » smiled Chizuru.

Haruhi kept her gaze fixed on the belly and smiled genuinely.

« I'm sure it's a sister ! » she stated « would you be disappointed, Otousan ? »

« I won't. » I replied, back at my desk and working.

« I'd rather have a boy. » laughed Chizuru « a little warrior like his father. »

« A girl can be a warrior too. » pouted Haruhi.

« I'll be more difficult. » I stated « a girl would face a lot more criticism in the dojo, that said, if she finds a dojo master who agrees to teach her. »

« She'd learn with you ! » insisted Haruhi.

« I am no dojo master. » I said.

_And I'm not even sure I'd be still around. _

« Now, Haruhi, you should head out before Hijikata-san sees you wandering inside the headquarters. I'll accompany you. » I said, picking up the mail to hand it to my wife « Chizuru, that letter is for you. »

She opened it and her face lost all its color. Her eyes widened and her mouth fell agap.

« Who is it from ? » I asked, anxious.

« Sen. » she answered « Kaoru has escaped from the Yase clan. »

_I knew I should have killed that rat. _

« When ? » I asked.

« A few days ago, less than a week... » she replied.

« Alright. » I nodded « if he's after you, there is no way he can already be in Edo. You stay here and I'm taking Haruhi back. We'll talk about it when I return. »

She agreed and I headed out, warning Keisuke that I would be out for about twenty minutes. On the way, I brought a dango to Haruhi to celebrate a little her birthday even if I didn't have any time for her. I left her at the clinic without entering to not waste any time and came back. Chizuru told me about the content of the letter but it was very thin. Kaoru escaped at night with certain exterior help but no one saw anything. In the end, I was even glad he did. I couldn't wait to have him on my path again. He won't get away with only a cut finger this time.


	4. Research

That evening, we had our meeting with Hijikata-san and the Rasetsu. Only Sannan and Toudou were there because Sannan refused to bring the rest of the corp, expecting bad news. Hijikata-san first protested, saying that these news were important for all the Rasetsu but nothing he could say could change Sannan's mind. Toudou said he'll make sure that the informations were shared and that seemed to calm everyone.

« Saito-sensei, explain us the content of your new researchs. » said Hijikata-san even if he read the report.

« Thank you, Hijikata-san. » said Chizuru, standing up « My new discoveries are alarming. Apparently, the Ochimizu is capable of enhancing strength or speed but this doesn't come out of nowhere. Just like french scientist Lavoisier used to say 'nothing is lost, nothing creates, everything transforms.' He used this to speak about chemistry but it also applies to energy in the case of the Rasetsu. All this energy is converted from your actual energy. »

« I'm following, Saito-sensei » nodded Sannan.

_Lucky you. I already know what she's talking about and I don't understand a word. Isn't there a simpler way to put it ?_

« It's simple thermodynamics. » nodded Sannan again.

« Yeah, the first principle, conservation between the initial and final state. » she smiled.

Toudou, Hijikata-san and myself exchanged a glare and I was glad to see that I wasn't the only one lost in all this scientific knowledge.

« But if this applies to the Rasetsu powers, as you seem to suggest, then why are we not feeling completely exhausted or collapse when we use our powers ? We already demonstrated that the bloodlust wasn't linked to that use of energy since we experience it even without using the powers. »

« It's because the roots of the energy used to fuel the Rasetsu powers run much deeper than that. » she explained, drawing something with a brush that was nothing but pretty symbols to me but that seemed to make Sannan react. « It fuels on your general health, not your immediate health. If I use an example, if you are tired, that is your immediate health, you can remedy to it by sleeping. If an old man is tired all the time, it's because his general health is declining and sleeping doesn't change anything to it sometimes. »

« What is it that you are implying then, Saito-sensei ? » asked Sannan with furrowed brows.

« You cannot feel it when you use your powers but your health is declining. Your Rasetsu powers are fueling on your lifespan. Everytime you use them, your life is getting shorter. » she said eventually.

The temperature in the room dropped several degrees and Sannan, astonished looked at all the tiny symbols on Chizuru's paper, his eyes skimming furiously.

« I can't believe it... » he whispered, teeth grinded.

« Alright » said Hijikata-san « Thank you, Saito-sensei. In light of these informations, I think we should stop expanding the Rasetsu corp. The recruitment stops now, order with immediate application. »

I saw Toudou escape a sigh of relief to the news. I wasn't the only one not approving Sannan's recruitments.

« You cannot be serious, Hijikata ! » he yelled « if anything, that is yet another reason for the experiments to continue ! »

« They are men, Sannan. » said Hijikata with authority « not experimental subjects. »

« The Shinsengumi ranks are lower than ever. » said the colonel « I'm sorry but I can't support your decision. Expanding the Rasetsu corp should be a top priority. Even if we could recruit more warriors, human ones, they'll just be more rabble. As soon as they'll be thrown into battle, they'll flee. Wasting time and energy on men like that is foolish ! Rasetsu are loyal to me and therefore to the Shinsengumi. They will fight. We need to concentrate our efforts on improving the Rasetsu. I agree that this discovery is a flaw and a serious one, but with more researchs and experiments, we could find a way to circumvent or even counterattack it entirely. I'm sure Saito-sensei agrees with me.» he added, turning mad eyes in Chizuru's direction.

« No, I agree with Hijikata-san. » she said firmly « our researchs need to focus solely on a cure and not on improving the serum. »

« You, traitor ! » he yelled.

Sannan unsheathed his sword and threw himself on Chizuru, blocked by my own sword that came in protection but also Hijikata-san and Toudou's one.

« Don't forget your place, Sannan. » ordered Hijikata-san « you are violating the Code. »

« She's not Shinsengumi. » he said with a mad hatred.

« Actually, she is. She's the official Shinsengumi doctor. » he replied « put down your blade or sanctions against you will be taken. »

Sannan sheathed back his sword and sighed, a sad smile drawn on his face.

« Pardon me... Things are getting harder lately for me. I will control myself but about your request... »

« It isn't a request, Sannan, it is an order. As your commander, I tell you that the researchs on the Rasetsu wil stop. There will be no more Rasetsu and that is final. »

Sannan gritted his teeth but said nothing and crossed his arms with a somber expression before heading out.

« Sannan ! » called Hijikata-san « I never said you could dismiss ! »

No answer came and Sannan was just gone. I turned to Chizuru, concerned.

« Are you alright ? Maybe you should sit down. » I told her, worried that all these bad emotions could affect her.

« I'm okay... » she replied « It's just... I never expected that it'll be easy but... Poor Sannan... »

_Your heart is a lot too kind for your sake._

« Poor Sannan just threw his blade at you with clear intentions to kill. » said Hijikata-san, voicing my words before sighing heavily « I guess we all share responsibility for this... »

We understood, Toudou and I. Chizuru didn't. Sannan became a Rasetsu because of his injury, because he couldn't fight with the rest of us. We would give anything to get the old Sannan back with his dark humor and his smile. Now we couldn't even recognize him anymore.

« Sannan should have known that even if he couldn't fight, he still mattered to us... » said Toudou out of the blue and I knew that we all thought about the same thing during these minutes of silence.

« Heisuke » ordered Hijikata-san « You keep a close eye on him. I want a report on any suspicious behavior. I also leave you the duty to inform the Rasetsu corp about the use of their power. I won't have Sannan keeping this information from his men. »

« Understood, Hijikata-san. » said Heisuke with a smile « count on me. »

« Good. » he nodded « I'll be gone tomorrow evening. We'll have another meeting in the morning about the troop movements before I go. Until then, you all can dismiss. »

We bowed politely to the vice commander and exited his office to get back to work. Chizuru was yawning like crazy but she wanted to review as much as possible, taking notes out of her father's study. We worked each on our duty for most of the evening, peacefully as usual.

« You know » she told me abruptly while reading and writing in bed while I was at my desk « If Kaoru really escaped, I think it would be good to talk with him. »

« Why do you want to talk with him ? » I frowned « I'm sorry Chizuru but your brother's a snake. I'm not inviting him for dinner or anything. »

« No... » she chuckled « But there are two handwritings in here and you told me Kaoru bragged about creating the Ochimizu with father. He could be an interesting source of knowledge. »

« If I come across him, I'll do my best to catch him alive if it obliges you. » I said, still working.

« That's already more than I expected. » she smiled « I love you. »

« I love you too. » I replied with a small smile.

« Aren't you coming to bed ? » she asked.

« I still have something that must be done before morning. » I answered.

« That's fortunate that my husband is an insomniac then. He can come to bed and still work during the night afterwards. » she smiled mischievously.

I didn't answer and stayed focus on the document I was writing.

« Hajime... Come to bed... » she asked again.

« As soon as I'm finished. » I said calmly.

She stayed silent a few minutes and I thought she fell asleep when I heard her voice one more.

« You haven't taken you daily treatment today. » she said.

« Is it really that important ? » I asked, lifting my gaze.

« It is. » she affirmed, sliding her tanto on her finger « now come here before I bloodstain the futon. »

I sighed and got up with a small smile. I took her finger between my lips and sucked on it, letting the warm coppery taste invade my mouth.

« You really can make me do anything. » I whispered when her arms closed on me.

« You have no idea. » she said with a diabolical smile, pulling me to the futon.

« As soon as you're asleep, I'm getting back to work. » I warned.

« You'd better exhaust me fast then. » she whispered « because I'm not planning on letting you go. »

I smirked and closed my lips on hers. I could take a small break, I guess. My Rasetsu self wouldn't have any problem working at nighttime anyway and I would have all night to finish something that would take me only about an hour and a half. I got rid of my uniform and joined her under the covers for a little pause.


	5. Castella

I laid next to Chizuru as usual, her naked body hidden from my eyes under the covers but not hidden from my hands running on her with featherlike touches, trying to wake her up in an agreeable way. She started to make angry moans and I smiled, kissing her shoulder.

« There's a meeting, Chizuru... » I whispered « It's the last one before Hijikata-san's departure and then, you'll sleep all you want. »

« That meeting doesn't even concern me... » she muttered angrily « It's only about your work... »

« That is correct but as a Shinsengumi official, your presence is still requested. Now come for breakfast. » I ordered gently.

« I'm not hungry... » she muttered again, her eyes still closed.

« That's unfortunate. » I smiled, making her roll so she could face me and showering her face with small kisses so that she won't fall back asleep « I made castellas for nothing. »

She opened her eyes, still blurry from her sleep but with a hint of a sparkle. She looked at my smile with suspicious eyes.

« When did you make castellas ? » she asked.

« As you said, you have an insomniac husband. » I stated « I made them after finishing my work. I noticed you are eating more food when they are sugary. »

« You don't think I'm already eating enough ? » she muttered angrily « I'll soon be a ball. »

« You're still far from being a ball. » I objected, removing the covers to look at her body with critic eyes « I can't see any changes even with all the food you're eating. I think that means you're still not eating enough. »

« Really ? » she said « You can't see any changes ? »

« Not on your stomach. » I stated, brushing my fingers on it « It's still so flat... » my hand traveled to her breasts and tried to cup one of them « these are enormous though. The child won't starve. »

Her breasts small and round in the past were now twice as big and pointy. Her nipples were bigger too and their color changed. I was amazed with how quickly they changed. She complained they hurted for weeks but when they started growing, they did it in solely a few days. I used to like smaller breasts but on her, it was perfect. It was perfect before and it was perfect now. Maybe that was because I knew it was my child making these changes on her that I was so in awe.

« Yeah, I'm lucky everyone knows I'm a woman now... » she smiled « the first time, Yamazaki really had trouble hiding them even with a breast binder. It was so painful...»

« Well, all that seemed unnecessary anyway. Your disguise never fooled anyone. » I replied, making small circles around her nipple.

« All that stress and energy for nothing... » she sighed « I'm glad it's over. »

_And I'm so glad that out of all the boys in the headquarters, you chose me. There were so many better choices. Women are always drooling over Hijikata-san's appearance or Harada's words... And Toudou tried so hard to get you to love him... Why you chose me will always be a mystery to me. _

« What are you thinking about ? » she asked me, pulling me out of my thoughts.

« Nothing. » I answered, still making my circles « Do you want me to bring the castellas here ? But you'll still have to wake up for the meeting. »

« No, it's fine » she sighed « I'm awake already, I'd better get up. »

I smiled and kissed her forehead, holding her, trying to make the best of these moments before heading back to work.

« Hajime, I'm gonna change my mind... » she warned me and I let her go with a small smile « Who could have known, four years ago, that you could be so possessive. »

« I'm not possessive. » I objected with furrowed brows.

« Then... sticky ? » she smiled « you're always glued to me. »

« It bothers you ? » I asked, concerned.

« No. » she chuckled « but it's so different from your usual taciturn attitude. »

« Because you ease my mind. » I replied, brushing my fingers on her cheek « I can lower my guard in your presence. »

« I think that is even more powerful than I love you, coming from you. » she smiled with tears forming in her eyes.

« Hey... » I whispered, panicked even if my voice was still as toneless as ever « don't cry... »

« Sorry... » she sobbed « I just love you so much... I hope I'll be up to the task this time and I won't disappoint you and I hope it'll be a perfect baby and it'll look like you and it'll be healthy and I won't loose it like last time and... »

« Shhh... » I said, stopping the flux of her words with a finger on her mouth « whatever happens, I won't be disappointed or angry because I have you, alright ? Calm your tears and come eat my castellas. I'm a bit vexed you're not eating them already. »

She chuckled between two sobs and nodded but made no movement to get up. Instead, her fingers came carressing my face and jawline and she moved her head closer, her eyes studying me.

« What is it ? » I asked.

« You're handsome. » she replied with a small smile, her eyes still wet.

« You're in love. » I stated.

« That's not true ! » she pouted.

« You're not in love ? » I asked, perplexed.

« No ! I mean, yes I love you but you were already handsome before I fell in love. »

She was cute. But completely off the mark. I've ever been nothing but invisible to the other gender. Only Chizuru had interest in me. Maybe Yuki but I wasn't sure it was linked to my physical attractiveness... I couldn't say that women were finding me particularly appealing like Hijikata-san, Nagakura or Harada. Even Souji was more popular even if he was mean to them and usually not replying to their advances.

While I was thinking, Chizuru's hands travelled on my chest and arms, tracing the curves of my muscles and I closed my eyes to savor these touches.

« At that rhythm, you'll never get up. » I told her.

« I warned you I'll change my mind... » she whispered in my ear before kissing my neck, her hands still exploring my body.

I didn't say anything. I wasn't going to complain. I didn't know if it was linked to the baby but she was aroused a lot more often now and it wasn't bothering me the slightest. I just loved that she was the one initiating it, showering me with kisses to turn me on, on my arms, chest and now stomach and waist. It was tingling a bit, my skin more sensitive on my sides, but it was adorable and delightful. Suddenly, I sat up when she kissed me where I did not expect and I blushed uncontrollably as I caught her chin to lift it up.

« No, that... You can't do this. » I said, trying to sound firm.

« Why not ? » she asked with unfeigned surprise.

« It's... » I stuttered « That... that's for prostitutes. »

« You're seeing prostitutes ? » she asked me with astonishment.

« Of course not ! » I answered, completely flustered.

« Then I'm not stealing anyone's job, am I ? » she asked again with a smile.

« No but... You still can't do this... It's low. You're my wife, not a courtesan. » I said with more force.

« I don't understand why you can do this to me and I can't do this to you. » she frowned « It's not logical. »

I stayed silent, trying to organize my thoughts to explain to her where the differences resided but she cut my reflexion with another question.

« You already had prostitutes doing this to you ? » she asked.

I took a moment to answer, wondering what the correct answer to that question could be. I wasn't really keen on making her angry that morning, especially with her Oni form showing up so easily and my manhood still firmly gripped in her hand.

« I... I have... » I eventually said and I waited for her anger but she just seemed to think.

« So... That means that I'm your wife and we're supposed to belong to each other yet, other women are allowed to do things to you that I am not ? » she asked me with a sad expression. « I'm yours entirely but you're not mine ? »

I thought for a minute and turned my head away, blushing red. I laid back on the futon, closed my eyes and surrendered.

« Do as you wish. » I said in a low voice.

I kept my eyes closed and for a moment nothing happened but then, I sensed her tiny moist kisses, hesitants. I put my arm on my eyes to hide my red face. Her kisses changed to little nips and I escaped a hiss.

« Ca... Careful... » I stuttered.

« Sorry... I'm hurting you ? » she asked, ashamed.

« No... It's okay... but, not more, alright ? » I stuttered, embarassed.

She didn't answer and I lifted my arm a bit to look at her. She seemed to be taking the task very seriously, nipping up and down like she was eating a dango. That sight was terribly sensual, erotic even. She opened her mouth and took the head in which made me escape a groan. I closed back my eyes, my arm on my face so she wouldn't see me like this. She curled her tongue, making circles around the head still covered by the skin then pulled the skin down to make it even more sensitive. I was now uncontrollably whimpering under her ministrations and that amused her a lot.

« What ? » I asked when I heard her chuckle.

« You're normally so silent. I think that it's pretty funny. » she chuckled again, resuming to kiss my length.

« I do not enjoy to be made fun of. » I scolded.

She didn't bother to answer and added her hand, moving up and down as her mouth kept kissing the top. My whimper resumed, uncontrolled, even if I was making tremendous efforts to stay silent. Her tongue swirled around me and she took it in again, putting her hand lower so she could try to take as much as she could in her mouth and her movements intensified gradually, her tongue flickering on my length while her lips and fingers were working up and down, sending waves of pleasure to my whole body.

« Chizuru... » I called uncontrollably, my eyes squeezed and hands clenched to the sheets.

She took that for an encouragement and swallowed me with even more eagerness, sending me closer to extasy with each of her movements. I managed to get back the control of my arms and used my elbows as leverage to look at the gorgeous sight of her working her mouth on me. Her movements weren't expert ones, maybe she was lacking a bit of technique but I could feel her love in all her movements and that was a first for me, more pleasurable than any prowess. When I sensed I was about to reach my release, I sat up and pulled her face up to kiss her.

« That... That is is something I cannot allow. » I told her, pulling her to my body.

« Does that mean it was good ? » she smirked « Why don't you let me finish ? »

« I think... Maybe I could have let you... Maybe... If it was only you. But you're not feeding this to my son or daughter. » I answered with a flustered red face.

She chuckled and circled my neck, getting closer to me and without an hesitation, I thrust into her, nesting my nose in her hair. Because of her treatment though, I didn't last more than a minute but she didn't seem to mind. We stayed a moment entangled in each other's arms, panting, and I kissed her neck lovingly.

« Now, are you ready to get up ? » I asked eventually.

« Yeah » she chuckled « someone told me about homemade castellas and I'm starving. »

« About time. » I muttered, still kissing her « I was starting to wonder if I made them for nothing. »

« You already said that. » she chuckled.

« That shows the extent of my concerns. » I simply said.

She chuckled, sat up and put on a nagajuban, picking up some clean clothes before heading to the bathroom. When she was gone, I let myself lay back on the futon, an uncontrollable satisfied smile on my face.


	6. Convoy

I went to the bathroom just after Chizuru. I already had a discipline reminder nearly two months ago and I wasn't keen on getting another one just because someone could see us entering or getting out together. The baths were the same for everyone but Hijikata-san added a little woodblock on the wall with « Saito Chizuru » written on it. She was supposed to pin it to the door everytime she was using the bathroom so the warriors could know that it was occupied. We men didn't care as much. We would enter and bath even if others were inside. When I was clean, I got downstairs to join the others for breakfast. The room was half empty and with the Rasetsu sleeping, there were only Chizuru, Hijikata-san and myself as high-ranked warriors. That emptiness had something heartbreaking but I didn't get the time to think about what we became before Chizuru waved at me, a castella in hand. I went to take a cup of warm tea and joined the vice-commander's table.

« How is it ? » I asked her.

« They're even better than the one you made last year ! » she replied with a giant smile.

« Is that so ? » I asked, proud « Last time, I followed the recipe literally but this time, I used a bit less mizu ame and added more honey to give a stronger honey taste. »

« Are you telling me that you changed a recipe ? » she asked with wide eyes « Who are you ? What have you done with my husband ? »

« I didn't change it » I corrected « I improved it. There is a nuance. I want to try with different flavors like the matcha one in Kyoto. »

Hijikata-san was also eating one of my cakes and he nodded, agreeing with Chizuru.

« They're damn good. » he praised, chewing « but why have you done cakes, Saito ? That doesn't sound like you. »

« I couldn't sleep, Fukuchô. » I said « I decided to do something useful since I was up to date in the paperwork. »

« Couldn't sleep, hum ? » he muttered « just like the rest of us... Seems like we're all fucking Rasetsu now. »

« Pardon me, Fukuchô ? » I asked, perplexed.

« I'm joking. » he sighed « I'm glad there's still a few humans here on which I can count. » he smiled and I felt terribly uneasy.

I didn't answer. It's not like he was expecting one either anyway. I sipped my tea and took a cake from the platter. I did enough for all the warriors to have at least one but of course, that was a lot easier now that we were so few.

« Is Sannan coming to the meeting this morning ? » asked Chizuru.

« I damn hope so » replied Hijikata-san with a sigh « his presence is requested, as is Heisuke's. We need to talk about the convoys to Nagareyama. »

« Hijikata-san, do you think we can take books ? » she asked, full of hope.

« We can't waste arms on books. Every warrior needs to carry as much weapons as they can. » he said firmly « If you want books, Saito-sensei, you'd have to carry them yourself. »

She nodded, disappointed. I warned her it was going to be this way. I agreed that knowledge was important but not as much as firepower in times of war. The breakfast finished, we all headed to Hijikata-san's office and I took two cakes for Sannan and Toudou. We waited for the Rasetsu captains to show up and started the meeting.

« As you already know » started Hijikata-san « I'm departing this afternoon. Those tightasses in Edojo and in their mansions have all but lost the will to fight. Rather than waste away here, I'd rather take a chance and meet with folks who really give a fuck about our cause. »

« Are our allies still numerous out of Edo ? » asked Toudou with concern.

« Yeah. The Denshutai of Otori Keisuke which was the Osaka elite corp trained by the french, but also the Yugekitai of Iba Hachirô, the Aizu domain, Kuwana domain and Sendai domain... and the so-called new world army. That's plenty who are fed up with how the goddamn SatCho plans on running things around here. »

« So many... » smiled Toudou, satisfied « Yosh ! That's good news ! What are we still doing here ?! »

« The plan is to move our arsenal, soldiers and the Rasetsu to Nagareyama where the rest of the Shinsengumi is currently having an Hatamoto mansion lend by the Aizu. »

That was relieving, especially for Chizuru. I wouldn't have liked her to bear our child in a tent. A mansion was a lot more sanitary.

« Saito is taking care of that organization and I assume everything is already scheduled. »

« It is, Fukuchô. » I nodded « the first convoy is leaving with you this afternoon and will be moving our heavy artillery, especially our four cannon. I apologize since this is probably going to slow you down but they are too precious not to travel with a high-ranked. »

« I agree. » he nodded with a smile « these cannons will travel with me. »

« I see... » added Heisuke « yeah, well, it makes sense... It's not like we could move everyone and everything in Aizu at once. »

« The Rasetsu will be the last to leave. » continued Hijikata-san « and then, we won't come back to Edo before achieving victory. »

« Fukuchô. » I asked « What about Souji in Sendagaya ? »

« I went to visit him yesterday and he seemed better but we cannot take the risk to take him with us and that is also applicable to your daughter. Unfortunately, we're leaving them behind. » he said with regret.

My heart broke inside of me at the idea of leaving Haruhi and Souji behind but I knew the vice-commander was making that choice only by logic. I understood why Chizuru didn't want him to know. Nagakura and Harada were right, he would probably have ordered me to leave her here too even if she could be an asset on the battlefield.

« So even Okita-kun... » muttered Sannan as if he was talking to himself but loud enough for everyone to hear « who dedicated so much of his time and efforts to serve as Sword of the Shinsengumi... There really is no room for error or weakness anymore, especially when one could be deemed a burden... Who knows when the axe will fall for anyone of us in this room as well... »

His demeanor was plaintive as ever but his sharp icy words were enough to stop everyone in the room. Souji was my friend, the best I ever had, and I fought alongside him for so long that it was wreaking to leave him behind now, and Sannan's words were deepening the wound.

« I didn't call anyone a burden. » said Hijikata-san harshly « leave your pissy attitude at the door. »

« Maybe you didn't » replied Sannan « but you're suggesting it. »

« Oh, give it a rest ! You should know better ! » said the vice-commander, visibly annoyed.

But Sannan kept quiet, keeping his cold composure, seemingly unfazed by Hijikata-san's hateful ire. Without a word, he turned his heels, the meeting not interesting him anymore.

« Sannan ! » called Hijikata-san « you forgot something ! »

Sannan turned back and took a multitude of little crimson vials out of his pockets, putting them on Hijikata's desk.

« Saito-sensei » ordered Hijikata-san « Count them. »

« They're all here. » said Sannan in a low voice « except the one stolen from me. »

Chizuru skimmed rapidly through the vials and confirmed as Sannan bowed to excuse himself, leaving us. There would be no more Rasetsu. The Ochimizu was going to be destroyed and that was destroying him. We all could see it. Before he got out though, he got out another vial from his pocket which I recognized as being Chizuru's blood. He opened it and poured it on his hand, licking the liquide in an obscene way, eyes targeting me. His eyes were crimson and Toudou seemed to be aching, his hair white and eyes red, collapsing on the ground and shaking, gasping for air. Chizuru ran to him and tried to calm him down, giving him the powder. I didn't know what to do... Stop Sannan ? Take Chizuru away from Toudou ? Help him ? My eyes meet the vice-commander's and he looked astonished as Sannan small somber laugh echoed in the room.

« I thought so... » he said with amusement, leaving the room for real this time.

Hijikata-san was frowning, his eyes aiming at me. It didn't take me long to put two and two together, my Rasetsu nature must have shown as well even if I was more resilient than Toudou.

« Saito-sensei, take Heisuke out. » ordered Hijikata-san « Saito, you stay here. »

Chizuru helped Toudou stand and took him out with a glare in my direction. I nodded slightly to reassure her. When they were gone, Hijikata-san exploded.

« What the hell, Saito ! » he yelled « How long were you planning on hiding it ?! How long have you been lying to us already ?! »

« Pardon me, Fukuchô. » I said genuinely, throwing myself on the ground.

« That doesn't answer to any of my questions ! » he yelled, crossing his arms.

« I took the Ochimizu during Toba-Fushimi to save my life. » I said in a low voice, ashamed « But I didn't want my weakness to have any impact on my duty towards the Shinsengumi. Allow me to keep serving, Fukuchô. »

« How ? » he asked and I waited for him to come up with a better question, not understanding what to respond to this one « How can you stay up all day ? »

« My nature doesn't impede on my ability to perform my duty. I live for the Shinsengumi. »

« I'm not asking about you loyalty. I'm asking how physically, you can stay in daylight and why, when Heisuke was shaking like a leaf in his Rasetsu form, you could stay stoic with just your eyes betraying your bloodlust. That's what I'm asking. »

« I'm drinking blood, Fukuchô. » I answered, keeping my eyes and nose on the tatami.

« Sannan told me he suspected you to be a Rasetsu and to be responsible of the murders in Edo. » he said « I couldn't believe it but now your confession shows that he may be right. »

« No, Fukuchô ! » I nearly screamed, terrified that he could think so low of me « I'm... I'm nourishing myself on Chizuru... I didn't kill anyone. »

« You're drinking her blood ? » he repeated, frowning some more.

« On... on her finger... A little quantity every day... It's harmless for her... » I said, more than myself than for him. Now that I was confronted with my behavior, our little ritual didn't seem that innocent anymore « She asked me to... »

« Alright, Saito. » he sighed « I believe you. But I can't tolerate that you lied to me. You will organize everything in Edo as planned but when you'll reach Nagareyama, you will take fonction in the Rasetsu corp under Sannan's command. Now go before I decide to land my fist in your face. You really disappointed me on that one. »

I stood up, keeping my eyes on the tatami and bowed to the vice-commander. I slid the shoji open and took a step out when he called me again.

« Saito ! No more secrets. » he said.

« Understood, Fukuchô. » I nodded.

And yet, I knew I was already lying to him again by hiding Chizuru's condition. I nearly ran back to my room and locked me inside, holding my head in my hands. What was the correct behavior to have ? My desire to keep serving almost got me accused of murder... What could be the consequences of hiding Chizuru's pregnancy ?


	7. Books

Hijikata left as planned and I organized all the troop movements between Edo and Nagareyama. Chizuru was a lot more relaxed now that he was gone. She was making two naps a day, in the morning and in the late afternoon, just before joining Sannan to work on the Rasetsu cure. She was coming back around midnight and sleeping again. And that went on, days after days... When she wasn't sleeping, she was eating and reading, taking a lot of notes from her father's researchs. We only had two days left before leaving. The Rasetsu were supposed to leave tomorrow under Sannan's leadership and Chizuru and I would leave the day after, just the both of us. The last human convoy was quitting the inn today under Keisuke's command.

« I don't understand... » muttered Chizuru, taking notes in a different notebook.

« Another problem with the Ochimizu ? » I asked, scribbling at my desk as usual.

« No... It's the books of Matsumoto-sensei... My notes just don't make any sense ! » she sighed, pulling her hair.

« How so ? » I asked. « About the baby ? »

« Yeah... Nothing seems to match between Japanese and Europeen studies and even from one europeen to another, they can't seem to agree ! This one says I have to stay still and do nothing physical while this one says that hard work is good for me and the last one here says I should make long walks everyday ! » she pouted.

« What does the Japanese one say ? » I asked, confused.

« Not a damn thing ! » she threw the book angrily towards a wall « It's only focused on the pregnancy after the fifth month and it's basically just explaining to me how impure and defiled I am and that I should not go to temples ! »

« Well, technically it's true you shouldn't go to temples before or after the birth. » I nodded.

That was common knowledge. The child was weak and bathing in its mother's blood making it an easy target for evil spirits that could use temples as amplificator of power to harm the little one or possess it. That's why Chizuru would have to wear a hara-obi tightly wrapped as soon as the little one had a body so that it would protect it from spiritual attacks. Plus, as a bearer, she would bring pollution on the temple, spoiling it with evil spirits that, if they don't enter the child, would stay within the temple.

« You can't be serious, Hajime... » she sighed « Kagawa-sensei already proved that all this is nothing but folklore. »

« So are Oni and Kitsune. » I stated.

« It's not the same. » she pouted.

«I barely see the difference. » I frowned.

« I am not folklore !!! » she yelled, her hair turning briefly white with the raging anger.

« Alright, you are not. » I said calmly, trying not to upset her any longer « But if Oni and Yokai exist then why not evil spirit ? »

« Maybe they do, I don't care. » she replied angrily « But I'm in my second month and last time, I lost it in my third. I want to know what to do NOW to avoid it, not read bullshit about how defiled I am ! »

« You're not defiled yet » I said in an attempt to cheer her up « Only when it will change from spirit to body. »

« Oh so I'm gonna be impure, that's what you're telling me ? » she growled, her hair turning back white again and the horns growing on her forehead « Because carrying your child is making me dirty ?! That's what you think ?! »

I didn't answer. It was a slippery slope for me. I mean, why was she so upset ? It really was common knowledge... I wasn't saying anything upsetting...

_Maybe now isn't the right time to ask her if she could be possessed... _

I decided not to talk to her any longer and let her study her books in peace. She was particularly on edge today, probably because she would have to let all her studies behind in two days. Seeing that I wasn't going to challenge her, she calmed down and her horns disappeared, burying themselves back into her forehead as her hair turned back dark brown.

« I'm going to focus on the western way, anyway. They already proved that their medecine was better than ours in multiple ways. I'll just have to find informations on which these four authors agree... » she muttered, getting back to her notes « Do we have whisky ? Do you know what it is ? »

« The western alcohol ? » I asked, perplexed.

« Yeah, it says here that it's a great help against contractions... » she muttered again « not that I'm experiencing any yet but maybe we should try to get some, just in case... »

« Don't you think sake would do ? » I asked, cautious. Whisky was damn expensive here in Japan.

« Maybe... » she muttered « We'll try, I guess... »

She kept reading silently, now perfectly calm as if she wasn't an Oni minutes ago. I was worried sick about these mood swings. Hiding a growing belly was something but horns on a forehead... I never remembered my mother being as moody... It really was alarming.

« Is there a remedy to ease your mind ? » I dared to ask and her eyes threw daggers before she sighed and smiled genuinely.

« I'm sorry... » she said unexpectedly « I know it's not easy to cope with... »

I didn't know what to answer to that so I didn't say anything. I took a deep breath and dared to ask the question burning my lips, now that she seemed a bit more relax.

« Chizuru, do you think the baby could be evil ? » I asked and I waited for the typhoon.

« Evil ? » she repeated, surprised « why would it be evil ? »

_Because... You don't seem like yourself ? You're angry then sad then happy... You're aroused very often and then you turn into a typhoon of hatred with horns on your forehead ? _

« I'm just wondering if these mood swings couldn't be the sign of an evil spirit. » I said, hoping that it was neutral enough.

« No... » she chuckled « it's natural. »

« It doesn't seem natural. » I protested with a neutral toneless voice since this strategy seemed to work.

« It's linked to the pregnancy even if we do not know why for the moment... » she explained with a sigh, as if I was saying stupid things « A lot of women experience them, especially during the three first months. I had them too last time. What's worrying me is more the nauseas. I had a lot last time and now, I'm not having any... »

« I see... So you're sure it can't be evil ? » I asked again, not convinced.

« Listen, women are giving birth everywhere in the world and this story about evil spirits is only in Japan. I think that is enough to say that it is folklore. Now stop thinking about this nonsense. »

« Alright. » I said, still not convinced.

« Kumichô. » I head behind the wood panel and I allowed Keisuke to come in « We have a problem, the Rasetsu are gone. »

« They're only supposed to leave tomorrow. » I frowned.

« I don't think they went to Nagareyama, Fukuchô. They just vanished. » he replied.

I followed him to the Rasetsu quarters to find that all the weapons they were supposed to carry were still there but all the research of Sannan and Chizuru's were gone, except the few books she still had in our room. Chizuru showed up next to me, trying to find remains of her life's work and she fell to her knees, helpless and desperate.

« Well... » she said with a sad mix between a sob and a chuckle « Someone here chose books over guns... »


	8. Farewell

Chizuru was inconsolable. All her work, her researchs, her notes and her father's... All these were gone, in Sannan's hands. I should have seen it coming, his betrayal. His mean comments, his nocturnal escapes... and the way he made me reveal my nature to Hijikata-san... All this should have been enough for me to not trust Toudou on his surveillance and do it myself. Maybe in the end, I didn't want to see. I wanted to believe that the old Sannan was still there, behind the secrets and the lingering madness... Worse, I didn't want to see because it was a reflection of what was at stake for me. The madness... Even if I wasn't experiencing bloodlust anymore, I knew it was still there, burried in my bones, deep, lingering, waiting for the right moment to take over me. How long could it take ? A year ? Two ? Sannan resisted four years but that was exceptional amongst his corp. Most of them lasted less than two years. And now, Chizuru's hopes about finding a cure just turned to dust. She couldn't start again from scraps, that's what she told me.

Toudou was the only Rasetsu still here and so, it was unnecessary to make him leave earlier than us. We agreed that we would carry as much as small weapons as we could, leaving the rest behind. The young man didn't seem to have known anything of Sannan's plan and the fact that the latter left him behind was proof enough of his innocence. The stock of medecine were completely gone though so he couldn't continue his daily treatment and had to keep his reserves in case of emergency. I also gave him the ones in my desk. I wasn't needing them anymore.

Our last day in Edo was pretty busy. Chizuru cooked a lot of rice to make onigiri for our journey. She also went to the tailor, worried that we would stay in a military camp at some point and that she couldn't find a tailor then, when her belly would be too big for her kimonos. She bought a female hakama, one that ties just under the breasts, so she could be comfortable even if she gets big. She then went to the Matsumoto clinic to give back the books he lend her and check on her condition, get advices... The third month that was coming up really seemed to worry her a lot but that was understandable since it was then that she lost the baby the first time.

While she was doing all this, I packed the weapons and then headed to Sendagaya to say goodbye, or rather farewell, to Souji. I brought a little wooden doll for Haruhi. I told her I would find time to spend with her before leaving but I didn't. I hoped a present could be enough for her not to resent me.

I announced myself and Souji allowed me to enter. I saw him put his sword away and lifted an eyebrow, surprised.

« Were you training ? » I asked.

« Just checking if I could lift it. » he answered before changing the subject « Sanosuke and Shinpachi came. »

The individual house was small and simple with only a room that was as much kitchen as living room and bedroom, as shown by the folded futons on the side. It was very clean and I supposed Haruhi was the one taking care of the household.

« They're still at Ibuki's ? » I asked.

« No, another friend of Shinpachi. He's an Edo boy, he has a lot of friends here. » he replied, getting to the small kitchen « tea ? »

« Thank you. » I nodded « Do you want me to make it ? »

« It's fine. » he chuckled « I can stand and cook and everything. »

« You're feeling better ? » I asked.

« Depends of the days. » he replied, avoiding my gaze « Congratulations for Chizuru-chan. »

« Haruhi told you ? » I asked, taking the fuming cup he was handing me.

« No, it was Shin. » he chuckled « he told me he made her horny and that was enough for me to put two and two together. Are you okay ? She's a pain in the ass when she's like this. »

I wasn't really happy that Nagakura really repeated his pun to Souji. Plus, Souji was now acting as if he knew my wife by heart and that was triggering my jealousy. I realized that he must have seen Chizuru's Oni form even before I did, when she was pregnant with the one that didn't survive. That was making me even more jealous to know that I wasn't the first, even if I had no reason to feel this way.

« You've seen it ? » I asked.

« Briefly. It was only at the beginning and she didn't even realize since her hair were in a ponytail. » he chuckled « If Yamazaki hadn't confirmed he'd seen the same thing, I would have thought I dreamt. »

« How did you do ? » I asked « Last time. »

« Yamazaki used the needles to calm her down. She was like sedated all the time ! » he laughed « but we couldn't risk to have her with horns in the headquarters ! »

« Yamazaki isn't there anymore. » I said with regret.

In Nagareyama, maybe I'd try to find someone who practiced acupuncture if it had been effective in the past.

« Yeah... Seems like everything's collapsing, isn't it ? » he smiled sadly « Have you seen Kondou ? »

« He's still in Nagareyama. » I said « It's unlikely that he comes back before the end of the war. »

« Yeah, Toshi said the same thing... » he sighed « say him hi when you see him. »

« I will. » I nodded « Where's Haruhi ? »

« Grocery shopping. » he said « it's very close don't worry, and the kid is pretty good at defending herself now. »

« I see. » I simply replied.

If Souji was saying she could defend herself, I knew these weren't hollow words. He never went easy on her. Her progresses must be impressive.

« Hajime-kun » said Souji bluntly « take the kid with you. »

« You know I can't. » I frowned. « Military headquarters are no place for a child. »

« Ara, but it's a place for a pregnant woman. » he smirked.

« She's a doctor. » I protested.

« Whatever, but you must take the kid. » he insisted.

« Hijikata-san won't allow it. » I shook my head.

« Then take her back to the clinic. » he said to my surprise.

« Souji. » I tilted my head « What happened ? »

« Nothing, I'm just fed up having her around. It's boring and not entertaining anymore. » he shrugged.

I stayed silent and waited for him to explain better. That indeed sounded like Souji but not about kids... He played a lot with the kid of the ones sheltering us in Mibu, with the street kids near the Nishi-Hongwanji and even in Furudo... He always had been kind to Haruhi and that was unsettling that he wouldn't want her around anymore. Plus, he knew about Haruhi's feeling towards him. If nothing happened, the kid wouldn't understand why he was pushing her away now.

« Are you sure ? » I asked again, not convinced.

« Just... Take her okay ? I don't want her here. » he said with a sad voice.

« You know that even if I bring her back to the clinic, with her stubbornness, she'd probably run back here. » I stated with a sigh.

« Yeah... » he chuckled « Makes me think of myself when Mitsu left me with Kondou. I was running back to her all the time... and everytime, she brought me back to the Shieikan... »

I stayed silent .Souji seemed lost in thought of his childhood like he was looking back on his life. Was that an effect of knowing he was dying ? Souji never had been the kind of man to look behind him, only the present had his interest.

« Souji, I'm back ! » yelled Haruhi, opening the shoji « Oh ! Hey, Otousan ! »

« Welcome home, Haruhi. » said Souji with a giant smile « Hajime-kun, just do it, please. »

« Do what ? » asked the kid.

« Nothing. » replied Souji, still with the same smile, shaking the present I brought for her « Hey look, there's a doll for you ! »

« That was supposed to be my present. » I said as I looked Souji offering her the doll.

« Oh yeah » he said « thank your father. »

« No need. » I sighed but the kid already had her arms around my neck.

« Thank you, Otousan ! » she said.

I closed my arms on her and noticed her injury on her arm was still there under the tight bandage.

« Isn't it healed already ? » I frowned.

« I'm not sure... » she said, looking at it « I'm supposed to keep the bandage a few more days. »

« I see. » I nodded and my eyes met Souji's who made me a sign of the head towards the door. « Haruhi, pack your bags. » I said grudgingly, not enjoying to be the bearer of bad news.

« Why ? » she asked with wide eyes.

« You're going back with the Matsumoto. » I stated « That is an order, Haruhi. » I added when I saw her ready to protest, as if I could have stop her from protesting.

« No ! » she said, getting away from me « I'm sorry Otousan but I won't go ! »

« I'm not asking you, Haruhi. I'm ordering you. Go pack your stuff or you're leaving without them. »

She looked at Souji with despair but he didn't say a thing and she started crying like never I saw her cry, even when I scolded her after their sleepover.

« Please, Otousan ! » she cried, inconsolable « Souji ! »

« Listen to your father, Haruhi. » he said in a soft voice.

« Why did you change your mind ?! The letter was my birthday present ! » she kept crying « I don't want your fucking doll ! I want to stay with Souji ! »

« We're leaving in five, Haruhi. » I said firmly « if your bag's not ready, you'll leave it here. »

« I hate you ! » she yelled before storming outside, running, and I followed her after a stare in Souji's direction.

« Why am I the bad guy ? » I asked, stepping out.

« I didn't have the will... » he sighed.

I ran after Haruhi. Fortunately, I was more rapid than her, especially with trousers and boots while she was running in kimono and sandals. I caught her arm and made her stop running.


	9. Mistake

« Let me go ! » she yelled « you can't make me ! »

« Haruhi, what happened with Souji ? » I asked. She stopped wiggling and seemed to calm down.

« He asked you to take me ? » she asked, heartbroken.

« Just help me understand. » I said and she nodded, her eyes on the ground.

« You promise not to ground me ? » She asked shyly.

« I don't make promises. » I stated « The sole fact that you're asking suggests that I should. »

She stayed silent and started crying again and I took her hand to take her inside a nearby park where we sat together on a bench. I waited for her to speak for minutes but she didn't, keeping her eyes on the ground.

« Alright. » I eventually said « I won't ground you. »

She twitched but didn't lift her gaze from the floor and didn't speak. My imagination was running wild, especially knowing Haruhi's past and I hated myself for even thinking about it.

« Otousan... » she eventually said, tears filling her eyes again « I want to go back to Souji... »

« If you help me understand, maybe I will speak to him. » I tried.

« No you won't. » she said, taking her little face in her open hands.

« You don't know until you've told me. » I said.

We stayed silent again. My gaze was fixed on her little face but she wasn't looking at me, her blue eyes wet with tears reflecting the pound in front of us where koi fish were dancing, colorful and numerous.

« Promise me not to kill him. » she said.

« That's the last promise I'm making, Haruhi. » I warned.

This one was easy to keep though. I think that even with maximum anger, I could never kill Souji. The only way for me to do it would be to assist him seppuku. And with all the scenarios I was already imagining in my head, the reality was almost sure to be better. At least, I hoped so.

« I made a terrible thing, Otousan. » she said « and Souji... he... »

I waited but she didn't explain more and just sobbed again. I was glad I was a patient man and I didn't have any more important things to do today. This seemed like it could take a while.

« I spoke with Heisuke about the Rasetsu and everything. » she said « He told me that he took the Ochimizu to save his life and it worked. And Chizuru-neechan told me the same thing about you so... I stole one from Sannan-san when he was sleeping and I put it in Souji's porridge. »

She tensed and closed her eyes, probably expecting me to hit her but I just looked at her, astonished. So our unregistered Rasetsu on the loose was Souji ?!

« When ? » I asked in my toneless voice.

« I stole it when I was still at the inn and at first, I wanted to give the vial to Souji when I visited him but we didn't go. And then you left me with him at Matsumoto-sensei's clinic and I knew he wouldn't drink it so I slipped it in his food... »

« Souji's a Rasetsu ? »

I had trouble realizing it. Souji... A Rasetsu... and against his will, nonetheless.

« My paper cranes weren't working... » she said sadly « and if it cured so many people then... why not Souji ? And it helped him ! He could stand again and lift his sword and do everything that was impossible to him before ! But the problem was the bloodlust. Souji was having a lot, a lot more than you, maybe because his body was weaker, I don't know... I knew that the powder was a medecine and I had a bit so I gave it to him. But... he was still having the episodes so often ! So when I knew that you were all gone except the Rasetsu, I went back to the inn and I stole a lot. The innkeeper knew me so he let me in easily. But even all the bags I had weren't enough and then, Chizuru-neechan and you came back to the clinic and you told me that blood was in the medecine for the Rasetsu and I thought that I could help Souji that way so I started giving him my blood when he was in pain and it worked well ! He had a lot less bloodlust ! »

I grabbed her arm and removed the bandage, finding not a scar but multiple ones, hiding underneath it.

« You're feeding Souji with your blood ? » I asked, still having problems processing the information.

« He doesn't like it but yeah... » she blushed, looking at the floor again « He doesn't want me to do it but every time he's in pain, he suffers so much that he doesn't care anymore and just drinks it. »

I could understand that. I refrained myself so many times during our trip not to feed on Haruhi and the pain of bloodlust was an indescribable one. With such tremendous suffering, one could do anything just to make it stop.

« That is terrible... » I said, astonished by everything she said to me.

« Souji needs me ! » she said, looking up to lock her azur eyes in my identical ones « I have to stay with him ! You understand now ? Will you speak to him ? Please Otousan ! I know I did a bad thing but Souji's not coughing anymore and he can stand and everything ! »

« Haruhi... » I said, watching the hope and sorrow swirling in her gaze « The Ochimizu isn't something to play with. »

I understood now why Souji wanted me to take her away. He probably thought about the possibility of hurting her. In fact, he was already hurting her. These wounds weren't looking good and her forearm would probably be marked with scars for the rest of her life. How could I knowingly let her be in his presence now ?

« I... I know now... » she said « I'm sorry I did this but now, if I'm not there then what will happen to Souji ? We can't leave him like this ! »

« And yet, we will. » I said « You have to face the consequences of your actions. You did something terrible to Souji and now, he's suffering because of you and hurting you in the process. »

I didn't mean to be that harsh with her but the truth was the truth and ten was an age where she was not a kid anymore and had to take her responsibilities. It was the moment for Haruhi to learn that lesson.

« But Chizuru-neechan does it ! » she protested.

« Chizuru's an Oni. She heals. You don't. » I stated.

« Then... You're gonna give a lot of medecine to Souji ? » she asked.

« I can't. » I sighed « Sannan was the one making the medecine and he's gone with his research. Chizuru doesn't know the recipe. »

« What's gonna happen to Souji, then ? » she asked.

« I guess there are only two options for him. Endure it or kill himself before the madness takes him. » I said, provoking even more tears.

« Otousan... Please... I don't want him to die ... » she sobbed.

« I know. » I wipped her tears with a thumb « But unfortunately, Souji's life has never been in our hands and you should have known it. »

« I wanted to help... » she protested again.

Maybe we were all a little responsible. We let Haruhi move freely in the headquarters... Toudou and Chizuru told her that the Ochimizu was a cure... For a child, unable to understand the complexity of the Rasetsu nature and the choice of becoming one, it was simple. Souji was ill, the Ochimizu was saving lives, he should take it. Period. There wasn't any nuance in that reasoning, just like a kid's world is only black and white. I have been the one telling her that blood could be a solution. I never thought she'd have any use of that information but now, here we were. Souji was a Rasetsu feeding on my daughter's blood and her left arm was full of scars and wounds. I told her that maybe I could speak to Souji but in light of these informations, I had to agree with my friend. She had to go, for her own sake.

« Let's go back and make your bag. » I sighed.

« No ! Please, no ! » she sobbed.

« You put yourself in that situation, Haruhi » I said « You can only be mad at yourself. Souji didn't ask to become a Rasetsu and now, he's a danger for you. »

« He's not a danger ! » she yelled « everything's fine ! You told me I could live with him ! »

« With Souji as a human. Not as a Rasetsu. » I replied firmly « You're going back to the clinic. »

« I won't ! » she yelled.

I grabbed her arm and took her back to the small house where Souji was waiting for both of us. I noticed he packed Haruhi's stuff and I took the bag, thanking him.

« I won't go ! » she yelled « Let go of me ! »

« Alright. » I said, letting go of her arm « If you don't want to face the consequences of your actions the easy way, then you'll face them the hard way. »

She looked at me, not understanding what I meant and I turned to Souji.

« Are you ready for me to end your suffering ? » I asked.

« Never thought I'd die by your hand » he smirked « I've always been better than you. But I guess it can't be helped... The kid won't have anyone to run back to. »

I smiled and he kneeled in front of me as I unsheathed my sword.

« You lived with honor, Okita Souji » I said, looking at the back of the neck I was soon going to cut through « I don't resent you for what you did and I will not strip you of your honor in death. You can take your wakizashi if you wish to take away your own life. I will assist. »

Souji nodded and opened his kimono, exposing his chest once covered in scars and now totally immaculate, proof of his Rasetsu nature. He made a move towards his wakizashi but the kid caught his hand and plunged her gaze in my eyes, defeated.

« Okay, I'll go... » she muttered with a broken voice containing all the sadness of the world. « Don't do this... »

« Take your bag. » I ordered, my sword still unsheathed.

She obeyed, eyes on the ground and I nodded towards the door « Step out. »

« You won't kill him ? » she asked.

I didn't say a thing and waited for her to step out and close the shoji. Now that we were out of her sight, I turned back to Souji.

« Chizuru is working on a cure. » I told him « But Sannan stole it all. It could take a while before she finds one that is effective. Do you wish to endure and keep living or would you rather have me assisting you now ? »

I knew that Haruhi was listening behind the shoji and I could hear her cry but that was the right thing to do, offering mercy to Souji if he wished for it. He would have done the same thing for me.

« Don't worry about me. » he said in the playful voice he used so many times to make fun of me, getting up « If I sense I can't take it any longer, I'll do it myself. In the meantime, I'd rather wait for all the news of Kondou's victories even if I can't fight alongside him anymore. »

« Do you wish to come ? » I asked, putting my sword away « Haruhi told me you're not coughing anymore. Do you believe your illness is cured ? »

« I'm pretty sure it's not even if I have less symptoms. » he chuckled sadly « I'll die in months all the same »

« Alright. » I nodded. « I wish you well, Souji, but this is probably a farewell. We won't come back to Edo before the end of the war. »

« I know. » He grinned « Always the best who leaves first. And I've always been the best, I should have known. » he chuckled « be careful though, once I'm gone, you'll be the best and not second anymore. »

« Try to last as long as you can, then. » I said with a half smile.

« Will do. »

He chuckled again and I headed out without looking back. It was too painful to know that I was probably seeing him for the last time. I took Haruhi's hand who looked down on her feet all the way to the clinic.

« I hate you. » she repeated.

« I know. » I simply said.

_I just hope one day you will understand and stop hating me for what I did today. _

When we arrived, I left her there under Matsumoto-sensei's care again, explaining to him why she was back. I didn't hide anything from him and he assured me he would make sure she wouldn't go back. He also assured me he would keep an eye on Souji's condition. I asked him if Chizuru was still there but she left already and I got back to the inn to finish preparing everything for our departure to Nagareyama.


	10. Nagareyama

We arrived safely to Nagareyama in a bit less than seven hours of walk with a short pause to eat. We travelled at night to make it more comfortable for Toudou and be less bothered by imperialists. The Hatamoto mansion lend by the Aizu domain was enormous and we already had a room assigned. Chizuru went sleeping directly when we arrived after saluting the commanders. I stayed with Toudou to explain the Rasetsu desertion. Hijikata-san lost his mind and started yelling and banging his fist in every wall. Kondou on the contrary seemed completely unfazed, as if all this was foreign to him.

« Shit ! Sannan really played us ! » yelled Hijikata-san, not calmling down « I'm sorry, Heisuke. I should have payed more attention to your warnings... »

« No one could have predicted that, Hijikata... » said Toudou with a small smile.

« What happened to all the weapons still in Edo ? » asked the vice-commander.

« They're still at the inn, Fukuchô. » I said « I payed a room for a few days and stocked them inside. »

During our conversation, Kondou-san was keeping his gaze locked on the window, a tea in hand, as if this whole discussion was no concern of him.

« Alright. » he nodded « I'm sending a team to gather all they can and destroy the rest. No way it falls into imperials hands. Do we have any idea of Sannan's whereabouts ? »

« Not a clue... » replied Toudou « he used to be a retainer of the Sendai domain, maybe he went there ? »

« Smart, Heisuke. » He smiled « I'm gonna send a letter to the Sendai domain about it asking them to notify us if anything suspicious happens in their province. About the researchs he stole, what is Saito-sensei... by the way, where is she ? »

« Sleeping, Fukuchô. » I bowed « the walk tired her. »

« Seems like everything is tiring her recently. Is she ill ? » he frowned.

« It was a long walk, Fukuchô. » I said « She's a woman, not a warrior. »

« Is she pregnant ? » asked Kondou-san out of the blue.

« Pardon me, commander ? » I said in an attempt to get me out of this situation.

« Sorry if I'm surprising you, Saito-kun. I remember how tired my wife was before our daughter came to the world. » he smiled kindly.

« Is that true, Saito ? » frowned Hijikata-san « Is she pregnant ? »

« I think Chizuru would be the most indicated to answer that question. » I said calmly, not letting them know if I knew about it or not. I couldn't lie to them but I'd rather not tell them the truth either.

« Right, yeah, sure. » nodded Hijikata-san « Kondou, you'll ask her ? »

« Why me ? » frowned the commander.

« It's your idea. » sighed Hijikata-san « and you're a dad already, you'll know how to handle that conversation. Plus, you're kind of her father figure, you represented her for her wedding. »

« Alright. » chuckled Kondou-san « I will speak to her. »

« Good, that's settled. » nodded Hijikata-san.

« What if she is pregnant, Fukuchô ? » I couldn't help but ask.

« We'll send her back to Edo. » he said « We can't have a pregnant woman on battlefields. »

« But don't you think her medical knowledge would be an asset in battle ? » I asked « especially since we do not have Yamazaki neither Sannan or the Ochimizu anymore. »

« It's true she's an asset and she proved it multiple times in the past but if this war last months, which it probably would, are you really ready to let her give birth in the middle of a military camp, perhaps in a tent and without a midwife or a physician ? »

« I... don't know, Fukuchô. » I admitted.

« If it comes to that » nodded Kondou-san with a smile « I'm sure lord Matsudaira Katamori would welcome her in his castle so she could give birth in sanitary conditions. »

« If Aizu still stands... » muttered Hijikata-san to himself but loud enough for me to hear « anyway, no need to speak about it until Saito-sensei and Kondou talked. Maybe we're just making plans over nothing. Dismiss. I'm gonna call a few men for the weapon mission. »

We all stood up, ready to go but Hijikata-san stopped me.

« Saito. Stay. » he ordered and I sat back, waiting for Toudou to leave « Since there is no more Rasetsu corp, you're allowed to keep your position but I'm still pretty pissed you kept the truth from us. I'm planning on working you to the bone so be prepared. »

« Alright, Fukuchô. Thank you. » I bowed.

« Your man, Mori Keisuke, what trust do you have in him ? » he asked.

« Before he left with Ito, I would have trusted him with my life, Fukuchô. » I answered in my toneless voice « Since he came back, his actions made me renew my trust however, I keep my guard up as suitable. »

« I see. » he nodded « As an imperialist, he had a lot more training in the use of firearms than our warriors. I'd like to promote him to instructor so he could train our men. What do you think ? »

« Mori is an intelligent and serious man. » I nodded « this position would be deserved and his talents useful. »

« You will be trained too. » he added « just like the rest of us. Would you be comfortable having Mori as a superior during the training sessions ? »

« I will. » I nodded « but is that training really necessary for the captains too ? »

I have never been good at aiming in distance and I had no interest in firearms. I'd rather swing my sword to the enemy, whatever weapon they could have against me. It was the only way to fight with honor.

« We need to all be familiar with firearms even if we don't plan on using them. Never know what could happen out there. » he said with a sad expression « I hear your concerns and I personally share them. I'd rather cut through all these bastards too, but we still need to train to any possible situation and in some of them, we might require the use of these weapons. »

« Understood, Fukuchô. » I bowed.

« Good. » he smiled « then you agree to promote Mori as instructor ? »

« I do. » I simply said.

« Thank you, Saito. » he said « by the way, you have a new division. You take the third, just like before. Since we're lacking captains, we reorganized the men in only four divisions. Kondou's having the first, I'm taking the second and you've got the third. Shimada has the fourth and that's all. »

« Understood. » I nodded « What about Toudou ? »

« I don't know where Heisuke could fit... » he sighed « he's presumed dead, I can't give him a unit and we don't have any Rasetsu to command anymore... »

« Why not the Watch ? » I suggested.

« That could be a solution. » he held his chin in his fingers « yeah, maybe Shimada could train him to spy... I'll think about it. Thank you Saito, you can dismiss. »

I bowed and got out. I got a bit lost in the mansion before finding back my room where I found Chizuru deeply asleep. I kneeled in front of her and carressed her hair to wake her up.

« Hajime... » she whispered, still sleeping, and that drew a smile on my worried face.

« Yes, my love ? » I answered, caressing her face and drawing the contour of her agap mouth with a finger.

She caught my finger between her lips and kissed it, opening her eyes. Her hands caught my shoulders and she pulled me to her to kiss me, her hands already unbuttoning my waistcoat.

« Chizuru, we need to talk... » I protested with not so much conviction.

« In a minute. » she said firmly.

She was now unbuttoning my shirt to dig both her hands inside it and carress my skin with eagerness. My shirt and waistcoat were smoothly brushed off my shoulders and her hands traced the contour of my chest and abs before one of them unbuckled my belt to adventure itself inside my trousers, encountering no resistance from me.

« I'm feeling a bit like a tool lately... » I muttered, faking regret while I let her strip me and pull me closer.

« You've lived your whole life as a tool. » she chuckled playfully and I escaped a small laugh « you even used to be proud of it, if I recall. »

« Point to Chizuru. » I replied with humour, closing my lips on hers.

I guess I could wait a few minutes before telling her about the doubts the commander had about her pregnancy. I got rid of my remaining clothing and joined her under the covers. We weren't expected for anything this morning anyway after we walked all night and I wasn't feeling particularly sleepy, especially with a wife like mine, gorgeous and awfully aroused like she was most of the time recently which was extremely savory to me. Soon, the only sounds in our room were small muffled wimpers and moans that lasted nearly all morning, Chizuru always coming back for more like a teenager discovering the pleasures of the flesh for the first time. When we finally got up to join the others for lunch, my whole body was sore and aching and I supposed hers was probably in the same state. Yet, the smiles lingering on both our faces, loving and satisfied, were worth all the tiredness of the world.


	11. Kondou

Kondou had his conversation with Chizuru and she told him the truth about her pregnancy. She lied about me though, and told him I didn't know about it. I knew she was trying to protect me but still, I didn't like her to lie, especially to the commander. No one asked me to confirm though and Kondou congratulated me with a giant smile. I wasn't ready for that much effusion.

« You're gonna be a father, Saito-kun ! » he kept repeating, his hands on both my shoulders « That's a lot of responsibility, you know ! You'll have to provide for your wife and child and find them a decent home where it will grow up peacefully and you'll have to work extra hard to send them money... If it's a boy, you'll have to find him a good sensei so that he could become an honorable warrior... and if it's a girl, educate her well so you could find her a good husband who will take care of her... »

I didn't reply and just nodded to everything he said. I couldn't see that far for the moment. He was speaking to me about houses and money and education when the child was only a spirit for now. The war was occupying my mind a lot more than all this and I couldn't help but think that Kondou-san should be focused on it too. The situation was rather critical and it seemed like Kondou-san was even more disconnected from reality than before. That was worrying me.

Soon enough, everyone knew. Hijikata-san congratulated Chizuru and I, but he still wanted to send her back to Edo which caused him to have a close encounter with my wife's demon form. Now wasn't really the time to piss her off and he was about to learn it. Kondou-san, with his kind demeanor, took Chizuru's defense and allowed her to stay, saying that Lord Matsudaira Katamori would help her if the war lasted too long. I wasn't really sure about that but if it were to be true, then the Aizu daimyo would have my unwavering gratitude for it. I already had respect and loyalty for Lord Katamori who used to be the Kyoto military commissioner during our time in the capital and did so much for us, but if he could help Chizuru in times of need, I would die for him.

Now that she was far from her books and research, Chizuru came back to do chores around the headquarters. I wondered if it was wise but she reassured me, telling me that one of her europeen physician said that hard work was good for the health of the baby. I wasn't sure about that. If she really needed to work, then her body wouldn't feel so tired all the time. That alone was a sign that rest was the only necessity, regardless of what western physicians thought. Unfortunately, I couldn't help her and get some chores off her hands. Hijikata-san didn't lie to me. I was head deep in paperwork once more. Inventories, mail, troop movements, spying reports, news of other fronts... I was working days and nights on all these and I was glad I was a Rasetsu, for once. I could work way beyond my human capabilities. Chizuru couldn't help but be worried though, witnessing me work so much. She repeatedly asked me to rest more, especially during the day, saying that this rhythm wasn't healthy. In a way, it was quite risible. I was worried about her condition, she was worried about mine, and neither of us worried about our own.

The only moment when I stopped working on the paperwork was when I was going to train or instruct. We had a dojo in the mansion and I resumed my iaijutsu and kenjutsu classes. The firearm training was outside though, and I was going every day, to learn under Keisuke's guidance like any other man. I personally hated it. It wasn't that Keisuke was a bad teacher or that it was a problem for me to be under his command during the lessons but I just hated firearms. They weren't honorable weapons. Even a bow would have had my preference.

Plus, I was embarrassing myself everyday, missing the target blow after blow. Sometimes, miraculously, I could land my bullet in the middle but it was nearly impossible to reiterate the prowess. My face and ears were burning red during all the training due to my shame of being such an incompetent riffleman and it was even worse when Chizuru was coming to check on my progresses. Once, Keisuke even put a gun in her hand and she did better than me and bragged loudly about it. What sort of man gets beaten by his wife ? My shame knew no limits.

« Saito-kun » called Shimada as my blow missed the target again « You need to come now, please. »

_Perfect. Time to put down that stupid riffle. _

I excused myself to Keisuke and followed Shimada. He was walking at a quick pace, the situation really must be concerning. He led me to the commanders but I had no time to salute them before they cut me to deliver my orders.

« Saito, a spying report indicates some imperialists coming our way for an inspection. We have no time. You gather all the men outside and lead them to Aizu_. _Shimada, you take care of the ones inside. I want everybody gone in minutes. Go. » said Hijikata-san firmly.

« What about you, commanders ? » I asked.

« I'm taking the paperwork proofs of our loyalist affiliation. » said Hijikata-san « Kondou's staying. »

« Pardon me, Fukuchô ? » I gasped, surprised.

« Saito, you have your orders now go do your job and let us do ours ! » yelled the vice-commander.

« Don't worry, Saito-kun » added Kondou with a smile « I'm a daimyo and I won't reveal my name. I'll be safe and give you all time to escape. »

It was a lie. I knew it and Hijikata knew it too. Even if Kondou-san were to surrender as Okubo Tsuyoshi, the imperialists probably wouldn't be stupid enough to not verify his identity. He was turning himself in to save all of us.

« Saito ! » yelled Hijikata-san « Now ! »

« Understood. » I nodded, turning my heals away.

I gathered all the men outside who were still training with the firearms and they all packed their bags quickly, ready to leave to Aizu. I didn't know where Chizuru was but I supposed she was in Shimada's team which left a bit earlier. I led the rest of the army into the forest and we tried not to make a noise, putting as much distance as we could between the mansion and us.

« Hajime ! » I heard at the back of the collumn and I stopped to wait for Chizuru to reach me.

« Chizuru are you unhurt ? » I asked, concerned « where were you ? »

« I was hanging some laundry outside and when I came back inside, everyone was gone ! I started searching the mansion and then I saw some imperialists entering so I hid in a cupboard. » she explained, making big gestures « Hajime, they knew exactly what the mansion was. They knew it was the Shinsengumi and they took Kondou-san ! »

« They knew it was Kondou-san ? » I repeated.

« Yeah ! Hajime, they have him ! We need to go back ! »

I hesitated but not long. I had orders. Kondou knew what he was doing when he turned himself. My mission was to safely lead these men to Aizu and so I would. Yet, if these imperialists had so much informations then it could only mean that someone here was a spy.

« Where's Mori Keisuke ? » I asked.

« I'm here, Kumichô. » replied a voice and my imperialist warrior stepped out of the rank.

« Restrain him. » I orders the warriors close to him « We are going to Aizu. »

« But Kondou ! » yelled Chizuru.

« He gave me orders. » I stated in my toneless voice « I will follow them. »

The warriors had finished to attach Keisuke's hands in his back and I met his surprised gaze. I had no choice though. He was an imperialist who already left the Shinsengumi once. My affection for him couldn't come in the way, his chances to be a spy were more important than other warriors. I would keep him restrained for now until I could question him and let him prove his innocence.

« Let's go. » I simply said and grudgingly, Chizuru walked by my side, unable to refrain herself to turn back her head a few times. The army followed too and I kept my gaze ahead of me, my intestines tied in a knot at the sole idea of leaving Kondou-san behind. Yet, I had no other choice. Showing the example, I kept my head high and my steps assured, and led the army to Aizu.


	12. Leech

May 1868

Kondou-san was captured and held captive by the imperialists. Hijikata-san travelled to meet with loyalists and tried to get him released but I had no informations about the outcome. He joined Otori Keisuke with half our men, keeping the rest in backup in Aizu under my command. I kept Keisuke in custody for days but even after starvations, he kept true to himself. We caught a man trying to flee with intel though and I tortured and executed him. He confessed that he had been the one selling us to the imperialists and so, I presented my apologies to Keisuke and released him, promoting him my second. He was a man I had been fighting alongside for a bit more than 4 years now and I had trust in him even if I had to apply the procedure.

We were lend another Hatamoto house, thanks to Lord Matsudaira Katamori. It wasn't as big as the one in Nagareyama but it was already more than sufficient. Chizuru was working hard everyday just like I was. Hijikata-san left me in charge of everything while he was defending the castle of Utsunomiya in the Shimosa domain. As for us, we didn't stay long in the Hatamoto house since we were soon called to arm to defend the castle of Shirakawa. I tried to leave Chizuru behind but she wouldn't listen and made me a rather persuasive speech about the usefulness of her skills on a battlefield. I eventually agreed to take her since defending a castle was supposed to be easier than attacking it and that I'd rather have her close to me anyway. Alone, anything could happen to her or the little one.

We took our quarters in the castle barracks to be more efficient. Our forces were of 2500 men including Aizu warriors and Shinsengumi ones. We prepared an infirmery for the wounded warriors and I forbade Chizuru to leave this room, whatever the reason, until nighttime and the stop of fighting. Any wounded warrior would have to be brought to her, not the other way around. She protested at first but calmed down and followed my orders as soon as the cannonfire started shaking the walls. Fortunately, the imperialists weren't numerous, not more than three hundred, and we easily defeated them, especially with the higher ground. We even managed to take down their commander, Shuzo Sera of the Choshu, disorganizing their troops. That victory really raised the morale of our warriors and although I let them celebrate, I had to refrain them from partying too much. I needed them alert, we didn't know what could be upon us tomorrow. I stayed a bit to share some sake with the Aizu before I got back to Chizuru. I left my coat and boots at the entrance of our small private room and announced myself.

« Chizuru, I'm back. » I said, getting in.

I expected her to answer « welcome home » as usual but nothing came. She was probably still at the infirmary. We didn't have a lot of wounded but maybe one was more severe than the others. I personally got wounded, leading my men on the front lines, but luckily, I was a Rasetsu and so, I didn't need any care. At least, not this one.

Since she wasn't there, I went to my desk to start reviewing the reports I had about our next day strategy which was basically the same than today : send bullets from the castle walls on anything that could come at us. Simple but effective against a small force. We'd just have to hope that the SatCho wasn't planning a massive attack but if they were already busy in Utsunomiya, that was unlikely.

I went to the cupboard to get a small bottle of sake and opened it, serving me a cup well deserved. My attention was caught by Chizuru's notebook and I skimmed through the first pages. It was the western studies about pregnancy that she translated in japanese. I started reading while sipping my cup. I was fascinated but also felt like I was spying on her so I put it back when I heard footsteps approaching and poured myself another sake cup.

« Hajime, I'm back. » I heard her say while she was taking her sandals off.

« Welcome home. » I replied nonchalantly.

She came closer and hugged me, visibly relieved to find me in one piece. She didn't have to worry, I was a good warrior and a Rasetsu. Any of my injuries could heal in seconds if I wanted to unleash my powers which I didn't for now but one could never know when it'd become handy.

« Did you got hurt ? » she asked me, examining my face and hands.

« I have a small wound here. » I showed her my nearly chopped ear « a sword came a bit too close while I was on the front lines. I think it can heal, though. »

« Let me see. » she said, looking at it « Yeah that's not pretty but it's already healing. I don't even need to sew, I think... Be careful though, if your ear had had completely been chopped, it wouldn't have grown back. »

« I'm always careful. » I said in my toneless voice.

« Your body isn't disposable. » she scolded « Since you know you can heal, you're acting more recklessly, don't think I haven't noticed. »

« I'm fine. » I sighed « How many casualties for today's battle ? »

« Not much. Two dead, twenty injured but most of these are benign wounds. They'll be able to fight again in no time. »

« I see. » I simply said, pulling her closer to kiss her but she put both hands on my chest and pushed me away, turning her head.

« Sorry, I can't... The alcohol in your breath makes me wanna puke. » she blushed, embarrassed « How much have you drank already ? I'm not sure it's very wise to drink during a war. »

« Do not trouble yourself, I have a great resilience to sake. » I smiled « besides it's only my second cup. »

« And how much have you drank with the Aizu before these two cups ? » she asked with a smirk, not fooled.

« I'm not sure. » I confessed with a small smile « But it's still alright. »

She nodded. She knew that I would be able to fight anyone even if drunk or hungovered. The only thing troubling my mind was that my breath was making her push me away. Maybe that could be a reason for me to stop drinking for tonight.

« Talking about drinking, do you need blood ? » she asked bluntly « it'll help you heal faster if you drink a little bit more than usual. »

« But... wouldn't that weaken you or the child ? » I frowned.

« No it's totally fine. In fact, it could help the baby. » she chuckled. « I will drain some blood regardless but if you could have a use for it then it's a win-win. »

« How is it that removing blood can help the child ? » I frowned some more, perplexed.

« The baby needs to be in fresh blood to gain strength so it is good to take out the old blood so that it can renew itself. » she explained « that's something that all western physicians agree on. I need to make myself bleed to renew the blood of my body. This is perfectly safe, don't worry. It was commonly used for ages. Now they don't use this technique as much as before but it's still the commonly used for blood illnesses and pregnancy. They do it with leeches now. Since I do not have any, maybe you could help. »

« Alright. » I nodded, still confused « You're the doctor after all... How much are we talking about exactly ? »

« Until I feel dizzy. » she said with a smile « Will you be okay ? »

« I think that question needs to be asked to you more than I... » I muttered.

In the end, I would just be nourishing myself while she would be the one in danger even if she said it was perfectly safe. Now that I was drinking her blood on daily basis and wasn't in pain anymore, I had a lot more control so I supposed I could stop drinking when she would ask me to but still, I felt like she could be at risk. What if I didn't stop ? Everytime I was drinking from her finger, a part of me wanted more but I was controlling it efficiently. With a bigger stream, could I have the same iron will ?

« Do you want to do it now ? » I asked in a low voice, still not convinced.

« It can wait but I'd like to do it tonight if you don't mind. This way, I could go to sleep just after and I'll be okay tomorrow. Plus, you will have a perfectly healthy ear in no time. »

« Alright. Let's get it done, then. » I sighed « Can you just take Kazama's blade near and unsheathed ? »

« Why ? » she widened her eyes « I'm not going to kill you ! »

« Just as a precaution, please. » I said.

« Okay, if it makes you feel better... » she agreed, taking Kazama's sword from a cupboard and unsheathing it. « Here. »

She took the tanto out of her obi and sat comfortably on the futon before opening her kimono and search for the vein on her inner thigh. I blushed uncontrollably, thinking that control would be even more difficult to keep if she was cutting there, so close to her core.

« Why here ? » I asked, uncomfortable.

« It's how it's done. » she stated without lifting her gaze « Don't worry, I'm cutting through a vein not an artery so it's gonna be fine. Plus, I'll heal in no time. »

« I... see... » I just said, not knowing what else to respond.

« Are you ready to become my personal leech ? » she chuckled in an attempt to dedramatize the situation.

« Just to be clear, Chizuru » I said, getting closer and catching her chin in my fingers to force her to lock her gaze in mine « I'm doing this for you and for the little one, not to feed. I'm only agreeing because everytime you seem to have crazy ideas, they work. Yet, I do not share your vision. »

« I know » she answered with a kind smile, putting her palm on my cheek to reassure me « and I truly appreciate that you are doing this for us. »

I nodded and released her chin, looking down at her thigh where the tanto was ready to cut.

« Let me cut. » I ordered.

« With all due respect, Hajime, I'd rather cut myself than having you opening an artery by mistake. » she replied shyly.

« I won't. » I simply said « and it'll be easier for me. Please let me cut. »

I put my hand on hers, on the pommel of our wedding tanto and waited for her to loosen her grip. She eventually did and removed her fingers, leaving the short blade in my hand. I parted her legs a bit more to approach my face and looked up to her.

« Are you ready ? » I asked so low that it was nearly a whisper.

« Yes. » she confirmed with an assured voice.

I didn't hesitate. It was indeed easier to be the one doing it. I slid the tanto on her vein and brought my lips to the wound, circling it and sucking to not loose a drop of her exquisite blood. I felt her stiffen and twitch under the sharp pain but I didn't stop to ask her if she was alright. My ear was tingling, sign that the wound was closing as I was nourishing myself. Drinking that much of her had something ecstatic, throwing me over the edge. It wasn't the same pleasure as the one I could have during intercourses but it had the same strengh, something between delight, satisfaction and the joy of possessing her, of being the only one owning her.

« Hajime, I think it's enough. » I heard her say above me.

I stopped sucking immediately after she ordered it but I kept licking what was dripping from her closing wound so that we wouldn't stain the futon. Chizuru laid down on her back while I lingered a bit between her legs, my tongue patiently flickering to catch all the crimson liquid. When it was sealed, I lifted my head and came atop her looking at her little weak tired face.

« Are you sleeping ? » I asked.

« Not yet. » she answered with a smile, not opening her eyes.

« Are you alright ? » I asked, concerned.

« Yes. » she said with a slight nod and a bigger smile « Thank you, Hajime. You were perfect. »

« I see. » I responded, sensing myself blush under the compliment that I didn't deserved. The only thing I did was to feed on her... « I'll let you sleep. »

« Thank you. » she nodded.

I helped her out of her kimono, feeling like I was stripping a doll, and layed her back down, pulling the sheets over her. I was full of energy and not eager to sleep so I thought about going out to pratice my moves but I didn't want to leave Chizuru alone so weak. If something were to happen, I had to be there, with her. Yet, she seemed only peacefully asleep. I went in a corner and practiced in kisa, unsheathing and sheathing repeatedly like when I was training in Tenmaya. From the window, I could see the fires of the barracks burning in the already advanced night and the men still partying outside. I closed my bottle of sake and put it back in the cupboard and resumed my training, eyes checking nervously on Chizuru's sleep.


	13. Body

After our victory, we had a little bit of rest. No imperialists at our doors, only a cheerful atmosphere that was spreading in all the castle. Still vigilant and alert though, I gave all our warriors a training and rounds schedule and sent some spies out to try and find out if the enemy really was gone.

Chizuru was still having work with a few badly wounded warriors but things were getting harder for her and so, I tried to assist her in any way like changing bandages or feeding the injured so that she could sit down a bit. Her heart was often running madly like it was making tremendous efforts when in reality she was just standing or moving a little. I was worried the fever could come back like last time and even if she never talked about it, I knew she was sharing my anguish. She started to have nauseas though and I couldn't understand why but that seemed to relieve her a lot. She told me that they should have happened a lot earlier than that and that it was a very good sign but I was totally panicked. Her nauseas were so impressive that I was feeling nauseous myself when I was trying to help her. Yesterday, I asked her if she could vomit the baby but she just laughed at me and said I was stupid... That wasn't that stupid to me. The baby was in her belly and she was emptying its content rather violently. If the spirit wasn't holding tight, it could go with the rest, couldn't it ? That provoke her to laugh some more and I decided to keep my mouth shut from now on and just let her do whatever she seemed fit.

After a hard morning at the clinic, Chizuru ate lunch with me but she immediately went to sleep afterwards as unsual. I trained a bit outside after a meeting with the Aizu commanders and then brought her some tea in our room so that she could keep the baby warm. Plus, green tea seemed to have a calming effect on her nauseas. She sat up when I entered with the tray and I put it on the tatami near her.

« Good afternoon. » I said « are you feeling alright ? »

« I'm fine. » she replied, taking the fuming cup in her hand « what is it ? »

« Just plain green tea. » I replied « I couldn't find any jasmine one. I know you would have prefered. »

« Green tea is perfectly fine. » she smiled, sipping « Hum... so good... » she whispered, closing her eyes and bringing a hand to her stomach.

She was doing this gesture a lot more often lately even if it was still flat, another thing worrying me. I was far from being an expert in pregnancy but one thing I knew for sure was that the belly was supposed to grow. And it wasn't. Yet, Chizuru's belly was round by nature so maybe the subtle changes were still invisible.

« Any news from Kondou-san or Hijikata-san ? » she asked me, dragging me out of my thoughts.

« Lord Katsu wrote a letter to ask for Kondou-san's release. I believe he will soon come back. Katsu-sama is one of the most powerful men of the Bakufu. The imperialists have to listen to him. »

« And Hijikata-san ? » she asked again.

« Still in Utsunomiya, I believe. We do not have any news. » I admitted.

We stayed silent for a moment and she finished her cup of tea, putting it back on the tray. Her hand then came massaging her belly again and I put my hand next to hers, wondering what could make her want to touch it that often. She looked at me and took her hand off so that mine could wander on her stomach freely, carressing her soft silky skin under her loosened sleeping nagajuban.

« I can't wait for you to be human... » I said to the little one.

« I'm sorry to disappoint, Hajime » whispered Chizuru playfully « but this child will probably never be human. »

« Then an Oni, I don't care » I said, frowning « I meant I cannot wait for it to have a body. »

« It already has a body, you know. » she chuckled « it had one from the start. »

« It's impossible. » I stated « otherwise you'd have a larger belly and it would move. It's still a spirit. »

« No... » she chuckled « do you want to see ? »

« See what ? » I asked, confused.

« What it looks like. » she said with a kind smile and I reported my attention on her stomack again.

« You're not going to open your abdomen, are you ? » I asked, perplexed.

« No. » she laughed « just hand me the notebook in the cupboard. »

I did what she said and brought her back her little notebook that she opened at a page where she kept some drawings.

« Here » she said, showing me « This is what it looks like now. »

I looked carefully. If that was really my child then it was completely deformed. Its head was enormous, without eyelids and only holes for the ears and the nose. It looked like a monster.

« It's... That can't be our child... » I said and she gave me other drawings, some of them even uglier and some of them representing a healthy child. I put my finger on one of these children and frowned « This is more like it. »

« This » she said, taking the drawings off my hands to put them on the tatami from ugliest to most normal « is the baby when it's finished » she put back her finger on the deformed child « this is now, during the third month and it still has all this way to go. » she added, skimming her fingers on all the drawings coming after.

I reported my gaze on the depictions and looked at the ones before the big-headed monster, putting my finger on the first one.

« So this lizard-like monster was my child at the beginning ? » I asked « and the one after it with the dolphin-like head was last month ? »

She laughed and nodded. Why would my child look like a lizard or a dolphin ? It didn't make any sense.

« How can you know this is accurate ? » I said « No one is going to open you up to verify. »

« Actually » she said, embarrassed « We know because a physician did open up some women at different moments of their pregnancies to make these depictions. »

I paused, realizing that all the drawings in front of me were all dead children taken out their mother's womb. That was disgusting.

« Barbarians... » I muttered « Why would anyone do this ? »

« For knowledge. » she said as if it was enough of an explanation.

« Barbaric anyway. » I stated, looking at the picture representing mine.

She let me look at it for minutes. It was hard to look at this ugly thing and imagine it to be my child. I put back the drawings in the notebook and said nothing, putting back my hand on her belly.

« Why isn't it growing ? » I asked « if the baby already has a body then, it should grow. »

« I don't know... » she confessed « I agree it should have but maybe it's just going to be late, like the nauseas. »

I nodded. She didn't have more clues than I had but at least, if she was to give birth in Aizu, she would probably have midwives helping her. That was relieving.

« Grow, little one. » I ordered and Chizuru chuckled, taking me in her arms to make me lay beside her.

« I'm sure it's gonna listen to its father. » she said in a playfull voice.

I didn't reply and just smiled at her. Having her pregnant by my side was as much anguish as it was happiness but one thing was really making me proud and blissful : All day, I was fighting and dealing with death like I did for all my life but every evening, when I was coming back to her, I was dealing with life.

« What are you thinking of ? » she asked, studying my face, searching for clues.

« You are wonderful. » I just said.

« I know. » she chuckled « but why are you feeling this ? »

« All my life, I've been murdering people. » I explained « I've killed so much warriors and civilians, I cannot even count them. Murder even took me away from my family. Yet, while I'm only good at taking lives, you are creating it. That's why you are so wonderful. You are a miracle. »

« I'm not doing it alone, you know. » she smiled, kissing me « You're also creating life. »

« My implication in this conception seems rather small. » I frowned.

« I don't agree. » she said « you are supporting me everyday, you complied with all my mood swings the past months... and even now, you came to bring me tea. That is already a lot. »

« I see. » I just said, feeling my ears turning red.

I wanted to stay with her like this all afternoon but unluckily, I was a warrior and I had a lot more to do today including two other meetings based on the more recent spying reports. I kissed her forehead and stood up grudgingly.

« Are you still going to sleep ? » I asked.

« No. I need to get back to the infirmary to change bandages. » she answered, sitting up.

I nodded and put back my coat, buttoning it quicky now that I was used to wear it everyday. I put my swords back in my sash and headed out.

« I'm going. » I said as customary when I put my boots on to leave.

« Take care. » she replied with a smile, dressing up.

And with these words, each of us got back to our respective duties.

**Author note : coronavirus. **

**Hi, I'm sorry to inform you that since today in France, we are all supposed to stay at home because of the epidemy. This means that I have my husband here every day and I can't write peacefully when he's here... Usually I used to escape and go to pubs or tea shops but now they are all closed. I will try to keep on writing during these two weeks of confinement but I cannot guarantee the chapters would be daily. **

**My husband isn't a bad person (and I love him very very much) but he has problems to understand why I like reading or writing so much so for him, I'm just wasting my time. I would never get any remarks if I stay on a video game for four hours (a « real » one of course, not something like Hakuouki which isn't a real video game according to my husband) but writing for one or two hours will always get me a lot of remarks, especially since I write a lot on my phone because the spellcheck is easier. Plus, I'm pretty sure than the both of us locked up for two weeks is going to be hard. LoL Hope we survive without killing each other. (Yeah I love him but not every minutes of my life glued to him) LoL**

**Anyway, take care all of you, and I hope I'll find a way to keep on writing even if I have him at home ! **


	14. Beheaded

The next day, all the cheerfulness that was once inhabiting the castle was gone. News reached us and they weren't good. Utsunomiya castle, successfully reconquered by Hijikata-san and the Denshutai had to surrender to the massive force the imperialists sent against them. Hijikata-san had been badly hurt in the process and we had no further informations about his condition or his intentions to come back. The news was sent to me through a letter by Otori Keisuke, the Denshutai commander. Apparently, it was a shoulder injury but we had no idea of it's seriousness.

The other news we had was even more heartbreaking. Kondou-san had been executed by the imperialists on the Itabashi execution grounds. All Shinsengumi was in utter shock. Kondou Isami, our commander had been held captive for twenty days and even the most high ranked loyalists asked for his release, even Katsu-sama. Yet, they killed him. From what I heard, even if he had a daimyo title, they refused him the right to seppuku and take away his own life with honor. They said this was for samurai, not farmer's sons and they laughed at him. Fools. Kondou-san was probably a truer samurai than any of them. And yet, they beheaded him like a criminal. Kondou-san took the insult with honor though. They expected him to cry and beg but he just smiled and closed his eyes, resigned. His last words were « then, time has come. », whispered just before the blade landed on his neck, cutting deep and making his head roll in a single blow. The execution was public, that's how we could have so many details.

I was heartbroken, just like the rest of the men. Kondou-san was like a father to me. He took me in, he respected me, he trusted me and I served him with proudness and dedication all these years. None of my services could ever be enough to repay him for the kindness he showed me at the Sheikan, at Kyoto and even in my marriage. He supported me all these years just like I supported him. His loss was leaving an emptiness in my heart, a gap that could never be filled.

Chizuru cried at the news. Kondou-san was how much as a father to her than it was to me. He sheltered her for four years when she had nowhere else to go, without asking anything in exchange. He offered her a home, meals and even trained her. He gave her the right to study medecine and hired her as a doctor. He allowed her to marry me and to stay with us, even pregnant, to keep working for the sake of the Shinsengumi. All this... And never did we do anything for him. Worse, when he started to feel down, we criticized him, some of us insulted him, some of us left... and now never would we get another chance to tell him how much we respected him.

To add to the insult of his beheading, the imperialists gave only the body back to his family to be incinerated. They kept his head and salted it so it would last longer. They were currently bringing it to Kyoto to expose it. How indecent. How obscene. I refused to imagine it. Kondou-san's head on a pike, watching at the city he protected for so long, now under imperial law with all their red and golden flags in the wind. That was the real insult. They weren't even capable of respecting him in death. All these samurai, proud of a title they got by birth... They never had to work to prove their worth, they never had to show they deserved their title and yet, they felt insulted that someone like Kondou-san lived a more honorable life, followed the Bushido a lot better than any of them. By insulting him in death, they were bringing shame on themselves and they weren't even realizing it. Fools. Idiots. Maggots.

But we knew. We knew who Kondou-san was. We knew what he believed in and we would keep on fighting. That's what I told the men. Kondou-san's death wasn't the end for us, it wasn't a defeat. If anything, we should fuel our rage with it and fight with even more wrath and fury. Let them be witness that Kondou-san died a warrior even if they tried to strip him from his honor and let them be witness that all of us shared with the commander the same passion for the Bushido. We wouldn't surrender and we would fight for Kondou-san even if he's not there anymore.

New fights were upon us with the defeat of Utsunomiya. An imperialist army was marching our way. According to our intels, this force was about 700 men while we were still a solid 2500 so I wasn't that worried even if the SatCho had advanced weaponry. Our camp had the higher ground and the defense of the castle walls. Although the Shinsengumi would keep being in the front lines outside, in greater danger than other divisions, I was confident in our chances of defending the castle.

Chizuru was getting more distraught with every news we were getting. She wasn't sharing my confidence and I knew she would rather have me on the castle walls rather than outside it but what good would I do up there ? I was a terrible shooter. My purpose was to swing a sword.

« Saito-san » I heard as I was repeating my moves in the courtyard « Could you come with me please ? We have an issue. »

« An issue ? » I frowned « What kind of issue ? »

« Just come with me, please, Saito-san. » he bowed « it won't be long. »

I nodded and sheathed back my sword to follow the Aizu warrior who led me to the castle prison. I met some Aizu commanders there and inquired about the situation but they just requested me ask a few questions to a prisoner. I knew what that meant. They didn't want to get their hands dirty, they were honorable bushi. I was a ronin, an honorless warrior without a master so my hands weren't worth theirs. That was a common misconception about our corp, sadly, so I didn't set them straight and just agreed.

They slid the heavy wood pannel after unlocking it and I found a boy in a blue kimono waiting in a corner, his head in his knees. His hair were ebony and short with only a small bun to tie them. The boy wasn't much older than my own daughter. Was he a spy ? The kid lifted his head when I got in and plunged its saphir gaze into mine.

« Otousan... » she said, tears filling her eyes.

« Haruhi ? » I gasped.

What was she doing here ? Left alone in a prison cell ?

« Souji... and Kondou... » she said in a low voice and I closed the distance between us to take her in my arms.

« I see... Souji too... » I whispered as she dug her face in my coat to cry heavily.

I stayed there until she calmed down which took several minutes. I couldn't cry. I was in shock both of Souji's death and the sight of Haruhi in a prison cell. When she stopped crying, I stood up and her little hands came clenching to my coat again.

« Don't leave me ! » she yelled.

« I have to talk to the Aizu commanders and ask for your release. Wait here. » I ordered in my toneless voice.

She let go of me and I got out the cell to meet the commanders outside.

« Have you learned anything, Saito-san ? » one of them asked me.

« Did you know it was my daughter ? » I asked with icy eyes and their expressions softened.

« She indeed introduced herself as such but we couldn't believe her on her own word. That's why we sent you. » he explained.

« Can she be released ? » I asked.

« Are you sure she isn't used against you and us ? There is an army coming our way and your daughter is found wandering outside the castle, armed to the teeth, and trying to find a way in. Admit that this is disturbing. »

« She lost her tutor. » I said calmly « It was only natural to come searching for her father. »

« And what about her weapons ? » he said, showing me a real arsenal « a katana, a wakizashi, two kaikens hidden in her obi and this small modern gun with a reserve of ammo... »

« The wakizashi is hers, I can attest. » I said « I offered it to her a few months ago. »

« And the rest ? » he asked.

I looked at the katana. It was a blade of excellence, far better than my own, marked with a chrysanthemum kamon, and it was the first time I was seeing it in my entiere life although I could identify the blacksmith. The kaikens weren't familiar either and the gun was an imperialist weapon, probably american. I already encountered a few Satsuma or Tosa warriors using these kind of firearms like Sakamoto Ryouma. He used to have a gun similar. We also had one or two given to us by the Bakufu when we renewed our arsenal but they weren't weapons fit for organized army and we prefered to use the riffles.

« I guess she found them. » I stated « One needs to protect oneself during these troubled times and my daughter has been trained in kenjutsu. »

« Alright. » he said « Then if you can take responsibility both for her and her weapons, you can take her out. »

« Thank you. » I bowed « My daughter will not be a nuisance, I will make sure of it. »

I slid back the shoji and grabbed Haruhi's swords. She stood up and waited for me to talk.

« Grab the rest. » I ordered « Let's go. »


	15. Tennen-Rishin-Ryû

I took Haruhi's hand and she grabbed the pistol, ammo and the two kaikens that she put back in her obi. She stopped in front of the Aizu commanders and bowed to them.

« I apologize for the inconvenience. » she said in a very respectful voice « please, pardon me. »

I nodded, proud to see her be as polite as suitable. The Aizu commanders smiled and slightly bowed in response, sign that no harm was done. Haruhi took back my hand and I led her to my room, asking for a third futon on the way. I put down her swords and mines and asked her to put away her other weapons.

« Is that all ? » I asked « don't you have a bag ? »

« No... I only had that training kimono made in your own... I left in a hurry... » she said, keeping her eyes on the ground.

« Where did you get these ? » I asked, pointing at her little arsenal.

« Hummmm... » she blushed « I... stole the gun at the inn... It's a Shinsengumi one... »

« When ? » I sighed, taking my forehead in my fingers in despair to have a daughter that disobedient.

« When I heard that Sannan-san left with all the Rasetsu and that there were still a lot of weapons that you couldn't carry... People talk around kids as if we don't exist... Souji was telling it to Matsumoto-sensei... »

« What was Souji doing at the clinic ? » I frowned.

« Hummm... » she blushed some more « taking me back ? »

« Haruhi... » I scolded « Can't you just follow orders ? »

« I only did it once ! » she protested « and after we found a compromise... »

« A compromise ? » I frowned again, knowing already that I wasn't going to like what I would hear « with Souji ? »

« Yeah ! » she nodded vigorously « a very secure one ! »

« Enlighten me. » I ordered, crossing my arms to mark my disapproval.

« Souji was coming to the clinic to train me and all our weapons were hidden by Matsumoto-sensei in case Souji would have an episode and Matsumoto-sensei had the gun to stop him and was staying during the training ! » she explained, proud of herself.

« This seems like a lot of effort and inconvenience when the only thing I asked was for you to keep away from Souji. » I frowned.

« I still had to train ! » she protested.

« No. » I corrected her « you didn't need to, you wanted to. There is a nuance. »

She looked at the ground, hands clenched to her kimono on her knees, a pout on her face.

« Where is this katana coming from ? » I asked.

« Souji. » she replied without an hesitation.

« Don't lie to me, Haruhi. » I warned « I know Souji's katana and that isn't his. It's signed Yamashiro no kami with the chrysanthemum crest. It's an excellent blade and far too expensive for Souji to give it to you. »

« Yeah... It's a Yamashiro no kami Fujiwara Kunikiyo... and Souji gave it to me. » she affirmed, looking at me directly in the eyes, and I saw she wasn't lying.

« Tell me how. » I said, showing that I was willing to listen to her story.

« Souji came to the clinic and... he handed it to me. He said the blade was given to him by Kondou-san when he asked him to be the 5th master of Tennen Rishin Ryû, a position that Souji refused. That was when Kondou-san left for Choshu or something. Souji didn't want to take Kondou-san's place until he become an old man, unable to fight, but since Kondou-san insisted, he took the blade. When he came to the clinic, he told me that he was going to rescue Kondou-san and he ordered me to keep the sword for him until he returns. He said that the blade should be kept by someone practicing Tennen Rishin Ryû. »

« So you kept the blade ? » I muttered, taking it in my hands and unsheathing it in full. It really was of extraordinary facture...

« No... » she avoided my gaze « I followed him... »

« Pardon me ? » I asked her, astonished.

« I put the kaikens in my obi, they come from the inn too, and the gun and ammo in my loosened kimono to hide them. I can still pretty easily pass for a boy so nobody cares if I'm wearing boy's kimonos and if my chest is visible. A loosened kimono is better to hide stuff. I kept the katana and my wakizashi and followed Souji. He spotted me quite easily though and tried to take me back but in the end, he agreed for me to come if I did not help him rescue Kondou-san. »

« If you couldn't rescue Kondou-san then what good was there for you in coming ? » I asked.

« I wanted to be with Souji. » she answered firmly « I knew he had no intentions in coming back... »

I nodded. Kondou-san was everything to Souji. If one of us had to go and rescue him, it had to be Souji, regardless of his weakness and illness. He would rather had died with Kondou-san than live without him, and with his progressive tuberculosis and his Rasetsu nature, it was only logical that he wanted to end it and why not, save Kondou-san in the process.

« When we arrived to Itabashi, Souji asked me to hide and stay there until he returned with Kondou-san. And he told me to keep the katana and treasure it with my life. He said that he was passing the torch and that I had to make the Tennen Rishin Ryû live and become the 5th master in his place. I told him that if he really were to return then I wouldn't need to do that... and also that I wasn't good enough yet... but he just grinned as usual... I waited for hours but he never came back so I went closer to the prison and I heard people say that he killed a lot of men, moving like a white haired demon, but that when he was getting closer to the door, he turned to dust... »

« He what ? » I asked, astonished.

« He just vanished... » she said « That's what I heard... I didn't see anything... I... I think he's dead... »

« That's when you came looking for me ? » I asked.

« No, I tried to get back to Edo but the doors were closed and they were arresting loyalists and I wasn't sure I could pass through without any papers and with my swords and gun... So I turned around and went to Nagareyama but you were already gone. I asked my way and listened to people talk, like you taught me, and I arrived here and got spotted. »

« How did you travel all by yourself ? » I asked « it's far too dangerous ! »

« I avoided roads, like when we traveled from Osaka, and I hunted. » she said, proud.

« Hunted ? With a sword ? » I frowned.

« No, with the gun. » she said with a big smile.

« So you know you to use it ? » I asked.

« I had to learn... » she muttered « it wasn't easy. »

« Alright. » I nodded « I think I have enough informations for today. Go get cleaned, there is a bathroom downstairs. I'll try to find some spare clothes for you but until then, you'll have to keep this kimono. When you're clean, you come back here immediately. You do not wander in the castle and you do not talk to anyone. »

« Where is Chizuru-neechan ? » she asked.

« Working. » I answered « you'll see her later. Now go. »

She stood up and made a move towards her swords but I cut her.

« You don't need them. » I stated.

She nodded and got out grudgingly under my gaze. I wondered what I was going to do with her. She was even more of a troublemaker than her mother... Blood don't lie...

When she came back, I gave her one of Chizuru's nagajuban. It was a bit too long, especially on the sleeves, but it fitted once I tied her sleeves up. The nagajuban was supposed to be knee length but for her, it was going to the ankles. I took her blue kimono for laundry and gave her a cup of tea.

« Chizuru will probably be able to find you spare clothes from the womens of the castle. » I said. « Until then, you do not leave this room. »

« There are other women here ? » she asked, surprised.

« Of course. » I answered « It's a castle. There is the Lord and his wife, concubines, sisters and children... And some of the samurai wifes too. »

« So there are children too ? » she asked again.

« Yes. But for now, you stay here and I won't tolerate any disobedience, am I clear ? » I ordered.

« Cristal clear. » she nodded vigorously « I will stay here and obey you in every way, Otousan. »

« Good. » I nodded in response « I'm going. I have some work. »

« Otousan ! » she called when I was at the door, putting my boots on « I don't hate you, you know... I'm sorry I said that... »

« Good. » I smiled slightly « I don't hate you either. »

She smiled shyly and I got out to get to the meeting that was planned. I stopped at the infirmary to inform Chizuru of Haruhi's presence and of Souji's death. Since I had no time to explain it to her in full, I told her that we would have a proper conversation about it in the evening. She agreed and told me that she was almost finished anyway so she would go and ask for spare clothes. I thanked her and got to my meeting, confident in our victory prospect.


	16. Hair

When I came back from my meeting, I was pleased to find that Haruhi hadn't move an ear and was patiently waiting in our room. Chizuru was there too, sewing with a cup of tea.

« I'm back. » I said, taking my boots off.

« Welcome home. » replied Chizuru and Haruhi as if they were one.

This had something strange but also very savory to be greeted that way by what I could now call my family. There was so much serenity in this room... All the contrary of my meeting. I sighed with content and took away my coat and neck cloth, unbuttoning the first button of my shirt. The weather was getting warmer lately and being that covered had something uncomfortable. I would never complain in front of the other warriors and I would keep myself perfectly tidy, but in the security of this room, I could be a little more relaxed. I went to my desk to put down the reports I had and poured myself a sake cup.

« Do you want one ? » I asked Chizuru.

« No thank you, I'm feeling more like tea. » she answered with a smile.

I nodded and looked by the window at the men practicing outside under Keisuke's command. I stopped practicing, it was only a waste of time and bullets. Hijikata-san probably would be mad with it but he wasn't there and I had greater responsibilities than waste bullets on a stupid target.

« Here, Haruhi » I heard Chizuru say « try it on to see if I need to shorten the sleeves again. »

I turned to look at the both of them. Haruhi was putting on a white shirt and struggling with buttons.

« Why is she wearing a western shirt ? » I frowned.

« Don't ask me ! » answered Chizuru, putting both hands in the air in surrender and sighing heavily « I came back with beautiful furisode that were exactly her size but your daughter said it wouldn't be practical with her swords. I went to ask for a hakama or a training kimono but the lord's boys are shorter than Haruhi and so there weren't any for her. I asked for the smallest size of our soldier's uniforms and I'm making ajustements to have it even smaller. This is going to take me hours. » she complained.

I frowned some more. What was that nonsense again ? What was wrong with furisode kimono ? It suited little girls. Unlike a western uniform.

« Well, I guess it'll go better with her hair anyway... She looks like a boy. » she sighed before adressing Haruhi « did you really have to cut them this short ? They were so beautiful... »

_Chizuru, please don't..._

« That looks like Okita's haircut » she chuckled.

_Shit..._

« It's not. » said Haruhi firmly.

« Oh, come on ! » said Chizuru « It's not a shame, it's even adorable that you wanted to have the same haircut as Okita... You know, we liked him too and we miss him... »

« It's not Souji's. » she repeated with more force.

« Okay, okay ! » said Chizuru, pining some needles in the sleeves. « Put on the trousers. »

Haruhi did what Chizuru told her and the latter put some more needles around the waist and the bottom to shorten it.

« It's Kondou's... » muttered Haruhi.

« What ? » asked Chizuru.

« My hair. » she repeated « They're like Kondou-san. »

« I see... » replied Chizuru with a kind smile and a glimpse in my direction.

It was indead as much Kondou-san's haircut than it was Souji's. He always copied the commander's haircut in an inconscient attempt probably to be seen like a son. Kondou-san always had a lot of affection for Souji. I always wondered why he never adopted him. Souji probably waited his whole life for this even if he never told anyone. All his life revolved around Kondou-san. It always had.

« Souji helped me cut them... » she muttered again.

« Really ? » asked Chizuru, taking the trousers off « but this haircut isn't very feminine... »

« It's more practical » replied Haruhi with a shrug.

« Your ponytail was practical too. I trained with one for years and so did your father. » said Chizuru, sewing again. « and you could still remove it to make beautiful big buns with hairpins... »

I saw that Haruhi was about to explode and so, I decided to step in before the peacefulness of our room was tainted.

« Chizuru, it's irrelevant. » I said calmly but with a hint of authority « It's hair. It'll grow back eventually. »

« You're not upset ? » asked Chizuru, surprised.

« I cut my hair too. » I just said « end of topic. »

Of course I was a bit upset. I had no experience with raising children but I would prefer my daughter to have long hair and a furisode rather than look like a boy. I failed somewhere. Maybe I shouldn't have allowed her to learn how to fight.

« We're lucky this is Aizu. » I stated « They are more open minded than other provinces. They have a lot of female warriors and every Aizu daughters of samurai are trained in martial arts. »

« Really ?! » asked Haruhi.

« There aren't any here but maybe you'll meet some eventually. » I said, finishing my sake cup. « Is this going to take long ? We are going to be late for supper. »

« Just let me finish on the trousers. » said Chizuru « I will take care of the waistcoat and the vest later. She can wear only the shirt and trousers tonight, the weather is nice. »

« Alright » I nodded « Haruhi, you will take care of your waistcoat and vest. You won't bother Chizuru any longer. »

« But I don't know how to sew... » she said shyly.

« You'll learn. » I ordered « If you are going to make caprices then you'll take responsibility for it. »

« O... Okay... » she said, turning to Chizuru to seek help.

« Don't worry, it's not that difficult. You'll learn fast. » said my wife with a reassuring smile.

Haruhi had to learn how to sew anyway. She knew how to cook, clean a house and also could read and write but sewing was as important as all this for a girl. At that rate, she would come to age to marry and wouldn't know girl's basic knowledge. Maybe I should think about other things that Haruhi had to learn... I would talk to Chizuru about it.

« Okay, put them on. » said Chizuru and Haruhi complied.

The shirt fitted and the trousers were of correct length. Chizuru also made it smaller on the waist and with a belt, it fitted well too. She really was a talented seamstress. The girls were both satisfied and my wife seemed very proud of herself when Haruhi thanked her genuinely. Chizuru stood up and I came to offer her a hand. Her breath was short and thanks to my Rasetsu nature, I could sense that her heart was pumping madly again. I kept her hand in mine innocently so she wouldn't think that I thought she was incapacitated or something, but so I would be quicker to react in case of problem.

« Are you still pregnant ?! » asked Haruhi, out of the blue.

« Yes » chuckled Chizuru « The baby won't be there before six more months. »

« Why don't you have a big belly, then ? » asked Haruhi, confused.

The question was asked innocently but I sent an icy glare to Haruhi to silence her and she understood her mistake. That subject was really sensitive for Chizuru who was completely panicked that her womb wasn't growing. She was touching it so often and I knew she was worried sick about the baby and her absence of belly. And I knew too that she was feeling responsible about it. I was often catching her looking at me after she touched her stomach. She wanted so badly to give me a child and not disappoint me that she was panicking alone and feeling completely down and abnormal. I tried my best to reassure her but I've never been the best to confort people and especially on a subject that I didn't know much about.

« I guess it's just late... » replied Chizuru to justify herself to the both of us even if she didn't need to « I'm sure it will grow eventually... »

« It will. » I just said without any hint of doubt in my voice. « Let's go. »

I grabbed my swords and put them in my sash and Haruhi tied a sash too around her waist.

« Haruhi, you're not taking your sword. » I ordered.

« Why ?! » she yelled « you're taking yours ! »

« What use do you have of them ? » I asked, annoyed.

« I'm a warrior, I keep my swords. » she said firmly.

« You are no warrior, Haruhi. » I sighed « you are a child. Put them down. »

« Why am I no warrior ? » she asked.

« Haruhi. » I said with a lot of authority « I already have too much on my mind to add a disobedient daughter to it. So now, you put your swords down. »

« Chizuru's keeping her kodachi... » I heard her mutter and I ignored it.

I waited for her to comply and she did eventually, leaving her swords near her futon.

« Are you sure it's safe for my katana ? » she asked « Souji asked me to keep it close... »

« It's safe. » I nodded « come on. »

She followed us without complaining until we arrived to the dining room where we took a tray each and sat with the other commanders, the lord and his family. He insisted to have the high ranked sharing his table every evening to show his appreciation. Some faces were confident, others were glum. The imperial army was there, nearly at our doors, and the fighting would probably start tomorrow.

« Saito-san » said the lord of Komine « I see you brought your son at my table. I heard about his misadventures and I am glad to see him safe. Coming all this way from Edo alone shows some extraordinary skills. He will surely be a great warrior one day and make you proud. Maybe I will employ him. » he chuckled.

« Thank you, my lord » I bowed slightly « but this is my daughter, Haruhi. I do understand that her appearance can be confusing. My apologies. »

« A girl ?! » he said with a bark of laughter « then in that case, I pity the man who will marry her. »

I sensed Haruhi tense with growing anger and I discreetly put my hand on her thigh to calm her down. Now wasn't the time to start a conflict with our employers because of my daughter's short temper.

« I don't, my lord. » I simply said « She will make sure he is worthy of her. I pity the men who will fail to prove her their worth. »

Laugher exploded in the room and Haruhi relaxed a little. A faint smile appeared on her face when she looked up to me and I answered with one of my own. The meal was shared in laughter and good spirit as if no one cared about tomorrow's battle and when it was finished, Chizuru and Haruhi got back to our room while I stayed to drink a little with my comrades. When I eventually returned, I found the girls already sleeping. I put on my sleeping nagajuban and laid on my futon next to Chizuru's. I decided not to disturb her and I fixed the ceiling for minutes before turning my back on her and try to sleep.

As I was drifting away, I heard a sound and I put my hand on my sword as a reflex but it was only Haruhi who was pulling her futon on the floor to take it near mine. She laid back on hers and moved towards me to snuggle. I closed my arms on her, not pushing her away. The kid lost Souji, Kondou-san... and she was going to witness war for the first time tomorrow. Maybe I could take a bit off my sleeping time to act as a father. She snuggled even more and stayed in my arms until she fell asleep.


	17. Shirakawa

I woke up as soon as I heard the shoji slid faintly. I put my hand on my sword, above my head and not on my side since I was between Chizuru and Haruhi, and stealthily prepared myself. I checked the bodies around me but the girls were both there and asleep. The sound wasn't coming from them. Alert, I waited for any other clue about our unwelcomed guest.

I heard the soft fabric of his tabi brush against the tatami. He was getting closer. I had no doubt about his intentions now. Any of our warriors would have announced himself and not move as stealthily. I waited for the right moment, hand on my pommel and eyes closed so my earring could be sharper.

He unsheathed a blade silently but not silently enough for me not to hear it. That guy wasn't in luck, I did his job countless time. I wouldn't be killed that easily.

« W... What is... » said Haruhi, waking up and brushing her eyes with her little fists.

Noticing that the child was awake, the assaillant leaped forward with clear intentions to kill her first and then me, in the same movement, before she could alert the rest of us. He encountered my blade, blocking him and pushing him back, making him loose balance just enough for me to cut into his abdomen. Haruhi screamed, waking Chizuru up. She quickly lit the oil lamp and screamed too when she found me with a white bloodstained nagajuban, standing in front of a dead warrior all dressed in black.

« Hajime ! » she yelled « are you hurt ? »

« I'm fine. » I reassured her in a whisper « but I'm probably not the sole target. »

I turned to the girls and gave them my orders.

« War is here. You both dress and take your weapons. You wait for me in the infirmary. You don't leave it under any pretext. Chizuru, you take care of any injured soldier that is brought to you. Haruhi, I trust you with Chizuru's life. Protect her. Do not fight with honor, do not let them get close. Shoot anyone, am I understood ? Use your gun, not your blade. »

« Okay, Hajime. » nodded Chizuru and Haruhi nodded vigorously too.

I passed my swords in the obi of my sleeping nagajuban which wasn't really practical but I didn't have the time to dress properly anyway. If a ninja had been sent for me, a commander of a small force, then there were surely ones for more important generals, maybe even Matsudaira-sama.

« Haruhi » I said, stepping out « The way you woke up when you sensed something was off, that was worthy of a warrior. »

She served me a giant smile and I ran out. Our room was in the barracks outside and I ran to the inside of the castle, waking my men in the process. I went to the commander's quarters but what I feared already had happened. The three generals were all dead, throat slit. I ran to the daimyo's quarters and intercepted two ninja, killing them. I found the lord well and alive, his wife though, sleeping in another room, had been murdered before I could stop her assassins. They probably mistaken her room for the lord's which saved his life and allowed me to arrive in time.

« War is here. » I told the lord and he gave me full command of the army in the generals's place.

I ran back to my room in a castle buzzing with activity while the sun was slowly rising on the horizon. I quickly dressed myself properly now that the situation wasn't an emergency anymore and got back out, adjusting my neckcloth. Keisuke was waiting outside for me.

« Point on the situation ? » I asked.

« The army is visible. They are coming from the south. »

« South ? » I frowned.

We expected forces coming from south, from Edo and Utsunomiya, but that wasn't ideal for us. The castle was built to repel invasions from north. The defenses in the south entrance weren't as good. That weren't good news even if anticipated.

« Yes, Kumichô. » he bowed « and they are coming with a lot of cannons. Although we have the higher ground, our location in the center of the valley of the Abukumagawa river is making us an ideal target for cannons. »

« Do we have one good news ? » I sighed.

« Yes. Their number is about seven hundred men. » he said.

« Good. » I nodded. « Keisuke, you take command of the walls riflemen. I want our biggest force at the south gate and a little unit at north and east. The commanders are dead but let's try to contain the panic. Where are my wife and daughter ? »

« In the infirmary, Kumichô. » he said.

« Good. » I nodded « I'm taking the foot soldiers and heading out. We'll protect that gate with everything we have. Go. »

« Hai, Kumichô ! » he bowed before running to bark orders to the men.

Around me, soldiers everywhere were picking up their riffles and swords. The swordsmen and first line rifflemen joined me outside the castle gate to welcome the imperialists.

Before long, I was right at the heart of the battle, dodging bullets as the combat raged all around me. The sound of the cannonfire was making earthquakes under our feet but the cannons were of no concerns to us in particular. They weren't aiming at us but at the castle, destroying walls and the lords quarters that were in the south part. Some cannonball could even reach the three story turret in the northeast part of the castle and that was worrying me since the infirmary was close to that location but I didn't have much time to worry with swords swinging around me and bullets flying around.

My force thrust right into the enemy lines, taking advantage of our number but without realizing it, we went too deep. Soon, we were surrounded and I had to order a retreat to protect the gates where already, some imperialists were entering the castle. Our camp tried to reach back the gate but surrounded, our casualties began to be numerous.

I had no choice. I unleashed my Rasetsu powers to save my men.

« Everyone towards the gate ! » I shouted while cutting down the enemies at a superhuman speed. « Now ! Go ! »

Following me, the men thrust the other way, getting back the control of the gate but we didn't manage to keep it long and the gate started to vomit imperialists on us. The cannons made a lot of casualties in Keisuke's men and now that we were back inside the castle, they were starting to send my men to the wind as well. I noticed the daimyo shouting at me.

« Saito-san ! » he yelled « we need to get out this castle before our casualties get too important ! »

« Understood. » I nodded « Everyone retreat ! We are getting out from the north gate ! »

The message passed in our ranks and I ran towards the infirmary, cutting down every man on my way. In my Rasetsu form, nothing could stop me whether it be swords or bullets. I was evading most of it but Chizuru was right, I was less cautious. My sole priority was to get the girls out of here. I entered the infirmary, sliding the shoji violently and I heard a scream and a loud noise as I sensed a bullet entering my lung. I gasped for air. Knowing that I would heal wasn't diminishing the pain.

« Otousan ! » yelled Haruhi, running my way.

« You shot me... » I whispered painfully.

« I'm sorry ! » she cried « there were men trying to get in and I shot them and I didn't see it was you and I shot you too and you told me to protect Chizuru and are you okay ?! »

« Hajime ! » yelled Chizuru in her demon form, getting close « okay the bullet is out, it will probably heal fast... »

I noticed the bodies on the floor. The both of them really should have fought hard.

« Don't trouble yourself, both of you. » I said, getting my composure back and ignoring the pain « We need to get out of here now. Chizuru can you take off your horns, please ? »

She nodded and turned back into her normal self. She was controlling it better now.

« Sorry... » she said.

« Don't apologize. » I stated « your demon form gives you a certain advantage in battle. It would be a waste not to use it. Let's go. Follow me, don't waste time, don't waste bullets. »

I exited the infirmary first, leading them towards the northern gate. My sword swung mercilessly at all my opponents, my Rasetsu nature still unleashed so I could heal faster. I opened the way efficiently and we passed the gate, running until we could meet back with our troop. My hair turned back into their normal color as soon as I estimated that the danger was behind us.

When I could meet with the new commanders in place, we discussed the counterattack plan and set camp in proximity of the castle but out of range of cannonfire. Tents were sent from another castle and I set one for us. Haruhi and Chizuru stayed inside as I ordered, until I came back from all the preparation of our counterattack. I entered the tent with rice balls and porridge, giving some to both of them and I sat next to Haruhi.

« I'm sorry I shot you... » she said, ashamed.

« I'm glad you shot all the others. » I simply replied. « Are you alright ? »

She nodded and looked at her porridge but she wasn't eating it. I supposed her stomach was completely knotted after the events of the day.

« People say that you never forget the face of the first man you kill. » I told her « In my case, I found it to be untrue, maybe because I killed so many that the faces just blend into one another. Yet, everyone face it differently. You will probably have nightmares and you will probably feel a lot of guilt but it will fade with time. One thing you should remember though is that if you hadn't killed them, they would probably have killed you and Chizuru, and maybe they would have raped you both first. You did a good thing today. You protected her and I am proud of you. »

She nodded with a faint smile and took a bit of her porridge in her mouth. We ate silently and when the bowls were empty, I handed them to the kid.

« Go help for the dishes. » I ordered « Doing something useful will ease your mind. »

« Okay. » she said, taking the bowls and heading out.

As soon as she was gone, Chizuru came closer.

« That was a poor excuse to get rid of your daughter. » she commented.

« It's not an excuse. It will help ease her mind. » I stated « she killed today. »

« And you sent her away because you want to protect her, I know that. » she said, taking her kodachi and sliding it against her palm.

I haven't told my wife about Souji and Haruhi. The kid knew that I was feeding on blood and she already let someone feed on her so she knew perfectly that I was going to drink Chizuru's blood. Yet, having her witnessing me was something I couldn't bear. I took her palm in my hand and licked, feeling my body tingle as the wounds were healing. The cut closed and I gave back her palm to Chizuru.

« It's okay ? » she asked with a big smile.

« Actually... » I answered with a sinister expression « I think I need more. Would that be possible ? »

« Yeah, don't worry » she smiled « you've been fighting all day, it's only natural. »

_There is nothing natural in this. How many times should I tell you ?_

I said nothing and put my hand on hers on the tanto, plunging my eyes in hers. She understood and handed me the blade. I brought Chizuru to my lap and put the blade on the side of her neck, waiting, silently asking for permission. She nodded and I slightly slid the tanto, pressing my lips on her to suck on that bigger stream. I felt her stiffen as usual under the sharp pain and I stroke her hair. When I had my full, I put my thumb on her small wound to stop the bleeding and came brushing my nose on her ear.

« I love you. » I whispered.

« I love you too, my little leech » she chuckled.

« Don't call me that. » I scolded.

She just laughed some more and I got her off my lap, vexed and annoyed. I stayed in a corner and repeated my moves under Chizuru's amused gaze, waiting for Haruhi to come back.


	18. Shôgitai

June 1868

For weeks, we tried to take back Komine but without success. Their cannons were installed inside the castle in ruins and now, they had the higher ground. Our forces, once of more than 2500 men were reduced to 1400 before we decided to retreat. The daimyo was killed, the generals too and their replacers weren't strategists. A broken chain of command was a heavy toll on our army and the moral was as low as ever with the news that were coming to us.

The Denshutai and Hijikata-san came back from Utsunomiya, completely defeated. Hijikata-san's shoulder injury was slowly healing but he wouldn't be able to fight before another two months according to Chizuru. The vice-commander was pissed about it but Chizuru was firm. It was necessary for him to rest and not move his shoulder during that time otherwise he may never be able to swing his sword again. Grudgingly, he accepted to do what he was told and didn't move his shoulder. He was taking it with humour though, making little jokes about using his left hand to eat and how I could do it with so much ease. I was glad to see that the defeat in the north didn't make his spirit disappear.

Since he was unable to write, or badly since he was trying with his left hand, I took matter in my own hands and became kind of his personal secretary. I was ordinating the paperwork and replying to mail in his place, writing down what he was dictating me. Another defeat came to our ears in the form of the battle of Ueno a week ago.

Although Lord Tokugawa Yoshinobu and Lord Katsu Kaishuu surrendered Edojo while we were in Kofu-Katsunuma, loyalists refused to surrender the castle and occupied it. They were calling themselves the Shôgitai and according to our informations, both Harada and Nagakura were enrolled in that corp. They managed to keep the castle for more than two months but when Omura Masujiro, the commander of the imperial troops, announced a massive attack to flush them out, half of their men fled in fear, deserting days before the battle. 450 men of the Shôgitai gathered at Kan'ei temple and they were attacked from the Kuromon gate and from behind the temple with no less than 13 modern cannons. From our informations, both Harada and Nagakura were killed in action that day and the SatCho took control of the temple and the castle.

I had to tell Chizuru even if I feared her reaction. She took Souji's death with dignity but we all knew that death was upon Souji and we were even glad that he died the way he chose and not in his bed. Harada and Nagakura, that was different... And our farewell resonated in my mind when I told her. She cried uncontrollably and Haruhi cried too. That war was taking all of us, one by one. Inoue, Yamazaki, Tetsuya and my unit, Kondou-san, Souji, Harada, Nagakura... and we didn't have any news from Sannan and Toudou, that Hijikata-san sent on his tracks. Maybe they were both dead too... or they surrendered to madness, out of medecine. The death of our friends was lingering above our heads like a bad omen. Yet, no one ever spoke about quitting. Chizuru was still attending all the sick and injured, Hijikata-san still had the will to fight back and I would follow orders, just like I always did.

A ray of light in our lives though, was that Chizuru's belly was eventually growing, showing that the baby was still there and healthy. She was less stressed now that she was in her fourth month. The risk of loosing it really dropped, she told me. I was fascinated by her round little belly and she was too, touching it even more now that she was reassured and her mind was turned towards the futur. I was glad for her to be pregnant in that instant so she could focus on life, instead of death.

Haruhi was helping a lot around the camp and mostly, a lot of warriors thought she was a boy which was keeping her safe even in a big camp like ours where there could be a lot of derives. She was keeping her hands and mind busy and I knew it was her way to deal with the fact that she killed and the mourning of her friends. With her western uniform and her short hair, she easily passed for a page and warriors were giving her a lot of ingrate tasks but she never complained. I think she wanted to show Hijikata-san that she could be an asset too, just like Chizuru. She was spending a lot of time with him even if I was intimately persuaded that she was annoying him more than helping him. Yet, he let her bring him tea, food, clean around his tent and do his laundry, and always thanked her for it. Under his mask of authority, Hijikata-san had always been a kind and just man.

One day, he asked her about the katana she was wearing. He recognized it as being Kondou-san's even if the commander never fought with it. She told him about Souji and Kondou-san's rescue and how he left it in her hands. I thought that Hijikata-san would ask her to give it to him. He was Kondou-san's student and a disciple of Tennen Rishin Ryû after all so logically, the sword should end up being his, but he didn't and just smiled faintly. He told her that when his shoulder would be healed, he would personally make sure that she deserved the chrysanthemum crest sword so she'd better be prepared. The kid took it very seriously and she was training a lot with some of the warriors and even occasionally with Chizuru and I, although I wasn't sure that swordfighting was wise with Chizuru's condition. I didn't say anything though, it had no point. She wouldn't listen anyway and on the other hand, I liked the idea that she could protect herself and the little one if one day, I were to fail in protecting her.

Since our encampment was supposed to be only a backup unit and wait for further orders, our life was pretty peaceful when we were trying to ignore the damocles sword above our heads. We had time on our hands and most soldiers were playing cards or dice every evening. We let them but controlled that there weren't any bids or money games. This could really bring a lot of tensions into the encampment so all money games were banned and the people not respecting the rules, severely punished. The sake was also restricted to one cup per soldier per night and all the bottles were confiscated to avoid any drunken confrontation.

I personally wasn't taking part in these games but I saw Keisuke and Haruhi play cards and dices. The men were laughing at her since she didn't seem to be very good or know the rules very well and of course, no one were explaining them to her. Yet, she was playing anyway and since there wasn't any money bets, it was innocent enough for me to let her enjoy these games. She wasn't allowed to do it at nighttime though and was supposed to have a curfew at the tent before the sun set down, which she respected diligently but the sun was down later now that summer was at our door. The days were getting longer and it was more agreeable to live in tents now that it wasn't raining most of the time. The kid was out all the time, playing, doing chores or training which was convenient for me because I didn't need to check on her all the time and keep her occupied. I had my hands and mind free to work and take care of Chizuru, even if she was repeating me most of the time that she didn't need my help.

I didn't care. I helped anyway, in my own way. I wanted to be involved in this pregnancy as much as she was and now that her belly was taking form, a change appeared in me too. Now in my mind, the child wasn't something as foreign as a spirit. It was there, truly there. I was feeling completely in awe about it and I wanted to be a part of it and not let her endure everything on her own. It was my child, even if I couldn't meet it yet. In my heart and mind, I was already a father.


	19. Name

That afternoon, I was working on a letter correspondance with the Denshūtai when Chizuru arrived with tea. I smiled and thanked her, pulling her on my lap. She almost made the tray fall and scolded me for it but I didn't care, I would have caught the tray if she lost her balance. I put the tray on my desk and my hand on the cup but it was a bit too hot for me to drink it. I let it down and closed my arms on my wife, trapping her onto my lap.

« Hajime... » she chuckled « I have work ! »

« That's a lie. » I stated. « I can see when you lie, don't forget. »

« Okay, then you have work ! » she chuckled again playfully.

« True. But I can take a five minute pause to drink some tea. Do you want me to let you go ? » I asked with a smirk.

« Hum... Let me think... » she said, taking her chin in her fingers to fake intense reflection.

I parted the edge of her yukata to put my hand on her belly. In a few weeks, it really grew and I was pleased to see that round stomach getting bigger everyday, sign that my healthy child was growing too.

« Hello, little one. » I said to her belly and Chizuru laughed some more.

« What are you doing ? » she asked playfully.

« I'm just saluting my son or daughter. » I shrugged.

« I don't know if it can hear you yet. » she replied with a smile.

I didn't care. Talking to the child, touching it... I craved that contact. Nine months really was a long way to go. She was at her fourth month and I already wanted the baby to be out and meet it, be fixed. A daughter ? A son ? The anticipation was unbearable.

« Have you thought of names ? » she asked me bluntly.

« Not yet. » I admitted « have you ? »

« Of course I have ! » she scolded gently « I can't believe you haven't thought about it ! »

Maybe she was right. Maybe I should have thought about names... My mind was too occupied with the war and our situation. And to be fair, it was hard to find a name for a being I hadn't met yet. I didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl...

« Tell me. » I said very seriously, caressing her stomach.

« It's not funny if I just tell you... » she pouted « we're supposed to exchange our ideas... »

« Duly noted » I nodded « We will do that next time. »

« Which next time ? » she asked, her eyes widened.

« I'm not planning on stopping at one. » I shrugged « Do you ? »

« You say that now but when you'll see how much work it is, you'll change your mind. » she chuckled.

« Haruhi is a lot of work and yet, I'm still having a child with you. » I protested « besides, my wife often complains about me being a workaholic. »

« Yeah, well a baby is a bit different of a grown child. » she laughed.

« We'll see. » I smirked « So, what about your ideas ? »

My hand quitted her belly to take the cup of tea on my desk and I sipped it, plunging my eyes in her chestnut gaze and waiting for her ideas.

« You won't laugh ? » she asked shyly, blushing like when we first started to spend more time with each other.

« Why would I laugh at names ? » I asked.

« Okay... I thought about Makoto. » she said.

I took a moment to think. The Makoto, sincerity, was something I was really attached to. It was the Shinsengumi, my loyalty, Kondou-san, my whole life and purpose. I even wore the Makoto at our wedding. Yet, I didn't know if it was wise to put that much pressure on my unborn child.

« You don't like it. » she said and it wasn't a question.

« I appreciate the gesture » I smiled « but I don't think I want to embody all my dreams in my son. Plus, Saito Makoto doesn't sound right in my ear. »

« Okay... Then, classic Hajimerô, son of Hajime, Yoshirô, righteous son or Takeshi, warrior. I also thought about Takehiko. »

« Takehiko ? » I escaped a small laugh « bamboo boy ? »

« Yeah, because your kamon is bamboo leaves... » she blushed « nevermind, forget it. »

« No, it's fine. » I smiled « this one has my preference for now. But I don't think I want a name ending with « O ». I don't like the sonority when you add Saito to it. »

« What do you want then ? » she asked with a small pout.

« I don't know... Something with flowers maybe. » I said.

« Flowers ? » she chuckled « I'd expect you to prefer something with strength, loyalty, warrior... and you want flowers ? »

« Why not ? » I frowned « I like flowers. »

She laughed at me and I frowned even more, pursing my lips, my ears completely red. I turned my head away and muttered angrily.

« I thought we were supposed not to laugh. »

« Sorry... » she calmed down « So you like flowers, you never told me ! »

« Because there wasn't any utility in telling you. » I stated.

« Why do you like flowers ? » she asked, curious.

« I like all the ephemeral wonders nature can offer us, let it be flowers, snow or rainbows... and many other gorgeous sceneries. I chose the name Saito, pure glycine, because I liked these flowers. Every ephemeral beauty that the world can offer is a small miracle. Just like this child. »

She smiled and kissed me briefly.

« So a name with flowers... For a boy, that's hard... » she said, thinking intensely.

« Maybe Aoi, hollyhock, or Ren, lotus... » I said.

« Yeah, why not ! » she smiled « and flowers can have meanings too ! »

« So you agree ? » I asked, feeling my ears turning back red.

« I agree ! » she said, enthousiastic « see ? It's funnier to share ideas ! Let's give him a flowery name. »

« We can also call him Oniyuri, tiger lily. This way, he would have Oni directly in his name. » I smirked which caused Chizuru to slap the back if my head.

« That's not funny. » she scolded but her smile was making pretty clear that she was lying.

« By the way, why are we only discussing boy's names ? » I asked.

« Because I'm sure it's a boy. » she affirmed.

« How can you be so sure ? » I asked, perplexed.

« Female demons are really rare so there are greater chances for it to be a boy. And I prayed for it to be one. I want a little warrior like his father. »

I smiled, picturing my son in my mind. Would he look more like me or like Chizuru ? And would he be more of an Oni or a human ?

« Chizuru » I asked, my smile gone « do you think the child could be a Rasetsu ? »

She paused for a moment and I devined that the question had already swirled in her mind as much as it had in mine.

« I don't know. » she answered with a sigh, her smile gone too « You were born human so my guess is that the baby would be part human and part Oni, since I was born an Oni. But I can't guarantee it. The researchs on the Rasetsu do not mention reproduction and to be fair, I thought that now you were a Rasetsu, you couldn't have any children since that according to my father's researchs, your body is dead. But now, here we are. I am pregnant and I have no doubt that you are the father since you are the only one who ever touched me. You even were in Rasetsu form when you planted the seed in me... So I really don't know where this is going but if it's a Rasetsu, what do you want to do ? »

« What do you mean ? » I asked.

« Do you want to send it back ? If we discover that it's a Rasetsu ? » she asked very seriously but with a hint of sadness.

« We have some time to think about that. » I shook my head « as you said, I was born human so maybe we are worrying over nothing. »

« I don't know if it can be transmitted... but I hope it can't... » she confessed.

I stayed silent for a moment, sipping the tea she brought me. The atmosphere that was lively minutes ago had turned heavy as we were both considering the possibility of a Rasetsu child and our responsibility if it was. Could we really find the strength necessary to send him back if it were to be a Rasetsu ? And if we didn't, could we live with the fact that we were raising a kid that would have to feed on blood until it becomes mad ?

« Chizuru » I asked suddenly, remembering what Haruhi told me about Souji « what happens when Rasetsu are out of time ? »

« What do you mean ? » she asked, confused.

« You told me using my powers was diminishing my lifespan. » I explained « what happens when we have used all of it ? »

« According to my father's researchs » she said in a low voice « if the madness doesn't take you first, then you just turn to dust. »

_So Souji really is dead, then... He used all his time... _

« I see. » I just said.

« Why are you asking ? Are you feeling unwell ? » she asked, putting her hand on my forehead.

« I'm fine. » I said with a smile « nothing wrong with me. I was just wondering. Thank you, Chizuru. »

« Are you sure ? » she asked again, suspicious « You would tell me if something was off, right ? »

« I would. » I assured her before taking her off my lap « Thank you for the tea, my pause is now over. »

« You're hiding something. » she said, her big chestnut eyes reduced to slits.

« I'm not. » I said, plunging my gaze in hers so she could see the truth in it « I just said that I could take a five minute pause but I still have to write that letter to Otori-san. »

« Okay then » she sighed, standing up and taking the tray. « I'll let you work. I'm going to bring some tea to Hijikata-san as well. »

« Thank you. » I nodded, taking my brush back in hand and skimming through my letter to see where I was before I stopped.

When she was standing, now, there was no doubt that she was pregnant anymore and all the warriors in the camp were very considerate of her and congratulating her all the time. She even found volunteers to help at the clinic so she could work less on minor injuries. Sometimes, I had the feeling that that baby wasn't only ours but the one of all the encampment. That was causing me to feel a weird combination of proudness and annoyance. A selfish part of me wanted to be the only one supporting her but since I had no time, I was glad others were as caring as I was.

« What ? » she said and I realized I was staring.

« Nothing. » I said « You're just beautiful. »

She smiled from ear to ear. She wasn't a « ball » or an « ugly whale » like she warned me yet but she was more gorgeous that she had ever been. Her skin and hair were even softer than before and that round belly... It was magical. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

« You're in love. » she chuckled playfully.

« I am. » I nodded with a smile « but that doesn't change anything. »

She leaned over to kiss me and I replied, working my mouth on her and trying my best to refrain my desire so that I would be able to finish that damn letter. I kept my hands on my brush and desk, not allowing myself to surrender to the demoness that was my wife and parted, a lingering smirk on my face. She smiled too and passed her hand in my hair, took my finished cup of tea and put it back on the tray. She stepped out and I started working again in peaceful silence. I would meet with her later when I would have finished and maybe I would take some time to train Haruhi too if she wasn't too tired. As a backup unit, I had a lot of time on my hands but I knew it could change any day, when we would be asked to join the battlefield. I had to make the best of it and savor these rare moments of peace.


	20. Bubbles

« Haruhi. » I called, outside our tent.

The kid was sparing with a young man, about sixteen years old, and I was proud to see that she was properly « kicking his ass », to use the words Souji would probably have used to describe that duel.

« Yes, Otousan ? » she said, coming closer.

« You're not supposed to call me Otousan here, you're a page. »

« Hai, Saito-Kumichô ! » she bowed « What can I do for you ? »

« We are out of a few supplies. I need you to go to the nearest village and get sweet potatoes, red beans and vegetables. We have enough rice for everyone but people are starting to complain about the rice porridge so we need a bit of change. You. » I adressed the warrior who was sparing with her. « What's your name ? »

« Suzuki, Kumichô. Suzuki Saburô. » he bowed.

« Suzuki-kun, you will go with her. Take two other men to carry the supplies. » I ordered.

« Alright, Kumichô. » they both replied as one.

« Haruhi » I added « If the red bean vendor has some red bean paste sweets or even only the paste, take some for Chizuru. »

« Hai ! » she nodded and she went off, followed by Suzuki, to ask two more warriors for help.

Satisfied with her efficiency, I came back in my tent to order some paperwork and see which one I had to bring to Hijikata-san for review. It was true that everyone was tired of the rice porridge but it was even worse for Chizuru. Last time, she woke up in the middle of the night to eat and she cried uncontrollably at the view of the rice porridge. She was craving for sugary food or even anything that would change from that damn mixture. If Haruhi could bring me red bean paste, I would try to do mochi with it and our rice flour even if our kitchen ustensils were nowhere as practical as real ones. A military encampment wasn't really a place for good cooking and using directly the beans would take me too much time. The ideal situation would be for her to find the sweets directly on the market.

I joined Hijikata-san with the paperwork that needed some review and his approval for me to respond. When we were finished, I had my hands free for the day and so, I went to repeat my moves and meditate in the relative silence of our tent. Chizuru was nowhere to be found and I supposed she was attending an ill warrior somewhere. I wasn't anxious. She was like a symbol in our encampment and she had about 1400 bodyguards. Plus, she knew how to defend herself.

Haruhi came back a few hours later with arms full of groceries. She did find some manju, a steamed cake filled with red bean paste, and I thanked her before bringing them to the tent for Chizuru when she would come back. I was sure that she would be enchanted to have something sweet to eat. Haruhi took the rest of the groceries to the grocery reserve and resumed her training outside. I watched her from afar. Her moves were of someone that trained diligently and she wasn't making any placement mistakes with her hands. Her feet though weren't always in the right position.

« Haruhi » I called « you must never put your balance on your toes. Even if you lift your heel, you still need to be on your foot sole, never the toes. »

« Okay ! » she nodded.

I looked at her feet placements and it was better, even if not perfect. I kept watching her for minutes. Her arms were ones of a warrior now, so were her abs and legs. I wondered if she would keep being that muscular, even after the end of the war. We would probably have problems to find her a good husband who would accept to take her even if she was not a virgin, with her scars on her arm and her warrior body... Being fit was good but I had to make sure that she wouldn't get any less feminine. I guess she had time anyway... Her marriage wasn't going to be before at least four more years and for now, no one expressed any interest in her. Or at least, no one came to make an offer to me.

I sensed Chizuru approaching even before I heard her but I left her the satisfaction of surprising me. She came to hold me from behind with her hands circling my waist.

« Got you ! » she said playfully.

« Soon you won't be able to circle me this way anymore. » I stated.

« Then I have to make the best of it. » she replied, getting next to me without letting me go.

She rested her head on my shoulder and I passed my arm around her waist too, still focused on Haruhi's moves.

« She's moving well. » said Chizuru, breaking the silence.

« Indeed. » I nodded.

« She's probably already better than me. » she affirmed.

« She is. » I stated « She is perfectionist and she trained with Souji. She's not leaving room for mistakes after we point one out. She has a lot of potential. »

« I never heard you praise someone like this. » she replied, surprised.

« I praise when it is deserved. I praised you on your progresses before. » I frowned.

« Yeah, but not like this. » she smiled « you really like this kid. »

« Of course I do. » I said, furrowing my brows even more « she's my daughter. »

« I know. » she chuckled « Like father, like daughter, I guess. Are you going to stop her at some point and tell her that she would never be employed as a samurai ? »

« If it's necessary. For now, I am just glad she's able to defend herself in time of war. We'll see when it's time to find a husband for her. »

« Are you planning in staying in Aizu when the war is over ? » she asked suddenly.

I took a moment to think. Aizu indeed was somewhere I would like to live. It was less humid than Kyoto, even if the summers were hot and the winters rough, Haruhi would be respected for her skills and I respected the Matsudaira family, and especially Katamori-sama, very much. Yet, I didn't know if I could be employed in Aizu with my left-handedness. That could be an obstacle.

« I'm not sure yet. » I said with a glum face « maybe at the end of this war, there won't be any use for warriors anymore. »

« Maybe... but even if this is the case, it doesn't mean there won't be any use for you. » she replied softly.

I turned to her and saw that she was looking at Haruhi with a sad expression. I deciphered that she was thinking again that my wish was to die in this war. I searched for meaningful words to say but I couldn't find any and so, I kept quiet for a time before changing the subject.

« What would you say about tea and sweets ? » I asked her with a smile.

« Sweets ? » she repeated with a sparkling gaze and a hint of suspicion.

I simply nodded and I went to make some tea. She followed me and I put the two cups on the tray, walking towards the tent.

« I don't see any sweets... » she said sadly.

I entered the tent, Chizuru still following, and put the tray down before handing her the paper bag.

« Manju ! » she yelled, excited « where did you find them ?! »

« You can thank Haruhi. » I said « she went grocery shopping. »

« I will ! » she nodded, her mouth already full with the sweet cake « it's so good ! »

She started crying, overwhelmed after days, weeks even, of eating the same rice porridge. I took my cup in hand and stayed by her side, waiting for her to calm down. I was used to her emotional sensitivity now and I knew that there was nothing to do except waiting for it to pass.

« Do you want one ? » she asked me, her eyes sparkling with tears of joy.

« No. » I shook my head « they are all for you. »

« You're so sweet... » she commented, putting another manju in her mouth « Humph ! »

Her eyes widened, her cheek stuffed with the cake and her eyes dropped to her belly.

« What's the matter ? » I asked in my toneless voice, feeling anguish taking over me but not showing it.

She swallowed the cake, helping herself with the tea and looked at me with a disturbing expression, between surprise and joy.

« I... I felt it... » she said, looking at her round belly once more.

« You did ? » I asked, completely in awe « a kick ? »

« No... It was so soft... Like bubbles or... butterflies... » she tried to explain.

« May I ? » I asked, approaching my hand.

She nodded, thrill sparkling in her gaze with strength and I parted the edges of her yukata to rest my hand on her naked belly. I waited patiently but I didn't feel a thing. I stayed that way in anticipation of feeling it move but it didn't seem to want to.

_Move, little one... Please. _

« Here ! » said Chizuru, voice full with enthusiasm « can you feel anything ? »

I closed my eyes and tried my best but I couldn't sense a thing... I felt disappointed but I knew that it would eventually come a day when I could feel it. I just had to be patient...

« I can't. » I said Chizuru « maybe it's not strong enough yet. Are you sure it's the baby you're feeling ? »

« Yeah » she nodded « it reacted to the cake. I guess it was tired of the porridge too ! » she chuckled.

I looked at her while she put her hands on her stomach. She was looking at it with overwhelming love. I thought that even when she was looking at me, that much affection wasn't contained in her eyes. It was a mother's love, endless and without concessions. I couldn't wait to see her with our son or daughter. She would be radiant. She already was.

« It's like... sparkling bubbles... » she chuckled « it tingles a bit... I wonder what he's doing... »

« Maybe he's asking for another cake. » I smirked, handing her one.

She took it with a laugh and ate it with her tea. She didn't keep her hand on her belly. Like me, she couldn't feel it from the outside, only from the inside. I tried to picture what it could feel like... sparkling bubbles inside her womb... I wondered when it would be strong enough for me to feel it. She stopped eating after these three manju and kept the other three for later. Since she wasn't needed for anything, she laid down for a nap and I got back outside. I found a spot in the shadow of a tree and practiced my moves again. Even if the sun wasn't too painful anymore, it was still uncomfortable. I wondered how long we would stay in backup in this camp. Boredom was starting to linger in all of us, especially with military food, military discipline, military lack of hygiene... and all this time on our hands. I craved the battle call, just so I could do something productive, and I feared it all the same, since it would put Chizuru and Haruhi in danger. At some point, when Chizuru would be unable to be our doctor anymore, I was planning on writing a letter to Lord Matsudaira Katamori, asking him for shelter for my wife and daughter. She would have midwifes and doctors to help her and all the hygiene that a castle could provide, rather than living in a tent. She probably wouldn't be happy with my decision but I would make her obey. Her safety and the little one's were far more important than our desire to stay together.


	21. Taichô

July 1868

« Saito, can I come in ? »

I let down my brush and answered the vice-commander with a glare in Haruhi's direction who nodded and exited the tent to give us privacy. Hijikata-san entered with his trademark frowned face and crossed his arms before adressing me.

« The imperialists are going to attack Nihonmatsu. The daimyo Niwa Nagakuni asked Aizu for help. We are sending the Denshutai but I fear it won't be enough. I want you to go. »

« Understood » I nodded « How many men do I take ? »

« The Shinsengumi. » he said « all of it. Congratulations, Saito. You are now Taichô of the Shinsengumi. »

_A commander title ? For me ?_

« Thank you, Fukuchô. » I said, perplexed but honored.

« I'm leaving too. » continued Hijikata-san « I need to meet with the representatives of the nearby clans. I will go to Yonezawa then to Sendai. I still have a month before using my shoulder again according to Yukim... Saito-sensei, so I won't be of great help on the battlefield. Shimada Kai is already with the Denshutai with the force I was leading in Utsunomiya. You will meet with him at Nihonmatsu. »

« Understood. » I nodded again.

« About Saito-sensei and Saito-kun... » he started before pausing, lost in thought « just do as you see fit. »

« I will. » I nodded « Fukuchô, permission to wave the Makoto flag ? »

« You are Taichô, Saito. » he said with a faint smile « the Makoto is yours. »

I didn't like the way he was speaking. It was as if he knew that he was going to die on his trip and that we would never meet again. Yet, I didn't have any saying in that matter. I vowed to comply with every orders he could give me and so, I bowed deeply to mark my gratitude.

« I will be going tomorrow and you will too. Tell the men to be prepared. » he ordered « we have no time to waste. Nihonmatsu is a small domain with only three hundred warriors and they had been allies of Aizu and fierced defenders of the Bakufu. They must not fall. »

« Understood. » I said « we will leave at dawn. »

« Good. » he smiled « then I'm leaving you to it. »

« Thank you, Fukuchô. » I bowed and he left as quickly as he had entered.

Without a second thought, I headed out and reunited what remained of the Shinsengumi whose I was now the highest in command. I told them to get ready to leave at dawn for Nihonmatsu and they complied. That was a force of a hundred and six men on all the 1400 we had in the camp but it was better than nothing. I supposed Aizu was also sending some troops.

« Haruhi. » I called « do you know where is Chizuru ? »

« I'm gonna fetch her for you, Taichô. » she bowed.

She went away and I went back inside the tent to pack. We didn't have much though since everytime we were going somewhere recently, we were abandoning everything behind. We had no books, no personal effects apart from our weapons and a few change of clothing but that was a good thing. At least, we were traveling light.

Haruhi came back shortly after followed by Chizuru. I could already see in her gaze that she had prepared a twenty point demonstration about her usefulness on a battlefield and how keeping her away was a bad decision not only for me but for the Shinsengumi as its whole.

« Hajime... » she started but I cut her.

« How are you feeling ? » I asked.

« Good... » she answered, suspicious.

« Can you walk ? »

« Yes. » she nodded firmly.

« Can you still be the Shinsengumi's doctor ? » I asked and I saw her eyes lit.

« I can. » she smiled.

« Good. » I nodded « then you are coming but hear me, as soon as I can decipher that you are too tired to be our doctor or that you are pushing yourself too hard, I'm sending you to Wakamatsu castle. Am I understood ? »

« You can't m... » she tried but I put my finger on her mouth to silence her.

« I am your husband and you owe me obedience. Furthermore, I am now Taichô of the Shinsengumi so you are duty bound to follow my orders. When I will give the order, you will obey. » I said firmly.

« Okay... » she just sighed and I was pleased that she wasn't erupting like I thought she would.

« Take some rest. » I ordered both of them « I already packed everything and we are leaving at dawn. »

They complied and I headed out to check on our warriors's preparation. Our section of the camp was buzzing with activity while the Aizu men were still lively singing or playing cards. I came back to the tent and tried to lay down next to Chizuru and fall asleep but I couldn't. Now that the battlecall that I craved for weeks was upon me, I felt doubt lingering in my mind. I rested my hand on Chizuru's belly, touching the child that was mine. I felt it move under my palm and it drew a smile on my face. I've been able to feel it for a week now, sometimes moving softly, sometimes kicking violently. It was healthy and strong. It was mine. Touching it was like having a hand on the futur. I didn't know how long this war would last and even if I would be there to meet it when it would finally crawl out. Chances are that I would be fighting somewhere or even dead. Was that really what I wanted ? Something was starting to make its way in my mind, something that was polluting it and making me loose sight of my duty as a warrior. I needed to focus back, otherwise, I would do no good on the battlefield. A commander who wasn't dedicated will and body to his cause, couldn't expect his men to follow him.

I stood back up and put on my shirt and trousers before heading out. Outside, some men were still talking around firecamps and I sent them to their tent, ordering them to rest before our departure.

I exited the camp and found a spot to look at the stars. I sat down in seiza to meditate and find back my warrior's spirit and stayed there several minutes, my mind open and eyes closed. The sound of a foot making a small rock roll caught my attention and I put my hand on my sword, ready but with a feeling of deja-vu.

« Chizuru, if it's you, please go back to bed. » I said.

« No, it's me. » replied Haruhi and I took my hand off my sword and stood up to look at the kid approaching me.

« Same order. Go back to bed. » I said.

« Can I stay with you for a bit ? » she asked and I sighed and nodded. I didn't have the will to send her away.

« Alright. » I said « but when I say it's time, you go back to bed. »

« Understood, Taichô. » she bowed and I smiled faintly.

« You do not need to use my title when we are alone. » I said, sitting back down.

She sat with me and we stayed silent a moment, looking at the summer stars above our head. The night was cloudless and they were shimering like little gems.

« Do you think Souji and Kondou-san and Shin and Sano are up there ? And Koan and Mika too ? » she asked me.

I took a moment to answer. If there was a heaven, did we really earn the right to go there with all the people we killed ? Yet, the child seemed to have so much hope... What was the correct answer to that question ?

« I don't know. » I said eventually, not ready to lie just to make her feel better.

« I think they are. » she said « they lived with honor. »

« Ha. » I nodded.

That was the best I could do, agreeing that they lived an honorable life, true to their beliefs and to the bushido. Haruhi laid back on the forest floor and raised her hand towards the stars, open. She closed it in a fist as if she could capture them in her palm. Was she expecting Souji to come down if she could catch him ?

« Otousan. » she asked again after a few minutes « Will you allow me to fight in Nihonmatsu ? »

« No. » I said without an hesitation « You will not go on the battlefield. »

« Why ? » she asked « I don't fear. »

« I do. » I said.

« You do ? » she said, plunging her saphir eyes widden in surprise in mine « You ? You fear death ? »

« No. » I said, looking up once more « I fear for you and Chizuru. I fear about dragging you with me on the wrong path. Yet, I do not fear death as long as my death is meaningful. »

She thought intensely about what I said, taking the information in. She was always putting a lot of reflexion in everything I could say and so, I couldn't understand how she could act so recklessly anyway. It just wasn't compatible, as if her spirit was like « _yeah he's right but hey ! Let's do the exact opposite _! ».

« Why can't I fight as a warrior if I don't fear ? » she asked after a while.

« Why do you wish to fight ? » I asked.

« Because I'm a warrior. » she answered without an hesitation.

« I see. » I smiled « but what would you fight for ? »

She paused and thought before serving me a big smile.

« For the Bakufu ! » she said, happy to have found what she thought was the right answer.

« Why does the Bakufu have your loyalty ? » I asked and her smile faded.

She thought again, trapped. She knew nothing of politics or affiliations. Even after she killed, she had that distorted image of war, nothing more than a game for her. She was training so hard but her motivations were hollow.

« Why does it have yours ? » she asked eventually « Souji told me that there was a bounty on your head and that you've been rejected by dojo masters and daimyos. You do not have any official rank in your sword style and you never had been employed as a samurai and even been stripped of your samurai title so you will never get the chance to be employed. Why would you choose to defend that system ? »

« I see... » I smiled « Souji said that. »

She waited for my answer but nothing came and so, her little hand came pulling on my shirt to get me out of my thoughts.

« My loyalty goes to the Shinsengumi and the Aizu clan for everything they ever did for me. » I said « these are both affiliated to the Tokugawa shogunate therefore, I fight for the Bakufu. Plus, I believe in what it means to be a warrior and I want to live my life as such. »

« What does it mean to be a warrior ? » she asked.

« That is an answer you have to find within yourself. » I stated with a small smile.

She stayed silent for minutes, probably looking for the answer but instead, it's another question that passed her lips.

« Was it hard ? » she asked « to be left-handed ? »

« I think Souji already gave you the answer to that question. » I said calmly.

« Yeah, but I want to know from you. »

I looked into her eyes and sighed. I guess it was story-time... Where to start ?

« I've been forced as a kid to use my right hand. I wasn't allowed to eat if I wasn't using it. Sometimes, they would tie my left hand behind my back. I learned and now, I can do all the common tasks like a right-handed. When I first learned how to fight, I wasn't placing my hands properly and both my sensei and my father would land their bokken on my fingers. I bled countless times. Yet, I wasn't inproving until I decided that I would use my left. Then, everything became easier for me but I lost all respect. Do you know what is the other name for a warrior ? »

« Like a Bushi ? A Ronin ? A Roshi ? A Samurai ? » she asked, perplexed.

« Hidarizashi, a left-side. Because of the location in which warriors keep their swords. A bushi always walks on the left side of the street, even if it's narrow. His katana is his soul and it must never be touched by another person. »

« But... you keep your swords on the right so... »

« When I decided that I would live as a left-handed, it became challenging for me to join any dojo and I received neither licence nor Kirikami. Yet, all those who dared comment on it never once defeated me in combat. I am undefeated both in dojo and on the battlefield, despite my left-handness. To me, it isn't a defect. Yet, the rest of the world have a different opinion on that matter. »

« Otousan... » she said after a time « How did you face all the things people said about you not being a real warrior ? »

« I proved them wrong. » I said « you cannot force people to accept your flaws but you can let honor, respect and loyalty rule your life. If you live with discipline then you won't leave room for complains. »

I looked at her, in intense reflexion once more. I knew that all her questions about my left-handness were a way to find mental weapons to arm herself against all the judgement she would face as a girl. She was ahead of a lot of difficulty if she really decides to follow that path. Yet, the path of the warrior was a solitary one. If chosen, no one could walk it for her.

« Go to bed. » I eventually said « you'll be exhausted tomorrow. »

She nodded, according to her promise and stood up. She bowed and left, getting back to the tent where she could rest before our departure. Lifting my gaze again, I stared at the stars and extended my hand, clenching it in a fist, and opened it in front of my eyes, witnessing its emptiness.

_What does it mean, to be a warrior ? _


	22. Greetings

We walked since dawn to Nihonmatsu. We weren't moving fast, due to our number, and I tasked Haruhi with Chizuru's protection. If she needed anything, I was to be warned immediately. She never asked for anything once though, probably out of fear that I would send her to Wakamatsu. With her five months belly, moving that much was surely difficult but she was hiding it, walking at the same pace than us in her woman hakama, tied under her breasts and offering her a good range of movement.

She wrapped her stomach in a hara-obi as suitable but I suspected that she did it more to please me than to protect the baby from spirits and falls. We stopped at a shintô shrine on the road while the warriors could take a few minutes of rest and we asked the monks to bless the fabric for a healthy child and a safe delivery. So that the child could have my strength, Chizuru sewed a piece of one of my underwear inside the 4 meter long white obi. I was pleased that she eventually listened to me. Western medecine was probably of good help but japanese women had given birth with the japanese way since the beginning of times. Maybe they weren't totally wrong to do things this way if it was working. The hara-obi was a good thing. It was protecting it from evil spirits, accidents, falls and keeping it warm while increasing its strength. It would have been stupid not to use it.

Chizuru was pissed though, I could see it clearly on her face. Although she was trying her best to hide it from me, she was considering all my beliefs about the hara-obi as stupid folklore. Plus, now that she was wearing it, she was officially defiled and wasn't allowed to enter a temple before our child's presentation. Not that she was a really pious person but the interdiction was enough to angry her. The monks hadn't been very considerate either. They explained to her how spoiled she was now and I knew that only her love for me refrained her from insulting them in return and going berserk. She just pursed her lips and endured it, daggers in her eyes.

When we got out, I wanted to say to her that she wasn't defiled to me, all the contrary. She was glowing, radiant. She was even more beautiful than she was before. Yet, I didn't say anything, her aura particularly dissuasive. I decided to give her time and maybe talk to her later when I wouldn't risk to unleash a typhoon over my head.

We arrived safely to Nihonmatsu where we joined the Denshutai. After we set up the encampment, I reunited the men. We were near a bigger town now and there was a prostitution house which would be a great asset for the troop morale. In our previous camp, there were some farm girls coming sometimes, looking for easy money, but three or four girls for 1400 men... That was more frustrating than pleasing. I decided on a schedule to be sure the pleasure house wouldn't be overrun by our hundred men and that the encampment would still be efficiently protected. They were forbidden to come back totally drunk and to party beyond their given time. Anyone who wouldn't respect the orders would be severely punished.

« Are you gonna go ? » asked Chizuru while I was sharpening my sword again.

« Probably with the other commanders if they offer me to join them. » I answered in my toneless voice, eyes on my task.

« Okay... » said Chizuru with a small pout that she thought was invisible but my wife never hid her emotions well.

« I'm only planning on drinking sake. » I reassured her, oiling my blade and inspecting it.

_So thin now... I will have to change my katana in a few months. This one will soon be of no use. _

« Yeah, I know. » she replied, still pursing her lips.

I smiled a bit. It was cute how she was trying to hide her jealousy from me. She didn't have to be, I wouldn't lay with any prostitutes now that I had a wife. And I wasn't planning on having concubines or mistresses either. My family was already enough work for me to complicate the situation even more.

I put my katana back in my scabbard, satisfied, and stood up, arranging my clothes to be perfectly tidy.

« I am going to meet with the commander of the Denshutai » I said.

« I'm coming with you. » she replied with a smile, standing up as well.

« No offense, Chizuru but I think this is men's business. » I objected.

« I know Otori-san. » she frowned « I was with him in Osaka when I studied with Matsumoto-sensei. I just want to salute him and then I'll go. »

« Alright, then. » I nodded.

I forgot that Chizuru was in Osaka while I was with the Guardians of the imperial tomb. She indeed met the Denshutai there while they were training with the french. I guess I could let her salute him.

« Can I come too ?! » asked Haruhi, eyes filled with stars at the idea of meeting a commander like Otori-san.

« No. » I said « you have to unpack and cook some rice porridge for everyone. Go. » I said firmly.

« Hai, Taichô... » she answered grudgingly.

« You'll have other occasions to see Otori-san. » I said with a faint smile « let's go, Chizuru. »

We walked into the camp until we reached the Denshutai section, Chizuru walking a few steps behind me. I wasn't a man who would have cared about appearing « weak » because I was walking with a woman and in the past, I often let Chizuru hold my arm or hand while walking, knowing that I could react rapidly anyway if there was any problem but now that I was Taichô, I needed to observe a certain etiquette in order to be respected and that included that my wife had to walk behind me and not on the same level. It was already odd enough that she was brought with me at war. If I let people think that she had any kind of control over me, I would lose all obedience from my men. She understood it very well when we talked it over and she agreed to play the role of the submissive wife in the encampment. I was pleased with it. I loved Chizuru with all my heart but I wouldn't mind a more obedient version of her.

We arrived to the command tent and I announced myself and Chizuru before entering. I found Otori there which I didn't imagine this way at all. He was about 35 years old, short and completely at ease with his western haircut and uniform, as if he had been born western. He was with another man that was making both of us look even shorter. That man was clearly an european and he was very tall, even taller than Harada, about 1,85m. He looked a bit younger than Otori but it was hard to say with his facial hair, especially a big moustache that he seemed to be taking a lot of care of.

« Ah ! Saito-san ! » greeted Otori with a radiant smile « I'm so glad to meet you ! Hijikata-san had only praises to share about you and your prowess on the battlefield ! Let us introduce ourselves. I am Otori Keisuke, commander of the Denshutai and this is Jules Brunet, our instructor. »

_I see. Some frenchmen did stay then..._

« I am pleased to meet you, Otori-san, Juuru-san » I bowed « I am Saito Hajime, Taichô of the Shinsengumi, and this is Saito Chizuru, our medical officer and my wife. »

« Actually » said Otori, uncomfortable « Jules is a forename, it's the other way around for the westerns. Brunet is his family name. »

« Pardon me, Burunee-san » I bowed again, ashamed « I didn't mean to be impolite. »

« No harm is done » replied Brunet with a perfect japanese with only a hint of accent « I know that it must be hard with these names that don't sound japanese at all. »

He extended his hand in my direction and I looked at it pensively, wondering what I should do. A discreet sign from Otori made me understand that I had to extend my hand too and so I did. Brunet caught it in his and shook it before releasing it and he turned to my wife, leaving me perplexed with what just happened.

« And you, we've met before right ? In Osaka ? You're Chizuru-chan ! Look at you ! How old are you now ? » he said with a big smile.

« Ni... Nineteen... » she stuttered and blushed, and my eyes widened when Brunet leaned over to kiss her on both her cheeks with a sonor sound.

Jealousy invaded my chest even stronger than the night in Gion when Sakamoto took her on a date or when I saw Kazama's kamon on her. Who did he think he was, kissing MY wife in public ?! In front of me ?! Was he trying to insult me ?! I put my hand on the pommel of my katana but Otori stopped me.

« It's a greeting ! » he said « It's the way they greet in France ! They shake hands with men and kiss the cheeks of women. Even women kiss each other, it's okay ! »

« Ah, pardon me, Saito-san » said Brunet with a candid smile « I tend to forget that the people who don't know us sometimes can find our ways strange. I meant no insult. »

« I see. » I said, still under shock.

That man just kissed my wife... and now he was telling me that I shouldn't react to protect her honor ?

« I am glad to see you both well, Burunee-san, Otori-san » bowed Chizuru, still blushing red and that was annoying me « I will leave you with my husband. If you need anything, you can ask me. »

_Well, not ANYTHING... _

« You're so kind, Chizuru-chan ! » smiled Otori « Thank you ! »

Chizuru bowed and exited the tent, leaving me alone with the two men who turned back to me.

« You're so lucky, Saito-san » said Otori with a giant smile « Chizuru is a beautiful and smart woman. We were all very found of her in Osaka ! »

Brunet chuckled and nodded, and I felt even more jealous. Chizuru didn't ever speak much of her time in Osaka or maybe I never truly asked. I wasn't really enjoying the direction that this conversation was taking.

« What is the situation in Nihonmatsu ? » I asked to recenter the conversation on a matter I was at ease with.

Otori smiled kindly. Hijikata-san probably warned him that I wasn't really the kind of man to enjoy small talk.

« Nihonmatsu-han has about two hundred men. The Denshutai has 800 and Shimada Kai has 70 that will soon be under your command with the rest when he will know you arrived. Aizu is sending 300 but they can't send more if they want to protect their borders. How many are you bringing ? »

« A hundred and six. Minor two who aren't fighters. »

« Let's say a hundred. So that means that when the Aizu men will arrive, our force will be of 1400 men. Probably enough to defend a small domain like Nihonmatsu. I don't espect the SatCho to send more than 500 ou 600 men against the supposed 200 men of Nihonmatsu. »

« I see. » I nodded.

That was a good number but we shouldn't underestimate the SatCho advanced weaponry.

« The plan is to hide the army and not station it inside the castle, letting the SatCho believe that Nihonmatsu domain is alone in this war. » he explained, showing me the troop movements on a map « we would come from their sides here and here, the steep terrain could stop our retreat but it's the best choice we have and if the element of surprise is here, the battle could end rather quickly in our favor. »

I nodded again. I wouldn't have come up with a better plan. It was our best chance. We kept discussing other options and troop movements and also the encampment intendance for hours before I finally came back to Chizuru.

« I'm back. » I said, getting in and removing my boots and coat.

« Welcome home. » greeted Chizuru with a wide smile.

« Where's Haruhi ? » I asked, getting closer to my wife.

« She's helping with the porridge and the cleaning of the kitchen ustensils. » she replied, wrapping her arms around me.

I held her, nesting my nose in her hair to scent the spices that were like a drug to me, and stayed there for a while, getting my full.

« What's the matter, Hajime ? » she asked, puzzled.

_I'm jealous, envious, enraged and possessive at the sole idea that this man's lips touched your skin. _

« Nothing. » I lied « I just felt like holding you. »

« You're cute when you're jealous. » she chuckled.

« I'm not. » I protested.

« Sure. » she chuckled again « I was going to take a nap. Would you rather join me or release me ? »

« Join you. » I answered, unfolding our futons. « It's still daytime, it will be an effective sleep for me and I haven't slept much last night. »

She laid down and took away her hakama and the hara-obi to sleep. I wasn't sure if she was supposed to keep it or take it off so I let her do whatever she liked. I laid next to her with only my shirt and underwear and held her against me, her breath in my neck and mine in her hair. I tried to sleep but my eyes wouldn't close. After a while, I opened my mouth again.

« Chizuru... »

« Hum ? »

« When you were in Osaka, he was kissing you like this ? » I asked, boiling in jealousy.

« I thought you weren't jealous. » she answered, yawning.

« Just answer the question. » I ordered, annoyed.

« Yeah and the other french too but it's just the same thing as a hello for them. »

« I see. »

I kept holding her, trying not to imagine all these tall men with their facial hair and their big noses and round eyes kissing my wife one after another.

« Chizuru... »

« Am I gonna sleep at some point ? » she asked.

« My apologies. »

I kept silent, letting her sleep but after a few minutes she spoke again.

« What do you want ? » she asked.

« These men... They didn't... touch you... did they ? » I asked, fearing her answer.

« No... » she replied in a sleepy voice « as I said, it's a way to say hello, nothing more. Sleep, idiot. »

« Alright. » I said.

I brought one on my hand between the both of us to touch her stomach, wondering if the little one would answer me.

« Thank you » I said « for the hara-obi. I know you didn't want to wear it and... you're not spoiled. You're beautiful and I love you. »

She lifted her gaze and smiled and I kissed her, on the lips. These at least were mines.

« I love you too, idiot. Please let me sleep. » she chuckled.

« Alright. » I said and I nested back my nose in her hair.

After a few minutes, I felt her fall asleep and I took my hand off her stomach to circle her, closing my eyes. We slept like logs until dinner time when a confused Haruhi came to wake us up. I helped Chizuru put back her hara-obi and headed outside with her to share the meal with my men and my family.


	23. Toudou

Aizu sent us two hundred men instead of the three hundred we expected but their borders were getting tensed too, therefore it wasn't surprising. The day before the battle, I had another meeting with Otori, Brunet and also the commander of the Nihonmatsu retainers. The later was accompanied by a younger man, about my age, maybe even younger.

« The SatCho force has more men than we had anticipated. Yet, our strategy was good and we are not planning to change it. So this is the plan we had decided upon. » explained Otori, showing them on the map « if everything goes according to plan, we should intercept them here and your corp, Kimura-kun wont even need to fight. »

Haruhi entered with some tea as the younger nodded. He was holding his head high and everything in him was showing he had the true warrior spirit.

« I agree » nodded the Nihonmatsu commander « I would rather keep Jutaro's corp as last line of defense. »

_What does this corp has that makes it so special for everyone ? It's like they all want to protect it. Is he the daimyo's son or something ? No. The lord's name is Niwa... Then who is this Kimura Jutaro ? _

« Thank you for your trust » bowed Kimura with all the humility you can expect from a samurai « we will protect the castle is they ever come at our doors. »

« How many are you ? » I asked.

« Sixty two. » he said with confidence and respect towards his superiors.

_Is that a joke ? _

I turned to the others and they all seemed very uncomfortable. The Nihonmatsu general sighed and explained to me while taking a cup of tea.

« Jutaro commands our boys who wish to defend their domain but are too young to be on the battlefield. That's why they will be our last line of defense. »

« That is true. » bowed Kimura again « our bushi are between twelve and seventeen years old. I am the oldest and that's why I have been appointed commander. The Shonentai will not disappoint. »

I regretted immediately to have asked the question while Haruhi was there. That was going to send ideas in her mind. Twelve... The youngests in his corp were twelve...

« I see. » I nodded.

I glared at Haruhi but nothing in her gaze or posture showed any reaction to the Shonentai. When she finished distributing the tea, she bowed politely and exited the tent. I wasn't fooled though, I knew that I was ahead of a very unpleasant conversation about why twelve years old boys could fight and ten years old girls couldn't.

The meeting continued until everyone knew exactly his role to play in the upcoming battle and then, we all parted ways. When I got out, Shimada was waiting for me outside.

« What is it ? » I asked him.

« Heisuke's waiting for you in your tent. » he bowed. « He has found Sannan. »

I nodded and took the direction of my tent. Finally, Toudou had found Sannan. Did he kill him ? Did he find Chizuru's research ? I entered the tent and was immediately greeted by my wife's excited voice.

« Hajime ! Welcome Home ! Heisuke's here ! » she said with a smile from ear to ear and a sparkling gaze.

« I know. » I nodded before turning to Toudou « you had a safe trip ? How did you know we were there ? »

« I met Hijikata in Sendai. He told me I'd find you here. » he said.

« Where's Haruhi ? » I asked.

« She's coming. » assured Chizuru « I sent her make some tea for Heisuke. »

« I see. » I nodded « so, Toudou, you've found Sannan ? »

« Yeah, he's in the Sendai province but not too far from the Aizu border. He's occupying a sake brewery with his Rasetsu. I mean, ours... »

« I see. » I cut him when Haruhi entered with the tea, serving cups to everyone. « Haruhi. »

« Yes, Taichô ? » she bowed.

« Take the rice powder, the oil and everything you need. I want both your swords sharpened and oiled. Go do it outside. » I ordered.

« Hai ! » she bowed and she took everything that was necessary for her task and headed out.

« The kid's nice but I nearly didn't recognize her. » commented Toudou « Why does she look like Souji ? »

« He cut her hair. » I said « and according to her saying, it's Kondou-san's haircut. »

« Kondou's huh... » he whispered pensively. « Why are you making her wear a man's uniform and sharpen her blade ? »

« Toudou, Sannan. » I ordered to recenter the subject.

« Yeah, so, I found rumors about a village and a witch and I didn't pay much attention to it at first because I wasn't really looking for a girl but more for a murder wave but then it hit me. That could be one of the women Sannan was meeting with before he disappeared. So I investigated and I found the brewery. I have seen some men that I recognized as being in the Rasetsu Corp and I saw the woman but not Sannan. I'm sure he is there inside though. »

« That woman » I asked « Did you recognize her ? Is she one of Edo ? »

« No, she's neither of them... » he sighed.

« What does she look like ? » I asked, sipping my tea.

« Tall, slender, with hip long ginger hair and silver eyes. » he said and I nearly spitted my tea.

_Mika ?! _

That was impossible, Mika was dead. Unless... Unless the tail Kazama had brought to Koan wasn't hers but just one of his sadistic games...

« Don't tell me she's wearing a white hakama on a auburn kimono... » I said, taking my forehead in my fingers.

« How do you know ?! You know this woman ?! » he yelled, astonished.

« Yes. » I nodded « that's Yasha Mika of the Yase clan and a damn Kitsune. My guess is that Sannan didn't meet with so many women but only with her under multiples appearances. »

_Why would she be with Sannan though ? Even if her motivations were to have a Rasetsu fox child, I can barely imagine Sannan playing that little game without having something to gain. Or he's bewitched ? But if he were, the Rasetsu Corp wouldn't have followed him, would they ? Well, at least, if she's still after Rasetsu to have a fox cub, that means that she's not getting any from me, right ? _

« Are there murders reported ? » I asked.

« Not a soul. » said Toudou « Maybe they're all cured ? They walk under sunlight without any problem... We should go, Saito. You're a Rasetsu too, right ? »

That was indeed unsettling. How could they walk into sunlight and not be weakened by it ? And without Chizuru's blood, how could they endure the bloodlust ?

« My duty is to lead the Shinsengumi here in Nihonmatsu. I can't afford a trip to Sendai. » I said.

« But Hajime » opposed Chizuru « what if there is really a cure there ?! »

« I can cope with my Rasetsu nature for a little longer. As soon as the Shinsengumi's situation allows me to move, I will go. » I reassured her « yet, it is not today. »

« Then, allow me to go with Heisuke ! » she said.

_Are you insane ?! Are you really ready to go to a Rasetsu nest, five months pregnant, to find a cure that may not even be there ?_

« No. » I shook my head « if it's true that there are no murders, then the situation isn't an emergency. »

« But... Hajime... » she tried and I silenced her with the iciest glare I ever sent her.

« You. Stay. Here. » I ordered before turning to Toudou « can I task you with her protection ? I can't bring you on the battlefield in daylight and you're supposedly dead. The fighting will probably start tomorrow. »

« Alright, yeah, sure ! » said Toudou, uneasy « I'll protect Chizuru-chan, don't worry. »

« Good. » I nodded.

« Hajime, about the researchs... » said Chizuru again.

It was only logical that she wouldn't let it go. It was her life's work and now, there was a chance for her to get it all back. If it was my battle, I wouldn't let it go either.

« Chizuru, I promise I'll go. » I said softly, putting less steel in my voice « Just not now. »

« But what if they move ? » she asked, desperate.

« It's unlikely » I reassured her « Sannan has connections in Sendai and if there are no murders, then they mustn't fear about drawing attention. »

« Okay... » she sighed grudgingly.

« Chizuru » I said « promise me you're not going to chase them. »

She turned her eyes away and I was glad I asked. Her intentions clearly had been to sneak away and go to Sendai. Toudou probably would have been easy to convince for her...

« Chizuru. » I asked again.

« Okay, I promise. » she nodded.

A weight got off my chest. With the upcoming battle, I needed to have all my mind focused on fighting, not on the possible suicidal whereabouts of my wife.

« I wouldn't have taken her, Saito ! » protested Toudou « especially like... like _that._ »

I nodded to show my trust but I knew Chizuru was full of ressources and particularly smart. Yet, I trusted her to respect her promise now that she voiced it. Better safe than sorry.

« When are we gonna go then, Saito ? » asked Toudou.

« I cannot give you that answer now. » I sighed « but we'll go. Are you coping with the bloodlust ? »

« It's... » he gritted his teeths « It's... hard... It's getting harder... »

« Can I come in ? » I heard outside the tent.

« Ha, Haruhi. » I answered.

She entered and put down all the necessary tools that she used on her swords and got the katana and wakizashi out her sash.

« Do you need anything, Taichô ? » she asked, polite.

« I already told you that you do not need to use my title when we are alone » I scolded softly.

« So Chizuru and Heisuke don't count ? » she asked, perplexed.

« Have you sharpened your blades ? » I asked.

« Yeah and oiled them too. » she smiled, proud.

« Show me. » I ordered and she ran to take her swords back and handed them to me.

I unsheathed the katana first and inspected it carefully. Again, I was amazed with the quality of its blade. I would kill to have a sword of this quality, especially now that mine was soon to be of no use. Satisfied with how she took care of it, I nodded and sheathed it back before taking the wakizashi out of its scabbard. It was still so new... She never really used it, at least not to cut through flesh. I was satisfied too and handed back both swords to her.

« Put them in your sash. » I ordered.

She complied and I looked at her with her two swords, her short hair and her black and white western uniform. She grew since the day I let her try my katana. At that time, the scabbard was touching the ground. How fast kids could grow...

« If you were in battle, which one would you use ? » I asked.

« My wakizashi. » she answered without an hesitation.

« Why ? » I asked.

« Because the katana is still a bit too long and heavy for my arms and... I don't want to use it before I proved I'm worthy of wearing it. Hijikata-san still has to test me. » she said.

« I see... » I smiled.

« Hajime... What's the point of these questions ? » asked Chizuru in a small scared voice.

« Haruhi. » I said « Tonight, you must take a good meal to get some strength and you must rest effectively. Tomorrow, you'll be on the battlefield. »


	24. Makoto

In our tent that night, Chizuru was turning and turning again on the futon, unable to sleep.

« Chizuru, you're going to wake Haruhi up. » I whispered.

The kid was asleep next to me, as usual now. I took the habit of sleeping between the both of them. It wasn't very practical to share anything with Chizuru but I didn't want to send the kid away. She decided to put her futon next to mine and it had something conforting to be surrounded by my family at night when I had so much responsibilities during the day. Plus, as unworthy as it could be, I was using her a bit as a human shield against my wife. I didn't know if she was still as aroused as at the beginning of her pregnancy but the monks at the shrine had been firm. I shouldn't touch her now that the little one had a body and until the birth. I told Chizuru that she wasn't defiled or anything but... the monks said her corruption could taint the baby and myself if we continued to have intercourses so... I wasn't willing to take the risk and would wait patiently. Four months... That was a long time... I was happy Haruhi was sleeping with us at night, that was helping me focus on something else than my wife's body, my wife's soft skin...

_My wife's scent... my wife's taste... my wife's little moans... Dammit, Hajime ! Count sheeps or something ! _

Haruhi moved next to me and I turned to Chizuru again, putting my arms around her to calm her down.

« Chizuru... » I whispered again « she's going to wake up... She needs sleep... »

« Yeah sure » she whispered in return « so that she could be in perfect condition when she will be shot. »

« She's not going to get shot, Chizuru... » I sighed.

« You're taking her on the battlefield ! She's ten ! Of course she's gonna get shot ! »

« No... » I sighed again « She'll be far from the actual battle. »

« Why are you taking her ? I don't understand you... » she whispered, calming down a little.

« Nihonmatsu has young boys fighting, the Shonentai... The youngests amongst their ranks are barely twelve. » I explained.

« So that means that your ten years old daughter can fight too ?! » she muttered angrily.

« No. But Haruhi heard about them and you know like me how reckless she can be. » I sighed, glimpsing over my shoulder at the sleeping kid to be sure she wasn't listening « If I had forbidden her from coming, I could have found her on the battlefield, anywhere, and she would have gotten killed. The kid's persuaded to be a warrior... By giving her a role in this battle, I can assure that she'll be exactly where I want her to be and keep her safe. »

Chizuru chuckled softly and I frowned, wondering what was so funny.

« What ? » I asked.

« Nothing... » she laughed softly « I just hope you will have a bit more authority with A... »

« Shh ! » I ordered, muffling her with my palm « Don't say its name. You could attach evil spirits to it. It mustn't be spoken until it's out. »

« You superstitious idiot... » I heard her mutter. « Anyway, how are you going to keep her away from the battlefield ? »

« I'm tasking her with the Makoto. » I explained, proud « It's an honorable position and it doesn't require to be fighting. She's going to be excited and safe. »

« You're diabolical. » she said in a conspirator voice.

She snuggled against me and I spooned her body, one of my hand on her stomach as usual, craving the contact of my soon to be child. I felt it move underneath my fingertips and tried to mirror its movements with my finger. Did it know who I was ? Would I meet it at some point ? Would I ever be able to touch it without this skin barrier between us ?

It kicked violently and Chizuru escaped a « aoutch ! » but it drew a smile on my face. It was so healthy... So strong...

« Are you alright ? » I whispered to Chizuru.

« Yeah... but I think you're exciting it... He's more vigorous than usual... » she said.

« Vigor is good. But you have to stop frog face, Okaasan needs her sleep. » I said to the little one.

« Don't tell me you're planning on calling it frog face for four more months. » she muttered angrily.

« Why not ? » I whispered « He needs a bad name so the spirits will stick to this one and leave the child alone when it'll have his real name. »

« I'm so discovering new sides of you with this pregnancy... » she murmured « have you always been so superstitious ? »

« Not superstitious, cautious. » I protested « and if I wasn't believing in all the folklore, as you say, I wouldn't have married an Oni. »

« Maybe you got a point... » she chuckled « Okay, let's be superstitious then. Can't do harm anyway. »

I held her in silence, listening to Haruhi's steady breath and Chizuru's more rapid one. She was panting as if she just ran for her life and the blood was coursing through her veins, pumped by a wild heart. I was used to it now, I knew it was one of the effects of her pregnancy. Yet, thanks to my Rasetsu nature, if I focused, I could hear another heartbeat, so faint, so small... But here anyway. I didn't tell Chizuru. I supposed she couldn't hear it and I didn't want to upset her by realizing I could hear it and not her. I remembered how disappointed I was when she started feeling it and I couldn't.

« Can you really ensure her safety ? » she asked again and I smiled.

I was glad to see that Chizuru was as attached to the kid as I was even if she never tried to be a mother to her. I think it was easier for both of them to have this sister relationship. Haruhi didn't have any father so I guess it was a position easy to take but I did know her mother and I did spoke to the kid about her so, with Chizuru, there was no room for a mother-daughter relationship. I wondered if Chizuru regretted it, she never mentioned it once.

« I can't. » I answered, unable to lie « I will be on the front lines. Yet, it's the best option I can think of to be sure she wouldn't sneak amongst the men. »

« Maybe you're right... » she murmured.

« Sleep, Chizuru » I ordered « I think you'll have a lot of work too, tomorrow. »

« Yeah... » she muttered « I just hope one of them won't be her... »

I stayed silent and removed my hand off her stomach so that I would stop exciting the little one. Yet, Chizuru's small complaining moans made me understand that it wasn't eager to calm itself. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep as well but my insomniac nature was a pretty tough adversary. I turned around to look at Haruhi. Sleeping with her hair loose, they weren't that short in the end, they were about shoulder length, like Souji's. I wondered if her heart was still turned towards him, even now. Even if I never approved of her « crush » like Chizuru said, I was glad that she found in Souji what so few people could find in him, under his sadistic behavior and his annoying snide comments. I had no doubt she'd fall in love with someone else later, when she'd be older and it would be appropriate. Yet, I knew that any other man would have trouble to raise himself to Souji's level, both in her mind and in mine, even if I would have killed my friend on the spot if he dared corrupting her. Lost in my thoughts, I felt Chizuru fall asleep long before I eventually did. Drifting away, I replayed in my mind my role in the upcoming battle.

The next morning, both Haruhi and I were putting on our respective uniforms under Chizuru's sad gaze. Before we headed out, she squeezed both of us and murmured « please come back to me... »

« I will. » I reassured her.

Haruhi didn't say anything though, her eyes sinister and filled with terror. She wished to fight for so long and now that it was upon her, her knees were uncontrollably shaking in fear.

« Haruhi » I said to give her an escape plan « do you wish to assist Chizuru today instead ? »

« No ! » she replied firmly, trying to look resolved and tough, but her eyes were shouting a totally different story.

« Alright » I nodded.

_It's okay not to be a warrior at ten... It's okay to fear, whatever age you are and it's okay not to want to be killed on a battlefield in a war you don't even understand._

I wanted to tell her all that but I didn't. Instead, I walked outside to find the men getting ready around me.

« Keisuke » I called to my second « bring me the Makoto. »

He bowed and ran to bring the banner to me, our red banner flocked with the kanji for Makoto, sincerity. I took it in my hand, closing it firmly on the wooden rod.

_Kondou-san..._

I've never been much of a talker. I didn't have Kondou-san or Hijikata-san's talent for motivational speeches. Instead, I just held the banner in the air with my chin held high and my eyes burning with an icy flame of volition. Cheers erupted around me as I finally opened my mouth.

« Let's go, Shinsengumi. » I said calmly but firmly « Let's show them what kind of warriors we are. »

I handed the Makoto to Haruhi and she put her tiny hand on mine, lifting her gaze. In her eyes, the fear was still there but other feelings were prevailing : admiration, dedication, respect. I took my hand away and adressed to her like I would have to any other bushi.

« You are tasked with the Makoto, Saito-kun. » I ordered.

« Hai, Taichô ! » she replied with strength.

I took the head of the column, flanked by Haruhi and Keisuke, and I adressed my second.

« I will lead on the front lines. I need you to stay at a location where you can have a view on the whole battle and strategize. You will keep the Makoto near and visible for our army as point of retreat. »

« Hai, Taichô. » he nodded.

« If anything happens to her » I said lower, so that Haruhi couldn't hear me « you will answer to me with your life. »

« Understood, Taichô. » he nodded again.

We arrived in position and waited for the Imperial Army to show up with a unobstructed view on Nihonmatsu castle where the retainers were also ready. The fields around were empty, all the population had taken shelter inside the castle where the Shonentai would be the last line of defense. At the horizon, a black line appeared from the south as expected. They were there.

**Author note : if you are an history nerd, you might have realized that I took some liberty with these events and battles (Shirakawa, Nihonmatsu and the rest to come). Would you be interested if at the end of the battle of Aizu, I do a quick chapter about what is accurate and what isn't in all these battles ? Or do you not care as long as the storyline is good ? (I hope it is...) **


	25. Nihonmatsu

Hell.

It was hell.

Confusion was total as my comrades were running, some of them on all four, climbing, trying to get back to the Makoto banner but the steep terrain was an obstacle to their retreat. We anticipated it but not the wave of imperialists that was clashing onto us. We expected 600 warriors, they were 2000 and their advanced weaponry was making our warriors drop like flies all around us. The Denshutai men were getting the most heavy fire and I heard Otori sound the retreat as well.

My bangs, sticky with blood, were obstructing a part of my eyesight, glued to my face. The blood was dripping from my head where a bullet almost pierced my forehead but instead, ripped the top of my skull. My right ear was pierced too and so were my shoulder and my thigh. My uniform, drenched in blood that was mostly imperial but a bit mine too, was getting muddier and muddier as I was also escaping and tripping, falling in the dirt, again and again.

Lifting my gaze, I could see the red banner that was my objective but it still was so far away. I didn't turn back on the battlefield, there was no point. My eyes covered by my sticky bangs, my ears ringing restlessly because of all the bullets that whizzed near them, my breath totally shallow under the exhaustion. I fought all I could. The Shinsengumi fought all it could. Nihonmatsu was doomed. We couldn't do anything more. It wasn't a battle. It was a carnage.

I reached the top of the hill with what remained of my soldiers and walked with difficulty. I was healing but since there was no necessity to unleash my powers, I wasn't healing fast. I found Haruhi there, eyes widened with horror, and Keisuke next to her. She ran to me, still carrying the Makoto.

« Otousan !!! » she yelled « Otousan ! »

She kneeled next to me as I collapsed, more from exhaustion than from my wounds. Here, on all four, I had trouble finding my breath and, as I was weakening, my hunger for blood was awakening.

« Step... back... » I ordered her, panting with a hoarse voice.

She did as I said, probably familiar with this tone when she used to live with Souji. I stayed there a few minutes until my breath steadied and my hunger burried itself back into my bones. It had been a while I hadn't felt that thirsty but it wasn't a bloodlust episode. My hair were still black and the pain was absent.

« Alright. » I said when I was ready, turning around to sit with a view on the battlefield.

I passed my hand on my face, taking my sticky hair off my eyes and gluing them on the side of my skull instead.

Hell.

I could see the faces of the desperate men trying to reach back the makoto, getting shot. A bit further, the Denshutai and the Aizu were in the same situation, trying to reach their retreat point and regroup. In front of me, the Imperial Army was invading Nihonmatsu castle like ants on a fruit, setting it ablaze. I couldn't do anything more than witness, just like that night in Fushimi... Another defeat, another downfall... under the tide of change that was like a tsunami over our country.

« Otousan, are you okay ?! » she asked, scared « Do you need help to get back to Chizuru ? »

« No. » I said and I didn't know myself to which of her questions I was answering.

« But you're bleeding, we need to get you to Chizuru ! » she yelled, trying to pull on my arm.

I hissed because of the pain in my shoulder and she dropped it, apologizing.

« Keisuke » I said.

« Hai, Taichô. » he answered, taking the Makoto out of Haruhi's hand.

« Send the injured to Chizuru and notify me when everyone is here. » I ordered.

« With all due respect, Taichô » he objected, uneasy « you should maybe join the injured. »

« Maybe... » I muttered « But I am not an emergency and I would hold the line for more severely wounded warriors. »

If she saw me, Chizuru wouldn't be rational and she would probably treat me first, despite my Rasetsu nature. Warriors could die during this wasted time and we lost enough already.

Keisuke nodded and he organized the retreat efficiently, leaving me in my contemplation of the burning castle. With all the gunshots and screaming around us we couldn't hear those of the castle but I could feel them, deep inside. That distress...

« What's gonna happen to the people ? » asked Haruhi, sitting next to me.

I didn't answer. How could I explain it to her ? The daimyo would probably seppuku if he's not a coward, his generals would do the same. The women would slit their throat to avoid capture. The ones who fail or don't have the courage would be raped then killed. Or maybe just raped, over and over. The boys of the Shonentai would fight, sixty-two against the tide and they would fall. They probably were already dead. Most of the people who sheltered in the castle would die by sword, bullet or fire. That was the reality of war.

She didn't repeat her question. I think she knew what was going to happen. She just hoped my answer would be different than the one in her head. She stayed silend and watched the fire with me. The battlefield was emptying itself and now we could hear the screams in the distance. It was a sinister sight.

« Taichô, everyone is here. »

« Alright » I nodded, getting up « We shall return to the camp. »

Haruhi got up too and I ordered her to take the Makoto back from Keisuke. We walked silently until we reached the camp. Chizuru was nowhere to be seen, probably attending the wounded in the infirmary tent. I didn't go. I would see her later. I got back to the tent, inexpressive and back straight, but inside, I was beaten... I just couldn't let my soldiers see me. In the security of the tent, I let my rage errupt, banging my fists on the ground. I didn't scream. I couldn't let them hear me. Hijikata-san tasked me with Nihonmatsu, he told me it shouldn't fall and we've been helpless. It fell completely after only half a day of battle. Our defeat was unquestionable.

« Otousan... » said Haruhi, getting in « I should maybe go and ask Chizuru to come and see you ? »

« Go away. » I told her harshly.

« Do you want something ? » she asked again.

« Go play somewhere else, Haruhi ! » I replied with more force.

« O... Okay... » she stuttered, going out.

Chizuru had no time to waste with me. She would come when she would have time. Shit ! We had been completely helpless... Helpless... My mind was swirling with images of what could be happening in that castle while I was in my comfortable tent... I knew there was no point in thinking about it, I did what I had to do, protect my men when we were overpowered but... Part of me was feeling guilty for the others I let down... And for Hijikata-san who trusted me... and Kondou-san... How could I have that commander title when everything I did since Toba-Fushimi was loosing and loosing again ?

_Fuck ! _

Out of anger, I flipped the desk next to me, making all the paperwork fly around me. That was pretty stupid and I stood up to gather it back with a sigh and ordinate it again.

« Hajime, I heard you're hurt ! » I heard in the entrance and I turned to find Chizuru, eyes filled with worry « Oh Gods ! » she yelled, putting both her hands on her mouth « why didn't you come to the infirmary ?! »

« It wasn't necessary. » I sighed as she ran to me to inspect my head.

« Take off your clothes. » she ordered.

« Chizuru, I'll heal, alright ? » I said « You probably have more serious injuries to treat. »

« The Denshutai doctor took over. Otori-san is also helping, he has a western medecine degree, did you know ? Anyway, they asked me to take some rest in the afternoon and I'm taking the night shift after since I've been at it all morning already. I'm not expected back. »

I nodded and complied, undressing myself so she could see my injuries. She gathered my clothes in her arms and headed out.

« Haruhi » I heard her outside « you're on laundry duty. When it's clean and dry, give it back to me for sewing. » she ordered in her demon princess voice and that made me smile a little « and bring me boiled water and clean cloths. »

Having Chizuru close was already making my mind feel better. She always had that super power, to ease my mind and bring serenity to it in any circumstances. She turned back to me and made me sit to inspect my shoulder and my thigh injury.

« There's still the bullet in your shoulder. I have to remove it before you heal around it. » she said, taking some ustensils out of a pouch « ready ? This will hurt. »

Haruhi entered back with a bucket of hot water and cloths and got out immediately. Chizuru removed the bullet and I didn't make more sound than a hiss. I had a feeling of déjà-vu, although this time, I would heal a lot better.

« Okay, it's out... » she sighed, showing me the little metallic bullet « Now we need you to heal. »

« Are you sure you'll be alright ? If you need to take the night shift. » I asked « I can wait and heal slowly. »

« Don't be stupid. What if there's an emergency or anything and you're still wounded ? » she said, using water, soap and cloths to take all the sticky blood off my hair.

I smiled. It really was nice to have her conforting me. What a calming sensation her hands on my head could be... She took a step back, grabbed her tanto and opened the futon so she could sleep when she would feel dizzy. She installed herself comfortably and I came closer to her, crawling between her legs.

« If you need to take a lot, then let's make it right for the baby » she said with a smile « it's this vein, remember ? »

« I know. » I nodded, taking the tanto off her hand to cut myself.

I didn't know why the westerns decided that it had to be cut here and here only. Blood was supposed to flow in all the body so why this one was the one to be removed ? Yet, it seemed to work. The baby was strong and vigorous so I guess we were doing this right, as strange as it could be.

I lifted my gaze when I was ready to cut and waited for her permission. She gave it and I slid the tanto against her skin and pressed my lips against the wound to suck. It was so soothing and consoling, the warm liquid entering my throat was heating my whole body and easing my worried mind. I felt my injuries closing all at once and my strength getting back, renewed. As usual, the delicious taste was sending me to heaven and I was still craving for more. It was sending me over the edge, like a climax but that had nothing sexual. Or maybe a little. Now that I was thinking of it, I was also craving for another kind of intimacy, probably because I nearly died.

_Still three or four months to go anyway... _

« Hajime, it's enough... » I heard her say faintly.

With tremendous efforts, I stopped drinking, letting my tongue wander on her as usual to clean her up until her wound was closed. I wasn't over yet though, and smoothly, I pulled on the ties of her underwear and took it off to apply my lips there.

« Hajime ! » she whispered-yelled in surprise.

She lifted her eyes to see if I was in Rasetsu form and if she was in some kind of danger but I wasn't. I just needed her to confort me and at that moment, the only thing I was wishing for was to hear her moan under my touch. I couldn't enter her because of the corruption but that didn't mean I couldn't please her, right ? The monks said nothing of the sort to me.

« What, what are you doing ? » she asked, panting already.

« Shh... » I whispered between my lips « just.. let me... please... »

I needed that warmth and more than ever, I needed to hear her. My tongue resumed flickering slowly, like a frightened cat, making her bundle of nerve tense under my touch and she started to whimper faintly, her legs spreading even more and relaxing, surrendering to my ministrations. That encouraged me and I became more insistent. It was a bit frustrating though, I wanted to use my fingers but I couldn't and my own body was already stiffening but it would be dissatisfied since I wasn't planning to do more than just that.

« Ha... Hajime... Ha... Me... Haji...» I could hear her moan softly.

I loved it so much, everytime I was hearing my name out of her lips. What I loved even more, were these broken versions of it when she was getting so overwhelmed that she couldn't even say it properly anymore. She was pushing her hips against my mouth and I brought my hands on her thighs to steady her. Her core was now hard and I sucked on it, making her escape a cry of pleasure.

« Shhh.. Chizuru... » I scolded « We don't want to be interrupted... »

One of my hand travelled on the inside of her thigh, caressing her under the knee and on her ankle then got back up, on her round stomach and stopped because of her tight obi. I passed my hand behind her back and undid it so I could go up again and I squeezed her breast, so big now that they weren't fitting in my hand anymore. My tongue still sucking and flickering on her core, I stroke her nipple and made it roll between my fingers.

« Ha... Ah... Ah... Hajime... » she moaned even louder and I got up on all four to muffle her with a kiss.

As usual, she made that disgusted face when she tasted her own taste on my lips and I let her catch her breath a few seconds before my thumb took over where my tongue left, making small circles, applying pressure then moving faintly. She was shivering, building up, and I kept my mouth on hers to swallow her groans and moans. When I sensed her stiffen and arch her back, on the verge of extasy, I quitted her lips to bite her nipple and that sent her over the edge as my thumb was insistent on her core. She escaped that high pitch scream, her mouth open, her eyes golden, her legs shaking under the unbearable tension that was getting released and I smiled and rolled to the side, letting her catch her breath.

« What... What... was that ? » she asked, panting.

« An orgasm. » I shrugged, resting on my elbow with my cheek in my palm, looking at her.

« I know that. » she chuckled « but why ? »

« You ask too many questions » I smiled, using my other hand to brush on her cheek.

My desire was still so strong and I was nearly aching, asking for release, but I wouldn't, to not hurt the little one.

« You do realize that after all you've drunk, I don't have the force to continue ? » she asked sadly.

« I do. » I nodded and I leaned over to kiss her « And I don't mind. Sleep, Chizuru. »

She smiled and closed her eyes and fell asleep so quickly that there was no doubt she was totally exhausted. I watched her for a while. That power she had on me... The power to sooth me even in the most hellish situations... Only her could do that, even back in Kyoto. She was the only one capable of calming me down but also of making me loose control. She was perfect. Was that what we call a soulmate ?

I stood up and looked for spare clothes and I found a clean black kimono. I put it on and headed outside to calm my body and clean myself in the nearby river before offering my help around the camp. Chizuru would probably sleep all afternoon anyway and I needed to be kept busy to forget how futile our war was.


	26. Daughter

August 1968

Of course, there was nothing we could do to take back Nihonmatsu. The Daimyo, lord Niwa Nagakuni, didn't seppuku. He fled to Yonezawa and surrendered his domain from there. Most of the Nihonmatsu retainers were dead anyway including all of the Shonentai who fought all they could when the SatCho penetrated the castle. We didn't have more news. Our army was also in bad condition. Aizu had only fifty men left on the two hundred they sent and I had personally lost ninety, leaving me with only half of my effectives. The biggest toll was on the Denshutai though. From eight hundred men, they were now down to three with all the heavy fire they faced. Really, that was starting to look like a joke of an army...

After our defeat in Nihonmatsu, we departed for Aizu and settled camp near the castle of Wakamatsu where Lord Matsudaira Katamori had his residence. I asked for permission to meet with him and to my surprise, he agreed. In fact, I was even more surprised that he knew who I was and that he treated me like any other respectable samurai, maybe even better, even if I had no right to use that title anymore and was nothing more than a ronin. It unsettled me to have the respect and recognition from a man like Lord Katamori. That man was one of the warriors I respected the most. He had been the military commissioner in Kyoto for years, he always defended the Shinsengumi against our detractors and now, he was still fighting when the Bakufu already surrendered. I bet if he liked, he could have had an honorable position in the new government if he were to surrender but that wasn't the kind of man Lord Katamori was. He was true to his beliefs, a daimyo yes, but a bushi before it. I always liked how Aizu was true to the Bushido. How they trained diligently, boys or girls, and how they would fight for their domain. Aizu was the last line of defense in Honshu, Sendai was sending soldiers but other sources were indicating that they were discussing their surrender or ready to leave for Ezo as lord Katamori told me. We talked without roundabout ways, we both were atune on that matter. Aizu would probably fall. But we would fall with it.

I asked him for shelter, for Chizuru and Haruhi. I also asked him for two horses. I had to travel north for a few days and my wife and daughter would stay in the camp so that the men wouldn't feel like maybe I fled the battlefield. Leaving Chizuru as an hostage was a way to make them understand that I was coming back. Yet, as soon as I would return, she and Haruhi would be sheltered in the castle so they could have more comfort and hygiene.

Chizuru was having trouble to stand most of the day now and even if she was still helping as a doctor, I was too worried about her to let her continue to work like this. She needed to stay still, to have a calm atmosphere and to rest. That's why I had to travel. The only way I would succeed to have her calm and still, would be to plunge her nose back into books. That way, she would sit and and lay in bed all day and she would still think she is useful to me. Perfect plan even if I wasn't sure that plunging head first into a Rasetsu nest with Sannan and a Kitsune as leaders was the best idea I ever had.

Lord Katamori agreed to both my requests and assured me that Chizuru and Haruhi would be well treated and cared for and that was warming my heart. If I were to fall on the battlefield, at least, they would be safe. I thanked him genuinely and told him that my sword would fight for him and Aizu and so would the Shinsengumi. I came back to the camp after that to inform Chizuru on my departure.

« I'm back. » I said as I entered the tent, taking off my shoes and coat.

« Welcome home ! » replied Haruhi with a big smile but I couldn't help but frown.

« Where's Chizuru ? » I asked.

« Attending some injured men, she's gonna come back. » she replied « do you want me to fetch her ? »

« No. » I shook my head.

I opened a bottle of sake which was a present from Lord Katamori and Haruhi immediately went to get me a cup.

« Take two. » I told her and she complied, bringing me the two cups.

I poured the sake in the cups and took mine in hand. Since Haruhi wasn't moving, I took the second one and handed it to her.

« Chizuru-neechan says I can't. » she refused politely.

« Chizuru's not there, is she ? » I smiled.

« No but... »

« Are you really going to let me drink alone ? » I asked.

« I... don't know... » she answered, flustered.

Yet, she made no movement to take the cup off my hand and I sighed before emptying mine, sitting down. I emptied the second one and I escaped a bark of laughter when I saw Haruhi pour me another cup and hand it to me.

« What's so funny ? » she asked with a pout.

« Nothing. » I answered as I took the sweet alcohol to my lips.

I drank it slower this time, savoring the taste. It was a really fine sake with a lot of flavors. Swallowing it like a drunk would be a waste. Haruhi stayed by my side with the bottle in hand and I smiled again which caused her to pull on my sleeve, annoyed.

« Tell me why you're mocking me ! » she growled.

« I'm not. » I answered calmly.

« You're looking at me and you laugh ! » she pouted « I don't get what is so funny. »

« You make me think of your mother. » I answered and she widened her eyes in surprise.

« W... Why ? » she asked, her face flustered.

« I don't know » I sighed « maybe because I used to drink alone with her too. She was pouring sake, cup after cup, and she never once shared one with me. »

_Or maybe that day with the whisky but does it really count ? She nearly spitted it all out and didn't even finish it. _

Haruhi seemed to think for a minute and then she angrily took my shoulders in her little hands and shook me. I was lucky my cup was empty.

« You shouldn't think about my mother, Otousan ! » she scolded « You have Chizuru-neechan now. It's not good what you're doing ! »

I escaped a small laugh. I wasn't thinking about Yuki _that way. _Yet, Haruhi was scolding me like I did a terrible thing.

« Calm down, Haruhi » I said calmly « It's not what you think. »

« Well, you shouldn't think about women unless you think about Chizuru-neechan ! » she stated, poking my nose with her finger.

I caught her hand and made her loose balance so she ended up back flat on the ground and her head on my lap. She giggled and closed her eyes. She stayed still a while, a smile on her face.

« Otousan » she called after a few minutes.

« Ha. »

« You were right. » she said.

« I often am. » I nodded and she pouted again and tried to attack my face with her hands but I pulled it out of her reach. « On what matter ? »

« I'm not a warrior... » she said in a sad voice.

« How so ? » I asked, serving myself another cup of sake.

« I wanted to be one, truly. Because... I don't want anyone to have power on me or beat me like Yoshio used to but... I failed. I wanted to be stronger and live with honor and everything just like you do, but in the end, I'm afraid. It was easy to act tough when you wouldn't take me on the battlefield but when you finally did, I wanted to run away. I was so scared... But I knew that you would be disappointed so I didn't... And I still feel bad you know, because I shot those people... Do I disappoint you ? »

« No. » I said softly, stroking her hair with my fingers « you do not need to be a warrior, just like Chizuru doesn't need to be one either. I will protect you both. I am glad you took lessons and that you can defend yourself but you do not need to walk that path. »

« But... If I dont want to be a warrior and I don't want to marry then, what will I do ? » she asked.

« You still have some time to figure it out yourself. » I answered with a smile « You know, I never thought I would marry either. »

« Would you have let me marry Souji ? » she asked out of the blue and I took a few seconds of reflexion before answering.

« If you had an appropriate age to marry and if Souji answered your feelings then maybe I would have. » I answered with caution « did he answer your feelings ? »

« I don't think so... » she muttered « And I never told him... Maybe he didn't even know. »

_Oh, he knew, alright. He knew._

I stayed silent, still stroking her hair. How I changed in only a few years. And I had Chizuru to thank for that. She taught me to open my heart a little bit more and now, I was there, with a wife I loved deeply, a daughter I was proud of and a little one on the way. All these things that once seemed so foreign to a sword like myself.

« I love you, Otousan. » she said, breaking the silence.

« Where is that coming from ? » I asked, flustered.

« Nowhere. » she muttered « I just wanted you to know. »

« I'm not going to die, Haruhi » I smiled « and I love you too. »

She paused and thought for a moment before she opened her mouth again.

« Will you still love me when my sister will be there ? »

« Your sister ? » I smiled.

« Yeah, the one in Chizuru-neechan's belly. »

« Chizuru is pretty sure that it's a boy. » I stated and she frowned.

« No, it's a sister. » she affirmed « I saw her in my dreams. »

« Alright. » I escaped a small laugh « Although I'm not sure that I'm ready to have two disobedient daughters. One is already enough. »

She lifted her hands to try to attack me again with an angry face and I evaded her easily. I took her hands in mine to steady her and she giggled again.

« But you will still love me ? » she asked again.

« Why wouldn't I ? » I asked in return.

« Because... She'll be your blood. So, you will probably love her more. » she affirmed, nodding in understanding to hide how afraid she was about the idea of me not loving her anymore.

« I will love her. » I stated « She will be my daughter and so are you. I will love you both. »

« Noooo » she chuckled « I'm sure you're gonna be so easy on her ! »

« We'll see. » I smiled.

She may be right. If my daughter looked like her mother and has the same temper, I would probably become softer than I ever was.

« Go fetch Chizuru » I ordered, realizing how time had passed.

I needed to talk to her to inform her about my departure and she was taking ages to come back from the infirmary. Haruhi nodded and stood up, arranging her little bun that was exactly like Souji's and she grabbed both her swords before heading out.


	27. Sendai

« You wanted to see me, Hajime ? » asked Chizuru with a smile when she followed Haruhi in.

« Ha. I'm going to Sendai » I nodded.

« By I you mean... »

« I mean I. » I said firmly « I'm taking Toudou with me but you and Haruhi both stay here. »

« Okay. » she nodded and my eyes widened in response.

_Okay ? She said okay ? Gods, if only it could be that easy all the time..._

« Good. » I just said, regaining my composure « When I'll come back, probably in a few days, you both will be transferred inside Wakamatsu castle but for the moment, I need you both here in the camp. While I'm gone, you'll obey to Mori Keisuke who I will leave in charge. »

« Understood. » she nodded again and that was so unsettling than I became suspicious. Was she hiding something ? Since I wasn't speaking, she sighed and crossed her arms, visibly annoyed.

« I'm not stupid, Hajime. I know that with all that The Shinsengumi's been through, if the commander goes away now with his wife and daughter, there will be no man waiting for him in this camp when he'll return. »

I nodded and started to pack a few things for my trip. We would travel at night since Toudou probably couldn't stay in the daylight. I handed an umbrella to my daughter.

« Haruhi » I ordered « go fetch Mori and Toudou. Use this. »

« Hai, Taichô. » she bowed and she ran outside.

I continued to pack under Chizuru's gaze and I saw her put her doctor ustensils in a cupboard. I saw her then unwrap a bottle of liquid that she got out her sleeve and frowned.

« What is this ? » I asked.

« Nothing. » she answered, flustered.

Haruhi entered with Keisuke and Toudou and I turned back to them to give my orders.

« Toudou, you can ride, right ? » I asked.

I haven't even bothered to check before I asked for the horses to Lord Katamori. How stupid of me. Even if Toudou was the illegitimate son of a daimyo, I wasn't sure he got all the education of a samurai's son since his mother was a commoner.

« I can. » he smiled « although I may be rusty. »

« Good. » I nodded « you and I are going to Sendai. Keisuke, you're in charge during my absence. It won't be more than a few days. I leave everything in your care. »

« Understood, Taichô. » he bowed.

« Good. Toudou, you can leave, we are departing at dusk. Keisuke, wait outside the tent a few seconds, I have to show you the plan. Haruhi, go make some rice balls for our trip. Chizuru, I asked you what that bottle was. »

« It's not that important... » she blushed as everyone went complying to their orders.

« The sole fact that you won't answer my question suggests that it is. » I crossed my arms.

I noticed that she had been careful to hide it from me when she put it in the cupboard. I walked to it and took the bottle in my hands but the letters on the label were western.

« It's for the birth. » she answered, blushing red « I sent a letter to Matsumoto-sensei to ask if he had any and he sent that bottle to me. I got it this morning. I'm in my sixth months and anything could happen now and the baby can be early so... I'm preparing... »

« Is that a kind of alcohol ? » I asked, opening the bottle to sniff it.

« Don't !! » she yelled, grabbing my arm to get the bottle away from my nose « Don't sniff it ! »

« Why ? » I asked, confused « Is it poison ? »

« No, it's to have less pain. The English queen, Vikkutorya used it to give birth and she was so happy with it that now, it's really a trend in England. It's going to make me numb. But if you sniff it like you were going to, you'll collapse and sleep. » she explained.

« Sleep ? » I repeated.

« Yeah, instantly. » she nodded « so don't sniff it ! »

« Isn't that dangerous to use this for childbirth ? What if you fall asleep ? And what's this product anyway ? How can you know it's inoffensive for the little one ? » I asked, anxious.

« It's called Chloroform. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing » she kissed me with a smile « I'm a doctor. »

« I guess. » I answered, replying to her kiss. « I trust you. All your crazy ideas work anyway. »

The spices of her skin caught my nose and I parted from her with regret. How I loved that scent, it could drive me crazy every damn time. Shouldn't these desires fade after a few years ? They weren't for me... I put my hands on her hips. I couldn't hold her as close as before now, the little one so big between the both of us. I was growing impatient to meet it.

« Hide that bottle well then, I don't want any incident. » I ordered.

« That's why I brought it to the tent. » she nodded.

I took a step back with regret. I got so used to have her with me every day and every night that knowing that I would be away from her from now on was breaking my heart. But it was also a good thing to keep the little one protected. Chizuru was incredibly desirable and I had to use all my volition not to be intimate with her. I resisted for so long when we first started to be with each other but that wasn't the same now. Now, I knew the softness of her skin, how adorable her moans were and how gorgeously her golden eyes could lit the room. With that knowledge, being away from her really was harder than when I was trying to protect her innocence.

« Hajime, are you okay ? » she asked, concerned.

« Ha. My apologies. » I nodded « I was just lost in thoughts. »

« Okay. » she smiled « Be careful... With Sannan. »

« I think Mika worries me even more than Sannan » I sighed « But I'll be careful and I'll bring back the cure if there is one. Or your research. »

« I know you will » she said, her smile wider « No one can ever kill you. »

_If only that was true... But I'll always find a way to come back to you._

« Go back to work if you need to » I ordered « and let Mori in. He waited enough. »

« Okay. » she said, kissing me again « I'll let you work. »

She got out and let my second in, and I went to the desk to explain to him what he'd have to supervise during my absence.

« We have decided to block the imperialists here, on Bonari pass. We will build three batteries to stop them and ambush their force. If we fail at Bonari Pass, the road to Wakamatsu will be cleared for them. That cannot happen. The SatCho isn't expected before the end of the month but in case of an attack, I trust you to lead our men efficiently. »

« Understood. » nodded Keisuke « Thank you for your trust, Taichô. »

« Thank you, Keisuke, for having my back all the time. » I nodded « Get to work. »

He exited the tent and I undressed myself to get a bit of sleep before departing for Sendai. My Rasetsu body was getting more rest during the day anyway. I laid on the futon and closed my eyes, drifting away almost immediately. I was so exhausted... Being the commander wasn't easy. I had to organize everything, regulate every little problem amongst the men, keep morale up... And chase after Chizuru all the time to make sure she would not overwork. How tiring... No wonder Hijikata-san never married. If I had been appointed commander before things got serious between Chizuru and I, I would never have had the time to court her... Not that I properly courted her anyway with my shyness... I wondered if I would have the occasion to meet with the vice-commander in Sendai. We would be very close to the border so it was unlikely. With these thoughts, I fell asleep peacefully.

At dusk, Toudou and I saddled our horses and got ready to leave. We had pouches on the saddle so we could bring back books and notes... and the Onigiri that Haruhi made for us with pickle plums inside. I said goodbye to my family but without too much effusion since we were outside and people were watching, and we departed together. Aizu and Sendai weren't under the imperial law yet so there was no point in avoiding roads and I was glad for that. We travelled fast, riding nearly all night with only a short pause to rest our mounts and eat some rice ball. For the first time since a long time, my dinner didn't involve a small amount of Chizuru's blood and I missed it a little, that coppery taste that was like a delicacy. I grew so accustomed to have it every evening, at peace with my nature that I had fully accepted now. It was easier to be a Rasetsu when the bloodlust wasn't a problem anymore. I knew that this little trip wouldn't be of any danger for me with all the blood I drank after Nihonmatsu but I couldn't say the same thing for Toudou.

The boy was often shaking, pale. He didn't have any medecine left and he told me that his bloodlust episodes were getting more frequent. I was feeling a bit guilty, having a treatment at the grasp of my hand but selfishly keeping it all to myself. Yet, imagining Toudou's tongue wandering on Chizuru's skin, drinking from her, discovering her most intimate taste... That was something I couldn't bring myself to agree to. Maybe it was possessiveness but she was mine and I wouldn't let Toudou have her. Imagining it was unbearable.

We arrived safely and I let Toudou guide me to the village where the sake brewery was. We took a room at a farm which was the closest thing to an inn that the small hamlet could offer. Toudou was glad for it since the first rays of sun were perking on the horizon. He closed all wood panels and stayed in the dark of he room while I decided to go scouting around the sake brewery to get informations about the whereabouts of the Rasetsu.


	28. Brewery

The sake brewery wasn't big and not very far from the farm where we stopped. I walked silently, hoping not to come across too much Rasetsu in the daylight and I hid behind one of the houses's wall to have a plain view on the entrance of the building. It was buzzing with activity although it was daytime. Toudou hadn't lie to me, the Rasetsu of Sannan could now live in the sun just like myself. Were they really cured or were they still suffering the mild discomfort of the daylight ? And if they were still enslaved by their instincts, then how were they nourishing themselves ? The people of the town seemed afraid of the strangers we were and of the sake brewery but simple questions at the farm informed me that no murders were reported. Then where were they supplying themselves in their daily blood doses ? So many Rasetsu... If they were still as numerous as when they fled from Edo, they were about two dozen.

« So what do you think, Hajime ? » I heard next to me « Should we go in ? »

I turned, surprised that someone was stealth enough to walk on me unnoticed and froze when I found Mika's laughing eyes inches away from my face.

« Yasha-san » I saluted her coldly.

_So she really is alive..._

« So cold again... » she sighed with regret « why wouldn't you call me Mika ? I hope you don't mind if I call you Hajime. We're good friends now. »

« As a matter of fact, I do mind. » I answered « What are you doing here, Yasha-san ? »

« True question is what are you doing here ? » she pouted with her arms crossed « sneaking around isn't really polite. Where's my father ? »

« Yasha-san... » I sighed, uncomfortable « My apologies. I failed to protect your father. »

« I know » she chuckled « I'm messing with you. » her expression darkened though when she spoke again « Koan was tired anyway... Maybe he chose it to be the end... I knew it was only because of me that he wasn't giving up... Too bad that he would never join Inari... »

« I'm sorry for your loss. » I said, meaning every word of it « Koan was a good man. »

« A good fox, that's for sure. » she chuckled again « not sure about the man though. »

I stayed silent, not knowing how to reply to that and still uneasy. Mika was she a friend or a foe here ?

« Where are my manners » she said, holdings her forehead « pardon me, Hajime. Would you like to come in ? I got so excited when I scent you coming to visit us, I already made some tea. I'm a bit sad you haven't brought Haruhi though... How is she ? I like this kid. »

« I'm afraid I will have to decline your offer. » I answered.

I was here to scout, not to entertain a damn fox. Especially knowing her definition of entertainment.

« But I told Kei-chan we'll have you for lunch ! » she pouted « you can't decline ! »

_Kei-chan ?! Is that Sannan ? _

I had trouble imagining Sannan willingly let Mika call him Kei-chan... What was the meaning of all this ?

« Pleaaaaase, Hajime... » she asked again « It's been so long I haven't seen you ! »

« Why are you with Sannan, Yasha-san ? » I asked.

« Isn't it obvious ? » she smiled « Your kin proved that it was even more powerful than a male pure blood Oni ! I need numerous sons to ensure my survival and since you wouldn't let me, I had to find an alternative, so I found an agreement with Kei-chan. »

« What sort of agreement ? » I asked, perplexed.

What could Mika offer Sannan that justified to keep her by his side ? Knowing Sannan, he was probably making tremendous efforts to control himself not to kill the annoying fox.

« Let's just say I gave him something precious for his service » she laughed « Come on, now ! The tea's gonna be cold ! »

Well I was discovered anyway so I guess there was no point of scouting anymore. Yet, I wasn't really sure about this, especially alone. I would rather have Toudou with me but again, keeping Toudou's presence a secret could be an asset. Mika never mentioned my friend so I guess she didn't know he was there. Maybe she didn't know his scent. I nodded, cautious, and followed Mika in plain sight to enter the brewery. I kept my right hand on my scabbard, ready to pull it quickly if my left needed to unsheath but discreetly enough to be polite. Inside, there wasn't any sake production. Instead, they transformed it into a giant laboratory. That answered my first question, they weren't cured. But maybe they developed a more effective treatment. The Rasetsu were working on the cuves and some of them saluted me politely as I passed by them.

Mika led me to the back of the brewery where I found Sannan waiting for me with a gentle smile. He was sitting in front of a table with cups of tea and plates of sweets were displayed. With a movement of the hand, he invited me to take place in front of him and I sat with Mika at the table.

« Saito-kun » he smiled « long time no see. How's the war going ? »

I clenched my hands into fists and grounded my teeth but it was a toneless calm voice that got out of my lips.

« I think you already know the answer to that question. » I stated.

« You are correct » he smiled wider « Every month that pass conforts me into the idea that I took the right decision by taking my Rasetsu out of this war. »

« They're not your Rasetsu. » I said calmly, taking the cup of tea in my hand to mirror his gestures but not a fool enough to bring my lips to it.

« Maybe you should ask them. » he grinned.

I didn't answer. I knew that most of the Rasetsu were loyal to Sannan before the Shinsengumi. That was why the colonel was so dangerous.

« So, why do I get the pleasure of your visit, Saito-kun ? »

« You are deserters. » I simply said « That's against the code. »

« So it's to kill us ? » he chuckled « did you go after Harada-kun and Nagakura-kun with the same fervor ? »

« What are you doing here, Sannan ? » I asked, out of patience « Why did you quit ? »

« You may not realize it, nor did Hijikata-san, But Rasetsu are people, not tools. We grew tired to get used by the Shinsengumi. What did we got in return ? A life of hiding, an aversion to the sun, a bloodlust... the madness... and our lives getting shorter, every time Hijikata-san was sending us to clean the mess. In my opinion, that wasn't that much of a great deal. »

He paused to sip in his cup of tea and I waited for him to continue. I was a Rasetsu too, his words did resonate in me even if never I would have betrayed the Shinsengumi. Sannan opened his kimono with a soft smile and I saw his skin underneath, cracking like broken porcelain.

« I'm dying, Saito-kun. » he said calmly « and there are some of my men that are even closer to death than I am. Hijikata used us in battle until we were of no use. »

« But... You were the one who always wanted to produce more Rasetsu... » I replied, perplexed.

« It's true... The madness, the bloodlust... It was driving me crazy... It's only when I made Saito-sensei's calculations myself that I realized how we had been tricked by becoming Rasetsu. I decided to focus on the cure but Hijikata-san wouldn't have let me have access to everything I needed and he wasn't trusting me anymore. My men, that's more important to me than the Shinsengumi and your stupid war. Here, I'm working on improving the serum. »

« Is there a cure, Sannan ? » I asked, even if I already knew the answer.

« Not for the moment. » he sighed. « We lost four men in tests. »

« How can your Rasetsu live in the daylight ? » I asked, noticing how eager he was to speak to me.

« How can you, Saito-kun ? » he smiled.

_Because I drink Chizuru's blood. _

I stayed silent, waiting for his answer to my question but he just sipped tea.

« Are you killing people ? » I asked.

« Do you really think I would answer that question if it was the case ? »

« Then answer it if you're innocent. » I stated.

« We are not. » he smiled.

« Were you responsible for the murders in Edo ? » I asked again.

« This was us, yes. Before we found a solution, thanks to Mika. » he said.

_And you bastard accused me... _

Mika made a sound that sounded like a purr when Sannan praised her. I didn't know what game she was playing but I still didn't have any answers to the questions that were haunting me.

« What's that solution ? »

« That's a secret. » he said.

« I am a Rasetsu too, as you know. » I said calmly « If there is indeed a solution, I would be glad if you shared it with me. »

« You already know. » he said enigmatically and I was even more confused, even if I wasn't showing it.

« I'll find it. » I warned « One way or another. »

I needed that solution, if not for me, at least for Toudou, and I needed it fast. There was my family, my men and my lord waiting for me in Aizu. I needed to get back there as soon as possible. The temperature dropped several degrees and our tones weren't cordial anymore when we resumed speaking.

« Are you here to declare war on us, Saito-kun ? » he asked.

« It is not my primary intention, especially if you do not harm anyone » I said and Mika chuckled « Yet, if you do not want to cooperate, I will have to find other means to get what I want. »

« And what do you want ? » he asked.

« Chizuru's researchs, yours and the solution you mentioned. » I simply said.

« I'm afraid I cannot hand you any of that. » he grinned wryly.

« Then I'm afraid I will have to get them myself. » I said, standing up « thank you for the tea, Sannan. »

« I won't let you get inside another time » he said.

« In that case, I have to get them now. » I said and I unsheathed my sword rapidly to slit Sannan's throat.

Outside the brewery, I looked at my sword that I still had in hand and at my exposed chest, my waistcoat and shirt completely unbuttoned. There was a paper in my right hand and I unfolded it.

« Aren't you cute when you get all serious ? Be careful, Hajime ! Next time you come and play with us, I might open your pants ! Love, Mika. »

I threw the paper to the ground, face red and teeth grounded in anger. Damn fox ! I sheathed back my sword and buttoned my shirt and waistcoat before I headed back to the farm to inform Toudou on what I learned. At night, I would probably try to sneak in again, whatever the cost. No one ever threatened me and got away with it. And Kitsune weren't an exception.


	29. Blind

At dusk, I unwrapped the sword I had taken with me and put it in my obi instead of my loyal katana. That was feeling like a betrayal to me and I hoped the gods wouldn't punish me for using the sword of a warrior I killed.

« What's that sword, Saito ? » asked Toudou, curious.

« Doujigiri Yasutsuna. » I answered in my toneless voice.

I took it out to tie my sash a bit tighter. Kazama's sword was heavier than my own and also wider like most katana but it was even worse with it being an ancient blade from the Kamakura shogunate era. It was even longer than our contemporary katana. As most iai masters, I was using a sword a bit shorter, lighter and curvier than other styles, although you really had to know about the curve to notice it. Plus, it was really comfortable for me to wield my katana from a left hand which wasn't the case for all swords. A sword is like a shoe. If you take a sandal a bit too short or long, you might be able to walk with it but it wouldn't be comfortable. It had to fit perfectly. And that sandal wasn't.

« Doujigiri... Demon slayer ?! Where did you get that sort of blade ? » asked Toudou, eyes wide « can I see it ? »

I nodded and handed him the sword. He unsheathed it and watched it with sparkling eyes.

« Whoah... » he murmured « That's an incredible blade... It's even better than mine... »

That was a compliment that I never thought Toudou would make about my sword one day. His was exceptional, inherited from his father. Yet, it wasn't my sword anyway.

« Where'd'you get it ? » he asked again.

« It's Chizuru's. » I answered.

« No way ! She only has her ancient kodachi ! I never saw her with a katana before ! » he yelled.

« It has been hers since I killed Kazama Chikage. It was his beforehand. » I explained.

« Why did you take it ? » he asked, confused at the idea that I stripped a dead warrior from his sword. That didn't sound like me at all.

« It's in its name : demon slayer. No Oni, no Yokai and no Rasetsu can heal from it. I figured that Sannan's Rasetsu will probably have the same way of fighting that I have. Since they know they can heal, they will be less cautious and I will kill them before they could realize that their body isn't healing. If I'm going against twenty Rasetsu and a Yokai, I'll need that effect of surprise. »

« And Kazama used it... » muttered Toudou « and you killed him even if he could heal and you couldn't... »

« I did. » I nodded.

« Damn... » he muttered and that was more powerful than any praises.

He handed me back the sword and I passed it in my sash. I unsheathed it a few times to get accustomed to its weight and length that were so unfamiliar to me. I wondered if I was making the right choice, choosing a sword that I was uncomfortable with instead of the one that granted me velocity and strength. Yet, I kept the Doujigiri Yasutsuna.

« Are you planing on killing them all, Saito ? » asked Toudou suddenly.

« I intent on defending myself if I need to. Yet, I won't fight unless it is necessary. We only need to find the reseaches. Quitting the Shinsengumi is something but fleeing with intels is another. That knowledge belongs to the Shinsengumi so we need to take it back. »

« Do you really think they came up with a more effective medecine ? » he asked sadly.

« Their behavior speaks for itself. They found something that allows them to overcome their nature. » I stated « we need to find it. »

« Okay. » he nodded, hopeful.

Toudou and I started moving towards the brewery. I was trying to be as stealth as possible but I knew that Mika would probably scent me coming. My only chance was in her sleeping. Kitsune needed sleep too and even if she wasn't much of a sleeper, as I observed when we traveled together, she still needed some rest sometimes. To keep Toudou as an asset, we decided that we would split. His scent was unknown. I explained to him how to get to the room where I've been offered tea. There was a desk with papers there, posibly linked to the Ochimizu. I needed him to scout around, knowing that I wouldn't be as effective. I would be the diversion.

We positioned ourselves far from each other but both with view on the brewery. It was still buzzing with activity and we stayed in the shadows, waiting for the right moment. We stayed hours that way, not moving an ear, until finally, it seemed like the Rasetsu were leaving to get some rest. From my side, I counted four watchkeepers and I took a small mirror from my pocket to signal them to Toudou, moonlight reflecting four times on the mirror's glass. He responded with two and I was glad for that. I would draw attention and the road would be clear for him.

I got out of the shadows and tried to be as stealthy as possible but the four watchkeeper were soon joined by the ginger fox, looking around her with a wide smile.

« You know, Hajime » she yelled with her hands around her mouth « if you want me to remove your pants so bad, you can ask. There is no need for these preliminaries. »

_Discovered already... But if she thinks that this provocation will lure me out then she doesn't know who she's dealing with. _

« Is it because you missed me ? » she asked again « Can't your wife compare ? That really is flattering, you know. »

_Damn fox... But if she's speaking that much to try and make me reveal myself then maybe she can't get a precise idea of where I am... I'm not sure how her smell works but maybe if she can smell people from so far, she gets less precise when she's close. _

« Are we playing hide and seek ? » she asked, chuckling « never thought you'd be so childish ! Do I need to start counting ? »

I got a bit further in the shadows, trying to lure her out of the entrance of the brewery but she didn't seem to move.

« Oh ? You moved ? » she said, sniffing the air « Are you going already ? »

_Okay so she can sense my movements but can't find me if I stay still... How to drag her away though ?_

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Toudou getting in by a window and I prayed for him to be descreet enough not to be detected. I had to enter the light, it was showtime. I closed my eyes and meditated, trying to empty my mind and be alert of all my surroundings. When I was ready, I stepped out of the shadows, my sword already unsheathed. I wasn't comfortable enough with this one to try iai.

« Here you are ! » she chuckled « Oh ? Why are you keeping your eyes closed ? »

I didn't answer and just stayed there so the Rasetsu could focus on me. Plunged in the dark, I was focused, trying to sense every small movement of the air that could indicate a sword coming my way. I waited until I did sense it and I evade the blow, blocking it with my sword. One, two... Two Rasetsu trying to stop me and not the four I expected. Yet, I wasn't going to make the mistake of opening my eyes to see where the others were. I evade another blow and cut through the first Rasetsu. I sensed he was still moving though so I wasn't sure my blow was enough to end his life and I threw another one, just to be sure, evading another strike in my back at the same time. I turned over and fought the second one when I sensed the two missing ones getting closer.

« Whoah ! You can do all this with your eyes closed ?! That's so impressive ! » praised Mika like a little girl.

_Shut up, I'm trying to concentrate._

I blocked a strike aiming to my side but it still opened my flesh a little. It wasn't a big deal though, I would heal in seconds if I unleashed my Rasetsu form. For the moment, there was no need. I killed the second Rasetsu, leaving me with only two opponents but I sensed movement around me, indicating that others were coming.

« Step back. » I ordered « It isn't my wish to kill any one of you. I want what has been stolen from the Shinsengumi. »

Some backed off but not all of them and I started moving again, evading blows after blows, stepping forward, backward, crouching... focused only on the air movements and on keeping my eyes closed. I knew I couldn't keep it up too long though, I was outnumbered and the efforts I was putting in my defense were tiring me. A violent blow made me loose balance and I fell on the ground, making a backward roll both to get myself away from my assaillant and position myself in kisa so that my next attack would be more powerful than if I just was sitting on the ground. Using the front of my foot sole, I propelled myself back up and my sword encountered the one of my enemy.

« Sannan. » I said, recognizing his style.

« Saito-kun, I have some respect for you. Please don't make me kill you. » he said in his soft gentle voice.

« You need to give back what belongs to the Shinsengumi. » I stated.

« It belongs to me. » he said while attacking again.

Our swords clashed one on another, each of us trying to get the upper hand. It wasn't the same as before, he had more skills. His blows became more powerful and rapid and I had no choice but to surrender to my Rasetsu nature to keep the rhythm.

« Sannan » I said « Souji died that way. Don't make the same mistake. »

I sensed him tense and shiver but he didn't stop coming at me with all he could. I wondered how long I could keep going. That was getting too hard, I needed my eyes but as soon as I'd open them, it would be the end for me and I would rather die than letting Mika do whatever she want to me. Another problem was that deprived of my sense of sight, I had no way to know if Toudou exited the brewery or if he still needed more time. When I sensed another cut on my cheek and one that got way too close to my eye, I decided to retreat, hoping that Toudou was safe.

I made a roll back to get myself away from his blade and started running to get away from there.

« Kei-chan ! » said Mika « shouldn't we go after him ?! »

« Leave him. » replied Sannan « it may be a ruse to get us to leave the brewery. What we need to protect is here. Running after him would be foolish. »

I opened my eyes and ran even faster to get back to the farm where I hoped I would find Toudou. Relief invaded my heart when I saw him getting our horses ready.

« Have you found the researches ? » I asked

« I grabbed all I could get, mostly notes. The books were too heavy and I wasn't sure they'd be as relevant. But Saito ! You're never gonna believe this ! They had captured Chizuru-chan ! We need to go now. »

His finger pointed at the back of the stable where a familiar figure was closed on himself, pale, slim and with sunken cheeks, trembling like a leaf.

« That's not Chizuru » I said « that's Nagumo Kaoru. »


	30. Source

« Who ? »

« Nagumo Kaoru. » I repeated « Chizuru's twin brother. Think for a minute, Toudou. Have you seen Chizuru's belly recently ? » I sighed.

When he saw me, Kaoru tried to make himself even smaller in the corner as if his only wish was to disappear within the wall. I looked at him pensively and opened my mouth again.

« We should take him back. » I said.

« No, Saito-san, please don't... » muttered Kaoru with tears forming in his eyes.

How could that kid look even more pathetic every time I laid my eyes on him, I wonder... But I had no wish to force my horse to endure his weight considering his evil snake nature.

« Saito » objected Toudou « have you seen him ? He's so thin it looks like he could be carried by the wind ! They're eating him ! »

« That is indeed unfortunate. » I said « but what happens to Kaoru is of no concern to me. Plus, while they're feeding on him, and he heals, they're not hurting anyone. »

Kaoru's gaze dropped back on the floor, concient that his futur was in my hands. That guy was a snake and if it had been for me, he would have been dead long ago. I agreed to surrender him to the Yase clan but if he had been dumb enough to escape the only ones who cared about his well being then that wasn't my problem.

« But... If he's Chizuru's brother then... doesn't that makes him your brother in law ? You can't let him be eaten alive, Saito ! »

I sighed and looked at Kaoru again. Chizuru did tell me that she'd like to speak to her brother but to me, a good Kaoru was a dead Kaoru. Or at least, an inprisonned Kaoru.

« Saito-san » said Kaoru, maybe seeking for an opportunity to convince me « I never meant to leave the Yase, I swear. I got abducted by the female fox to feed these... »

« Monsters ? » I finished « I guess the Ochimizu isn't that funny when you swap from master to prey. »

He stayed silent again and looked back at the ground, muttering inarticulate words.

« Saito... » said Toudou again « we have to go now or they'll find us... »

« If they don't get Kaoru back, they'll pursue us anywhere. Talk. » I ordered Kaoru « I'm giving you a chance to escape. »

« If you really help me, I promise to help my sister for the cure. » he tried « and I'll get back to the Yase... To Sen... She's nice to me... You don't know how it had been like to be with the Nagumo clan... They were so disappointed to have inherited the male heir... If I had been Chizuru... »

« I won't let you anywhere near Chizuru. » I affirmed « But I can keep you in custody until the Yase come and get you. Take it or leave it. »

I didn't even have to wait for him to think about it before he agreed.

« Yes ! Yes ! Please, Saito-san, take me ! »

« If Toudou wants to take you, he can. » I said « but I am not. And if you bat an eye, I'm chopping you as many fingers as necessary for you to behave. »

I looked at Toudou and waited for his decision and he nodded with resolve, grabbing Kaoru by the arm and helping him on the saddle.

« I'm taking him. »

I didn't say anything. I already knew that what we were doing was a mistake. Mika would follow our tracks and the Rasetsu would come at us with furious despair, lost without their precious source, and we wouldn't have any other solution than to kill them all before they kill us or start to kill people again. Kaoru would have been a small casualty that would have saved us a lot of trouble but nevermind, guess we both had soft hearts in the end.

I got on my horse and Toudou got behind Kaoru on his, telling him to hold tight to the horse's mane. We galloped until the village was behind and we weren't close to any others before I ordered the halt.

« Are you sure it's safe, Saito ? » asked Toudou, concerned. « We should ride straight back to the camp, don't you think ? »

« I'm not loosing a single man against desperate bloodthirsty Rasetsu. » I said calmly, making a fire « We are far enough not to make any human victim. We'll wait for them here. »

« O... Okay. » said Toudou, not convinced.

« But you're sure they can find us ? »

« When I was searching for Chizuru, Mika was able to track down Kazama two weeks later from Osaka to Hakone. They'll find us. »

I crouched in front of Kaoru and gave him a tanto. His eyes widened at the sight of the short blade.

« You trust me with a weapon ? » he asked.

« No. » I answered « I want you to pour your blood. »

« Saito, are you insane ?! » yelled Toudou but I didn't waver « Have you seen in what shape he is ?! »

« The Rasetsu are going to come eventually. » I continued to explain to Kaoru, ignoring my friend « Toudou is fighting the bloodlust for too long and can't stay in the daylight. Without your blood, we are going to fail. Now, I don't care if Sannan takes you back and your only chance of survival is Toudou here. If I were you, I would make him strong before making him fight. Your call. »

« He's too... hungry... I'm going to die... » protested Kaoru sadly.

« If he looses control, I'll stop him. » I said.

« Saito, I'm really not sure if that's a good idea » objected Toudou « and if you can stay in the daylight, I can too. I can have the same iron will you have. »

« This has nothing to do with will » I confessed, plunging my gaze in his « I can resist the pain and the madness that much because I feed on Chizuru. »

« You what ?! » yelled the both of them.

« I'm sorry Toudou » I sighed, facing my friend « My will isn't as strong as you think it is. Yours is undoubtedly stronger. You've been a Rasetsu for so long and you never wavered while I've started feeding on blood only two months after my transformation. »

« You drink Chizuru-chan's... » he repeated, astonished.

« How dare you drink from my sister ?! » yelled Kaoru « You're not any better from the brewery guys ! »

« Silence. » I ordered him and my eyes were enough to froze him in place. I turned back to Toudou, even if I knew that no excuses could ever be enough « It was her idea. It seems to be harmless for her and she heals. Yet, it is a salvation for me. I will not apologize or make excuses since there is no point in doing so, but know that I would not think any less of you if you drink from Kaoru. »

« But... » started Toudou before turning his head away with a somber expression « what if, after I know how it tastes like, I can't stop myself from wanting more ? »

« You already crave it, Toudou. Face it or escape it, but there will be only two endings. Either you'll drink or you'll get caught by the madness. »

I turned to Kaoru who still had the tanto in hand and locked my gaze in his, waiting for him to cut through his flesh. He took his long hair out of the way and nodded.

« You'll stop him before he kills me ? » he asked, scared.

« Ha. » I nodded.

« Saito... » implored Toudou.

Kaoru slid the tanto against his neck and the scent of his blood immediately caught my nose. It was the scent I remembered, the one Chizuru had when I attacked her, before her pregnancy altered slightly the taste of her blood. So good... Yet, I stayed impassive, controlled. I was desiring it but not craving it, contrarily to Toudou.

His crimson eyes were focused on the liquid pouring from Kaoru's neck and his white hair seemed like risen on his head in excitement. He was in pain and yet, he made no move towards Kaoru. I could respect that but unfortunately, I had to play the devil's attorney on that one.

« Go, Toudou. » I said and he shivered, crawling with hesitant little steps.

He joined Kaoru who was looking completely terrified and approached his lips from the already sealed wound. Male Onis really were healing faster than females. I turned my gaze away, my desire to be there in Kaoru's neck instead of Toudou growing bigger in me, especially since he looked so much like my wife and had the same scent, the same delicious taste. I passed my tongue on my lips, saliva invading my mouth in anticipation and I shook my head.

_Calm down, Hajime... _

I heard Toudou lick the blood off and the metallic sound of the tanto getting unsheathed again, making another wound. I could hear Toudou's sucking and his deglutition, his adam apple moving up and down while swallowing the lifesaving liquid. How I wished I could be in his place...

« Saito ! » said Kaoru and I turned back my eyes on them.

I came closer and caught Toudou's shoulders to get him away from Kaoru and encountered no resistance. I expected him to clench at his food, especially after so much privations but he didn't. He let me pull him back and in seiza, he bowed to Kaoru, his palm and nose against the forest floor.

« Thank you, Nagumo Kaoru. » he said « That will not be forgotten. »

He stood up and seemed perfectly well without any trace of madness and want.

« Toudou... » I whispered more for myself than for him « you are so much stronger than I am... »


	31. Ambush

As the hours passed, Koaru was starting to shiver with cold although the weather was quite nice. Aizu summers weren't like Kyoto's, they were a lot more bearable in heat but yet, it wasn't that cold at night either. I guess he was so weak and thin that the cold could enter his bones more easily than ours. I made a fire to keep him warm since I didn't care about being seen. Normally, there wouldn't be any villagers near, the SatCho wasn't that far north yet and the Rasetsu would find us with or without a fire. He immediately got closer to the flames and his eyes were sparkling with tears when he brought his palms in front of the heat. Toudou came closer to him and handed him one of the Onigiri that Haruhi made the day before. Kaoru accepted it with a small smile and they ate silently around the campfire.

« Do you want one, Saito ? » asked Toudou.

« I'm fine. » I answered, sitting arms crossed against a tree, alert « Thank you. »

« You're sure ? » he tried again « There's enough you know and you should eat something. »

« Do whatever you like with my portion, Toudou. » I said « I'll eat in camp. »

My friend nodded, understanding that I would never say « give it to Kaoru » but that I wasn't blind enough to see how the boy was starving. He needed to eat more than I did. Plus, I hated to see Chizuru's face so sad and weak and beaten... Reason why I was avoiding Kaoru's sight and wasn't with them around the fire.

How long would we have to wait ? I was growing impatient. The sooner they would be here and the sooner we would be back to camp. Or dead. Yet, waiting was unbearable.

« Toudou » I asked « you're a good climber ? »

« I'm a real monkey ! » he goaded « but why do you ask ? »

« Your scent is unknown. » I explained « when you're finished eating, you should get in a tree so we could use this as element of surprise if needed. »

« Yosh ! » he said with a grin « that sounds like a plan ! »

« If you can, take down the fox first. » I continued « I probably won't be able to fight them all at once with my eyes closed, so we need to get rid of her as quickly as possible. »

« You mean, kill her ? » said Toudou.

« If she bewitches me, or Kaoru, yes. We will not have any other choice. » I nodded « If she stays out of the fight, we'll see. »

« And... what about Sannan ? » he asked.

« You wanted Kaoru. There is no possibility that we take Kaoru without killing Sannan. If you want to save Sannan's life, hand him the boy. »

Toudou looked at Kaoru who replied with a frightened gaze, and he handed him another Onigiri.

« I can't do this. » he stated « Sannan's wrong. And... now I owe Kaoru anyway. »

« I see. » I just said « I'm going to sleep a little, wake me up if anything occurs. »

I threw my katana to Kaoru who caught it. Seeing my blade into his hands made me want to vomit but it was better than giving him the sword with which he could actually kill me.

« Use this. » I told him « to fight for your life. »

« Thank you, Saito-san. » he bowed « you r... »

« I have no interest in what you have to say. Silence. » I said harshly.

I hadn't forgotten all the altercations I had with him, how he tried to abduct Chizuru at Tenmaya, how he told me that my marriage had no value and how he mocked me, making me believe for weeks he was a suffering Chizuru while she was taken away from me by Kazama. Brother in law or not, he couldn't expect us to be the best friends ever with that much history between us.

His gaze dropped and he shut up, eating his rice. I closed my eyes and tried to get into a half sleep to get some rest but keep all my senses alert. I heard that Toudou was finished eating and he got in a tree as planned to wait for the Rasetsu.

I was getting moodier and moodier. I had so much to do, back at the camp : supervize the construction of the batteries on Bonari Pass, write to Hijikata-san, meet with Otori about our strategy, make a full inventory of our ammo to ask Matsudaira Katamori-sama for what we needed... and if I had time, try to spend some with Chizuru before I send her to Aizu-Wakamatsu. Since I became Taichô, I had to make my authority respected and I couldn't be as caring as I used to be with her. Most of our conversations were more reports or orders between an officer and her commander than banter of husband and wife. I knew she was suffering from it and that she would have given everything for me to have a lower position which would have allowed me to be myself with her but we both had to submit to our duty. After the war... I would make it up to her, but in the meantime, she would have to cope with my cold demeanor.

I heard the sound I was waiting for, footsteps, and I opened my eyes and stood up, hand on the pommel of my sword.

« Saito-kun » said Sannan as nine Rasetsu surrounded us « there is no need for us to fight. »

Another Rasetsu came closer, carrying papers and books tied together and he let the package down, bowing.

« These are copies of all my up-to-date researches on the Ochimizu. It's yours if you hand me the boy. » continued Sannan.

Kaoru shivered in fear and unsheathed my katana, ready to defend his life or die trying.

« I'm afraid I cannot let you take him. » I stated.

« Why ? » asked Sannan « from what I understood, he caused you problems in the past. You should look forward to get rid of him. »

« I don't expect you to understand my reasons. » I said, taking a fighting stance « you will take the boy over my dead body. »

« I see » he smiled « kill him. »

All the Rasetsu came to me at once and I unleashed my powers to be able to keep up with their speed and strength. Fortunately, I was used to fight alone against numerous opponents and I had Kazama's blade, heavy but longer than their own. The weight of the katana wasn't really a problem anyway now that my eyes were crimson and I started my mad dance to cut down my opponents. They hadn't realize yet that I was healing and they weren't and so, they weren't cautious. Kaoru came to help me and he was able to kill one of them. My sword was swinging mercilessly and I got able to wound them all and kill four of them before Sannan unsheathe his sword and Toudou landed in the fight from above.

« Toudou ! » I yelled « have you found the fox ?! »

My friend turned to me, eyes empty of all feelings apart from an extreme devotion and he unsheathed his sword, facing me.

« Mika wants the boy, Saito. You have to give her the boy. She will reward me if I bring her what she wants. » he said, getting closer.

_Shit !_

I looked around me to find Mika but I couldn't find her. I was still opposing five wounded Rasetsu and now I had Sannan and Toudou against me too.

_Shit !_

I resumed fighting, getting rid of the remaining Rasetsu but Toudou and Sannan with white hair and crimson eyes, that was a different story. In duel, I would have beaten them both but the two of them against me... I wasn't sure about my chances of success. I blocked their blows, one after the other, trying to find a way to save Toudou's life. When I could, I was looking around me, trying to find the damn fox. If I could get to her, Toudou would be free. Yet, she was well hidden, probably up in the trees if she had been able to find Toudou. I couldn't possibly climb and fight at the same time and I was tiring. Sannan's sword wounded me on the side and I hissed.

_It's alright... I'll heal... _

I wounded him too and evaded one of Toudou's blows. I was trying my best not to hurt him until I found a solution to free him from his bewitching. Kazama's swords would cause irreparable damages to his body and I didn't want to hurt him. I was trying to focus on Sannan and kill him, hoping that Mika would flee if I were to kill her beloved Kei-chan.

Suddenly, I backed off and unexpectedly tripped on a root and I lost balance for a second but it was enough for Sannan to land an attack on my head.

And then, everything went so fast.

A head fell.

A sword swung.

Another head fell.

Feet landed on the dirt.

Sannan's body collapsed on me and I looked, confused, at his head rolling on the floor, cut in a single blow by Toudou. I turned my gaze on Kaoru and the ginger fox head at his feet. He climbed, unnoticed even by myself, and took down Mika just in time for Toudou to get his senses back and save my life. In a way, I owed my life to Kaoru... I removed Sannan's body from my own and got up. I cleaned and sheathed my sword calmly, as if I was completely unfazed and I went to take the researchs that Sannan brought with him and tied them to my saddle. Toudou was still looking at the friend he killed and I wanted to say something meaningful but I didn't know what. I took the shovel I had brought with me and started digging. The faster they would be all burried, the faster we could go. They were Rasetsu and enemies but they were Shinsengumi men and Sannan... He was my friend. They deserved a proper treatment. Toudou took his too and he helped me dig. We made twelve tombs, for the men, for Sannan and a small one for the ginger fox that once was Mika, now joining her father and sisters in the afterlife. When we were finished, I wrapped back Kazama's sword in a cloth and extended my hand for Kaoru to give me back my katana. He complied without any protests and I bowed to him.

« Thank you, Nagumo Kaoru. » I simply said and I think he understood that I wasn't thanking him solely for handing me my blade.

I got back on my saddle and so did Toudou and Kaoru and we headed back to the camp as the sun was rising up. We managed to do this quick, after only three days of absence and we were returning hands full with reseaches and books for Chizuru to study. That would surely make her stop moving so much.


	32. Music

We rode all morning and all afternoon without any interruption. We didn't have any food left anyway so our only meal would be the one we would take at the camp. When we arrived, I dismounted and put a cloth over Kaoru's head to avoid any confusion amongst the men. Chizuru was loved by everyone and if people were to witness her that thin and weak (and not pregnant anymore), gossips would spread at the speed of sound. I led him to a prison cage and left him there.

« I'm sorry to keep you like this but I warned you that you'd be in custody. You will have to cope with this roughness until I find a better option for you. » I apologized « Toudou will bring you some rice porridge. »

I decided to assign Toudou to Kaoru's surveillance. I needed all my men against the SatCho and Toudou couldn't fight in the open. It was the most logical choice. That settled, I gave back the two horses to the Aizu warriors, thanking them for their help, and I searched for Chizuru, Haruhi and Keisuke.

I went to my tent first and found it empty. I let down the researchs and changed myself, my uniform completely stained with blood. I took another shirt and waistcoat and kept my trousers which were still pretty clean and I headed out.

« You » I said, recognizing the warrior who was training with Haruhi « Suzuki-kun, right ? Do you know where is Mori ? »

« Hai, Taichô ! » he bowed « Mori-san is keeping an eye on your wife, Taichô. »

I lifted an eyebrow, confused. Why would Chizuru need protection ? What did she do again ?

« Where are they ? » I asked.

« Dancing, Taichô » he said, uncomfortable.

« Dancing ? » I repeated, believing that I misheard.

« Yes, Taichô, dancing. Well, you wife and daughter are. Mori-san is just looking after them because you weren't there so he wanted to make sure that their honor wouldn't be tainted in your absence... » he said, uneasy.

« Where ? » I asked.

« In the encampment of the Frenchmen. »

_These bastards... _

« Alright. » I nodded and I headed to the Denshutai section of the camp to find Brunet and his men, and get my wife back.

I didn't need to search long before I heard the music which didn't sound like anything I knew and I supposed I was getting close. I found the source of the music, a wooden instrument that was played with a bow like a kokyuu but that the frenchman was holding in the crook of his neck. The other frenchmen were dancing with farm girls and in the middle, Chizuru and Haruhi. The man dancing with Chizuru was acting like all the others so I supposed it was normal to them but my blood was boiling to see him with his arm around her waist and the second one holding her hand, making her turn around in rhythm with the music. The one dancing with Haruhi though was holding both her hands and he was also less close. I guess he couldn't dance like all the others with the height difference. Both the girls were laughing and seemed to be having a lot of fun so instead of scolding them, I tried to ignore my jealousy until I could get a full understanding of the situation and I put on my impassive mask on when I joined my second who was looking at Chizuru from the side.

« Keisuke. » I saluted him.

« H... Ha ! Taichô ! » he yelled « I'm sorry ! I... They... »

« It's alright, Keisuke. » I nodded « you do not need to protect them anymore. »

« H...Hai ! » he stuttered « I... Their honor is untainted, Taichô ! It's... They don't... »

« It's alright. » I repeated.

« Hajime ! »

Chizuru had noticed me and she got her hand off her cavalier's shoulder and ran to me to throw herself in my arms.

« Ca.. Careful, Chizuru ! » I said, surprised and anxious.

_Am I the only one thinking about our baby here ?! _

I detached her from my body and saw the disappointment in her gaze but I had no choice, I had to maintain a certain image.

« Otousan ! Welcome home ! » yelled Haruhi before she came closer too.

I couldn't help but smile to see them this radiant at the idea that I was back. I passed my hand into Haruhi's hair and turned back to Chizuru.

« I have your books. » I stated.

She served me a wide smile and her eyes were sparkling with proudness and relief.

« Are you hungry ? » she asked « have you eaten something ? »

« Not yet » I confessed « but I'm fine. »

« Saito-san, I am so glad to see you here. » said Brunet, bowing to me as suitable.

As a way to show him that I respected him and his men, I extended my hand for him to shake it. This way, we exchanged greetings from both our cultures and we were on a level of equality.

« What is happening here ? » I asked Brunet, perplexed.

« A bal musette. » he replied with a laugh « may I offer you a drink ? »

« That would be very nice, thank you, Burunee-san. » I bowed.

He asked me to follow him to the other side, near the musician and served me a cup of green liquid. He served a cup for him too.

« Normally during bals musette, we would drink wine but I'm afraid we don't have any left so this is Chartreuse. It's an alcohol but moreover, it's a cure and an elixir of long-life. It keeps men healthy ! You have to drink it in one gulp, ready ? Kampai ! »

« Kampai. » I repeated before swallowing the content of my cup.

My throat was on fire, my mouth was numb and my chest was aching because of the strength of the drink and its taste, like fresh grass. Who could drink that from their own volition ?!

« Another one ? » he asked me with a smile.

« Thank you, Burunee-san but one is enough. » I said with respect.

« Just like Chizuru-chan » he laughed « although she spitted it all out and coughed for minutes. »

« Why is she here, Burunee-san ? » I asked, looking at my wife who wasn't dancing anymore but talking with Keisuke and Haruhi.

« Our people have been requested to go home » he said with a sad smile « we are the one who refused and that makes us deserters. We do not regret our decision because we believe you fight for what is just but now that the summer is here, some of us were kind of homesick. Just like Matsuri are the heart of the summer in Japan, bals are their equivalent in France and so, we organized one to raise a bit the morale. As you observed, our dances require partners so we asked your wife and daughter to come and dance with us. »

« I see. » I just said.

« What you see here is a pale imitation, I'm afraid » he chuckled « it looks a bit ridiculous with only our violin... Normally we are supposed to have lanterns and a wooden floor to dance, more musicians, a shitload of wine, entire porks to share, maybe a bonefire and a lot of girls ! » he laughed some more « in villages, bals musette are the occasion to get lucky with the girl you fancy when their father or husband is too drunk to notice a thing and the alcohol makes the maidens less shy. »

I understood that there were memories of these kind of moments that caused him to laugh but that didn't really reassure me about the presence of my wife and daughter amongst them.

« I see. Well, have a nice evening, Burunee-san. » I bowed « We are going back to our encampment. »

« No, no, no ! » he protested « you would do me a great honor if you stayed. Otori said he would stop by as well, please stay and enjoy yourself ! »

I didn't really think I could enjoy myself at this kind of celebration. Their alcohol was disgusting, I didn't know how to dance and the only person I was desiring to « get lucky with » was untouchable. Yet, before I could try to escape again, Brunet adressed my wife.

« Chizuru-chan, come and show your husband how to waltz ! » he shouted.

Chizuru came with a wide smile and I tried to protest.

« N.. No... » I said, my ears already red « I don't dance. »

Yet, my wife seemed so happy to share that with me that I let her lead me on the dance floor. She took my left hand and put it on her waist and put her own hand on my shoulder, our right hands holding each other's and our baby between us.

« Are you sure this is reasonable ? » I asked, looking at her belly « you tire a lot more easily now and I'm not sure dancing in your condition is very wise. »

« Don't worry » she smiled « I'm wearing the hara-obi and it's a great help for my back. It offers a lot of support. »

« I told you this obi was an asset. » I nodded, pleased.

« Okay so let me remember » she said, focused but blushing red in embarrassment « you're the man so you're supposed to lead and I'm... I'm not sure yet what I'm supposed to do but its with three sliding steps like... one, two, three, one, two, three and then we turn and... since it's musette we turn on the left... which would probably be easier for you since you are left-handed but... gods, this is so hard ! I'm sorry, I suck... » she sighed.

I tried to follow her guidance but our dance was very clumsy and far from the grace the other dancers had. I stopped for a few seconds and looked around to see how the frenchmen were doing it. I analyzed their steps and when I understood how I was supposed to move, I took the lead and guided Chizuru. She opened eyes like saucers and smiled widely when she realized how my steps were assured. We were dancing and swirling like autumn leaves or cherry blossoms in the wind and she started to laugh, happy.

« You're good ! » she praised, surprised and delighted.

« I'm a fast learner. » I nodded.

« That's more than fast ! » she laughed.

« I'm a spy. Mirroring is part of my job. » I stated.

I was a talented spy and a good swordsman and therefore, I was adaptable, good at imitation and had a good coordination. I never thought I would ever use my talents to learn how to dance though. As a man, I never needed to, dance was for women. I knew some geisha dances from spying missions but nothing near this waltz. Dancing with someone else, in so high proximity, was very strange. I was lucky it was my wife because never would I have dared putting my hands on any other girls here.

The music of the violin was guiding my steps and I didn't need to look at the other dancers now. My gaze was solely focused on Chizuru's smiling face, filled with delight and joy. I had to admit, it was rather pleasant to dance this way with her. She was radiant, her eyes sparkling in excitement and love, and I was feeling like I was falling in love with her all over again. Our child pressing on my stomach as I was pulling her closer only adding to the blissful joy of being with her. She was my everything and I was loving her more every day that I spent with her. She was always making the best of me emerge to the surface of my soul. I was a ronin, a monster and a killer but with her, I could be more. I would never be able to repay her enough for everything she was doing for me.

The music stopped and I decelerated and eventually stopped too. Chizuru lifted her face towards mine with a loving smile and I replied with the same. I leaned over to kiss her with restraint but still pouring all my feelings in it. I loved her and I needed her to feel it, especially after all the distance I put between us lately. From the side, I heard cheers and hands clapping and I detached myself from my wife's lips to throw an assassin gaze on the frenchmen mocking me but they weren't the ones clapping. Instead, my eyes met those of numerous of my Shinsengumi warriors.

« What are you all doing here ? » I asked with furrowed brows, feeling the red invading my face but trying to keep a toneless voice.

« It's my fault, Taichô ! » said Suzuki, embarassed « I thought that maybe you'd be furious and if you were to fight for your honor, well you might have needed backup so we came... »

I looked at all my warriors, their swords ready and their big smiles, and I got even more red. They saw me dancing in proximity with Chizuru. That was highly inappropriate from someone like a Taichô. Yet, I kept my composure and tidied myself before adressing them.

« Everybody dismisses. » I said in my toneless voice « those who haven't eaten yet, go grab something to eat. Curfew in two hours. »

I turned to Chizuru and Haruhi and told them to go back to camp too. I thanked the frenchmen for their hospitality and saw their disappointment that we had to leave but I embarrassed myself enough for one night already. I started walking towards our encampment, Chizuru and Haruhi a bit behind as suitable, and I went to share a meal with my men while the girls got back to the tent, Chizuru already exhausted. She needed to lay down or sit after so much efforts.

I took a bowl of the rice porridge and sat amongst my men but their stupid smile wouldn't leave their faces. It wasn't a wry or mocking one but it was still making me pretty uncomfortable. I hated to give informations about my emotions, either to friends or foes. Moreover, I was supposed to keep an image of authority and I didn't think that dancing and kissing my wife in public was a very smart move for that purpose.

My bowl finished, I gave it to the men on dishes duty and headed back to the tent to see if Chizuru was satisfied with what I brought back from Sendai.


	33. Amagiri

My trip to the brewery had just the effect I hoped for on Chizuru. Once again, she had her nose burried in books and was staying in the calm environment of the tent all the time. Sometimes, she wouldn't even get out of the futon and I was very pleased with it, sure that rest and calm was better for her than running around everywhere.

I was supervising the construction of our defenses at Bonari Pass when one of my warriors ran to me.

« Taichô ! We caught a Satsuma warrior. »

« A scout ? » I asked, putting down the plan I was studying.

« I'm not sure, Taichô. » he bowed « he looks high ranked but he was alone and without any weapons. He asked to have a meeting with you. »

« Where is he ? » I asked, frowning.

« We kept him a bit down on the road. »

« Good. » I nodded « do not bring him to the camp or the pass. There is no need to give him informations about our number and our defenses. Keep him where you caught him and I'll see him shortly. »

« Are you sure, Taichô ? » asked the warrior « he may not be armed but he looks like he's as deadly without... »

« Do not worry. » I nodded « if he isn't armed, he shouldn't cause us any problem. Did he resist ? »

« No. He just said to bring you to him. And his niece. He said you'd understand. Does Saito-sensei have family in Satsuma-han ? »

_Amagiri ? _

« I changed my mind. » I said « I'm coming right away. »

I followed the warrior down the path and found the demon arms crossed, completely unfazed despite having riffles pointed at him, surrounded. He saluted me with a polite nod and I adressed my men.

« Good job. » I said « you may leave. »

« Are you sure it's cautious, Taichô ? » asked one of them.

« Are you doubting my abilities to take down a single unarmed man ? » I said with authority « then, you who seem to doubt shall stay a bit further where I can see you. If I need anything, you'll be my messenger. »

« H...Hai, Taichô ! » he bowed.

They all went away except the one who rose his voice against my command and he positioned himself far enough not to hear our conversation but where I could still see him, as ordered. When we were alone, I adressed Amagiri.

« State your business here. » I ordered.

« I came to fetch Yukimura... »

« Saito. »

« Pardon me, Saito-himesama. » he bowed in apology for his rudeness.

« Why ? » I asked calmly, already furious.

« You can't be ignoring that the SatCho has already submitted all the domains south of Aizu. Yonezawa will soon surendered too, after Nihonmatsu. Aizu is going to fall and you did exactly what I said you would do, you brought her to battlefields for her to die. »

« She's departing to Wakamatsu castle. » I said.

« And it will fall. » he stated « you know what happened in Nihonmatsu. Saito-himesama can't be in that castle when it happens. »

I didn't say anything. I knew he was right but it was too late. We were too far north and I couldn't bring her back to Edo or anywhere else. I could only bring her north, to Sendai, maybe then to Ezo with Enomoto-sama since that seemed to be his plan but then, when Ezo would fall too, where would I bring her ?

« Is it true she is with child ? » he asked.

« What if she is ? » I asked in return.

« Then it's even more important that I take her. » he said, crossing his arms again « she needs proper care. »

« She will have care provided in Wakamatsu. » I objected.

« No. She won't. She needs to be with her kin. »

« Where would you take her ? » I asked, on the defensive.

« Kyushu. » he stated « in the Kazama clan of the West. »

« That is out of the question. » I shook my head « I won't agree to this. And even if I were to agree, she isn't in condition to travel that far. »

« How many months ? » he asked.

« Nearly seven. » I answered genuinely since there was no point in lying.

« I see. Then Yase. Nagumo is too far too. Yukimura isn't very far from here unfortunately, there won't be anything waiting for her there. »

« Why can't she give birth outside of a demon clan ? » I asked, frowning.

« These are demons's secrets. » he said « I can't give you that information without the consent of a pure blood. »

« I'm married to a pure blood. » I objected.

« And yet, you are not. »

Again I didn't say anything and waved to the man who was waiting for orders. He ran to me as soon as he saw my signal.

« You need anything, Taichô ? » he bowed.

« Yes. Please fetch my wife and bring her back here. » I ordered.

« Hai ! » he bowed and he went running towards the camp.

Amagiri and I watched the soldier disappear without a word until the Oni broke the silence.

« You're taking the right decision. »

« I haven't decided anything yet. » I said « you once told me you were on her side and that is why I accept to listen to you. Yet, I do not forget that we used to be enemies on various occasions. »

« You killed my prince. » he said « Yet, you don't see me holding any grudge against you. »

« He deserved what happened. »

« We may have a divergence of opinion on that matter but what is done is done. Our kin died with Kazama. When the two Yukimura heir will perish, there would be no more pure blood Oni. »

We waited patiently for the warrior to return with Chizuru but the encampment was far and minutes were long.

« After I've talked with my princess » he said again « you will have time to speak together about it. I still need to go up north to rescue Nagumo-oujisama from your fake demons. »

« There is no one left up north. » I informed him « I cleaned up myself. »

« And the prince ? » he asked.

For the first time ever, I saw his stoic face express emotions: concern and surprise. I decided not to lie to him.

« I have him in custody. » I said « Chizuru was supposed to write to Sen-himesama about it. »

« Is he well ? »

« He recovers. » I admitted « he has been used as a milking cow for months. »

Amagiri nodded, pleased and he kneeled and bowed deeply to express his gratitude.

« Thank you for sparing his life, Saito-san. »

« Well, I had too, didn't I ? » I muttered in embarrassment « I killed a prince already. »

_And I guess it still is family even if he's a snake... _

I saw the warrior coming back, followed by Chizuru. Amagiri stood up and bowed to her when she took position by my side, on her guard even if I knew the respect she had for the Oni.

« Yukimura-himesama. » he saluted.

« Saito. » I corrected again.

« Pardon me, I meant no harm. » he bowed again.

« It's alright, Amagiri. » she smiled.

_No, it's not alright. Everytime we meet with Oni they call you Yukimura as if I don't even exist. _

« So, now she's here » I said to Amagiri as my warrior was taking back his position « can you tell us why she needs to be in a demon clan for the birth ? »

« Can I speak in front of him, Saito-himesama ? » asked Amagiri to Chizuru.

_I'm her damn husband ! _

« Yes, of course... » she replied, confused.

« The baby's an Oni and he will be brought to the world in his Oni form. First, you will need demon midwives who will actually help the baby get out without you being ripped apart by its horns. Second, can you imagine the reaction of human midwives when they will get out a baby with horns and light-generating eyes ? You're exposing yourself to a witch-hunt. »

« The baby... will get out with horns ? » she repeated, caressing her stomach with wide eyes.

« Yes, but they will disappear after a few minutes, sometimes a few hours. » comfirmed Amagiri « if its taken out properly, it won't hurt you but a human midwife will never expect the baby to have horns and the consequences could be catastrophic. »

I nodded. I understood now why she needed to be with her kin and there weren't any demon clans up north. She would have to go with Amagiri and reach the Yase clan before the baby decided to crawl out. I wasn't ready to loose her in childbirth.

« What if the baby gets out with crimson eyes ? » I asked Amagiri.

« We won't let it live. » stated Amagiri « I trust you not to use your powers, Saito-san but the fakes must be eliminated. »

« No... » whispered Chizuru.

« I won't let you. » I said with an icy gaze.

We decided together that if the baby was a Rasetsu we would let it live and learn how to live with it while Chizuru would work on a cure. It was our child and we wouldn't send it back.

« Are you coming, Saito-san ? » he asked.

I turned my gaze away. I couldn't go. I had responsibilities, men under my command and loyalty towards the Aizu domain. I wouldn't let them down now that they were about to fall.

« Hajime ? » asked Chizuru, understanding that she was going alone.

« Amagiri » I said « I will surrender Nagumo Kaoru to you and will allow you to take my wife to Yase, yet I have a request to make. »

« I'm listening. » he nodded.

« I have a daughter here as well. Take her. »

« Hajime, I'm not leaving without you. » said Chizuru with a broken voice.

« Is she human ? » asked Amagiri.

« She is. » I nodded.

« Then I cannot take her to Yase. » he shook his head.

« Chizuru and Haruhi will stay together. » I said in a voice not opened to discussion « take both or take none. Besides, she knows Sen-himesama already. »

« I'm not going, Hajime ! » said Chizuru, crying.

« I can take her to the gates of Yase but if Sen-himesama refuses her to get in the hidden village, she won't get in. » replied Amagiri « I cannot take any decision on behalf of the princess. »

« Alright. » I nodded, confident that Sen and Chizuru wouldn't let Haruhi out « That is already plenty. »

« Hajime, you're not even listening to me ! » cried Chizuru, her little fists clenched.

I was still avoiding her gaze when Amagiri spoke again.

« I will wait for you in Otama, south of your position. I recommend not wearing anything that could help identify you if you choose to come yourself, Saito-san. I expect the two Yukimura heir and your daughter in the evening. »

« I understand. » I nodded.

I hoped I wouldn't regret trusting this demon but he often helped me in the past, nearly as much as he had opposed me. I didn't have any better options anyway. He was Satsuma. He would be able to make them travel south, in imperial territory, something I couldn't achieve.

« I hope to see you soon, Saito-himesama » he bowed deeply.

He departed and I stayed alone with Chizuru.


	34. Promises

Grudgingly, I turned to Chizuru's crying face for a conversation that I knew wouldn't be pleasant but would be necessary.

« Hajime... » she said, her little hand clenching to my hips to keep me close « you can't send me away... »

« Please understand, Chizuru. » I said softly « It's for your own good. I'm not ready to loose you, either at war or in childbirth. This is your best chance of survival. »

« Please... I... You... If you're not going... I... » she tried to say but the words were stuck in her throat.

« If you don't go now, it'll be too late for you to go afterwards. » I stated « I don't want to drag you with me. You were going to be sent to Wakamatsu castle anyway, you wouldn't have stayed in the encampment and we wouldn't have been together anymore. This solution may be tiring since you are going to travel but I have full confidence in Amagiri to look after you. It's the best chance you and the little one have. »

« It's not the same... You would have come and visit me in Wakamatsu... Kyoto is so far away... » she said.

I didn't say anything and closed my arms on her. She was still clenching onto my hips and her hands travelled up my back under my arms to rest on my shoulder blades.

« The Shinsengumi needs a medical officer. » she tried.

« We have those of the Denshutai and Aizu. Your presence is no more requested. »

« You need me. How are you going to do without your treatment ? »

« I managed in the past. » I said « I will manage just fine. It will be less convenient, I give you that, but do not trouble yourself on my account. »

« You promised... » she said in a broken low voice.

« I know. »

« You said you'd never leave me again... »

« I know. »

« You lied. » she stated.

« As a matter of fact, you are the one leaving. » I tried.

« Don't play with words, Hajime ! » she protested « you said you'd be there this time ! »

« I know. »

« Stop repeating that ! » she yelled.

I stroke her hair with my fingers, searching in my heart for all the meaningful words I'd like to say to her but I didn't know where to start.

« Hajime... Please, I stayed by your side, I followed your path, Please, please, choose us... just this one time... » she pleaded, weeping against my chest.

« I am. » I said « I am choosing you Chizuru and that's why I'm sending you to Yase. »

« I'm not asking you to choose me, Hajime. I'm asking you to choose US. Please, nothing forces you to die here. »

« Chizuru... I can't quit now. » I said softly « I owe too much to Lord Katamori and I expected too much from my men to let them down now. »

« Come with me » she pleaded again « please... »

« Chizuru, you're being selfish. » I said.

She pushed me away and started yelling with furious golden eyes.

« No, YOU'RE being selfish ! » she shouted and I waved to my messenger before things got out of hand.

« You » I shouted « dismiss, go back to the encampment. Now. »

He nodded and went away as Chizuru's hair turned white and came floating around her. The horns grew on her forehead and she unleashed her wrath towards me.

« It has always been about YOUR honor and YOUR duty ! You don't care about the sorrow I will have, and Haruhi ! And you don't care that our child will grow up without a father. You never cared about all this because the only thing that matters to you is your honorable and meaningful death ! What you leave behind is insignificant to you ! »

« Chizuru, that's not true. » I said to calm her down. Yet, her words had hit me like bullets.

« It is true ! » she continued, punching on my chest restlessly « You told me that nothing would make you happier than to have this child with me and yet, you're choosing death and you'd never get a chance to meet it ! »

« I'm not choosing death, Chizuru. » I said, grabbing her wrist « But if you are incapable to understand the values I fight for, then maybe you shouldn't have married me. »

« You're right. Maybe I shouldn't have. » she stated, her eyes burning with anger.

Having her confirm my words made me realize how harsh they were but now that they had been spoken, there was nothing I could do to take them back. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her and how it was heart wrenching for me to let her go, how my sole desire was for her to be alive and safe and how I would be heartbroken to wake up every day and see the empty space besides me... I wanted to tell her that she was taking my heart with her and that I would miss her so much that nothing could fill my emptiness...

« Let's get back to the encampment and pack. » I said instead.

« Yeah. » she said and she turned around, furious.

She didn't even wait for me and since I could decipher that I wasn't welcome by her side, I walked behind her, looking at her silhouettes and her white Oni hair. I hoped she could calm down before we arrived so that the men wouldn't witness her in that state and I felt relieved when I saw her hair turn back to their natural color. Yet, I didn't get close and respected the distance she had put between us. Without a word, she went to the tent and I looked at her packing all her books and clothes, her eyes expressing only anger and pain.

« Shouldn't you go and fetch your daughter instead of standing here ? » she said harshly and I sighed.

« Ha. » I just answered and I headed out to find Haruhi.

I found her pealing some sweet potatoes with the ones on kitchen duty and I called to her.

« Haruhi. »

« Hai, Taichô ! » she replied, running my way.

I kneeled and took her in my arms, holding her tight. Getting rejected by Chizuru had completely shattered my heart into pieces.

« Otousan ? » she asked « what's the matter ? »

I detached myself from her and put my hands on her shoulders.

« You're going on mission, Haruhi. I need to know if I can trust you. » I said.

« H... Hai ! » she nodded « I won't disappoint you, Taichô ! »

« I'm sending Chizuru away, to Kyoto. » I explained.

« Kyoto ? » she asked, confused « but.. isn't that controlled by the imperial army ? »

« It is. » I nodded « You will go with her and protect her. You will travel with two other men but neither of them is to be trusted. They do not have wicked intentions towards Chizuru, for all I know, but they might have some towards the child. I want you to stay with Chizuru all the time and protect the child at all cost, you understand ? »

« Do you really think I can do it ? » she asked, afraid.

« You have to. » I said « they might want to kill it and Chizuru might not be able to stop them. Protect it, Haruhi, please. Promise me you will. »

« But I'm not good enough... » she replied.

« You are more than capable. I observed you, I saw your progresses. I saw you win to Suzuki and numerous other warriors. You deserve that chrysanthemum sword. »

« Thank you... Otousan... » she said, circling my neck and I closed my hands on her again. What a little warrior she had become...

« I'm proud of you, Haruhi. » I said « and I will always be. I trust you with this mission. »

« I will protect it with my life, Otousan, I promise. » she said.

« Thank you. » I smiled and I kissed her cheek, something I never did before.

I didn't care that other warriors may be looking and that I could appear weak. She was my daughter and I was sending her away, with my wife, my child to be and everything that had any importance to me. I stood up and saw the confusion in her gaze.

« You can keep your blades on your side but hide the kaiken and the gun » I ordered « and don't practice. Make them believe that I let you play warrior but that you don't really know how to use them. That will be an asset if you need to fight. »

« Okay, Otousan » she nodded « no honor, just the result. I will protect my sister. »

« That's my girl. » I smiled, stroking her hair « now go pack. Chizuru should already be ready to go. I just need to find Toudou. »

« Okay. » she said and I turned away but she shouted in my back « Otousan ! »

« Yes ? » I said, locking my gaze in her identical one.

« Is it a farewell ? » she asked shyly.

« It can. » I stated « but I will do my utmost to assure that it isn't. »

« Okay... » she nodded and she stayed silent for a while before she bowed deeply « being your daughter has been a great honor, Otousan. And so has been serving under your command, Taichô. »

I escaped a small laugh and waved my hand in the direction of the tent.

« Go pack. »

« Hai ! » she bowed again and she ran towards the tent.

I went to the tent that was Toudou's and woke him up. He was still sleeping during the day, according to his Rasetsu nature.

« Waa... What is it ? Saito ? » he asked, sleepy.

« You're lucky it's only me and not someone sneaking up on you. » I stated « where are your reflexes of captain of the eighth division ? »

« I'm dead » he yawned « no one sneaks up on dead men. »

« I guess. » I chuckled « I need you for a mission this afternoon. »

« Yosh, a bit of action ! » he said, enthusiastic « what's the mission ? »

« Surender Kaoru, Chizuru and Haruhi to the Satsuma in Otama. »

« The Satsuma ?! » he yelled « you hit your head or something ?! »

« Do you recall Amagiri ? »

« The bastard nearly killed me at Ikedaya ! » he yelled again.

« Yes, well long story short, he's Chizuru's uncle. He's going to take her and her brother to safety, near Kyoto. I can't keep her on the battlefield, Toudou. »

« Are you sure ? » he asked perplexed « can you really trust him ? He's Satsuma for gods's sake ! »

« He's her family. » I said even if I wasn't sure myself « Anyway, anywhere would be safer than Aizu currently. »

He said nothing for a moment and then he sighed and adressed me again.

« You're not going with her. » he stated.

« Indeed. »

« I always thought you were the most honorable of us all. »

« Thank you, Toudou. » I said, surprised.

« That wasn't meant to be a compliment. » he said and he had exactly the same eyes as Chizuru.

_Can it be that I am mistaken ? _

« Will you take her ? » I asked « I can't go myself and you are unknown except from Amagiri. I can't possibly ask one of my soldiers to surrender them to Satsuma. It would be considered treason. »

« I'll take her. » he said « but I'm not returning. I'll go find Hijikata-san afterwards. » he said and I could read disappointment in his gaze that was so fierce it hurted.

« As you wish. » I nodded « I'll let you take Kaoru then. The girls must be ready. »

He didn't say anything and I turned away but he called to me again.

« Saito ! I never said anything when she chose you. And neither did Hijikata-san. » he stated « but now, I believe we should have. You don't deserve her. »

« I know. » I just said, heading out.

Why was I the bad guy in the story ? I was taking her to safety and fighting for what I believed in. When did that become villainous ? All my life, I've been a warrior and tried to live an honorable life. When did that become wrong ? I never understood what Chizuru saw in me and I was intimately persuaded already that I never deserved her but no one ever said it directly to my face before.

When I got back to the tent, the girls were ready and I led them out of the camp where we met Toudou and Kaoru.

« I leave them to you, Toudou. » I said, bowing.

The atmosphere was heavy and cold and no one spoke. Chizuru was still avoiding my eyes and I got closer to caress her cheek but she just turned her head away.

« Chizuru... »

« I have nothing to say to you. » she said with an extreme coldness and I respected her decision.

Haruhi though wasn't holding any grudges against me and she took me in her arm to say goodbye. And then, they departed. I watched them go away until they were only a dot on the horizon and even after that. They were all gone. And I was alone, here in Aizu. We were in the middle of August yet my heart was as cold as winter.


	35. Bonari-Pass

The official version was that Chizuru and Haruhi were sent to Wakamatsu Castle as planned. Again, I had lord Katamori to thank for backing up my story. I told him the truth, well, not about Oni and horns obviously, but that she had family in Satsuma and that I sent her there. He understood. Satsuma was our enemy but they were winning. She would be safer on their side and as long as I was keeping faith in our cause and was fighting for Aizu, then my wife's whereabouts were of no concern to the daimyo. He thanked me genuinely for staying despite our situation and my wife's pregnancy but I assured him that his gratitude was unnecessary. My duty was commanding me to stay here. It wasn't an act of kindness.

Our defenses on Bonari Pass were ready just in time. Otori-san wanted to add two more batteries to the three we constructed but unfortunately, the SatCho was showing up as planned at the end of August. We knew that they were outnumbering us. They were two thousand and we were seven hundred, mostly Denshutai and Aizu-han but also a few survivors of Nihonmatsu-han and some warriors from Sendai-han. My personal Shinsengumi force was only of ninety men. Yet, the pass was narrow and we had the higher ground. That would probably be a problem for their cannons and an asset for us. Otori was confident in our chances to hold the Pass but I wasn't sharing his optimism. We had been loosing over and over since we were driven out of Kyoto, unable to stop the spread of the imperial army who was now dominating all land south of Aizu and that was our last chance to stop them before they dominated all Honshu. Aizu was the most powerful domain of the north, a land true to the Bushido and real loyalists. If the SatCho was to take Aizu, all the north would surrender. I think everyone knew it, that's why Enomoto-sama and the Yugekitai of Iba Hachirô fled Edo with ships and was waiting in Sendai for the army to board towards Ezo. Maybe he expected the SatCho to stop at the sea. I knew it wouldn't. Nothing could hinder that tide and we would all be sweeped away. Us, bushi, swordsmen, belonged in the past now. Battlefield were all about firepower, riffles and cannons. How could our swords be of any help against these ?

I was still true to my position as Taichô and motivating my troops. I wasn't showing them how hollow I was inside. Chizuru's departure and moreover, the way we parted ways, had affected me a lot more than I would have liked to admit. I knew that it was the logical choice and I knew that I ensured her safety by doing so yet, I missed her deeply and I hated myself for not having been able to say meaningful things to her before she went away. I should have told her that I loved her and that she was the only one I ever loved. I should have told her that she was the only one that was making me want to become a better man and that for her, I would even have put down my sword after that war if she had ordered me to. But I didn't say those things to her. Instead, I told her that she shouldn't have married me and I sent her away. What a stupid... bull headed... stubborn... moron ! Was she still angry, with each of her steps leading her south and away from Aizu ? Was she thinking about me ? And if she was, were they pleasant thoughts or resentful ones ?

The first days after she departed were difficult. The ones after were worse. At the beginning, it was as if I was lying to myself and refusing to accept that she was gone. I was often saying « I'm back » like a reflex when I was entering the tent and only the silence was there to greet me. It was as if I could still hear their voices in my head...

« Otousan ! »

« Hajime ! Welcome home ! »

But nothing. Nothing except the frozen silence. There was no more light at night, no more voices inside, no more heat in my bed... Only the emptiness.

The days after, the pain came. When my mind realized that she really was gone, that she wasn't coming back and that I wasn't going to run after her... I became like mad with sorrow. A part of me was completely furious that she wasn't there here with me and that I let her go when the only place where she belonged was at my side. The insomnia came back too, without her to ease my worried mind. I wasn't sleeping anymore no matter how tired I was. Meditation was ineffective and so was exhaustion by practice. I drank way too much sake, hoping to find peace, but it didn't work. I even tried her western bottle that she forgot when she went away. She told me that sniffing it would make me sleep instantly. I tried, it worked. But not for long.

I couldn't wait for the imperial army to be here. I needed to fight, I needed it to be over at last. To be exhausted, maybe injured, to think of anything except the emptiness. I couldn't wait for them to be at our doors.

A few days later, in the morning, the encampment was in total confusion. There was a thick fog in the pass that made our warriors unable to see that the imperial army was coming. Even the elements were against us... We rushed to the pass but one batterie had already fallen. On the front line, the battle was fierce but the dense fog was hiding our enemies to most of our firemen. The SatCho took advantage of the narrowness to shoot blindly at our side and we were starting to have a lot of casualties. Restlessly, I was searching for my oponents and killing every man at my range. With my Rasetsu powers, I thrusted into their ranks, taking advantage of the fog. In the confusion, I managed to hear that the second battery had fallen. I knew it was nothing more than a matter of time before they secured Bonari Pass and we sounded the retreat. They were better equipped, more numerous, with tactics more efficient... Yet, knowing that we were doomed was only adding to my rage and anger. I was fighting like a fury, unstoppable. I knew that I had to be cautious, I didn't have Chizuru anymore to supply me on blood and I would heal with less rapidity than I healed when she helped me. I hoped she was safe, far from all this madness.

With my growing wrath, pain and sorrow, I was striking down with furious anger, as if I was holding each ones of these men responsible for my wife's absence. How happy we could have been if it wasn't for the SatCho... We would be in Furudo village, with our friends and comrades, living peacefully and maintaining peace in the city... but no. They had to come, they had to set Fushimi ablaze and start this war that was eating up all of my friends. I was bloodthirsty for vengeance and wasn't even looking if I was still followed by the Shinsengumi. I think I was alone... I'm not even sure. I was cutting down my way through their ranks, the fog making them unable to shoot me, and when they were dropping their weapons to reach for their swords, I was already upon them, unleashing my wrath. Blood was splashing on my uniform, on my hands and my face, but none of if was mine. Roaring, I was turning on myself in a dance of madness. My blade was so thick with blood that I needed a lot more strength than usual to continue my rampage and at some point, I even sheathed it back to use my wakizashi instead and I kept killing and killing, trying to find satisfaction and peace of mind in it. Some of the blood splashing on me was sometimes getting near my mouth and I was licking it off, without stopping my carnage. I was probably looking a lot like a demon myself at that point... but I was determined to protect the pass with all I had.

I fought for hours and after all these tremendous efforts, even my Rasetsu self started to tire. I became less cautious, I made mistakes. I wasn't that untouchable anymore and the blood covering my uniform started to mix with mine as the SatCho and their numbers started to get the upper hand on me.

Panting, wounded from everywhere and alone in enemy territory, I hissed when I sensed a violent blow rip apart my abdomen and cut through my guts. I collapsed on my knees, then face on the ground and I looked at the boots walking towards our last defenses until my world became black.

* * *


	36. Alone

I woke up in a mass grave with the stench of blood burning my nose and awakening my bloodlust. I ached for the first time since I started to feed on Chizuru. I hadn't forgotten that tremendous pain, the fingernails digging in my heart, my intestins eating themselves in hunger. I thought I would have had more time... But I guess I would have had if I didn't put myself in such a danger. Repairing my body probably had cost dearly to my Rasetsu self. I had nothing left of Chizuru's blood in my veins.

The sun was hidden by clouds but the daylight was stil hurting my eyes and exhausting me. I needed to find some shadows and fast. Panting, sweating, suffering, I was feeling even more close to death than the day before.

I crawled out the mass of cadavers around me and found a shadowy spot for me to rest. The pain of the sun calmed down and I stayed put, waiting in agony for the bloodlust pain to go as well and bury itself back into my bones. I thought for a second that all these corpses could be a source of supply but I hadn't fallen that low yet. Acting like this would give the coup de grâce to my sanity.

I waited and waited until the tide receded and I was eventually able to breath and think again. I took a few moments to savor the fact of being alive and I inspected my body. It was immaculate, free of any injuries, even the big one in my guts. To be fair, I never thought that one would heal. I saw that I could plant my sword in Kaoru's stomach and that Chizuru could take a bullet there but ripped as it was, I was sure I was going to die.

_Thanks gods... to give me the chance to keep fighting._

I stood up with difficulty, my body still recovering, and I walked, slowly but surely, towards our encampment, hoping to find it still standing. It wasn't on a strategical position and it was far from roads so I had good hopes for it to be untouched. I looked one last time at the pile of corpses... This war was turning us into animals. In the past, each side would have taken back their fallen soldiers in the evening, they would have sent back the bodies, or at least the heads, back to their homeland so that they could be burried where they belonged and their spirits could be free. But instead of all this, we were moving and moving again and leaving our fallen comrades to rot, far from their home and their family. There was no honor and respect in the way the armies were treating those who died for their cause, and this, on both sides. It was a massacre. The world had gone mad.

My feet were carrying me and I found my way back to camp, relieved to find it buzzing with activity. Someone saw me, I don't know who, maybe Denshutai... and he called my name and asked for help. Other warriors answered his call and they carried me to the infirmary. I wanted to tell them that there was no necessity, that I was already healed but I was too exhausted to talk. They laid me down on a futon and I fell asleep.

When I woke up again, I was clean and my clothes were gone, sign that the doctor examined me. I was only wearing an underwear and a nagajuban and I stood up to go and find proper clothes.

« No ! » I heard « don't move yet, Saito-san. »

« Who are you ? » I asked, confused.

« Aizu's doctor, Nigawa-sensei. I need to make a few tests. » he bowed.

« For what purpose ? » I asked, afraid that my Rasetsu nature showed up in my sleep.

« Your body is in prime condition but due to the state you were when you arrived, I think you probably hurt your head. I need to verify your senses and reflexes to be sure the brain's not damaged. »

« My head is totally fine, sensei. » I objected.

« Yes, I see you can understand what I say and make full sentences, that is already good » he praised, not paying attention to my protests. « Now please stand up on only one leg, please... »

I did everything he asked from me and without surprise, I was perfectly fine. My condition wasn't linked to a cerebral damage, it was linked to the sun and my need for blood, plus the exhaustion of my body after a healing process very energy consuming. He allowed me to put back on a clean uniform and to get out.

I found Shimada Kai waiting for me outside and he bowed with relief when he saw that I was feeling alright.

« Saito-Taichô » he said « I'm very relieved to find you safe. You were reported missing in action and I feared you wouldn't return. »

« Thank you, Shimada » I bowed « I am glad to find you well. »

« The Shinsengumi is packing, Taichô. »he informed « Yonezawa-han has surrendered just after the enemy took Bonari pass. Now is our only chance to get to Sendai before the roads are cut. »

« Whose order is this ? » I asked, perplexed.

« Otori-san. » he confessed.

« I'm going to have a word with Otori-san. » I said firmly « lead me to him. »

He bowed and stated walking and I followed until I found Otori and his Denshutai, putting down their tents in the prospect of their departure.

« Saito-san » he said with a smile « I heard you came back this morning and I am relieved. »

« What is the meaning of this, Otori-san ? » I asked with an icy voice, looking around me.

« We are going to Sendai to meet back with Hijikata-san, Enomoto-sama and the Yugitai. We are going as planned to Ezo. »

« And Aizu ? » I asked « What about them ? »

« Aizu is doomed. » he said « even lord Matsudaira Katamori acknowledges it. Our only chance as an army is to regroup and organize the defense. Enomoto-sama has battleships, the Yugitai, talented warriors, and Hijikata-san is a true leader and strategist. We are going to need all this if we want to opose the SatCho. There is nothing left for us in Aizu. »

« I see. » I nodded, furious « I wish you a lot of success in your plan, Otori-san. »

« You're not coming, Saito-san ? » he asked in disbelief.

« Saito-san » added Shimada « The Shinsengumi needs to regroup with the vice-commander. »

« And the Shinsengumi will. » I confirmed « I'm not forcing anyone to stay with me in Aizu. The men will make their own choice according to their conscience and principals. »

« Saito-san, Aizu is about to become a graveyard. » said Otori, visibly thinking that I hit my head while I was missing in action. « Staying here has no point for our cause. »

« We've come here for Aizu. If we abandon our will and leave when seeing Aizu is about to fall, that's breaching integrity and righteousness. » I replied with an icy voice.

« You don't seem to understand, Saito-san... » he sighed, annoyed « The SatCho is taking Juroku bashi as we speak. Unfortunately, the main troops of Aizu han were at Nikko-guchi when their troops reached Juroku bashi. Lord Matsudaira Katamori had to send the Byakkotai ( White Tiger unit) to block them. These boys are between 15 and 17 years old, Saito ! They're all going to die there and be turned into cannon fodder. Wakamatsu town will fall tomorrow or the day after, at best. It's over. »

« As long as I will fight, it won't be over. » I said « now if you'll excuse me, I need to adress my men. »

« Saito-Taichô » said Shimada Kai, uneasy « I will join Hijikata-san. »

« You have every right to » I nodded.

« Thank you, Taichô. » he bowed.

I walked away without another word and went back to the Shinsengumi section of the camp. Around me, my men were also packing, ready to go.

« May I have your attention, soldiers ? » I shouted loud enough for everyone to hear.

They all stopped packing and turned to me. They reunited in front of me and I took a deep breath before addressing them.

« As you may know, the Shinsengumi is on the leave to go reunite with our vice commander in Sendai. Personally, I will not join you. » I said and I saw their confusion on their face « I haven't forgotten that when we were called Mibu Wolves and were considered a bunch of honorless ronins, it was Matsudaira Katamori-sama who trusted us. I haven't forgotten that he was the one taking our defense, putting the rice in our mouths, making sure we were equipped aptly and providing us with meaningful missions. I haven't forgotten that he even trusted us with the shogun's life once. I haven't forgotten that he gave us that terrain on Furudo village for our new headquarters and that we were able to have animals there and eat meat at each meals. Now, Katamori-sama is asking for our help and I know that I will answer that call. I'm not asking anyone of you to answer it with me and you will follow Shimada Kai's guidance towards Sendai. »

The men looked at each other, wondering if I was expecting something from them but I wasn't. Hijikata-san would need them in Sendai and Ezo.

« Taichô » said Keisuke « allow me to stay. »

« You are free to take whatever decision you see fit for yourself, Mori. » I said calmly « but know that what awaits us in Aizu is nothing more than defeat and death. »

« I'm a bushi, Taichô » he nodded « And I will fight for you, and Aizu. »

I nodded to acknowledge his determination. It was nice to know that I will have a familiar face by my side before I throw myself into battle. I was surprised though that eleven other soldiers did voice the same wish to stay with me. Nothing was forcing them to stay and die here. If only all those samurai who treated us like scum could see how our honor was fierce. If only Kondou-san could see us...

The twelve men who decided to stay weren't joined by the others and we watched them pack and go, following Shimada and the Denshutai. The Shinsengumi, once of more than three hundred men was now a corp of thirteen fools.

**Author note : ****The sentence of Saito Hajime **

**« We've come here for Aizu. If we abandon our will and leave when seeing Aizu is about to fall, that's breaching integrity and righteousness »**

**This is an actual quote that the historical Saito Hajime threw in Otori's face. It is a powerful one because it emphasizes the « Makoto » (here in bold below) when said in japanese so I wanted to include it in the story.**

一たび會津へ來りたれば今落城せんとするを見て、志を捨て去るは**誠**の義にあらずと知る。

**Saito Hajime (historical one) was reported missing in action at Bonari Pass. No one knows what happened but he did came back to the camp the next day without injuries. **


	37. Thirteen

« Alright » I said to the twelve men who had been foolish enough to stay with me « lets move our tents near Aizu troops. Staying isolated here doesn't have any point. »

We all got to work and settled our tents further near the Aizu encampment, and I went to meet with the commander in place to put my corp under his command. He thanked me genuinely for staying, calling me a true samurai. Although it was only duty who dictated my actions and that I wasn't considering myself « better » than the ones who chose to leave, it did warm my heart. It had been a long time anyone called me a samurai. My efforts were finally rewarded with recognition. I felt elated, probably in the same way Kondou-san did when he got his daimyo title that he craved for for so long.

After a meeting about the strategy to defend Wakamatsu town, I reunited with my men. The ambiance was lively. It's funny how men ready to die are always more joyful than the ones who haven't made peace with themselves yet. They were playing dice with playful banters and I went to my tent to grab several bottles of sake for us to share. I figured I wasn't going to be the only one to need courage for what was to come.

« Confiscated bottles » I explained « from the ones who didn't respect the one-cup-a-day rule. I have more bottles than men left. Will you help me ? »

They laughed and nodded and I served cups to everyone.

« Thank you, Taichô ! » said one of them.

« I think the Taichô title isn't really necessary anymore. » I said calmly « we are all in the same boat. Call me Saito if you may and I will also call you by your name. »

« Hai, Saito-san ! » he nodded « I'm Ikeda, Taichô, Ikeda Shichisaburo. »

« You were in Kyoto with us, Ikeda ? » I asked, eager to know more about the men that I would trust with my life the next day.

« I joined last year, Saito-san. » he nodded « I was in Inoue-Kumichô's unit. I was there at your wedding but you may not recall... »

« I'm sorry I do not, Ikeda-kun. » I said with regret « How old are you ? »

« Eighteen, Taichô. » he replied.

« Saito. » I corrected.

I thought he looked young. But anyway, I killed at eighteen myself and joined the Rōshigumi at nineteen. I asked for each of their names. Most of them were older than I was, only Ikeda was that young. A part of myself wanted to send him to Hijikata-san but he made his choice for himself. We emptied three bottles together in a lively atmosphere. Being rid of my Taichô title was somehow liberating and I really got to know them, treating them my equals. I wouldn't force anyone to follow me, I wouldn't go after deserters if they chose to leave. They weren't « my » men anymore but comrades and brothers in arms. When the last drop of sake was drank, I stood up again.

« I'll go get another bottle. » I said calmly.

« No, please, Saito-san, allow me. » said Keisuke and he ran to my tent to get it for me.

I didn't even have time to oppose. I trusted Keisuke and he went to fetch things in my tent countless times but now that I decided to treat them all as equals, it was a bit embarrassing that he was still so obedient. I guess habits were hard to get rid of. He showed up with another bottle and we shared it together. Ikeda was already completely drunk and so was Yoshida. Kumebe and Shimura helped them back to their tents and Kumebe came back afterwards to keep drinking with us. He also brought some rice porridge to everyone, saying that we shouldn't drink that much with an empty stomach. It reminded me how Harada could be scolding Toudou back in Kyoto and one thought leading to another, I remembered him dancing with his giant scar turned into a face, Nagakura and Toudou rolling on the floor laughing and Souji smirking, making snides comments about how Harada wasn't even capable to kill himself properly and was a failure in every way. And Kondou-san smiling and laughing... even Hijikata-san would trade his trademark frowning face for a smile in these occasions...

Now only Toudou and Hijikata-san were still standing and I sincerely hoped they would find in Ezo what they were looking for, let it be victory or a honorable death.

And Chizuru...

I emptied another cup of sake. I needed to focus on my duty towards the Aizu domain instead than on her absence. Amagiri would bring her to Yase, the baby was due for November. I still had time to finish my duty here and join her in time, respecting my promise to be there this time. Then, if the child were to have crimson eyes, I would protect him myself. I killed Kazama already and I was ready to kill all the Yase clan if they decided to touch a single hair of my child's head. I smiled when I thought that if the baby could wait until late November, there would be a chance for it to come out for our wedding anniversary. Wouldn't that be wonderful ? Our love and oaths embodied in our child ? I shook my head. I let my thoughts carry me away again. I needed to focus back to the matter at hand. The Aizu, the war. Yet, I knew deep inside me that my heart wasn't at the point of my sword anymore. It was traveling to Kyoto with her. Could she sense it ? Could she feel its presence by her side ?

I emptied another cup of sake and told the men they should go and rest. A fierce day of battle was awaiting us tomorrow. They obeyed even if it wasn't a direct order and I also went back to my empty tent. I sat in seiza and meditated for a time to find sleep. Unfortunately, I slept during daytime and without the supply of Chizuru's blood, sleeping at night was a lot more difficult. After a while, I decided to take a walk and find a spot to look at the stars. I found Keisuke still around the firecamp, alone, and I changed my mind and joined him. He was reading a letter and I asked about it, curious.

« I received it a long time ago » he laughed « but I still reread it sometimes. I must be foolish. »

« Who is it from ? » I asked, hoping I wasn't intruding.

« My wife. » he smiled « haven't seen her in years. She still lives in our village near Yokohama. She sent it to me when I was with the imperial army to inform me that she found a good husband for our daughter and asking me if I opposed it. She must have married him now, my little Yua. Sometimes, I feel a bit sad I wasn't there for the ceremony. He seems to be a good man. He doesn't have any parents anymore so he will look after my wife as well. That relieves me, I have no son to look after her. » he explained with his eyes focused on the letter « ah ! Sorry Taichô ! I must be bothering you ! »

« Not at all. » I said calmly. « It is only natural to be concerned about your family. »

« I'm glad they are safe, Tai... Saito-san. » he nodded « what an era to live in... »

« Indeed... » I nodded in return.

« Since I came back to the Shinsengumi, I haven't received any letters. I'm not sure if it is because I betrayed or if they don't know where to write me to... So I treasure this one, because it's the only one I have. »

« Why are you staying, Keisuke ? If you want to get back to your wife, I won't oppose. »

« I'd rather stay here, Taichô. » he said « As a warrior, my duty is to fight for you. »

« I am not your Taichô anymore, Keisuke. You owe me nothing. » I said.

« Maybe. But my heart commands me to fight for you. I didn't stay for Aizu. »

« I know. » I stated « you are an imperialist after all. Although you seem to always take the worst choices for your path. »

« You may be right » he laughed.

« Why didn't you stay with Miki, Keisuke ? You quitted the Shinsengumi for its political affiliation. »

« It is true my beliefs are those of the Choshu and Satsuma and I recognize my beliefs in the Sonno Joi. Yet, being in the imperial army seemed wrong to me. I am a bushi, Taichô. My sword is a part of me. The way the SatCho fights cannot echo in me. It is contradictory, really, to fight to expel the western yet use their weapons to win the war. I found victory in the Imperial Army's ranks yet, I haven't found honor. I served you with proudness in the past and I am proud to serve you now. It is you who I follow, Taichô, and I will do so until the end. »

I stayed silent, completely moved by his words. Having so much loyalty from this man I considered as a brother was unexpected yet heartwarming.

He looked up at the sky and smiled, addressing me again.

« I remember Tetsuya, Taichô, and Nobuo, Katsunoshin, Tairô, Jirô, Sanjurô... I sometimes feel like the third division was my family more than my actual one. »

« You do ? » I asked, surprised.

« My marriage was an omiai. I respect my wife and she is a good one. She provided me with an obedient daughter and she takes care of my house and my money, yet I never loved her. I never had the chance you had to marry someone I loved like Yukimura-kun, pardon me, Saito-sensei, I was lost in memories... »

« It's alright, Keisuke. » I said with a small smile.

It was true that I was a lucky man, married to the woman I loved more than anything...

« When lucky as you are, a man shouldn't die Taichô. » he blurted out of the blue « maybe you should be the one getting back to your family. »

I stayed silent. Chizuru, Toudou... now Keisuke... It seemed like everyone was wanting me to quit. Why would my personal life mattered more to them than the greatness of our cause ? I couldn't understand. Or maybe I could but I didn't want to. If I started thinking about it, it would draw blurred lines in my loyalty and I couldn't allow this.

« I do not intend to die, Keisuke. » I said « and I will come back to them. I just want to see the end of this war in Aizu and fight according to my principles. »

« I understand, Saito-san. » he nodded « and I will ensure that you live. Because you are the only one I could possibly imagine giving my life for. »

« I'm not asking this from you. »

« I know. »

He stood up and tidied himself before he bowed to me.

« I shall go to bed if I want to be effective tomorrow. Good night, Saito-san. »

« Good night, Keisuke. » I nodded in return and he went away.

I stayed alone several minutes with my gaze focused on the dancing flames before me. I would not throw myself back into unnecessary danger like back at Bonari Pass. I would survive and see the fall of Aizu with my own two eyes and I will get back to my loved ones and meet my child.

_Wait for me Chizuru. I will soon join you. I am not choosing death. _


	38. Nyoraidou

September 1868

Wakamatsu town was a battlefield now and the city was ablaze in multiple strategical points. Yet, the Aizu was giving a hard time to the Imperial Army and the Castle wasn't surrendering. The battle had been raging for weeks and a lot of Aizu retainers were giving all they could to defend their domain. I heard that when the SatCho entered the town, more than 200 samurai wives, in the panic of being captured, killed themselves and their children. The Aizu samurai were bloodthirsty for vengeance and they were giving hell to the SatCho.

Our corp was still independent and we went guerilla in the area, mostly striking at night, which was convenient for me, and taking down any enemy patrol that would cross our path. We weren't organized like a regular army but just a bunch of assassins whose only mission was to lower their numbers. Against all odds, there was still the thirteen of us and we were very efficient. I didn't care that we were assigned the « dirty work ». My spirit was renewed seeing the SatCho break its teeth on Aizuwakamatsu's walls. It had been three weeks now that the castle was under siege and they didn't even breach it.

During my missions, I encountered a lot of different corps of the Aizu domain and came familiar with their leaders. One of them made me think of Haruhi a lot. I think she would have loved to meet them. It wasn't an official corp and they didn't have any official name or recognition but it was a groupe of twenty women, led by one of the fierces onna-bugeisha I ever met, Nakano Takeko. They were wielding their naginata with grace and efficiency and were as deadly as swordsmen. I couldn't help but imagine Haruhi's face if she were to witness the prowess of these female warriors. I told her the spear was an honorable weapon for a woman.

After weeks of guerilla, we were finally assigned an assist mission. One of Aizu's senior retainer and his unit were in difficulty in Takaku village and we were sent to help. I reunited my twelve warriors and we headed for Takaku, walking at a quick pace to save the retainer.

We traveled by night as usual. We were all night owls now, we were used to fight in the dark and we took down every man or scout unit that crossed our path. We stationed in Nyoraidou, south of the retainer's position and I sent Kumebe to scout ahead in Takaku so we could have a full understanding of the situation. He came back shortly after to inform us that we were unfortunately too late and the samurai and his men were already dead. We decided to rest in Nyoraidou and keep killing in the area. The imperial division who killed these men couldn't be far.

They found us before we did and we clearly didn't expect that. Resting in an abandoned house of the small village, we got surrounded by three hundred men. They started shooting at us through the shoji and the windows and I took a bullet in the stomach and the shoulder. I told my men to flee if they could but I knew we didn't have much chance. Thirteen against three hundred... What could we possibly do ?

« I'm sorry, Taichô. » said Keisuke besides me « I hope you'll pardon me eventually. »

I turned to my second, wondering what he could mean by that but his arms came restraining me from behind before I could say anything and I widened my eyes in surprise, seeing him betraying me at the moment I expected the least. I had renewed my trust in him, made him my second, he stayed by my side... Why now ?! Was he expecting to get back his position in the SatCho if he was killing me ?

Trying to get me out of his grip, I heard the sound of an opening bottle and got a cloth on my nose and mouth. I stopped breathing but couldn't hold it long. I recognized Chizuru's chloroform just before I lost consciousness.

When I woke up, I was alone once more and my coat was missing. The enemy was gone and I found six corpses of my men. I supposed the others escaped. I didn't find Keisuke amongst the corpses and my blood was boiling with anger because of his treason.

I inspected my body, good as new and without any bullet stuck in it. Good. At least that was good news. I found a shovel in a house of the village and dug tombs for my fallen comrades before I got back to Aizuwakamatsu. Alone, I was invisible and I took down every imperialists I met. When I arrived, they told me the news. Five of my men escaped safely and returned. One surrendered himself, Mori Keisuke.

He put on my coat with my personal kamon and surrendered as Saito Hajime, Taichô of the Shinsengumi so that I would not be found. Wounded as I was and sleeping, I passed for a corpse. The Imperial Army was still bloodthirsty for every one of our high ranked, holding the Shinsengumi responsible for the murder of Sakamoto Ryouma back in Kyoto. They killed Kondou-san already on that accusation. They took Keisuke for a mascarade of a trial and he was soon to be beheaded in my place.

A few days later, Saito Hajime died, executed by the Imperial Army. I was given the name of Ichinose Hachirô and joined the fourth unit of the Aizu Suzakutai, led by Sagawa Kanbe, the Phoenix team. I thought to myself with humour that this team was perfect for someone like me, who already died three times and came back good as new. The rest of my men were assigned to Mito where they stayed guerilla in that region. I was feeling a bit sad to be separated from these brothers I trusted, but I was an Ichinose now, a supposed son of Aizu retainer, and my place was in a division of Aizu. For me, it was the closest I ever was to be a samurai. What a pity it was only a cover.

A ray of light in my life was when I met with a familiar face from another corp which came to Aizu's aid in the person of Nagakura Shinpachi. Truly, at that moment, I could have jumped into his muscular arms and would have gladly be squeezed to death. The former captain of the second division was just as happy to see me that I was to see him. He got me up to date about what happened after the battle of Ueno and sadly confirmed Harada's death, and I told him all about Shirakawa, Nihonmatsu and Bonari Pass. We drank way too much that evening and even went into a sword's fight for Gods know what motive. Yet, it felt good to have a friend back.

The imperial army comunicated a lot about my death and I feared the information could reach Kyoto before me. I couldn't even start to imagine the sorrow Chizuru would be in when she were to hear about it. She would be heartbroken. Yet, the battle was raging a lot longer than I expected and I didn't know how long we would keep on fighting. If we could hold until the winter, that would be our chance. Aizu winters were rough and the Imperial Army was mostly composed with men of the South while the Aizu warriors were used to this weather. That would give us a certain advantage against them.

We had been holding Wakamatsu castle for four weeks... Maybe we could keep holding it one more month.


	39. Kyoto

November 1868

Aizu domain surendered at the end of September. The imperial army was getting reinforcements continually and when Matsudaira Katamori eventually asked us to put down our weapons, they were 30 000. There was no way Aizu could defeat that. Nearly all the Matsudaira family surrendered, some of them managed to join the fleet of Enomoto-sama to keep fighting. When the castle surrendered, there was more than a thousand women and children inside.

I was hidden. I don't know why they were so good to me. They were probably grateful. My former men were captured and most of Aizu generals were too but I wasn't. They hid me the best they could and I was amazed with the incredible solidarity every rank of Aizu retainers showed me. Everyone knew I was the real Saito Hajime, not an Ichinose. I fought by their side for months, I led the Shinsengumi on the battlefield... My face was well known. Yet, no one betrayed my identity. The senior Ichinose-dono was captured for imprisonment but his sons were free and I was counted amongst them. I thanked them genuinely for this opportunity and they asked me to stay with them. They respected me as a warrior. I didn't want to insult them by refusing but I had something to do first.

And now here I was, where it all began, where I first met her. It was the beginning of November and I walked restlessly, alone, fighting my bloodlust along the way. I took back the name of Fujita, the one we took in Tenmaya when I was protecting Miura-dono. It was a lot safer to travel that all my other names. Yamaguchi, Saito, Ichinose... all these names were now a way to get me killed.

I wanted to see her, to hold her and tell her that I chose us and was ready to put down my sword. I could have went to Ezo, reunite with Toudou and Hijikata-san but that wasn't my path anymore. Mine took a different direction now and although it was a bit scary because it wasn't a warrior's one, it was also making me feel a blissful elation.

Yet, before I headed to the mountains of Yase, I went a bit south to get back to Kyoto. I was pretty confident no one would recognize me in town. They knew me with my long side ponytail and now, I was wearing a short top bun. My cut hair had grown pass the point of discomfort and I had to tie them up again. Plus, after my weeks of walking, I haven't taken the time to shave. Although it wasn't long, it was hiding my features pretty well and to add to the caution, I put my swords on my left side like any other samurai.

I found what I was looking for and kneeled, bowing in respect for the man who did so much for me.

« Hello, Kyokuchô. » I said in a low voice « I'm sorry you had to cope with this roughness for so long but I had been delayed. Allow me to help you. »

I looked left and right for witnesses and when I was sure it was safe, I took Kondou-san's salted head off the pike on which it was planted. I would not bear any longer to have it exposed that way in the city he vowed to protect. I got away from the Sanjō Ohashi bridge and asked a monk to make a ceremony for it. I gave him the head after it, asking him to go and bury it somewhere appropriate. I hoped his spirit could now find peace...

That done, I was finally ready to put my Shinsengumi years in the past. I exited Kyoto and went hiking north, in the mountains around the city. I was pretty sure that I couldn't find the hidden village myself but I had no doubt that the Oni would find me if I got close enough. I hiked for hours, waiting for them to show themselves and my prayers were finally answered in the person of Kimigiku, the ninja bodyguard of Sen.

« Kimigiku-san » I saluted her.

« Saito-san. » she bowed in return « we thought you were dead. »

« As you can see, I am well and alive. » I smiled faintly « is my family here ? »

« They are » she confirmed.

« Can I see them ? » I asked.

« You are human. I can't let you in that easily. » she stated.

« I'm Saito-himesama's husband. » I objected.

_Will demons one day acknowledge our marriage or will I always stay the human standing behind the demon princess ? You were there at our wedding for gods's sake. _

« Wait here if you may, Saito-san. I'm going to ask Sen-himesama if you can get in. I'm sorry about this but it is protocol. I need a permission from my princess. »

« Alright. » I sighed and I sat down on a stump, waiting.

She showed up again after several minutes and ordered me to follow her. My heart was pounding in my chest so much that it ached. How would Chizuru react to my arrival ? Was she still mad at me ? We turned so many times in the forest that I wasn't sure I would be able to find my way back but I supposed it was normal for a hidden village. Yet, when I saw it, there was no magical portal or anything. It was just a small, classic village.

« This way, please. » ordered Kimigiku and I kept following her.

There were men, women and children, all looking at me in fear and I searched for Chizuru or Haruhi's face amongst them, even Amagiri's, but I couldn't see them. The ninja woman led me to what I supposed was Sen's home since it was the biggest house there, in L shape with a beautiful garden, and she ordered me to stay in an empty room, assuring me that I wouldn't have to wait long.

She was right. A few moments later, I heard rapid steps in the corridor and I recognized that sound so easily. My heart became mad inside my rib cage, bouncing everywhere, and I saw her slid the shoji, her eyes wet and wide.

« Chizuru... » I said but I didn't get the time to say anything else.

She ran with her red and golden princess kimono and captured my face between her palms, kissing me with desperation. Gods, I loved her. Her face was wet with tears of joy and she started sobbing violently, clenching to me as if I could turn to smoke and fly away. She finally let go of my lips and I smiled to her.

« I'm back. » I just said and she chuckled and sobbed at the same time, holding me in her arms with her face burried in chest.

« I... I heard you were dead... »

« I'm not an easy man to kill, you should know by now. » I said softly, stroking her hair.

« There were woodblock prints... of your execution... » she sobbed « I even kept one just to have an image of you... I was... I was so guilty that the last thing I said to you was that I shouldn't have married you ! It's... I never should have said that ! Hajime... I... I'm so stupid... I... I... »

« I know, Chizuru » I said, lifting her chin up « I love you too. »

I kissed her again, with less desperation than she did. My embrace wasn't fueled by despair, it was fueled by hope. It was turned towards the future, our future. Although I couldn't help but have anguish taking over me. One thing that stroke me when she got in was how flat her belly was. That was early... I normally should have been on time... Was the child safe ? Yet, I couldn't bring myself to ask, fearing I would stir some sorrowful emotions. I prefered for her to talk about it to me.

« I missed you so much... » she whispered, her head burying itself back in my clothes.

« Chizuru... I hiked for four weeks... » I muttered, embarrassed. I was probably smelling like a horse.

« I don't care... » she whispered, not moving her head.

« I do. » I frowned and I detached myself from her.

Yet, when I saw her disappointment, I sighed and pulled her back to me.

« You will have to show me where the bathroom is. » I muttered.

« It can wait. » she chuckled « it's not that bad... You smell you, just stronger. »

I said nothing for a few minutes and then I detached her again and carressed her cheek with the tip of my fingers.

« Chizuru, I... » I started then stopped, wondering where I was going with this. I paused and thinked about what I wanted to say to her and I tried to find the right words « I'm done. My path led me to you, all those years ago and you walked it behind me, you were right. You followed my route and my ambitions without ever complaining. »

« Maybe I did complain a little. » she said.

« Let me speak. » I ordered, flustered « I don't know what I was saying anymore... »

« That I followed your path without complaining. » she smiled.

« Yes, alright... » I paused again « I'm ready, Chizuru. I'm ready to get off that path and walk a new one, with you. Chizuru, I know we are already married and everything but I want you to be my wife, again, renew my vows, and I want to build something with you and stop fighting. From now on, I want to put all my efforts, loyalty and strength into our family. Because I choose us. »

« This...You... Whoah... I... I don't know what to say... » she whispered, completely overwhelmed.

« You do not need to say anything. Just let me walk on your path from now on. » I whispered, my forehead against hers.

« It is our path. » she just said, holding me tight.

We kept silent together, each of us getting the full of the other. I was desiring to love her here and now after so many months without touching her but that would be inappropriate. And I still was completely anxious about the child.

« Where's Haruhi ? » I asked eventually to avoid asking the other question that was burning my lips.

« She's with your son. » she replied with a giant loving smile and I felt my heart melt with these words.


	40. Son

« My son... » I whispered, completely in awe « it's a son... »

She nodded with a loving smile but there was also something sad in her expression and that was worrying me.

« Is... is he well ? » I asked.

_Please... Tell me he's not a Rasetsu..._

« Hum... Yeah, he's fine ! It's just that... All that walking have been very hard for me and it made him get out early so he's a bit... fragile... His lungs are weak » she said with sadness, looking at my reaction « it will probably get better in a few weeks or months but for the moment, we are keeping him in a very warm and clean room at all time and no one is allowed to visit him except me and Haruhi so we can keep him away from all illnesses. Winter is coming and we need his lungs to gain strength otherwise he may not survive it. It's... It probably won't be permanent... I'm sorry... »

« Don't be sorry. » I said firmly, kissing her « you gave me a son. You are wonderful. How old is he ? »

« Four days old. » she smiled with visible relief.

« I'm sorry I was late... » I said with regret « So... If he's more than three days old, he... has a name ? »

« The one you chose. » she smiled and I smiled with her.

_I have a son... _

« You're wonderful... » I repeated, feeling the warmth invading my chest.

_A son... A son of my blood..._

« You're not... disappointed ? » she asked shyly.

« Why would I be ? » I asked, perplexed.

« Because he's... weak... » she said in a sad voice.

« As you said, it will probably not be permanent. He will gain strength, I'm sure of it. He's your son and you are the strongest person I know. » I told her with a smile.

« Do... Do you want to see him ? » she asked shyly again, blushing red.

« Can I ? » I asked in return, concerned.

« Hajime, you're his father. Of course you can see him. »

I felt relieved. I hadn't dared to ask since she told me no one could visit him appart herself and Haruhi. I thought that I would have to wait as well before I could see him.

« Then nothing could make me happier. » I smiled, kissing her again.

« Okay then first, I'll show you where the bathroom is and we're going to change your clothes. Nothing dirty can enter our son's room. Haruhi is going to be so happy to see you as well ! »

« Can you provide me with something to shave too ? » I said, touching my cheeks.

« Yeah » she laughed « I'll find you that. I agree that it isn't very sexy and you scratch me. And I believe you also need supply on blood, don't you ? We'll have to do that too before you meet our son. »

« Thank you. » I nodded « Chizuru... Our son... He's not a Rasetsu ? »

« No. » she smiled « He's perfect. Well he still is an Oni but apart from that, he's totally normal. All the village is elated even if they can't meet him for now. Everytime I step out, people ask me how's the little prince. » she chuckled « I got a bit used to it, I must admit. I'm calling him little prince too and that amuses Haruhi a lot. Your daughter is glued to him permanently. Sometimes, I wonder myself if she isn't his mother. She sleeps with him and stays in the room with him all the time with her weapons ready. She says he needs protection. »

I escaped a small laugh. Haruhi really took her mission at heart. If the child wasn't a Rasetsu though, he was perfectly safe, maybe I should have told her about this eventuality. Yet, I was proud that she was so dedicated to him.

« I'll show you the bathroom. » she said « you must be impatient. »

She slid the shoji and showed me around the big manor, leading me to one of the bathroom. She told me there were four and that this one was the one in the quarters of the guests so it was ours. She met two Oni on the way and asked them for a blade to shave, a fresh kimono and a nagajuban. I was looking forward to get rid of my uniform and get back to more japanese clothes. I didn't need it now that I wouldn't go to war anymore. The two Oni went away and Chizuru explained to me that they were servants and that if I needed anything, I could ask them. I wasn't really feeling comfortable with it but I nodded. I wasn't sure I would ask for anything though.

I entered the bathroom and was glad to be able to get clean at last. I poured buckets on my head and used the soap to clean myself two times to be sure. When I was cleaned, I went inside the bath and waited for the fresh clothes.

Chizuru entered with the folded fabric and also a cloth so I could wipe the water away, and a short blade to shave. When I saw she was about to put them down near the entrance, I asked her if she could bring them near the bath and she got closer without an hesitation. When she put them on the wooded bench near me, though, I grabbed her from behind and pulled her to the bath with me.

« What are you doing, Hajime ?! » she laughed « my kimono is soaked now ! »

« You said nothing unclean could come near my son. » I stated « and you touched someone who hasn't bath for weeks. » I added, pulling on the ties of her beautiful kimono « It is only logical you clean yourself before you get in contact with him. »

« Why am I feeling like I'm not gonna stay clean long ? » she asked playfully.

I didn't answer and brushed the kimono off her shoulders, revealing her skin. It was already a very heavy kimono but soaked as it was, it was even worse. I managed though and I kissed her again with passion, feeling the heat taking over my body as my hand went brushing on her thigh in the water.

« Wait ! » she said and I detached myself from her.

She took the blade that I was given to shave and she opened her palm. I sensed my bloodlust awaken and I tried to keep the control as I licked her palm avidely, craving the liquid that I missed for more than two long months. When the wound healed itself, I felt a lot of frustration. I needed way more but I was still enough in control not to jump on Chizuru's throat.

« Are you okay ? » she asked.

« Ha. »

« Great. Please, don't bleed-dry me. » she said and she slid the blade across her neck so I could have more.

Immediately, my lips were captured by the desire to drink from her and I swallowed all I could get, feeling the extasy of her taste while I closed my arms aroung her, trapping her onto my lap in the water. It was back to normal now, the taste she had in Edo, the same as Kaoru... It was way too good and I wondered how I managed to be deprived of it that long. I stopped before I had enough but I needed her to be able to move for what was to come, and to lead me to my son. My hands traveled all over her body, savoring how her skin was soft and silky underwater. I put my hand on her stomach and it was a bit strange to find it so flat again. There wasn't any visible sign of childbearing.

« It's as if you've never been pregnant... » I muttered to myself.

« Oni genes » she laughed « we heal fast from everything. »

« I guess... » I muttered again.

My hand traveled again to cup her breast that were still enormous. She moaned and I licked her neck again, this time not to drink since the wound was healed but just to arouse her. I kissed up to her ear and grabbed the lobe in my mouth, sucking on it.

« Chizuru » I whispered in her ear as if I was sharing a secret « I want you very much. Can I have you ? »

« This doesn't seem very reasonable... » she moaned.

« I'm done being reasonable. » I answered, pulling on the ties of her soaked underwear under the water « Can I have you, Chizuru ? » I repeated in her ear, my voice already thick with lust.

« As if you needed to ask... » she moaned delightfully as I was touching her where I knew she would enjoy it the most.

« I want to hear it from you. » I stated, still whispering in her ear and I felt her shiver.

« I want you, Hajime... » she whimpered « I want you... Please... I missed you so much... »

I kept her on my lap but rotated her a little to put her backside against my stomach and I thrusted in her, making her escape a wanton cry of pleasure. I nested my head in her collar, one hand on her breast and my other arm circling her stomach. As I was moving in her, my mouth was kissing and sucking on her neck, unable to get enough of her. I wasn't restraining myself, knowing that every mark I would leave on her skin would be gone in minutes. The hand on her breast came combing in her hair, ruining her beautiful bun with its wetness and one or two hairpin fell in the bath. Yet, that wasn't of concern to any of us. We were both surrendering to the pleasure to be finally together again. I was loving her at last, after three or four months of restraint, and I was doing so tenderly and lovingly, making slow powerful thrust to savor the feeling to be one with her and last the longer I could.

« Please, Hajime, I missed you... » she pleaded, shifting her hips to encourage me to go faster and I couldn't resist to obey her commands.

My pace increased until she was moaning loudly, satisfied, and I pulled gently on her hair to tilt her head upwards and get better access to her neck. I sucked hard at the junction of her throat and collarbone and that sent her in cloud nine, her muscles clenching around me triggering my own release. I held her tight and we both stayed there a minute, panting, savoring the other's breath and scent. Gods, I loved her so much... Never would I grow tired of her...

I eventually let her go and I nodded, pleased to see her so numb and satisfied.

« See, you needed a bath as well. »

« Your humour sucks. » she chuckled « Now I will have to ask for a fresh kimono too. Thank you very much, Hajime. »

I escaped a small laugh and got out of the bath to attach my hair back in the small bun and shave my unsightly facial hair with the blade. In no time, my face was as smooth as a baby skin. Talking about babies, I was growing impatient to meet mine. Chizuru had passed her head in the shoji opening to ask for another kimono and it was delivered pretty fast. It was as ostentatious as the first one, made with pure top grade silk, but this one was sky blue with colorful maple leaves. Mine was a lot simpler although it was also made of the same material, but the patern was only thin white stripes drawing a grid on indigo blue. It felt very comfortable to wear a kimono again and Chizuru also seemed pleased to see me in japanese fashion again.

« Can I meet my son now ? » I asked Chizuru.

« You're the one fooling around ! » she scolded.

« I don't believe I encountered much resistance. » I smiled.

« Yeah, sure. It's never your fault anyway. » she kissed me « Follow me. »


	41. Iris

Chizuru led me in the corridor again and slid a shoji. I found Haruhi there, sitting against the wall with a bean shaped ball of fabric cradled in her arms. She lifted her gaze and smirked when she saw me.

« Welcome Home, Otousan. » she said genuinely.

« I'm back, Haruhi » I said softly.

My eyes were totally captured by the bean she was holding, my son... I couldn't see him well, I couldn't even see his face and I was craving to discover it.

« Can I see him ? » I asked Haruhi in a whisper.

« No. » she replied to my surprise and Chizuru scolded her.

« Haruhi ! Let Hajime see him ! »

« Your hair are wet, Otousan » she said firmly « we can't make him wet, he could fall ill. »

« I'll be careful. » I nodded « show me my son. »

« Give him to me. » scolded Chizuru, annoyed.

« No, you're wet too. » she scolded in return. « How come you're wet and changed your clothes ? »

« I took a bath after Hajime. » she replied, her cheeks tainted with a bit of pink.

« Yeah and those hickey appeared by magic. » she scolded again which caused both Chizuru and I to become blushing red.

« Haruhi, that's enough. » I said firmly.

« When I heard you were there, I thought you'd be in this room in seconds and I've been waiting for nearly an hour. If you took the time to do some dirty things instead of running here, you can wait for your hair to be dry. » she continued to scold « besides, my mission is to protect it at all costs and that includes not to make him ill. »

« Haruhi, I'm out of patience. » I warned « show me my son. »

She locked her gaze in mine and I didn't blink, waiting for her to obey. She eventually sighed and handed the baby to Chizuru.

« Thank you. » we both said, equally annoyed.

Chizuru brought him to me and I finally could see his face. He was asleep despite of all the ruckus, mouth agap, and his little hands with chubby fingers were moving slowly without any purpose, just for the joy of moving. He was so small... I knew he would be but seeing him at last... He was... so small... So fragile... A miracle...

« Do you want to hold him ? » she asked me softly with a voice filled with love.

« I... I don't know... » I stuttered « Is it cautious ? I could maybe hurt him... »

« He'll be fine » she smiled « but if you don't want to, it's okay. »

« No, No. » I shook my head « I want to hold him. »

She handed me the bean that was my son and instructed me to be extra careful with his head and then, I had him in my arms. It was so... strange... The emotions were like a hurricane inside of me, mostly guided by fear and awe but there was also anxiety, love, elation, joy, proudness and helplessness, even a hint of smugness. I wanted to protect him in my arms forever and at the same time, run outside as far as possible from him. I wondered it this was normal, that urge to flee even if I was so happy... I felt him for months, moving in Chizuru's belly, I talked to him... but now, without that barrier between us, it wasn't foreign anymore. It was my son. So scary yet so wonderful...

With the tip of my finger, I carressed his soft skin on his cheek and went up to his forehead then between his eyes and stopped on his little flat nose. My finger was even bigger than it was... Completely in awe, I kept drawing his contour on his face, as if I wanted them to print in my mind, and I continued my journey on his arm and hand and saw his little fingers wrap around mine.

« Have you seen that ? » I asked Chizuru with proudness and surprise « he caught me... »

She chuckled gently and so did Haruhi, and I reported my attention on my son once more. He was still grabbing onto my finger and I didn't dare to move, wondering why he caught me and what it could mean.

« It's his right hand... » I muttered « is he right handed ? »

« I don't know yet » said Chizuru « sometimes he uses his left, sometimes his right but it's too soon to know, his movements are so clumsy. »

I hoped he was right handed. Having been through it as a child, I didn't want him to go through all it meant to be left handed as well. I would never take the food or toys away from him or hurt his fingers, and I knew Chizuru wouldn't do it either, but if he could avoid all the cruelty of others, it would be perfect.

My finger still squeezed by his own, I saw him wake up and open his eyes. They were beautiful, hazel eyes just like his mother but not as big. I couldn't help but have a big smile drawn on my face. He really was the most beautiful baby ever. He looked at my face and I wondered if he could remember and recognize me.

« Hello, Ayame. » I whispered « I'm your father. »

He made a sound and my smile grew bigger on my face. I turned towards Chizuru and Haruhi and found my smile mirrored on both her faces.

« It's Ayame, right ? » I asked, just to be sure.

« Yes. » confirmed Chizuru.

« Which kanji ? » I asked, looking at the child again.

« Iris. » she said « although it's a name both for boys and girls, iris is usually used for girls so I hesitated to use 'colorful sprout' or 'blessed sprout' but you wanted flowers so here we are. It's your son, Ayame. »

« Iris is perfect » I nodded « you're not a sprout, are you ? » I asked the child « well maybe you are one now but you'll grow, right ? »

Both of the girls giggled and I felt myself become red, knowing that they were mocking me. I let them, I didn't care. I was with my perfect son who looked just like his perfect mother, the love of my life. Could I ever be happier than this ?

The baby let go of my finger eventually and he squeezed his eyes and groaned, making his little nose move in the process. Then he started sobbing and a few seconds later he was crying, yelling like a devil. I was completely panicked and I turned to Chizuru but she just chuckled and took the baby back in her arms. She opened her kimono to take one of her breast out and approached the child from it. He calmed down immediately, suckling on her nipple and pressing his little hand on the breast.

« I'm going to be jealous of that boy » I said with a smile.

« Otousan ! » scolded Haruhi « I'm still here, you know ! And that's disgusting ! »

I flushed. In my elation, I totally forgot about Haruhi's presence. Speaking like this in front of her was undoubtedly inappropriate. I turned to her to apologize for my rudeness but she just laughed and served me a foxy smile.

« Hey, since Ayame-chan and Chizuru-neechan are busy now, can you come fight with me ? » she asked.

« Alright. » I nodded « let's see if you are rusty. »

« I'm gonna kill you this time. » she nodded with enthusiasm and I escaped a small laugh.

_You can try. _

I followed her outside the manor and we found a spot where we could practice. Now that I had nourished myself on Chizuru, the sun wasn't painful anymore, just mildly uncomfortable.

« Don't you have to fetch bokkens ? » I asked.

« I don't think there are some, I'm not sure... » she confessed before smiling like her mother used to « are you afraid ? »

« Terrified. » I chuckled and I took my fighting stance, my blade still in its scabbard.

She unsheathed her wakizashi, concentrated and came at me with full strength, as if she really wanted to kill me. I dodge it easily but was surprised with the force that was in her blow. Tennen Rishin Ryû has always been a little more brutal than other styles but she was still a ten years old girl, I didn't expect that. I blocked all her attacks one after the other and I could see in her eyes how pissed she was not to be able to land her sword on me.

People around us gathered to look at our duel and I could hear them murmur between them.

« Who's this ? »

« I think it's the husband of Yukimura-himesama... »

« The fake ? »

« Isn't he dead ? »

« It's the fake, right ? »

« The one who drinks blood ? »

« Is he the father of the little prince ? »

« Maybe he just came to fetch the human girl... »

« It's his daughter I believe. »

« So he had a daughter from another woman before marrying Yukimura-himesama ? How outrageous... »

« I heard he killed Kazama-oujisama. »

« That handsome prince of the West ?! What a loss... »

_I'm going to love that village... I can already feel it... _

But unfortunately, I didn't have much choice, especially if Ayame's lungs were weak. I couldn't bring him back so soon to Aizu where the winters were so rough... and being without him and Chizuru was out of the question for me. I would stay with her no matter what, even if that meant enduring these kind of comments. In the end, it wasn't that different from when I came back from the Guardians. As long as I knew who I was and what mattered to me, they could talk all they wanted.

I sensed Haruhi was tiring and I took the opportunity to desarm her and put my blade inches from her throat. She pouted but her eyes were sparkling, betraying her joy and excitement.

« You won again... » she muttered.

« I have a lot more practice than you do. » I replied, sheathing my katana « but I am impressed by your technique. You could beat quite a lot of the men I know. »

« I'll beat you one day. » she said with assurance.

« I have no doubt you will. » I confirmed « Souji trained you well. »

She smiled and circled me with her arms, her face into my stomach.

« I'm glad you're here and you're not dead. » she stated.

« I owe my life to Mori, the Matsudaira family and the people of Aizu. » I replied.

She detached herself from me and giggled.

« You have Kondou-san's haircut too, now ! » she chuckled « Are you gonna cut them ? »

« I don't know, yet. » I smiled « I'll see what Chizuru thinks about it. »

« Have you seen him ? » she asked « Kondou-san in Kyoto... Chizuru-neechan forbade me to go... »

« I have. » I nodded « and I got him out of there. It's time for him to find peace. »

« Thank you. » she said genuinely.

I passed my hand in her hair, still under the gaze of the villagers who didn't dare to come close but were still curious and I ignored all of them superbly. Maybe I would have to make some friends at some point but for the moment, what I've seen and heard didn't really make me want to be nice.

« You wanna go back to Ayame-chan ? » asked Haruhi.

« I think I'd better go and pay my respects to Sen-himesama. » I said with regret « also, are Amagiri and Kaoru still around ? »

« Yeah ! » she nodded « They should be with Sen talking about the wedding. »

« Which wedding ? » I frowned.

« Sen and Kaoru ! » she explained as if it was obvious « they will get married in spring. »

« But... Why ? » I frowned some more.

I didn't know who I pitied more in that marriage, the woman marrying a rat or the man who will have a wife as bossy and annoying as Sen. How lucky I was to be married to a woman I actually loved.

« Well you'd better sit because you're not gonna like it but Sen is a princess but she's only half Oni like Ayame-chan. So the initial plan was to marry Chizuru with Kazama and if they got a girl to marry that girl to Kaoru even if he would have been way older than her to continue the pure bloodline. Sen was supposed to marry a half Oni from Nagumo clan so that they wouldn't dilute the bloodline more than it already is. But ! You killed Kazama so Chizuru had no husband and Kaoru no wife anymore. »

« Chizuru had a husband. » I objected.

« Yeah but you don't really fit into their equations... » she replied, uneasy.

« So that's when they decided to marry Sen and Kaoru ? » I asked.

« More or less... When we thought you were dead, they did try to convince Chizuru-neechan to marry her brother... »

_I love this place. _

« They must be glad I'm back, then. » I stated.

« Chizuru-neechan have been pretty clear with them... You should have seen this, it was almost as if she could spit fire ! » she laughed « Chizuru is so sweet all the time, you probably can't imagine but she was a real demon ! »

_Oh, I can imagine pretty well... I've been the target of her anger before. _

« I see. » I nodded « well the most important part is that we are all together again and that the child is safe. »

« Otousan. » she asked « are we going to stay long here ? »

« I believe that this will depend of Ayame and Chizuru » I said softly « When he will be healthy and if Chizuru is willing to go, we will probably go somewhere else. »

« Good » she nodded and I could see that she, like me, wasn't really liking this village either but it was understandable if the villagers were as hostile with her that they were with me.


	42. Anniversary

I've been in Yase for nearly 3 weeks now and although the Oni still were pretty hostile towards me, my days were peaceful and filled with joy. The guest area of Sen's manor was composed of a lot of different rooms but we were only using one. Chizuru wouldn't sleep without Ayame and I wouldn't sleep without her. As for Haruhi, she prefered to stay with all of us as well even if she could have her own room if she wanted. Kaoru and Amagiri also had rooms in this area of the manor and I was seeing them almost every day and being cordial with them which was easier to do with Amagiri than the little rat. The latter cut his long hair and he wasn't looking as much like Chizuru now. He also gained some weight and seemed healthier. He was always very polite but I was keeping my guard up. Neither of these Onis were allowed near Ayame for now and I was pleased with it. The further demons could be from my son, the better it was.

I was still sleeping with my katana above my head although I knew that we were supposed to be in a secure environment. Habits, I guess. And personally, I wasn't sure Haruhi and I were really safe here despite what my wife could say. We were outcasts, the human girl and the fake demon. If we weren't linked to Chizuru and Ayame, we wouldn't even be here. Oni had merged with humans in the past, reason why there weren't much pure-blood left, but since they went into hiding, it was kind of taboo... and it grew worse since the destruction of the Yukimura clan by humans, nearly twenty years ago. For them, my marriage with Chizuru was nothing but a waste and I also heard a few comments about how it was sad that the little prince was only a half when he could have been a pure-blood. Honestly, it was very hard to keep my cool when I was hearing things about my son's lineage and the glorification of Kazama Chikage.

Sleeping with a baby was hard... I never thought about this before but now, I could barely sleep at night. Every time he would start crying, I would be the first one up, unsheathing my sword in a hurry before remembering that that awful sound was just my baby son. I would take him in my arms and try to calm him down but most of the time, I couldn't really help and I just had to hand him to Chizuru so he could eat or she could take care of him. I couldn't wait for him to gain strength, grow up and start to share things with him. I never shared much with my own father... I wondered if my older brother Hiroaki did... Maybe it was because I was the third or maybe because we never were children of love but children of duty. My parents never loved each other so I guess it wasn't the same. I loved Ayame with all my heart, not because he was of my blood but because he was of hers, Chizuru...

Everytime I was looking at him, I could find new features that were just like his mother's. She wasn't agreeing with me though. She said he got her eyes but appart from that, he was totally my duplicate. I wondered how she could be so blind... Everything was round in Ayame... His face, his nose, his chubby arms and legs... Just like Chizuru. But she just laughed and said that it was just because he was a baby and that he wouldn't stay that round and then she scolded me playfully for calling her fat. I wasn't. Chizuru was fit and muscular, not fat. She was just... round. Like a peach. I could totally eat her up.

Although I could barely sleep at night, we had a lot of comment about how calm he was. I asked Chizuru about it and she told me that it was true that he was crying a lot less than other children and he was only doing it so when he wanted to tell us something. She said it was another proof that he was my duplicate since he was so silent but I didn't think he was that silent, otherwise, I would sleep at night. Yet it was true that I couldn't complain. He was sleeping most of the time and his dreams seemed peaceful. I wondered how long it could take before he could go outside... and speak and walk and hold a shinai... but that would probably be in a long time and we decided that we wouldn't take him outside before the spring to be sure his lungs were well developped. Chizuru was often massaging him, making him cough and breath deep to strengthen his lungs... I knew he would survive the winter. He had to.

It was our anniversary. One year ago, on this day of November, Chizuru became my wife. I wanted to do something big for the occasion but unfortunately, our friends were dead or still fighting and we couldn't really go anywhere more than two or three hours because Ayame couldn't get out and needed Chizuru to eat. I tried to figure out for days what I could do since I couldn't bring her to Kyoto or organize a party and I finally found an idea. It wasn't the best idea ever but it was better than nothing. She, like I, needed a bit of time alone, just the two of us.

For the first time, I asked something to the two Oni that were here for us and that was the localization of the kitchen. I went with Haruhi grocery shopping in Kyoto earlier and I asked her to look after Ayame in the evening when I would go with Chizuru. Of course, she accepted with a lot of enthusiasm, happy to spend some time with her little brother. She was still very dedicated to him even if I came back. Since Chizuru was exhausted most of the time, taking care of him, Haruhi was the one cleaning the room everyday, getting in some fresh air while making sure the temperature wouldn't drop. She had been used to do it for Souji so it wasn't really a problem for her.

In the big kitchen, I was glad to have everything I needed to make good quality food. After so many months cooking in a military camp, I nearly forgot what a real kitchen could look like. I prepared two bento for Chizuru and I put the boxes in a fabric to carry them before I went to fetch my wife and capture her for the evening.

« Chizuru, may I come in ? » I asked.

« Yeah, sure. » she answered and I slid myself in the room.

She was holding our son in her arms, rocking him softly while she was pacing in the room to make him fall back asleep.

« Sleep, Ayame-chan » she was singing softly « to become as strong as your father... »

She was radiant. I always knew how much of a great mother she would be but witnessing it with my own eyes was filling my heart with warmth. How could I ever raise myself to her level ? I came closer and circled my wife from behind. I kissed her cheek and reported my attention on the baby that was slowly blinking, his little fingers moving as he was making inarticulate sounds of happiness and satisfaction.

« Has he eaten yet ? » I asked, not letting go of them.

« About fifteen minutes ago. » she replied, smiling while she was still rocking him.

« Good. » I said « because we are leaving. »

« Leaving ? » she asked, confused « but we can't. »

« Haruhi will take care of him. » I explained « this is an abduction, Oni princess. Don't force me to carry you on my shoulder like a rice bag. »

« Abducted by my own husband ? » she laughed.

« Why not ? If I recall, when we were amongst the Shinsengumi, abducting you seemed to be the national sport. Now's my turn. »

« You kidnapped me too in Hakone. » she chuckled, trying to get away from my grip without waking our son.

« It wasn't an abduction, it was a rescue mission » I objected « It doesn't count. »

« Is this linked to our anniversary ? » she asked.

_So you remembered too..._

« It may. » I nodded.

« Okay. » she smiled with sparkles in her gaze « where are we going ? »

« If I tell you, it's not a surprise. » I stated.

« I need to get back here in a couple hours. » she said very seriously.

« I know. » I nodded.

I let her go and she looked at me with a playful, suspicious gaze before she laid down our son on the futon. She grabbed my hand and I pulled her outside the manor. In the garden, Haruhi was training and I called her to order her to look after her brother this evening. She went inside and I continued to lead Chizuru to the surprise.

It was a natural hot spring a bit further. I would rather had done something better than an onsen and a bento but it was the only idea I could get. Sen told me about the place. It was normally exploited by a tea house nearby but she made arrangements so it could be private for us today, or at least, for a couple of hours. The hot spring was surrounded by cherry trees and their leaves all red were adding a lot of charm to the scenery since the light of a multitude of candles were reflecting on their colors.

« An onsen ? » she chuckled « first you drag me into your bath and now you're taking me to hot springs ? »

« You don't like it ? » I asked, anxious.

« No ! It... It's perfect ! » she blushed « sorry, I just meant to joke... It's perfect. »

« I'm sorry I couldn't do better... » I muttered.

« Are you kidding ? There's candles everywhere and it's so beautiful... » she smiled with her gaze sparkling again « you are probably going to make fun of me but I never went to a natural hot spring before... »

« I'm glad you like it. » I said, flustered « since the day I had you in the bathroom of the Nishi-Honganji, I've been thinking about taking you to hot springs since you seem to enjoy hot water a lot. I wanted to do so after I married you but we've been caught in the war and it delayed a bit my plans. »

« So the program is to enjoy the water together tonight ? » she said with a smirk before looking at the tea house « It's so lovely... and... is this place serving food ? »

« It does. » I nodded « but I wanted to cook and so I did. We can order tea to go with what I prepared if you like. »

I showed her the bento I made and she sighed with envy. I was a good cook and it had been ages since she had a chance to eat something I prepared. I could see the impatience and hunger in her eyes and that pleased me very much.

« I don't deserve you, Hajime... » she whispered, pleased.

« I disagree. » I stated « are you hungry ? »

« This looks too good to be eaten... » she said with a smile.

« If you like it that much, I will make others. »

She chuckled and we sat together at one of the outdoor table near the spring. Although it was the end of november, there were fires burning in hibachi and so, we weren't cold. I ordered some tea and we ate together peacefully. Normally, we shouldn't have been authorized to bring our own food but I guess the princess of the Yukimura clan had some special treatment. It felt nice to eat together... without Haruhi, Sen, Amagiri or Kaoru but just the two of us, and I think she enjoyed it too.

Our meal finished, we plunged into the hot spring together and let the minerals and the heat of the water ease our bodies and mind. Snuggled into my arms, Chizuru had her eyes closed in delight and the light of the candles was reflecting beautifully on her hair and face. Because of all the light, I couldn't see any stars but that didn't matter. I couldn't look at anything else than my wife anyway.

« This was a wonderful idea... » she said, snuggling even more « It feels so good... »

« I know that Ayame is a lot of work and also that you don't go out very often since you have to be there for him so I wanted you to have a relaxing evening and get a bit of fresh air. I'm not even sure you took a moment to look at the autumn leaves since he's here. »

« You're always so caring... » she smiled « I'm so lucky to have you... »

_I believe I'm the lucky one. And I'm just trying to make it up to you for all the coldness you had to cope with when I was a Taichô. _

« We've been married for a year... » she murmured.

I didn't say anything and just thought about it. A year already... and it still felt like yesterday. How beautiful she was... and all our friends were there... my unit had cooked... I was wearing the Makoto on the haori Kondou-san offered me... it was a perfect day.

« Can you realize you've been my husband for a year already ? » she chuckled, opening her gorgeous chestnut eyes to plunge them in mines.

« I still don't know what you found in me. » I confessed « Chizuru, will you be my wife one more year ? »

« Only one ? » she asked with a fake pout.

« I'm planning on asking every year. » I smiled.

« And I'll answer yes everytime you ask. » she said before kissing me.

I held her for a time, savoring the moment until we decided to head back to Sen's manor. Yet, this little moment of tenderness and calm had eased both our minds.

« Are you growing your hair again ? » she asked as I was tying them in the small bun.

« I don't know yet. »

« I would love to see you with long hair again. » she smiled.

« Then I'm growing them. »

I took her hand and we got back to the Oni village that we could call home, at least for now. When we arrived, both the kids were deeply asleep next to each other and we joined them. We were a family.


	43. Question

**Hi everyone ! **

**I'm just posting to ask a question and then I will replace this chapter by an actual one. The question is... what kind of chapter ? **

**This story is already super long and some of you have been following it since the start for more of 200 chapters already so maybe you're fed up with it and looking forward to the end LoL. **

**Question is : **

**Do I make a happy ending fluffy chapter and then say goodbye to this fic that I loved writing and start a new project ?**

**OR would you rather have a slower development and more plot like with the demons, Sen's wedding, Ayame's growth, Haruhi's unexpected friendship, echos of the battles in Ezo... blablabla...?**

**In any cases, I will not go for a part 5 so this is the last storyline. Let me know what you prefer by comment or pm.**

**I believe my next project would be a Haruhi based story when she's older, maybe during the Satsuma rebellion (again?! ). I hope you liked that character as much as I did and I don't want to spoil the story but it will be Shinsengumi related. Would you be interested in a story featuring Haruhi ? **


	44. Salvation

March 1869

Ayame survived the winter. I never doubted he would. I liked to imagine that he had his mother's strength and stubbornness. She said he had mine. Whatever.

With the days getting warmer, we finally let him get out and he seemed very pleased with it. He was smiling all the time and laughing, or at least making sounds that could be interpreted as laughs. His eyes were always sparkling as if he was enchanted by everything and his movements, yet still clumsy, were getting more assured. He seemed now to be conscious that his hands could be helpful to grab things and was often trying to catch whatever he could, mostly my hair that were now arranged in a short side ponytail.

I was often the one taking him outside. Everytime Chizuru would step out with him alone, she would get surrounded in seconds by the villagers eager to see and touch the little prince. I knew they meant no harm but it still was annoying. My presence had the certain advantage to repell most of them. Months of living in Yase didn't improve my situation the slightest. I was still the bloodthirsty fake demon and everytime people would see me with Ayame, they would stare with fierce disapproval as if I had no right to be with him. In their eyes, we weren't a family. There was the princess and the little prince and then, the fake demon and the human girl. I always had been used to be stared at with contempt, fear or hatred but this time, it wasn't only impacting me but my family too. I wanted us to leave before Ayame could be in age to notice how differently his mother and his father were treated and question it, but for the moment, I haven't brought the subject to Chizuru's attention. It wasn't a healthy environment to grow up for a child, despite everything Sen could say.

She was always friendly to me and so were Kimigiku, Amagiri and Kaoru. The latter seemed to be less of a snake now that he wasn't working with Kazama anymore and I allowed Chizuru to work with him on the Ochimizu but ordered her to be cautious. Now that Ayame didn't need to eat as often as at the beginning, she had more time on her hands and I was perfectly capable of taking care of him and his other needs. She was very dedicated to her researches and even more than before since she could see how my Rasetsu nature was an obstacle for people to be cordial with me.

I changed my name during these months. Well, in Chizuru's mouth at least, and it was making me smile every time. I was now not only Hajime but Hajiyame, Ayajime, Hayame and a lot a other variants. She was often muttering angrily that I should never had chosen a name that close to mine and that it wasn't funny and that she never should have listened to me. Yet, I knew she was just joking about it. I didn't mind if she confused our names, it even was making me feel closer to him, but I asked her if she would rather have me get back to my birthname. She refused though, saying that it would be weird for her to call me anything else but Hajime.

In Sen's big garden, I was sitting under a cherry tree with Ayame. The little buds were starting to open and soon, the tree would be all pink but for now, we were just enjoying the warmth of spring near the pound, looking at the fishes swimming peacefully, even though they couldn't keep the attention of my son very long. Ayame was facing me, sitting on my lap and chewing on a wooden circle that he was holding in his hands and sometimes shaking violently or throwing on the ground. I was patiently picking it up every time and cleaning it before giving it back to him and that seemed to amuse him a lot. Sometimes, he was looking at it as if he was discovering it for the first time and was bringing it to his eyes before chewing on it again. Sometimes, he would try to put his feet inside of it and fall a little but my knees were there to hold him up. He couldn't sit on his own for now, but he could keep seated with a support and even stand if I was holding his hips but that was tiring for him so we were just sitting together, facing each other and enjoying the nice weather. I was really glad he could get out now, see the colors of the world and feel the wind in his hair. They grew a bit and they were raven-like with blue highlights, just like mines.

Ayame threw his toy again but instead of landing flat, it rolled and with the baby on my lap, I failed to catch it before it got out of reach and we both looked at the circle roll until it reached the pound and fell into the water. After a moment of dullness, the baby started sobbing and moving his hands in exasperation and I sighed. I stood up and sat Ayame against the cherry tree. He couldn't crawl for now so the worst that could happen would be for him to fall from his sitting position. I took away my sandals and tabi, held my kimono up with one hand and went inside the pound to find the damn toy, my gaze always getting back to my son to keep an eye on him. That idiot was giggling while observing me, knee deep into the water and looking for the toy but it wasn't easy to find in the green water.

_That amuses you, doesn't it ? You can make your poor father do anything... _

He was playing with his fingers and putting his fist in his mouth, his toy already forgotten, and his eyes were sparkling with mockery. Or maybe just amusement. I wasn't sure a baby of that age could mock.

« What are you doing ? »

I turned to find Haruhi, her hair into a small bun with the extra-hair on the top of her head like a chonmage but without the shaved head. She was wearing a plain brown kimono on a black hakama tied on the hips like a boy and her kimono was loosened, showing her chest. I already could decipher she was up to no good even if she wasn't wearing her swords.

« You look like a boy again. » I told her with furrowed brows « I thought we agreed you would make an effort. »

« I promise it's the last time. » she said, putting one of her hand inside her loosened kimono to rest it, a very masculine gesture, « you're not answering my question. »

« Ayame's toy fell in here. » I stated.

She looked at the baby laughing and reported her attention on me.

« You should leave it here. It's gonna be too dirty for him anyway. Someone will give him a new one. »

« Maybe you're right. » I muttered, getting out of the pound « what's the meaning of your attire ? »

« I came to ask for permission to go to Kyoto. » she said, bowing.

« With whom ? »

« Alone. »

« For what purpose ? »

« Personal matter. »

I looked at her lengthily and nodded, knowing that it couldn't be helped. I had knew it since day one.

« Do you want me to come with you ? » I asked but I already knew the answer.

« No. » she simply said.

« Alright. You're taking your katana ? » I asked, putting my socks back.

« I'd rather not draw attention and I don't want it to be taken from me. » she said « I'm taking my wakizashi and I also have a kaiken in my obi, it's sufficient to defend myself. »

« I see. » I said, getting up.

Ayame extended his arms while looking at me and I picked him up to rock him in my arms, his tiny hands clenching onto my shoulders and pulling on my short ponytail. Haruhi made a movement to get away and I stopped her.

« Haruhi. » I called « new rules. »

« Yes, Otousan ? » she said with a smile.

« No fire. And don't get caught. » I ordered.

« Okay, Otousan. Don't worry. » she smiled like a fox, the same smile Yuki used to make when she was having a bad idea.

« We expect you back for dinner. » I said.

« I'll be there. » she said, waving her hand and she went away.

I reported my gaze on the baby who was looking at me with wide eyes and I wondered if he understood the exchange we had.

« Your sister is really stubborn, you know that ? » I told him softly.

He didn't answer though and kept playing with my ponytail and pulling it. He tried to put it in his mouth but luckily, it wasn't long enough yet for him to take it in. He started to put his fist in his mouth again, sucking on it, and I understood that it meant it was lunchtime. I brought him back inside and went to Chizuru's workplace. When I entered, I first saw Kaoru and saluted him politely before I went to find my wife. She was there as expected and she welcomed us with an enormous smile.

« Hey... the men of my life. » she greeted us, getting closer.

I handed her our son and he smiled widely, recognizing his mother. She rocked him in her arms and Ayame tried to pull on her kimono although he didn't have the physical strength to remove it yet.

« Hey ! » laughed Chizuru « what do you think you're doing, Aya-chan ? »

« He's smart » I said « he knows you're hiding the food there. »

« That's not a reason for stripping me » she scolded gently and she raised her lips to kiss me « I'm going to take care of him, thank you. »

« It's not like I was very busy. » I muttered.

« I know you'd like more action... »

I didn't say anything. It was nice to have a peaceful life and have nothing else to do but to take care of my son everyday but I couldn't help but feel a bit useless too... I had no mission, no chores, no paperwork, no dojo training... I had my swords by my side but they were never unsheathed, except when I was practicing, alone or with Haruhi. After so many years of fighting and killing, it was feeling very strange. I wondered if warriors would still be needed after the war... And if they weren't, what could I possibly do to provide for my family ? I didn't want to be dependent on Sen and the Yase clan.

« I leave you to it. » I just said and I went to make some tea before I headed out again. I sat back under the cherry tree and enjoyed my tea and my moment of calm. When I was finished, I took off my katana from its scabbard and I sliced the air, repeating again and again those movements I had known by heart for years, hoping that they would still have a purpose tomorrow.

After a while, I was joined by Haruhi and I saw her clean her wakizashi in the pound. I couldn't stop myself from commenting.

« That's not the right way to remove blood from a blade. » I told her.

She didn't say anything for a while and just stared at me with defiance but her expression eventually softened.

« Can you show me the right way ? » she asked.

« Ha. » I nodded.

I went to get everything that was necessary for the task and showed her the steps of the cleaning. She then sharpened it a little and oiled it so that it would stay in good shape.

« Are you at peace ? » I asked her when the task was finished.

« Not really. » she confessed.

« Vengeance usually doesn't provide us with the sentiment of salvation we seek. » I stated.

« Maybe. But now I can truly be Saito Haruhi. » she smiled in return.

« Good. » I nodded « go wash yourself. We'll eat afterwards. »

The days after, Haruhi kept her hair loose and started to wear a beige kimono with cherry blossoms all over it, leaving her swords inside most of the time. She was beautiful and I was proud to see her dressed as a girl at last. It suited her much better. Soon she would be a woman, probably sooner than I expected. A part of me wanted her never to grow up now that Shimabara was far behind her and that she could be a kid, just a kid.

**Author note : thanks Guest 1 for your opinion ! I know it's hard to find time to comment but thank you for following ! Maybe you'll have time this weekend... *wink* Joking, it's not a problem if you don't have time even if I would love to have your opinion. **

**No more chapters this weekend, I'm waiting for other people to reply to the question. Maybe Gome or Tory Ah ? (Are you still there ?) or others, don't be shy ! **

**See you next week for next chapters ! **


	45. Mood

**So I recieved 2 comments and 1 mp about the slow development so here we go ! (I know I said I wouldn't write this weekend... I lied. Well not really lied but I had more time on my hands than planned !) **

Coming back from Kyoto, I ran under the heavy rain to get back to the hidden village. I was in a very bad mood. First, because I had been caught unprepared by the rain, second, because of the news I got there and third, because I almost got recognized by an imperial patrol. Only thing that saved me was that I had been clever enough to keep wearing my swords on the left. Everytime I was doing this, I was feeling like I was betraying everything I believed in, but in a town like Kyoto, where everyone knew my face, it was necessary, especially since I decided to grow back my hair. Wearing my swords on my left side was even safer than no carrying swords at all. I said to Chizuru that maybe I should grow a beard or a mustache but the look of horror she sent me was disuasive. I would rather get executed than have my wife looking at me that way.

I opened the manor's door in a hurry and I slid myself inside, taking off my muddy sandals and socks. The bottom of my kimono was also muddy because of my frantic race and I sighed, trying my best not to spoil the immaculate floor.

« Saito-sama » greated Tomomi, one of the two servants that I had learned to know « do you wish me to prepare a bath for you and a clean kimono ? »

She handed me a cloth to dry my hair as much as I could. They were dripping on the wooden floor and I apologized for it.

« No, thank you. » I shook my head « I will take care of it myself. »

« It's not a bother » she smiled « and since you admitted you'd like one, I'm going to prepare it right now. »

« No, please... » I tried but she was already gone.

I hated to have these people taking care of my every needs as if I was a child. They were nice, that wasn't the problem, but it was making me feel even more useless and not in my place. I was never lord and I always took care of myself, well, myself ! Although I was born a samurai, we weren't high ranked retainers and I never had servants. I helped my mother and father with the household since I was in age to walk and now, even this was taken away from me.

I knew that I was particularly irritated today and that it was exacerbating my annoyance so I tried my best to ignore it. My hair weren't dripping anymore and I used the cloth to wipe the water on the floor before Tomomi came back and scolded me for it.

« Please, Saito-sama ! » she said with fierce disapproval « I'm going to clean, please just go get warm before you fall ill. »

« Alright. » I sighed, knowing that I couldn't win that battle anyway.

She took the cloth and my soaked socks off my hands and I couldn't refrain to blush in embarrassment as she guided me towards the bathroom. I knew that she would wait outside and take my kimono as soon as I would undress.

« Your fresh kimono is already inside. Please, let me know when I can take yours. You should probably wait a little for the bath to heat but there's a warm cup of tea to patient. »

I nodded and got inside. As she said, there was already a fresh, folded kimono inside, wood to heat the bath, and a cup of tea. She couldn't have prepared all this in the short time when I was drying my hair so I supposed they had been expecting me and prepared in advance, perhaps making fresh tea over and over. I unclothed and took the temperature of the bath but it was already warm and so was the water in the buckets that were already ready. Yeah, they definitely were ready before I even stepped in. As I was probably taking too long to call to her, I saw the door open a little and an arm grab my clothes before it closed again. Of course, she didn't even look inside, as suitable.

I washed my body and went in the warm bath with my cup of tea. What a relaxing sensation it could be... it could almost make my mood better... almost. There were a lot too many things on my mind for a bath and green tea to sooth me efficiently. In fact, being inactive here in this bath wasn't that different from how inactive I had been the past days, even weeks and maybe months... I had Ayame and he was enchanting my life but it wasn't enough for me to endure all this, the contempt, the hatred, the way Haruhi was treated... and that damn inaction. Chizuru wasn't aware. Well, she was to an extent but people were so different when she was here, their precious princess... I don't think she could have a full understanding of our unhappiness, both Haruhi and I. A part of me was feeling like she was getting further and further from me. She was a princess before being my wife, maybe not in her mind but in every one else's. She wasn't Saito Chizuru but Yukimura-himesama. Ayame wasn't a Saito either but Yukimura-oujisama... It was hurting, truly, and I didn't really know how long I could take it before I eventually lost my temper and I knew that it wouldn't be pretty.

And now with Sen and Kaoru's wedding approaching, it was even worse.

Sen had a conversation with me, without telling Chizuru of course, she wouldn't like to upset her friend, but she really didn't know what to do with us during the wedding. We were the family of Chizuru and of the groom, therefore we should have honorable positions at the wedding but we weren't Oni so it could be insulting to have more honorable positions than other well-born guests. Plus, marrying a princess and a prince was quite an event and there would be other clans invited including the Kazama clan. Having Chikage's murderer at the honor table would insult an entire clan which lost its blood purity along with their precious prince... I could understand the complexity of the situation but one thing was bothering me though : on behalf of not wanting to insult Oni, it was alright to insult Haruhi and I. I didn't even know if Sen was conscious that she was insulting us. To her it was normal to assume that we were lesser being than her kin. It wasn't done with malicious intent.

Warm enough, I got out the bath and put on the light green kimono before heading to our room. I found my wife there, alone, and that was too rare not to take advantage of it. She was sewing something looking like baby clothes. That was a good idea, Ayame was growing fast.

« Where's our son ? » I asked, sitting next to her and resting my head on her shoulder to look at her work.

Already, my mind was soothing. That was Chizuru's super power, even more than her healing abilities or her ivory horns.

« With your daughter. » she replied with a smile.

« Where are they ? » I asked again.

« Not sure. She's testing the speed of his healing with a kaiken » she replied casually and when I jumped on my feet, she laughed and pulled me back to her « I'm joking ! She's reading him a story. »

« That wasn't funny Chizuru... » I scolded.

« If you could have seen you face ! » she chuckled and I pushed her shoulders against the tatami, positioning myself over her and keeping her in place.

« I will take revenge for that offense. » I stated.

« Why not right now ? » she smirked while looking at me from under her lashes.

_Demoness..._

« No. » I said, getting off her.

I saw the surprise in her gaze and that was worth my resistance. I made her sit again and she almost look... outraged. It was way too cute... and the beginning of my revenge.

« So here we are... » she sighed with fake disappointment « one year of marriage and my husband doesn't desire me anymore... »

« Can you repeat that ? » I asked, plunging my gaze into her chestnut eyes.

« What ? Already one year... »

« No, just the way you called me. » I specified.

« Husband ? » she asked, surprised.

« Good. » I nodded « never forget this. »

« Forget what ? » she asked, completely confused.

« What I am to you. » I said softly « and what you are to me. »

She looked at me with a kind understanding smile and pulled my head on her lap. She run her fingers into my still-wet hair and then grabbed a comb. I closed my eyes in anticipation. How glad I was that my hair were getting long enough for her to do this again. It wasn't the same as when they were four time longer but it was a start. I missed this when my hair were short.

« You had a nice time in Kyoto ? » she asked.

I furrowed my brows. She had managed to make me at peace and now, all my annoyance was coming back like a wild horse.

« I got caught by the rain. » I told her.

« I know » she smiled « have you learned how's the war going ? »

« Hijikata-san's still alive. I don't know about Toudou or Nagakura though. Otori and Brunet are alive too and they successfully defeated the imperialists clans of the north and created a Republic in Ezo, copying a western government. Enomoto-sama seem to be the president. » I said, my eyes still closed.

« That's wonderful ! » she said with enthusiasm « I'm so glad ! »

« The imperial army isn't going to let them be, you know. » I explained « they are only waiting for the weather to be better in the north and they will send battleships. It's far from over yet. »

She stayed silent, letting the information sink in and she stopped combing my hair for some reason. I opened my eyes and looked up to her face that I founded sad and unassured.

« You want to go ? » she asked with a low voice.

_Is it really that obvious ? _

« Part of me want to go » I admitted « I'm a warrior and I vowed to serve the Shinsengumi. Although I know my debt is paid and that I did my duty in Aizu, knowing that the vice-commander and Toudou, maybe Nagakura, are going to fight without me is unsatisfactory. »

I saw the shadow in her eyes and brought my hand to her cheek to carress it softly with the back of my fingers.

« Yet, » I continued « I know that my place is now with you and Ayame. I will not go even if I can feel the battlecall in the depths of my bones because my path isn't this one anymore. »

« You regret it ? » she asked.

« I feel... uncertainty... about the future. But I cannot say I have regrets. I made my choice and nothing had been forced upon me, especially by you. You are what I devote myself to now, along with Ayame. So do not fear that I will depart one day because I will not. »

She resumed brushing my hair and I closed back my eyes. It was hard, I couldn't lie, hard not to be a warrior anymore, hard not to fight and hard to live here, but I'd rather stay here with her than be anywhere else without her. She was my everything and my reason for living.

« I love you » she said and I opened my eyes again to grab her hips and bring her atop me, kissing her softly and removing all her hairpins so her hair could come showering my face freely.

« It still feels strange even after all this time... » I muttered.

« What do you mean ? » she asked, kissing my jawline while her hands were caressing the skin of my abs and chest, already dug inside my kimono.

« All my life, I never expected a day like this would come. I never cared for the words before I met you. They sounded trivial, meaningless... Like all other emotions, they were too fleeting to have any importance to me. Yet, when you say them, they have more value than anything I could hold dear. And I know, from the depths of my heart, that what I feel for you never will be fleeting. »

She seemed shocked for a second, probably because that was a lot of words, but then, she answered my declaration with a passionate kiss, her tongue exploring my mouth as if it was a new territory to conquer. Her breath was becoming shallow and I could sense her body heat and tense with desire.

« Hajime... » she murmured when she released my mouth « love me... »

I captured her lips again while my hands swiftly got her rid of her kimono and I skimmed over her skin, exploring all of it to get my full. Two years of practice taught me where she liked to be touched and what would make her loose herself in desire and she started moaning adorably, distracting me efficiently from Ezo, the war, the Oni, the inaction and all that was on my mind. For a moment, nothing mattered apart from her. For a moment, she wasn't their princess but only mine.


	46. Murderer

April 1969

« Hajime, are you busy this afternoon ? » asked my wife, getting closer with our son cradled in her arms although he was wiggling, completely excited, making the task difficult.

_I am never busy here... _

I shook my head to deny and passed my hand in both their hair before I took my son in my arms. He smiled to me and I smiled in return while his little hands came to grab my ponytail.

« You need me to take care of him today ? » I asked Chizuru.

« No, I'd like all of us to go to Kyoto after lunch if you don't mind. » she explained « we need to buy fabrics for our attire for Sen and Kaoru's wedding. »

« Why would we bring Ayame ? » I asked, confused.

« I want Haruhi to come with us too and I don't want to bother anyone by asking them to look after him. » she smiled « plus, now that she dresses like a girl, maybe she could find fabrics and accessories she likes. It soon will be her birthday. »

I nodded. Haruhi's birthday was indeed approaching but I wasn't sure she would like to be offered clothes. Maybe I should ask her if there was something she would desire. Last year, she asked for a letter to go and live with Souji so I didn't really know what I could offer her this year...

« Chizuru, about the wedding, I don't think Haruhi and I are going to come. » I said calmly.

« But... Why not ? » she asked, perplexed.

« I don't think it really is our place. » I stated « I do not wish to be an embarrassment to Sen who is already so kind to us by sheltering us here. »

« But... Hajime, you're my husband... » she protested, confused.

« Listen, Chizuru... » I said, getting one of my hand off our son to caress her cheek and reassure her « it isn't that I don't value our marriage, gods know I do, but there will be a lot of Oni and especially the Kazama Clan. I don't think it is very wise to insult them by being here. I think it's best for everyone if Haruhi and I take a room in a Inn for a few days and return after the wedding. »

That wasn't an explicit Sen request, but she suggested the idea to me and I was sharp enough to understand the message. I was welcomed at the wedding if I wished to go but it was better if I chose not to.

« Kazama Chikage brought his own fate upon himself. » she stated « I'm sure his clan can understand that, they surely knew his personality. »

« It doesn't change the fact that I am his murderer. » I simply replied.

« Dawa ! » yelled Ayame in my ear, playing with my lobe and pulling on it.

« Hey » I scolded « Don't learn words like murderer. Learn Otousan and Okaasan before, please. »

« He can say Haha, mom, already. » smiled Chizuru.

« Really, you can ? » I asked Ayame, bringing his face in front of mine « say Haha ? »

« Hada. »

« Ha-ha. » I repeated slower.

« Haha. »

« Good. » I nodded, pleased « can you say dad ? Chi-chi... »

« Hada. »

« Nevermind... » I sighed « it'll come eventually. But don't say murderer. »

« Dawa. »

« No. » I scolded again.

« Na ! » he chuckled and Chizuru chuckled with him.

« He likes to learn » she commented « but for the moment he only uses the sound 'ah' and a few combinations. He often tries to repeat the last words of sentences and he listens a lot. »

« Ha, I noticed that already... How fast you grow... » I muttered « yesterday you could only do sounds and now you're trying to make words... »

We kept silent for a moment, only looking in enchantment at Ayame's smily face and listening to his incoherent babbling. He was smiling all the time now and he wasn't crying that often. The people were right in the end, he was a very calm child.

« Hajime, I really'd like you to come. » said Chizuru after a while « it's my brother's wedding after all and you are my husband and Ayame's father... It would be unseemly from you not to come. »

_But there is no good solution, is there ? If I come, I insult the guests. If I don't, I'm not your husband. In fact, I'm sure than even if I come, people will call you Yukimura in front of me. Here, we aren't a family, can't you see it ? And since when did Kaoru start to matter that much to you ? _

« Hajime ? » she asked again.

« My apologies. » I said « I was spacing out. »

« Are you gonna come ? »

« Let me think about it, alright ? » I said to get me out of this situation. I wasn't eager to fight now and I didn't have an ounce of credibility with Ayame pulling on my ears, cheeks and nose while I was talking.

« I know this is... very new... and it is also new for me as well, you know. » she said with a sad expression.

« I know but Chizuru, don't get me wrong but why does it matter so much to you, all of the sudden ? » I asked boldly.

Maybe now was the right time to speak about it after all. We had been in this village for months and half of our family wasn't welcome here. Couldn't she see that it was a problem ?

« What do you mean ? » she asked.

« Sometimes, it feels like your princess status is more important than your family. » I said calmly.

« Where is that coming from ?! » she gasped « you are what matters more to me and you know it ! »

« I do, or at least, I allow myself to believe that it is true. » I nodded « but you accept to be called Yukimura by everyone, you allow them to call Ayame Yukimura as well. What does that make me ? And Haruhi ? I don't know about you, but we are Saito. »

« I'm a Saito too and Ayame as well. » she protested.

« Not here. » I stated.

« So it's a name problem ? » she asked, crossing her arms.

« It's deeper than just the name. When we got married I would have gladly taken your name if you wanted me to. Yet, you didn't. You said you wanted to put it in the past to get away from the demons and now, you allow them to use it with you and our son. You are denying our marriage everyday. »

« I'm not denying anything, Hajime. We are married and you are my husband and Ayame's your son. » she said calmly « we are a family. »

« Then tell them. » I said harshly « because for months that I've been here, it didn't feel like it. »

« What am I supposed to tell them ? » she said, annoyed « everyone knows you're my husband ! »

« No. » I replied firmly « I'm your pet. The fake demon, the subject of your researches, call it the way you want but certainly not your husband. I'm not even Ayame's father ! Everytime I'm with him, there are comments and stares of disapproval ! »

Ayame tensed against me, reacting to my anger that he couldn't understand. He stopped playing with my face and hair and stared at me with his chestnut eyes, almost as if he was asking a silent question.

« Since when did comments start to bother you ? »

« When they target my son, they do bother me. » I stated with more calm and Ayame giggled and started playing again. I regretted not to have a toy or something to occupy his hands because that was starting to get both annoying and painful.

« Hajime, I don't have the power to change everyone's mind. » she said in a sad voice « and... Maybe you're right and I should step up and ask them to call me Saito but they did, and still do, so much for us ! We have a home, we have food... Ayame wouldn't even be here without the women of this village ! I just feel like I owe them so much and I don't want to sound rude or ungrateful... »

« I understand. » I nodded « but I don't think you realize the situation in which both Haruhi and I are. I would like you to reconsider. »

« I will ask them to call me Saito. » she nodded « I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner how impacted you were. »

« It's alright. » I said « I apologize as well for raising my voice. It wasn't appropriate to discuss the matter. »

« Will you come, Hajime ? » she asked « to the wedding. »

« If it is important to you then I will. » I said « but I'm afraid it will probably induce problems. Especially with the Kazama family... not sure they'll be very thrilled to share a table with Chikage's murderer. »

« Dawa ! » repeated Ayame again and we stared at him for a while.

« If he learns murderer before Chichi or Otousan, I'm going to be excessively vexed. » I muttered.

« Maybe if you'd stop repeating it... » she chuckled before resuming our conversation on a more serious tone « I have faith in your self-control. » she smiled.

« It may not be sufficient. » I sighed « Chizuru, there is something else I wish to ask from you. »

« What is it ? » she asked.

« I would like to leave this village now that Ayame's well enough to travel. » I said.

« But... to where ? » she asked.

« I don't know, anywhere but here. »

« Do you think you can get employed somewhere ? » she asked.

« I'm not sure. Aizu, Kyoto and Edo are compromised destination and I cannot use Saito anywhere. Moreover, I have been stripped of my samurai title long ago, which is convenient to change names but less when I need an employer. Maybe I can find a militia which doesn't care about recruiting ronin and scum but I don't know if there are any left now that the imperial army dominates all Japan... »

« So you have no plan. » she said.

« Honestly Chizuru, I'm even willing to become a fisherman if that could be our chance to get out of here. » I stated « besides, you're still a doctor. That could be needed anywhere, not only on battlefields. »

« But... my researches with Kaoru... » she said shyly « I need to continue them here, for you. »

« I know it is important to you and I value your hard work... »

« But. »

« But » I smiled « Now that I am away from battlefield and do not use my powers anymore, I do not think they are a necessity. My life isn't getting shorter anymore and I don't need as much supply as when I am wounded. If you are willing to continue my... treatment... then I can live an almost normal life. »

« You would give away your only chance to regain your humanity if that meant we could live somewhere different ? »

_Yes. A thousand time yes. Haruhi is unhappy here, I am unhappy, and Ayame will soon be able to see our differences of treatment and question it. This kid is too sharp already. _

I simply nodded and looked into her eyes, trying to convey to her how hurtful it was to live amongst Oni when you were not.

« Okay » she nodded « I can understand that it isn't easy to be here. And I can assure you it isn't easy for me either. Believe it or not but I have never been raised a princess and I am also confused and uncomfortable about all this. Give me just a little more time... Okay ? Ayame is still so small and I don't want to make him travel right now... I know the days are getting better and everything and maybe call it paranoia but he's still so fragile in my mind... and I need to find a way to tell Sen without upsetting her... »

« Hush...» I whispered, caressing her cheek again « If you can think about it, it is already plenty. Let's think about it and plan. I'm not asking to leave tomorrow alright ? »

« Okay. » she nodded, circling me with her arms « I love you. »

« I love you too... » I answered « thank you. »

« He's asleep... » she whispered and I reported my attention on my son, his mouth agap and his hands clenching on my kimono. No wonder he stopped being annoying.

« How did he manage to fall asleep ? » I whispered in return.

« I don't know » she chuckled « So, are we going to Kyoto after lunch ? »

« Alright... Do you know where's Haruhi ? » I asked.

« She was practicing earlier, she must be somewhere near. »

I nodded and followed her inside, still carrying my son in my arms. I would wait for him to wake up before going to lunch. We could now make him eat a few things other than Chizuru's milk even if it was still the base of his alimentation. Now we could have him with us during meals and he would try to eat like us. He wasn't eating much though and would be easily distracted... He would crawl under the table or play with the chopsticks or anything he could grab. Now he could hold things a lot longer and he could even drink from a cup. After four or five exploded ones though, I understood that I needed to give him a wooden one rather than ceramic... He wasn't really cautious... but again, he was a baby.

I wondered if being at Sen and Kaoru's wedding was really a good idea but now that I had agreed to it, it was a bit too late. Haruhi would probably not be enchanted either but at least, we would be in this together and try and support each other. Now we knew that we would get away from here. We just needed a little bit more of patience and self-control.


	47. Daisuke

We went to Kyoto and bought the fabrics Chizuru wanted. I don't know if she did it on purpose but the one she chose for herself was the same color as the uchikake she wore on our wedding. The patterns were a lot simpler though, first, because this time she wasn't the bride and second, because she was a married woman and she wanted to point it out subtly. I approved of her choice and was glad that she was willing to step up for us. At first, she wanted to sew herself but in the end, it was way too much work to sew everything for four family members, especially with that quality. Plus, she had to take it to the tailor anyway because she wanted the Saito kamon on all the outfits. For that purpose, I went to Nara as a merchant and asked a taylor there to make the clothes. A taylor of Kyoto would surely have recognized the bamboo leaves. That was also relieving me. I liked the idea to have her and Ayame wear my kamon... Maybe it was possessiveness or a malicious and unworthy desire to brand them, but I had felt like they were taken away from me for too long.

She insisted for me to wear the same purple too, like her and Ayame. I wasn't really comfortable with the idea. It was a color that was directly linked to blood. Only lords, princes and princesses could wear this shade and the rest of us were forbidden. She said that it was okay since I was her husband and that she wanted us to have matching outfits. She was obligated to wear purple, as well as Ayame... I finally agreed and she planned a glossy mouse grey hakama to go with it that looked like the one I wore on our wedding. Honestly, I would have prefered to wear indigo blue with that hakama, just like that day... Purple... Purple was... I didn't like it...

Haruhi though wouldn't be wearing the same color as the rest of us. Although she was my daughter, she wasn't linked to Chizuru and Ayame except in our hearts so the purple was off-limits. She chose a light pink kimono with burgundy flowers. It was a furisode with very long sleeves, as suitable for a young girl, and had a lot of innocence. Chizuru chose a yellow, pink and golden obi to go with it and chose it long enough to make an asagao musubi knot, adding even more purity to the outfit. Her hair were too short to make a bun with it so we decided that we would just pull back her front hair and tie it with a ribbon, keeping the rest loose. Now, all of us were ready for the approaching event.

Guests from other clans started to arrive. First ones were the Nagumo. There were a lot of discussion planned with them since Sen wanted Kaoru to come back to his former name before the wedding so she could marry Yukimura instead of Nagumo. The disappearance of this particular name really was a tragedy to her. The discussions went on for days from what I heard, with promises of alliances, hostages and presents, until they finally agreed for Kaoru to be a Yukimura.

The manor was filling up with more guests everyday and now, it wasn't a safe environment for me either. Before, I only had to endure the contempt outside, now, I was also facing it inside, especially since every single guest arriving was stepping by our room to meet the little prince. I was glad though that every time someone was asking for his name, Chizuru was replying « Saito Ayame » instead of just « Ayame ». That was a start even if it wasn't very effective... As soon as she was gone, people would talk about « Yukimura-oujisama »...

With the agreeable weather, I decided to take Ayame to the garden for a moment of peace. All the people coming to him everyday were both exhausting and confusing for him. I went near the pound but kept him in my arms. Now that he could crawl, and pretty fast I might add, it was getting dangerous. The cherry tree was all pink now and starting to loose its petals and Ayame was giggling and trying to catch the dancing fleeting blossoms. That drew a smile on my face to see such a peaceful scenery. He had blossoms in his hands, on his dark raven-like hair, on his white and purple kimono... and he was laughing. I hoped he could keep laughing like this all his life, with innocence and abandon, instead of always overthinking things like his father. Now that he was more agile, it was obvious that he was right-handed and I was glad for it. Everytime he was raising his right hand to catch something, I was proud and relieved. He really was perfect in every way... and that was thank to his mother. I didn't know how she did it, but she managed to take everything that was spoilt and defective in me, and avoided to put it in our son. How did she do that ? Take someone like me and make such an innocent, wonderful human being out of it ?

« Haha. » he said, pulling on my hair once more, the fleeting blossoms not as interesting as they were seconds ago.

« I'm your father, Ayame » I sighed « but if you really want to call me mom, I guess that's acceptable for now... »

« Haha. » he repeated, snuggling.

I held him tighter and looked at the blossoms that were filling the air above my head. What a sight... Every year, it was the same and every year, I was enchanted as if I was witnessing it for the first time.

I suddenly noticed a very recognizable sound coming from a bit further and that unsettled me. It was a sword fight and I could hear the blades clashing. Apart from Haruhi, I don't know who could be practicing at this hour... maybe guests ? Or maybe it was an actual fight. My curiosity had to be satisfied and I followed the sound, still with Ayame in my arms.

Unexpectedly, I found Haruhi dueling with a boy about her age, maybe a bit younger. That was odd. Oni were usually avoiding her as if she was the plague. The boy wasn't bad but Haruhi was undoubtedly better than him even if she was surprisingly polite enough not to end the fight too soon. I could see her restrain and how she was leveling herself on her adversary to offer him a nice duel. The boy was smiling with a rather cocky grin, probably not realizing the gap of technique between him and my daughter. His hair, wavy with a dark shade of blue, were pulled backwards in a high ponytail and his darker shade skin color made me identify quite easily who he was related to. I wasn't mistaken when I saw both Amagiri Kyuju and Shiranui Kyô observing the duel. I haven't seen the latter since they tried to abduct Chizuru in Nijojô, during the visit of the previous Shogun, lord Iemochi. Although we were enemies back then and that I wasn't thrilled with the idea of seeing him again, I went towards them to salute them both politely. Now that we were, or rather Chizuru was, a member of the Oni society, I supposed there were no more contentious issues between us.

« Amagiri-san, Shiranui-san. » I said, bowing slightly.

« Saito-san » replied Amagiri with the same politeness « I hope we were not intruding. »

« The garden belongs to all the guests » I nodded.

« Hey, long time no see » said Shiranui with a grin « is that the little Yukimura prince ? »

« Ha. » I answered grudgingly « Saito Ayame. »

« He's already big, you didn't waste time. » he smiled widely and I couldn't help but feel a bit of red tainting my ears. I arranged my hair slightly to hide the perking blush. « Amagiri told me that's your girl. » he said, pointing at Haruhi.

« Ha. » I nodded.

« She's good. » he praised « we heard her train in the garden when we arrived and Daisuke decided to provoke her in duel. It's quite rare to find a girl train, I guess he got pretty excited. I'm not very familiar with swords myself but I like to watch. »

I didn't say anything and watched the duel again. Haruhi was blocking blows, one after the other, with a lot of concentration. Her feet were on there foot sole, not the toes, her fingers wrapped adequately around the tsuka and she wasn't making unnecessary movements that could tire her faster. Her breath was mesured and it was coordinated with her blocks. It was almost perfect. Almost.

« Shoulders, Haruhi. » I said.

She relaxed her shoulders and lowered them a little. Blocking and blocking had tensed them and a tensed body was a slow body. Now it was better and I was pretty sure she noticed it.

The boy was attacking with a lot of rapidity and strength but his movements and respiration were messier than her. He was often moving on his toes and that was slightly putting him off-balance and so, requesting his body to compensate. It was a small mistake but added to the others imperfections, he was loosing energy faster than she was.

« Don't worry » laughed Shiranui as my daughter was still defending herself « his sword is dull. »

« Hers isn't. » I simply answered.

« What ? » he asked with his cocky grin gone for a second « at her age ?! »

« One needs to learn how to sharpen its claws in these trouble times. » I just said.

Ayame too seemed fascinated by the duel and he was sucking on his fist, his gaze completely captured by the clashing of the blades.

« Yeah, they're still kids though. » he shrugged « my older son has his own blade and gun but Daisuke's still a bit young for that. »

_He's your son ? You ? You have children ? With that cocky, arrogant attitude of yours, you raise children ? You're more of a child yourself. _

I don't know why but I expected him more to be his brother or something.

« Hey, don't serve me that look » he laughed « I know I look too cool to be a married man but I can't possibly be alone at my age. My sons are thirteen and nine, Daisuke here. I don't see them much since I'm busy most of the time. Akira's with his mother to meet a girl from Yase and the both of us are bored so we hang out here. »

« I see. » I just said.

« I believe that meeting is over, Shiranui » said Amagiri « I saw your wife with mine earlier. She was the one to tell me you arrived. »

« Yeah well she doesn't need me to get all installed and stuff. It's not like we're gonna stay in the manor with our rank. »

I was starting to get uncomfortable, feeling like an Oni trap was slowly closing on me. Family links, ranks... Who was related to Chizuru, who wasn't, who I was in this terrible mess... It was so easier before, when I had no family and Chizuru didn't have any either. Then we could build together and make it the way we wanted it to be... Fortunately, my son gave me a chance to escape.

« Haha. » he said, sucking on his fist and looking at me.

« Alright » I nodded before adressing my daughter « Haruhi it's lunch time for Ayame. Join us when you're finished. »

In seconds, she ended the duel and pointed her sword at the boy's neck. That was... both impressive and particularly rude. By ending it that rapidly, it was as if she was shouting to the boy « I played with you the whole time ». Even ending the duel in seconds would have been more merciful than keeping it going just for fun and ending it that easily when she got bored. Yet, I couldn't help but have a smirk on my face, despite my indignation. It was pretty unworthy of me, but I was glad the « human girl » put a Oni in his place.

_Souji... You had to learn to her how to humiliate her adversary too ?_

« Thank you, Daisuke. » she bowed politely as if she had respected him in their banter. The smirk on her face though, was eloquent.

Yet, the boy didn't seem resentful and he just exploded in laughter and bowed too. His father chuckled too and Haruhi turned away with furrowed brows to join me.

« It seems like that wasn't satisfactory to you. » I stated, walking while looking at her pouting face.

« I would rather have him cry or yell. » she replied, visibly annoyed.

« You shouldn't have done this. » I continued « it made you look rude. »

« Maybe » she said « but it also made me look strong and I don't care if Oni find me rude. I was better than him anyway. »

« Humility should be the samurai's greatest quality. »

« I'm not a samurai. » she said calmly.

I didn't reply anything and went to see if Chizuru was back from her meeting and fortunately, she was. I gave her our son who immediately grabbed onto her kimono to try and access her breast while Haruhi took the pile of laundry off Chizuru's hands to put in in the cupboard.

« I saw Shiranui. » I said.

« He's here ? » she asked, sitting down with Ayame against her « I haven't seen him since the day they attacked the headquarters when you were a guardian... He's... nice ? »

« He wasn't there at Hakone ? »

« No, he had personal matter to take care of, I believe. » she answered with a smile, caressing our son's hair while he was drinking. « You didn't answer my question. »

« He was polite. Haruhi dueled with his son. » I said, sitting down to join her and rest my head on her shoulder.

I stayed that way, looking at our son that was like the embodiment of our love. I loved him. I loved her. I wanted to get out of here.

« He has a son ? » she asked with wide eyes, as surprised as I had been.

« Two. About Haruhi's age. » I answered.

« I won. » my daughter stated « easily. »

I stayed silent again and I sensed her hand that was on Ayame's hair move to come combing into mines.

« We'll be gone soon. I promise. » she said softly.

« I sent letters » I said « to my former commander in Aizu-han and my supposed Aizu family, the Ichinose. I hope I can find employment in Aizu if you don't mind changing name again. »

« I don't care what my name is » she smiled « as long as it's yours. »

I nodded slightly and held her in my arms. I couldn't wait for this wedding to be over and have replies to my letters, so that I could find alternatives for us. I knew that we would never be free of Oni but we could at least try to offer Ayame a normal life, just like the one Chizuru had. She didn't turn that bad in the end.


	48. Preparations

The days after, Haruhi spent surprisingly more time with Daisuke and Akira, Shiranui's boys. These Oni were still arrogant like their whole kin, but they weren't avoiding her for being a human girl. Apparently, that was because Shiranui Kyo was kind of an eccentric man who had developed friendships with various humans instead of staying hidden. He even married a human girl from Choshu despite the taboo and was a good friend of both Takasugi from Choshu, who was mainly responsible for the defeat of the Bakufu in the second expedition, and Sakamoto, the Tosa emissary in Kyoto whose I personally despised. His kids were only eighth part Oni and his family, although invited, wasn't staying within the manor. I didn't know if it was a good idea for Haruhi to spend so much time with these boys but she was smiling and enjoying herself for the first time in months so I let her be. Shiranui was taking her shooting along with his sons and she was very excited to have someone to learn her more about firearms.

The day of the wedding finally arrived and the Kazama clan was here as well. Contrarily to all the other guests, they didn't come to meet Ayame. I should have been happy about it since that behaviour was annoying me to the bone but truth was that it worried me instead. It couldn't be a good omen for our future exchanges at the wedding.

In our room, I put on the purple kimono with the Saito kamon, the grey hakama, and I waited for the girls to join me, combing my hair. Since the side-ponytail wasn't very formal, I oiled them and made a top knot with the extra hair on top of my head. I looked at it in the mirror and thought that it didn't suit me very well so I untied it and made a high ponytail instead. Now, with my clothes, I looked like a duplicate of Hijikata-san... I wanted to change again but the shoji slid open, revealing Haruhi and Ayame. I smiled at the sight of Haruhi with her richly decorated furisode and her front hair pulled back with a ribbon and a small decorated comb, the rest loose and cascading on her shoulders. She looked very nice and I didn't think I saw her that pretty before. The light pink and multitude of burgundy flowers were suiting her well and the pink and yellow obi was bringing a little bit of light and joy to the outfit. She looked innocent and docile, the very image of the perfect daughter.

« You look like Hijikata-san. » she chuckled « but with Souji's length »

« I know. » I sighed « you look beautiful. »

She didn't say anything and blushed red, turning her eyes away from me and biting her lower lip in a sulky pout.

« I'm supposed to bring Ayame to you and go back. They want me to put makeup... » she muttered.

« You don't need it. You're lovely already. »

I knew that makeup would only bring bad memories to her. She didn't need to put anything on her face, she was still a child so it was acceptable.

« Then I can stay here ? » she asked.

« Ha. » I nodded.

« Do you need help with anything ? » she asked, polite.

« No. » I answered « Is Chizuru going to be here soon ? »

« I don't know... they took ages to take care of her hair. She's got them much longer now ! They tied strands to her actual hair because hers weren't long enough for the hairstyle. They are now going to her waist ! »

I started imagining it in my head... Chizuru's hair cascading around her, cascading over me in a dark curtain of silky tendrils... I loved long hair and Chizuru was already so beautiful that my imagination was running wind.

« Now they're helping her with the makeup so I guess it won't be long. She'll be there anytime soon. » she continued.

Ayame was very agitated in her arms, probably bored and uncomfortable in his heavy prince clothing. He was wearing a miniature version of my outfit but he looked good in it, contrarily to his father who looked like a clown. And a bad replica of the vice-commander of the Shinsengumi.

Tomomi opened the shoji and bowed before distributing cups of tea, informing us that Chizuru would be here soon and that as soon as she would be here we could take our place in the dining room for the wedding. I thanked her and put Ayame's wooden cup out of his reach until it was cold enough for him to drink from it.

As we were waiting and drinking our cups, Haruhi playing with Ayame with a wooden horse, the shoji slid open again and I dropped my cup, my face loosing all its color.

« Yu... Yuki... » I stuttered before recognizing my wife and getting all flustered in embarrassment.

« Yuki ? » she asked with wide eyes.

« Ah... My apologies... Chizuru » I stuttered again « It's... the makeup and hairstyle... It got me confused for a second... Please forgive my bewilderment... »

She was wearing a makeup a lot heavier than at our wedding. Her face and neck were completely white and her eyes and lips tainted with a vibrant crimson shade. Her hair were arranged in a Date-hyogo with hairpins, combs, flowers and ribbons, a hairstyle that was worn only by oiran and women of the imperial court... Queens in short. It was a lot different from the formal Shimada mage she wore on our wedding and also a lot more sophisticated. I understood why they had to give more length to her natural hair. Her purple kimono wasn't an oiran's one though, even if it was richly decorated, and her sleeves were of a suitable length for a married woman. I felt completely flustered and ashamed that I confused my wife with a courtesan for a second.

Trying to hide my mortification and to dissipate the awkwardness of the situation, I did as if I just noticed my cup on the floor and picked it up, wiping the tea with a cloth and avoiding Chizuru's gaze. I had no doubt my face was as red as a tomato.

« So... » she said shyly « you think it's too much ? I look like an oiran ? »

I lifted my gaze and took a moment to consider my answer. She was breathtaking, gorgeous and limit too beautiful to be true. She looked like she had been sent from heaven, a goddess, just like at our wedding. She was... just perfect... Just... How could I ever stand by her side with confidence that she loved me and that I deserved her ? She was a dream come true.

« You think it's too much... » she sighed.

« No ! » I said with more force that I would have wished to « You... You look like a princess... it suits you. »

« Yeah but... You said... »

« Do not trouble yourself with what I said... » I continued, still blushing « In no way you could be mistaken for a courtesan. You... your obi is... tied in the back, the length... and the inside of your kimono's not red so... You know, no one could think you... Nevermind... Just... I'm sorry. »

I got closer and held her gently, paying extra care not to crease her clothes. I wanted to reassure her with a kiss but that would ruin her makeup so I just plunged my eyes in hers and tried to sound assured when I took her hands in mine.

« You are breathtaking. The most beautiful woman I have ever seen and even the bride will be jealous of you. »

« But that's not the point... » she pouted.

Yet, I could see that my words had reached her heart and that she had more confidence. I was still feeling a bit ashamed of myself but that was slowly getting replaced by mental images that were all very pleasant... I didn't know why but seeing her this perfect, this neat and tidy, was making me want to destroy all this hard work with my lips and hands in a possessive urge. I could already imagine her red lips taint mines and also other parts of my skin... her white fondation spoil the pillow... her hairpins fall as crazy strands of hair come flowing around her... her creased kimono under us still covering a bit her arms but no more...

« Hajime ? » she asked.

« Hum, Ha ? » I replied, getting back to reality « my apologies... »

« You're mushing my clothes. » she chuckled.

« Ah ! So... Sorry ! » I replied embarrassed.

I don't know exactly when my hands quitted hers and came squeezing on her hips, lifting the fabric up her waist a little, but I knew for sure that it was inappropriate. I took away my hands and brushed the fabric to take it back to complete neatness.

« Should I bring Ayame-chan first and tell them not to expect you both before at least one more hour ? » asked Haruhi with a mischievous grin.

« No » said Chizuru with an adorable bashfulness « we're coming. »

I regained my composure quickly and we all went to the gigantic dinner room where the wedding was held.


	49. Marriage

There were tables already arranged and guests filling the room. Kaoru was also there and he had the facial expression of a frightened rabbit. In a way, he remembered me of the day Chizuru first arrived in the headquarters. The first time I saw her, and even before I talked to her, I knocked her unconscious with my sword... At that time, I would never had guessed I would be by her side a few years later, married, with a son and a daughter, and attending a demon royal wedding. The groom was playing with his hands like a kid, uneasy, and wearing a purple haori and a purple kimono with a striped grey and white hakama. His hair, now short, were just combed and oiled.

« Kaoru » I said « congratulations. »

« Th... Thank you, Saito-san » he stuttered « Chizuru. »

The poor boy's eyes seemed to be screaming for help and I couldn't help but feel sorry for him when I saw his distress.

« You're lucky, Kaoru ! » said Chizuru with enthusiasm « Sen is a wonderful woman. »

« Y...Yeah. She is. » he replied but the trace of blush on his cheek made me reconsider my first impression. Maybe he was just shy but not that unhappy to marry Sen « I'm... glad for all that the Yase clan did for me and... I'm happy I can be Yukimura again and all this is thanks to Sen so... I'm glad. »

He seemed to have trouble finding his words but I couldn't blame him for his nervousness. I remembered how stressed I was on my wedding day and it was far from an event like this one. We only had our friends in our headquarters, there was no official family members, no trousseau... and no futon that I could decipher behind a folding screen in the corner of the room. These two were in for the whole package.

« Do you know where we are supposed to sit, Kaoru ? » asked Chizuru, rocking Ayame in her arms and trying to keep him low enough for him not to grab her hairpins and flowers decorating her hairstyle.

« Yeah, it's... over there. » he said, pointing at a table « it's the bridegroom table. Chizuru is next to me then Saito-san and Haruhi-san and... then there's Amagiri and his family and the head of the Nagumo clan. »

That was already a lot of people and it was only the groom's side of one table.

« Where are the head of the Kazama clan ? » asked Chizuru.

« On Sen's side, just after Kimigiku but still at our table. »

_Great. I just hope we are far enough. _

« Okay then, we're gonna take our places » smiled Chizuru « Haruhi would you mind ? »

Ayame was particularly energetic and all the shiny things into his mother's hair were interesting him a lot. Haruhi took him from Chizuru and he pouted angrily and called his mother but we just ignored him until he calmed down. I was satisfied to see him into Haruhi's arms. Now Chizuru had her hands free and that was a lot more convenient for her as a princess but also, it was sending a very clear message to the Oni : their precious little prince was in human hands.

We took place at our table and Sen arrived. She was wearing a thick crimson and golden uchikake with a lot of colors in the lower part representing hills and rivers, bridges, fields... I could recognize the Kamo river and so, I decipher it was the surrounding of Kyoto which was logical for a Yase. There were flying cranes over the fields and turtles in the river, both symbols of longevity and luck suitable for a wedding. Her hair were covered by a Tsunokakushi (horn hiding) used in traditional shintô marriage, which took a whole different, and quite literal, meaning in a Oni wedding. She was wearing as much makeup as Chizuru and I could barely recognize her. A lot of people came to salute her, including of course her futur husband whose face matched her kimono. When she eventually joined us, along with Kaoru, we also saluted her and everyone took place.

All in all, the ceremony was basically the same than the one we had. They thanked Amagiri and the Nagumo clan for arranging this marriage and drank the sake in three cups and then, the party. Oni weren't doing things as differently as humans. Haruhi next to me still had Ayame on her lap and she was struggling to keep him still since he seemed eager to escape her grip and crawl under the table.

« Do you want me to take him ? » I asked her.

« No it's fine. » she replied « he'll tire out eventually. »

« As you wish. »

Chizuru was in great conversation with Sen and Kaoru was stuck between the both of them, eating with trembling chopsticks, still anxious.

« Is that the little Yukimura prince ? » I heard from a distance.

I searched for the source of the question and saw a blonde older woman with piercing vermilion eyes and a kamon with three peaches, sitting on Sen's side of the table, and noticed that everyone at our table had stopped talking.

« Yes. » replied Chizuru with an uncomfortable smile « it's Saito Ayame. »

« So you must be Saito-san ? » asked the blonde, aiming at me.

« Ha. » I nodded « Saito Hajime. »

Amagiri came to my rescue unexpectedly. I knew it was Chikage's mother but I wasn't sure how to adress to her.

« Kazama Yoko-himesama » he whispered.

« My respects, Kazama-himesama. » I bowed slightly.

« He has your hair. » she said with a smile « but his eyes are definitely those of his mother. »

I didn't know what to reply to that. Although she was polite, all the fibers of my being were shouting me to be careful and reach out for my blade.

« Thank you, Kazama-himesama » said Chizuru « It's an honor to finally have the opportunity to meet you. »

« We met before » she continued with the same smile « maybe you do not recall. I travelled to your village when I arranged your marriage with Chikage. »

The temperature of the room dropped several degrees when she uttered that name and I didn't blink, waiting to see what was coming next.

« You're right » replied Chizuru, completely trapped « I do not recall... Sorry, Kazama-himesama... »

« It's not a problem » she laughed but it wasn't an honest one « you were very young. I'm surprised Kodo never made you remember, it would have saved us some trouble, don't you think ? »

Was I the trouble she was mentioning ? I was pretty sure I was. Yet, I said nothing, not eager to go at war with an entire clan just because I wasn't capable to hold my tongue. Chizuru didn't say anything either and seemed to search for words to be polite and not offend what could have been her mother-in-law, and a very influent woman. She noticed Tomomi and asked her something in her ear. The servant came back shortly after with Kazama's sword and Chizuru quit the table for an instant to bow to Kazama Yoko and present her the sword with flat hands underneath it.

« I would like to present you our apologies and give you back Doujigiri Yasutsuna. It has been a treasure of the Kazama clan for many decades and it is only natural that the sword gets back to where it belongs. »

« I would have prefered its bearer... » muttered Kazama loud enough for me to hear but not loud enough to be inpolite.

She nodded to one of her clan member and he stood up and took the blade from Chizuru's hands. She stood up as well and bowed to Chizuru in gratitude and I did the same. I hoped that with all these courtesies, we could put the death of Chikage behind us all.

« I am relieved that your life amongst human didn't taint your education. Anyway. » continued Kazama, waving her hands « What is done, is done. Your little prince surely will be a great Oni with the proper teaching. I look forward to form new alliances between the Kazama and Yukimura clans. »

« I... I hope so. » said Chizuru.

Sen and Kaoru were looking at the exchange just like all the other guests. It was a bit strange and rude to steal the light from the newlyweds but we didn't have much choice after Kazama started this conversation.

« The little prince will be well cared for in our clan » nodded Kazama Yoko « and he will learn all the values of the Oni. I heard his health was fragile... The weather of Kyushu will surely benefit him greatly. I have a girl in my clan, she's already three but is a three quarter Oni. I propose to offer her as a wife for Yukimura-oujisama to purify his blood. »

« What do you mean in your clan ? » asked Chizuru with wide eyes and I couldn't stop myself but to step up.

« She's asking for an hostage. » I stated.

« I'm asking for a son, in reparation for the one you took. » asked Kazama Yuko with her piercing crimson eyes aiming at me.

« No. » I simply said without leaving Chizuru the time to answer.

More Kazama clan members stood up, ready to back up their leaders and Sen stood up as well with an angry expression.

« Saito-san » she ordered « sit down. »

I didn't and kept my ground, Haruhi standing behind me with Ayame cradled in her arms, and Chizuru by my side.

« This is not the place, Saito-san » said Sen « you can have discussions after the wedding if you wish to discuss that matter. »

« There is nothing to discuss » I stated « Saito Ayame won't go to Kyushu. »

« Are you declaring war on us, Saito-san ? » asked Kazama Yoko.

« I believe we already showed you our good faith with our apologies and the return of Doujigiri Yasutsuna. » I said calmly « my son isn't going anywhere. »

« Hajime... » said Chizuru and at first I thought she was going to ask me to be reasonable but what I saw in her eyes was complete trust. She nodded slightly and put her hand on my arm to support me. We were in this together and no one was taking our son.

« You are insulting us, Saito-san » added Kazama, grounding her teeths « I am offering peace, an alliance and a marriage with your half-breed bastard and you are insulting us. »

I unsheathed my sword and the warriors behind her did the same. The tension in the room was electrifying and heavy, as if thunder could explode any seconds from now.

« Take it back. » I said calmly.

« I won't. » she said with a grin « he's a half-breed bastard. »

« Call him half-breed all you want » I continued « it isn't as much of an insult in my mind that it is in yours. But he's definitely not a bastard. »

« Chikage should have been his father. » she continued with a pained expression « You defiled his wife and planted your seed in her in his place. He can't be anything else than a bastard. »

I took an agressive fighting stance and prepared myself for battle, ready to cut through any demons who would try to stop me until that woman apologized.

« Saito-san, your hair ! » yelled Kaoru, getting in the way and pushing his hands against my chest to prevent me from jumping on the woman.

« Everyone calm down, now ! » yelled Sen with authority « it is my wedding and you are requested to leave your disagreements at the door ! I will not tolerate any further inconvenience ! »

Yet, I didn't lower my blade and waited for the demon woman to apologize. Her warriors also took fighting stances and Kazama Yoko unsheathed Doujigiri Yasutsuna, ready to use it against me if necessary.

« Enough ! » yelled Sen and we all got projected just like the day Chizuru lost her temper when she got abducted by Kaoru.

Chizuru stood up before I did and ran to Haruhi and Ayame to make sure they weren't hurt. The Yase princess had her white hair floating around her and her eyes were golden. We couldn't see her horns, still hidden by the Tsunokakushi but we could devine they were showing.

« How dare you all bring up this matter during my wedding ?! » she continued yelling, Kimigiku by her side also in demon form « This is unacceptable ! Especially coming from estimated families ! »

Her voice was vibrant with authority and I decided that if the Oni were too proud and arrogant to realize how rude we were, then it was up to the fake to show he could be respectful. I sheathed back my sword and quitted my Rasetsu form but I kept glancing at the Kazama clan with a threatening icy gaze.

« Sheathe your swords. » ordered Kazama Yoko to her warriors and she also put Doujigiri Yasutsuna away.

Like a queen, completely unfazed, she sat back at the table and her warriors did the same.

« Saito family » ordered Sen « you as well. »

I knew she was only using the Saito name to sooth me, personally. Yet, it still was a wedding. It was supposed to be a joyful event and one of the most important days in the lives both of Kaoru and Sen. I sat back and so did Chizuru and Haruhi, still holding Ayame in her arms. The stare my daughter was sending the Kazama princess had nothing to envy to mine. It was a stare of pure hatred.

Silence came back in the room but unfortunately, the joyful banter didn't resume. The atmosphere was particularly heavy and Chizuru grabbed my hand.

« You did the right thing. » she just said and I was glad my wife was agreeing with me. Ayame wasn't going anywhere, especially not in the family of a man I killed.

« I'll get the Yukimura prince » said Kazama Yoko, breaking the deafening silence « one way or another. A life for a life and the debt will be payed. »

« Kazama-himesama ! » yelled Sen « You are here in Yase territory ! Hold your tongue or I will have to take action ! »

Kazama put both her hands in the air in surrender and shut her mouth but I wasn't over yet.

« I killed a Kazama before. » I said with a cold voice « And I'm not afraid to do it again. »

« Saito-san » said Sen « I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave. »

_You don't need to ask._

I stood up and Haruhi stood up as well. Both our gazes were expressing only pure hatred directed to the Kazama princess. I took Ayame in my arms and saw Chizuru stand up as well.

« Chizuru-chan... » started Sen but my wife cut her.

« I'm sorry Sen, Kaoru. » she bowed respectfully « Congratulations and enjoy your wedding. But I cannot stay here while you order my family to leave. »

She took my hand with assurance, as if she was challenging everyone to deny our marriage, and we all headed out with our chins held high. With her makeup and hairstyle, her arrogant demon princess voice was even more commanding than usual and I felt a lot of proudness to see her stand up that way for our son, despite all the political mess.

« I love you. » I told her when we were out.

« I'm sorry I imposed this on you. » she said, and she did sound regretful « I should have known it couldn't have ended well. »

« It ended pretty well in my opinion » I opposed « I didn't kill anyone. »

She chuckled and looked at me lovingly. Gods, she was so perfect. Although I prefered to see her with simpler clothes, this perfection once in a while wasn't bothering me. My heart was pounding in my chest like a teenager and with the adrenaline of the conversation we had with Kazama, it was really hard to keep my composure when a woman as gorgeous as her was looking at me as if I was the only thing she ever wanted in her entire life.

She reported her attention on our son in my arms and kissed his forehead, leaving a little red mark.

« No one will take you, Ayame... » she whispered « Otousan and Okaasan will make sure of it. »

« And Oneesan. » added Haruhi with a smirk.

I smiled. We were in a terrible mess but at least, we were in it as a family.


	50. Hostage

We all got back to our room and I started to think about all the possibilities that were offered to us, and to Kazama. My goal was to calm things down without bloodshed which would only cause more desire of revenge and more hatred between our two families.

« Alright » I said « from now on, we all stay together until we can figure out a strategy. »

« I have a strategy : kill them all. » said Haruhi with a smirk.

« I see. Let's save this idea as last resort. »

« We could just go ? » proposed Chizuru.

« Yes, but how can we make sure they wouldn't come after us ? Although I am quite confident in my capabilities, if I find myself against a dozen Oni, we might have a problem, especially if one of them holds Doujigiri Yasutsuna. »

« As long as we're in Yase, we are somehow protected... » she proposed again.

« I'm not staying in Yase. » stated Haruhi, crossing her arms.

I pursed my lips and thought intensely. What Chizuru was proposing was indeed logical. We were under the protection of Sen and Kaoru here and Kazama probably wouldn't dare to get to us while we're here. Yet, I could understand Haruhi's reserves because I was intimately sharing them. Living here was hell for the both of us.

« That... is also a possibility. » I said grudgingly.

Haruhi looked at me with anger and she grabbed her wakizashi, visibly upset.

« Haruhi, where do you think you're going ? » I asked.

« Training. »

« With your furisode ? And have you even listened to me ? From now on, we stay together. » I objected.

« It's alright. » she stated sarcastically « According to Chizuru-neechan, Yase is perfectly safe for me. Just fetch me when you have a plan which isn't staying here and do nothing. »

And with these words, she slammed the shoji, leaving us confused.

« You should maybe go and talk to her... » said Chizuru.

« When she will be calmed. » I replied « she's a lot angrier nowadays... »

« Teenagers. » she chuckled, putting Ayame down who began crawling in the room at a frantic pace, completely oblivious to the danger he was in.

I stopped staring at the closed shoji and sighed. I knew that Haruhi was right, we couldn't stay here. But getting away without a plan would expose Ayame. Chikage really had his evilness inherited in his blood, his mother had nothing to envy to him. Asking for my son as hostage... No way I could ever let her take him. The only thought of it was making my blood boil. I knew I said to Chizuru that I was ready to put down my sword but to protect him, or the rest of my family, I would sharpen my claws all my life and keep disciplined. That... demon... princess... I needed to calm down otherwise, I would have trouble staying polite.

« I shouldn't have forced you to come to the wedding... » said Chizuru, looking at the tatami in submission and sadness « I'm sorry I put our family in this situation... »

« The Kazama princess wanted Ayame even before the conversation started. What happened isn't your fault. In any case, I was glad I was here. If it had been only you and Ayame... Who knows what could have happened ? » I said.

« You think I could have handed her our son ?! » she gasped.

« I'm not saying this » I said, looking at the baby still crawling around « but you are too kind and polite... She might have used that to mess with your head and make you agree with her. »

« To send our only son to Kyushu ?! »

« She looks like a manipulative woman. That's all I'm saying. Fighting now about what may have or may not have happened has no point, Chizuru. »

« I'm sorry... » she replied, confused « I'm... I'm just so... tensed and scared... »

She circled me with her arms and rested her face in my chest, quietly sobbing. My kimono was spoiled with her white fondation but I didn't care. I stroke her hair, nesting my nose there. We were both on edges and her anguish was finding an echo in mine. Yet, in each other's arms, we were slowly soothing our anxieties.

« I know one thing Chizuru. » I said « It's that no one will ever take Ayame away from us. »

« I trust you. » she replied with a slightly muffled voice, her face still burried in my chest, her knees shaking and threatening to let her down any moment.

I lifted her chin up and kissed her, trying to give her back confidence in us, in me, in our futur and everything we held dear. My mouth worked slowly on her soft lips, reassuring and promising. _No one will take him away, Chizuru. _I was trying to convey these feelings to her and in a way, I think I succeeded since I felt her steady a little and clench to me. I only needed that, her trust, her faith... with it, I could move mountains.

« Thank you, Chizuru. » I whispered when I broke the kiss, overwhelmed to have someone with so much faith in me.

« You... You've got lipstick... » she stuttered, blushing slightly « and I ruined your kimono... »

« That is the least of my concerns. » I assured her.

« Would you mind helping me take everything off my hair and face ? » she asked shyly.

« No, can you... keep it ? » I blushed uncontrollably as if I hadn't explored her body countless times already « just for a little longer ? »

« Oh. » she answered, surprised but delighted « You like it that much ? »

« You're stunning. » I just replied, still embarrassed.

My fingers ran slowly on her face, her jaw, her neckline... as if I was exploring a work of art. Her soft skin was shivering and covering with goosebumps, reacting to the teasing tingling. My hand then reached the back of her head and I pulled her closer, my other hand pressing on her waist with urge as my tongue entered her welcoming ajar mouth. She was so gorgeous that I was loosing my mind, and lust was awakening in me, distracting me efficiently from all my insecurities about our future.

« You know » I murmured « the day I married you, you looked so perfect with your uchikake, your makeup and hair that I wanted to steal you away from the ceremony and take you to my bed immediately. I think that having been too drunk to do so after the party is one of my biggest regrets. »

« And the way Okita interrupted in the morning » she chuckled.

« Getting up and not finishing to make love to you properly is my second biggest regret. » I smiled.

« You seem to have a lot of regrets. » she chuckled again.

« I'm making up for it now. » I whispered, leaning closer again to capture her lips.

« Haha... » complained Ayame at our feet and both our gaze dropped to look at him raising his hands in the air, asking to get picked.

« You're interrupting a moment, Ayame. » I said calmly and Chizuru exploded in laughter, picking our son up.

« Don't ever tell me our son is your third biggest regret. » she managed to say between two laughs.

« No » I smiled « he's my biggest achievement. Although you did all the work. »

I passed my hand into Ayame's hair. I wasn't lying, he really was my biggest achievement, the most important and wonderful thing I ever did in my life... I wasn't even annoyed that he interrupted, a smile from him was enough to make my heart smile as well.

« What are we going to do, Hajime ? » asked Chizuru, looking at Ayame with angst.

« We'll figure out something. » I assured her « we always figure out something. »

« I know... » she muttered.

The atmosphere was heavy again and both our minds were absorbed by the fate of our son. Well, part of my mind was. Another part of my body was making me acknowledge that it was fully awake and would rather concentrate on the matter at the tip on my fingers.

« Do you think the Aizu can help us ? » she asked.

« It's unlikely. » I said « they lost the war, most of the Matsudaira family are imprisoned, their generals too... We can't expect any help from Aizu. »

« And... Hijikata-san ? » she whispered.

« Ezo weather is going to be too harsh for Ayame and it soon will be a battlefield. I'd rather not trouble Hijikata-san with personal matter and more enemies when he already has the imperial army to take care of. »

« Then... we have no one ? » she asked.

« We have each other and that's already plenty. » I said calmly « please, stop tormenting yourself, Chizuru. »

« You're right... » she sighed « as always. »

I kissed her forehead, leaving a red mark there. I almost forgot I had rouge on my lips too now. I must look pretty ridiculous. I passed my hand on my mouth to wipe it away and Chizuru chuckled again which caused Ayame to chuckle as well and I frowned.

« Why is he not sleeping already ? » I muttered « I need to distract his mother from unpleasant matters. »

« You know, I'm pretty sure he's too young to realize what we're doing. » she chuckled with a playful gaze.

« I'm not worried about him realizing what happens » I muttered again « I'm worried about him crawling everywhere and calling you while it happens. That might be disturbing. »

« I guess. » she laughed « Sorry Hajime, maybe next time. »

I sighed and looked at my son which wasn't looking sleepy at all. _How do parents do to keep sharing things with their spouse when they sleep with a baby ?_

« Hajime, I know the hilarious joke you have in mind. Don't. » she warned.

_Why ? I'm sure Kazama-himesama would be very happy to babysit._

« Noted. » I smiled « well, since our evening is compromised, I'd be honored to help the Saito princess with her hair. »

« Great » she sighed in relief « I don't know if you can imagine how heavy this is... I wonder how women of the imperial court and oirans can wear it all day and night... They told me they kept their hair that way to sleep ! I could never ! »

She kneeled and I kneeled behind her. Close to the floor now, Ayame escaped her arms to crawl again and found the wooden horse toy. He sat up and started to play with it, banging it on the tatami which seemed extremely funny. I started to remove all the decorative combs and fresh flowers from her hair, putting them on a nearby cupboard, out of Ayame's reach. I then took away the hairpins and the decorative ropes that were holding her hair in this lovely butterfly shape. Her hair had so much wax though that they kept in place even after I took away everything. I grabbed a big brush and started to brush them, trying to remove the more wax I could. It took ages to remove the butterfly bun but the result wasn't unpleasant. Her hair were hips long and I loved it. The remaining of the wax was making them shiny and glossy and their dark brown colour was contrasting with the paleness of her skin, still white. I dug my fingers in her hair in place of the comb, running them from the top of her head to the bottom of her waist. I think that these long loose hair were even more erotic than her date-hyogo hairstyle... With one hand, I put all her hair to the side so that my lips could access her neck and I pulled on her kimono to reveal her shoulder.

« Hajime... » she whispered, shivering and that drove me mad with want.

Still behind her, I untied her obi and brushed the kimonos off her shoulders. I ran my fingers on her back with featherlike touches, from her shoulders to the bottom of her waist. She chuckled when I carressed her sides, tingling her gently, and I felt her breath become shallow, building up in anticipation.

« Hajime... Ayame. » she whimpered.

« He's asleep. » I answered, kissing her neck with caution, featherlike just like my fingers.

She glanced at our son which fell asleep on the floor and sent me a glare of disapproval.

« You're going to let him sleep on the tatami ? » she asked.

« He's fine » I said, still kissing her neck « Sleeping on a hard surface make strong bones. »

« You're making this up. » she scolded.

« I am. » I confessed.

She stood up and picked up Ayame before laying him on the futon, the covers over him. She then caught my hand and pulled me to the futon with her, kissing me as I came atop her. Her hair were flowing around her head on the sheets, like the multitude of petals of a chrysanthemum flower. Her kimono was only covering her arms, the rest of her body yearning to be touched. Her lips, crimson and ajar, were swollen as she was biting adorably on her lower lip...

« You're breathtaking... » I murmured in awe.

Resting on my elbows, I showered all her face and neck with kisses and nips and small bites. I could see her foundation disappear where my mouth was landing, ruining her perfect makeup. She hovered her hands on my back, carressing the silk fabric of my kimono and I plunged my head lower, kissing the valley between her breasts before claiming one of her nipples.

« Haha ! »

We both turned our flummoxed gaze to Ayame who was watching us with furrowed brows and his fist in his mouth, making us understand that he was hungry.

« I think he's afraid you're stealing his food. » laughed Chizuru beneath me and I felt the blush invade my face.

« I can't win, can I ? » I muttered, getting up and arranging my kimono « I'm going to fetch Haruhi. She must be calmed down by now. »

« I'm sorry, Hajime. » she said but although she did seem sorry, she couldn't contain her laughter.

« Take care of your mother, Ayame. » I said to the baby « I'm getting your sister back. »

But he was completely ignoring me, taking advantage that I stood up to crawl to his mother who immediately took him in her arms. I sighed again, a little frustrated, and headed out with my swords to the inner garden where I was sure to find my daughter.


	51. Tears

I first stepped by the bathroom to remove the traces of fondation and rouge that could be on my face. Haruhi would have commented without a doubt. I then went to the inner garden and found her there, sweating and panting while cutting through air repeatedly. It seemed like she and I had the same way to let out steam. I came closer and crossed my arms, looking at her.

« Need a sparing partner ? » I asked.

« No, I'm fine. » she replied harshly.

I stayed there and looked at her. She was reminding me of Chizuru, of Souji, of Yuki... a wierd combination of the three... but she was more than just that. Some of her features and gestures were only hers.

« Are you just gonna stay here and watch ? » she asked angrily.

« Ha. » I nodded.

« Just leave me alone. Go with Aya-chan and Chizuru. » she ordered « I'll join later. »

I didn't say anything. That girl had so much stubbornness that there was no point, and with her growing up, it was getting worse. I stayed there with my arms crossed, waiting for her to explode so we could have a conversation afterwards but that didn't seem to come. She was concentrated and calm on the outside, but I could see the fire of anger burning inside her as if it was leaking out of all her body pores. Without warning, I attacked her with a iai technique and her eyes widened in surprise as she hastily blocked the blow.

« What the fuck, Otousan ?! » she yelled.

« No cursing. »

I attacked again with more force and she leaped out of my reach but I anticipated it and followed, attacking again.

« I said I didn't want any sparing partner ! » she yelled.

I ignored her again, aiming at her flank and she evaded it and counterattacked. She was finally reacting, directing her anger and strength at me. Good. Shouting with each of her blows, she was restlessly trying to hurt me, maybe even kill me. No that I was in danger whatsoever, maybe I would be in a few years, but at least, that was truly energy consuming. When she would be exhausted, she would be serene again.

She eventually collapsed, panting with her palms and knees on the floor and I let her catch her breath before I offered her a hand.

« Are you feeling better ? » I asked.

« I didn't ask for your help. » she replied, panting.

She stayed on the floor and I waited patiently. She eventually sat up, still catching her breath. She still had her pink furisode and her comb in her hair, making her look like an angel, but her dark blue gaze reflecting in the moonlight had something murderous, leaving no doubt that she already had killed and was perfectly at peace with it. She stayed seated and looked up to me, calmed down.

« Do we have a plan ? » she asked.

« Not yet but I can assure you we are not going to stay in Yase. » I said.

« We can't go tonight. » she nodded « I saw some warriors exit the village. My guess is that they expect us to flee and are waiting for us outside. »

« Likely. » I agreed « we are not departing tonight anyway. We need to all think together as a family about our options. »

« Yase sucks. » she stated « Oni suck and we have nothing to do here. »

« I can't deny that although I would have prefered you to expose it more politely. »

« Sorry... » she muttered and that showed that she was now open to discussion.

« I know Yase isn't the best place on earth for you, and for me, don't think you're alone in this. Yet, until we come up with a better plan, we will stay here. While you weren't there, we did exchange ideas with Chizuru and she wants to go too. Problem is to where and how to be protected or not to be found. »

« Okay... » she muttered again « at least we all agree that we're leaving. »

« I know you're out of patience... »

« Cute way to put it. » she stated.

« We're getting out, Haruhi. » I said, kneeling « I promise. »

« Okay... » she said, wrapping her arms around me.

I held her, waiting for her to speak again but instead she started to sob uncontrollably. That wasn't like her and it unsettled me.

« Haruhi ? » I asked, confused about what to do.

« I'm so tired... » she sobbed « of all this... »

« I know. » I nodded.

« In the army and in the Shinsengumi, everyone was so kind » she continued « even in Shimabara I had sisters that were nice to me... but here everyone hates me... »

« They don't hate you, Haruhi. » I whispered « they're just... they live in their world and it's not ours... »

« But why ? » she cried « it's not fair... I'm polite and helpful and I help with Aya-chan so why are they so mean ? »

« Shiranui's sons aren't so mean, are they ? » I asked.

« No... they're cool... » she agreed « but they will go after the wedding anyway... »

« And so will we. » I nodded.

« But it just doesn't make any sense, Otousan ! » she yelled, still crying in my arms « their mother is human and she's well treated ! Why ? »

« I don't have the answer to that question, Haruhi... » I whispered.

I understood that she was evacuating all her frustration, doubts and suffering from the past months, everything that she kept to herself without complaining once. She could act tough all she wanted, she was still a kid, no, a human being. And there were limits to what one can endure. One way or another, there always was a release. Hers took the form of tears and anger, like most people. I couldn't do much except wait for it to be over.

« And why does that Kazama wants Aya-chan anyway ?! » she continued « he's a fucking baby ! »

I didn't say anything. I could have understood her desire to have a prince hostage if the Yukimura clan was a powerful one, like it was back in the days if I understood correctly. Yet, now the only Yukimura was Kaoru and Ayame wasn't even his son. That meant that it wasn't a political move. It was just a revenge desire and that meant that Ayame was in danger. Normally a political hostage was well treated in his adoption clan. He was cared for according to his rank, receiving the same treatment than the actual daimyo's children... Of course, there had been some derives in the past but these incidents weren't a generality. With a revenge hostage however, anything could happen.

I suddenly sensed all the hair of my body raise as a shiver crawled down my spine. I lifted my gaze to see Kazama Yoko walking at a tranquil pace in the direction of the party. She was sending me a wicked smile, and she was coming from...

« Haruhi, get up now. » I ordered, jumping on my feet.

« So... Sorry... » she said, getting up but still sobbing « I'm sorry I'm a bother... »

« You're not » I stated quickly but I was already running towards our room and Haruhi followed, anxious, wondering what could have happened.

I slid the shoji in a hurry and I found Chizuru, her makeup off and kimono folded, who was sitting in bed in her sleeping nagajuban. She greated me with a smile as soon as she saw me.

« Welcome home, Hajime, Haruhi. » she said.

« Where's Ayame ? » I asked, keeping my voice toneless even if the anguish was already strong.

« He's right here. » she said, showing me the small silhouette sleeping on her lap under the covers, and I sighed in relief « something's wrong ? »

« Kazama's playing with my nerves » I just said, holding my forehead in my fingers « she's probably just trying to scare us away, don't pay attention. »

« She has warriors outside the village to intercept us if we flee » added Haruhi.

« I see... » muttered Chizuru with a somber expression.

« Haruhi, let's not trouble Chizuru with unnecessary anxiety. Go wash yourself. We're going to sleep on it. Most importantly, we mustn't show Kazama that she had an impact on our family. This would be a lot too satisfactory to her. »

« Alright, Otousan » nodded Haruhi.

« Haruhi. »

« Yes, Otousan ? »

« Keep your sword close » I ordered « and don't stroll around. »

« Okay. » she smiled before heading out again.

She went away again but I could decipher that her heart was much lighter than before. I unclothed myself and put on my sleeping nagajuban to join my wife in bed. When I laid on the futon, I verified that my sword could easily be picked in case of emergency and practiced unsheathing it swiftly in a laying position, a movement I hadn't practiced in a long time. I guess even I had become a little rusty because of all these months of relative peace.

« You expect someone to come tonight ? » asked Chizuru, her gaze switching between Ayame and me.

« It's highly unlikely. » I said softly « but I'm not taking any risk. »

Satisfied with my speed and reflexes, I took my hands off the hilt and sat up, resting one of them on my wife's thigh.

« Sleep, Chizuru, please. » I said « I'm here. »

« I know... » she said « I know... »

She moved Ayame without waking him up and put him near her before she turned to me and snuggled into my arms. I could sense how tensed her body was and I regretted that I had to get Haruhi back. All the work I did to sooth her before I went shattered into pieces as soon as she was alone with her thoughts. I couldn't blame her though, the situation was pretty stressful. Kazama... What could be her objective ? Only make us suffer ? Or was there something else, deeper ?

I heard the shoji slid faintly and I immediately put my hand on my sword but it was only Haruhi coming back from the bathroom. Trying not to make any noises, she slid herself under her covers by my side and we all stayed silent. It was obvious none of us was sleeping, apart from innocent Ayame, but the heavy atmosphere was still there, strangling our throats and making us unable to form words.

In the morning, the Kazama clan departed for the Bungo province. Of course, the princess politely renewed her offer to accept Ayame in her clan and we politely declined. Yet, the grin she sent us, so similar to the one Chikage could paint on his face, made it clear that it wasn't the end of it.

A few days later, I received responses to my letters and we departed as well, informing Sen and Koaru that we were going to run the Yukimura clinic in Edo in Kodo's place. They wished us a safe trip to Edo with a lot of sincerity and they came to see us off, along with Amagiri, Shiranui and his two sons. The younger one was blushing red when he asked Haruhi to write to him and she accepted although she knew already that she would never do it, just like the rest of us. We were leaving the world of demons forever.


	52. Inn

March 1873

Of course, we never set foot in Edo. It was only a diversion in case some of the Yase Oni warned the Kazama clan. Chizuru was sad to lie to her friend and brother but it was to protect our son. We headed to Tonami, the domain given to the Matsudaira family, and had very rough years there. Tonami was a harsh land, made of volcanic soil and burried in the snow more than half of the year. Cultivating there was nearly impossible and just like I, the Aizu samurai had no knowledge about farming. We got dependant from the rice of other domains and their prices made all of us go through an entire year of famine before our situation slightly improved. What was at first my wonderful idea turned out to be a danger even worse than Kazama, especially for Ayame who was still more fragile in winter and an infant. At one point, I even thought Chizuru would leave me to return amongst her kin... Fortunately, with the end of the war with the republic of Ezo, the new government understood that the situation in Tonami was catastrophic and that we were all slowly dying, and they gave us some financial help, along with a merging of the nearby prefectures which were more easily cultivable. It was now the Aomori prefecture. They also authorized for anyone who wished it to go back to Aizu, now part of the Fukushima prefecture. That's what we did and we started to eat correctly again.

We both went through a lot of changes to be sure we wouldn't be found. If she sent people looking for us, Kazama would look for a left-handed swordsman and a female doctor. We were neither of these things. Using the money of the government financial help, the Fujita family, our new name, took over an inn on the Ôshu Kaido route which had been partially destroyed during the war. I got some help from the men of the village to rebuild and I learned a lot. I never worked before, not in this way at least, but there was something satisfactory into creating something with my own hands. It wasn't perfect at first, we didn't have enough money to make it right, and to be fair, I sucked at managing the finances. I never had that problem as a warrior. I was given the money for the groceries and I didn't need anything else in a military headquarter. My salary was only for my entertainment, sake, tea shops or prostitutes... and I never cared for the money, considering personal wealth the enemy of the samurai. Now, I had to count every coin.

In the end, I sucked so much at it that I decided to act like any other samurai and let my wife take care of the finances, giving me only pocket money... and Chizuru revealed herself as a wonderful accountant. I knew she loved markets and negotiating but it took a whole different level when she started to manage the family's wealth. We actually started to make money and with it, we improved the inn and the quality of our products and services. I think Souji would have been rolling on the floor laughing to see me as an innkeeper... I always looked down on the samurai who were attracted to money and were more merchants than warriors and now, I was part of them. Chizuru was taking care of the account balance and the cleaning, and I was in charge of the renovations and the cooking. In a way, it was ironic. I remembered how Chizuru laughed, telling me that if I hadn't been a warrior, maybe I would have been a cook. Maybe there words had been prophetic.

Ayame was growing strong and a lot too fast in my opinion, and Haruhi... she was a woman now. A beautiful, wonderful woman. She was helping a lot around the inn, especially in the evening since she was going to school and to the dojo during the day. She would be fifteen next month... The age Chizuru was when I fell in love with her. Although in my head, she was still a kid, I knew that boys were having a different opinion on the matter. I had mixed feelings about this... a part of me wanted to find her a good husband who would treat her well and take care of her, and another part wanted to defend her sword in hand against any boy who'd like to lay with my daughter. I'd better not find out if she was having affairs but again, I was closing my eyes and ears with so much efficiency that I probably wouldn't know. Why did kids had to grow up ?

My swords were only decorative now anyway. As a merchant, the new government had forbidden me and all the other classes except samurai to have swords, or guns, for that matter. I was still practicing but with a bokken in the garden to not draw attention. Haruhi was doing the same and her Yamashiro no kami Fujiwara Kunikiyo sword, the one of Kondou-san, was well hidden in case some policemen decided to confiscate our swords. I didn't care if they took mines, they were nothing but tools to me, I never had the same sentimentalism samurai had about their swords being their soul. I took care of mines diligently, polishing them, oiling them and sharpening them until they were too thin to be of any use and then, changed them. They were disposable, just like the rest of me I used to think, back in the days.

I wasn't disposable anymore. I had a purpose, a reason to live... I had Chizuru, Haruhi, Ayame... and the little one that was already making Chizuru's belly round again. I nearly had to lock her up the past three months because of her mood swings and her Oni form but now, she was glowing again and that little round belly was enchanting me just like the first time. I don't think one could ever be accustomed to it, it was a miracle again, just like the cherry blossoms, just like the snow or the rainbows... A wonder.

« Otousan... »

Working on the new bathroom's roof, I dropped my gaze to see Haruhi. Her hair were long and ebony now, just like they used to be when she joined the Shinsengumi. I was enchanted to see her with long hair again. Her burgundy yukata with small white flowers was also making her look pretty. She was still very muscular but now that she had grown up, she had an athletic feminine figure and wasn't looking like a boy anymore. Plus, she had her mother's genetics and so, her breast were already bigger than Chizuru's. Her mother did have a more generous cleavage than my wife, and it had delighted me in the past, but on Haruhi, it was annoying me a little. I knew men and they'd better not lust over MY daughter.

« Ha. » I answered, stopping my work and brushing my hand on my forehead.

« I'm heading to the dojo. »

« Aren't you supposed to take Ayame to the puppet show ? » I asked, getting down.

« Yeah but... he's with Chizuru and I'm not sure he's that interested in the puppets you know... » she muttered.

« Let's ask him, shall we ? » I said with a small smile, not fooled.

« Otousan... » she complained but she did follow me.

« It's once a week, Haruhi. » I stated.

« Yeah I know but... »

« You're going to the dojo everyday after school already. » I stated « I don't think we're asking too much of you. »

Chizuru was a bit further with Ayame under a cherry tree and as I got closer, I could hear the lyrics of Sakura Sakura that she was singing with him. It had been so long since I heard her angelic voice. My son was singing with her and catching the blossoms with his hands, delighted, his small top knot on his head moving every time his head was turning. I remembered him as a baby as if it was only yesterday... Now he was already four... and still no sign of Kazama which was a good thing. We finally had the peaceful life we all deserved.

« See, they're busy... » muttered Haruhi.

« Ayame » I called « Do you wish to see the puppets ? »

The boy turned his chestnut eyes in my direction and they were already sparkling in excitement. Haruhi sighed next to me, visibly exceeded but I ignored her superbly. My son ran to me and started pulling on my yukata with an enormous smile.

« Otousan, can I have money for sweets ? » he asked.

« Ask your mother. » I replied and he ran the other way to ask Chizuru for coins that she gladly give to him.

He ran back to us and gave the coins to Haruhi with a very serious face.

« Okaasan says you keep it but its mine, okay ? »

« They're for both of you » I scolded gently « Haruhi can get sweets too, you know. »

« Can I go to the dojo afterwards ? » she asked, pouting.

« Yes. » I nodded « as long as you come back before dark. »

« As if I could be in danger here... » she muttered.

« You never know. » I said.

« Otousan ! » yelled Ayame « You're coming too ? »

« No. » I smiled « I need to finish some work. Go with Haruhi. »

He seemed disappointed for a second and then pulled on Haruhi's yukata, making her understand the urgence of the situation.

« Come on, Oneesan ! » he pleaded.

« Okay. » she smiled and she kneeled for him to jump on her back, laughing « I'm only coming for the sweets though ! »

She stood up and carried Ayame on her back to take him to the puppet show. I looked at the both of them until they were out of sight and got closer to my wife still sitting under the cherry tree.

« Don't you want some sweets as well ? » I asked her « It's not too late to join them. »

« No » she chuckled « I'm probably gonna nap here at some point. »

I gave her a hand so she could stand and grabbed her waist with the other, kissing her.

« Why have you stopped singing ? » I asked softly.

« I'm not gonna sing only for myself » she laughed.

« Do it for me. » I asked in a whisper.

She blushed like a teenager and resumed singing Sakura Sakura and I gripped more firmly her hand and her waist, making her waltz like that day in the french encampment. We were now two blossoms dancing in the wind just like the others. When her song ended, I leaned to kiss her again and she smiled shyly.

« You're romantic today. » she observed playfully.

« Maybe. » I said « but I hadn't heard your voice in a long time. »

She circled my neck with her arms and pulled me even closer, showing that I wasn't the only one with a taste for romance today.

« You should sit. » I told her.

« Sit with me. »

« I still have the roof to finish for the new bathroom... » I sighed with regret.

« Just for a minute. » she pleaded.

« Alright. » I nodded.

I sat with her and put my head on her shoulder to witness the blossoms. How peaceful... How different from the future I had initially planned for myself... Yet, I would never trade my current life with anything. I was done dealing with death. Now, I was dealing with life every single day.

Chizuru chuckled and pulled a hair out of my long side ponytail before bringing it before my eyes.

« Another white hair. » she stated.

« I'm getting old » I smiled.

« Thirty isn't that old. » she protested.

« Don't make me even older than I am. I'm twenty-nine, please. »

« Does it really make a difference ? » she asked playfully.

« A huge one. » I nodded « next year, I'll be old. »

« I think it's sexy. » she laughed.

« What ? My hair ? » I asked, confused.

« Yeah, those white hair in your dark mane... It gives you a lot of charm. »

« If you think it's charming, I can turn all of it white in a blink. » I replied with humour.

« Terrible joke... » she sighed « but jokes aside, I'm pretty sure you will get sexier and sexier when you get old. »

One glimpse at her informed me that she wasn't lying. She really was thinking that I was sexy with my hair turning white so early. At least they weren't falling... I blushed a little and picked her up which made her escape a surprised gasp.

« Where are you taking me, Hajime ? » she chuckled, banging her little fists against my chest.

« I'm pretty sure you already have an idea. » I smiled, carrying her inside « I heard someone say it was nap time. »

« You're tired ? » she asked with a smile.

« I don't intend to sleep. » I whispered in her ear and she laughed again as I carried her all the way to our bedroom. Children weren't there, we had to make the best of it, and nevermind for the bathroom's roof.


	53. Found

« Oye ! I'd like a room for a single traveller. »

I lifted my gaze from the vegetables I was cutting and headed out the kitchen to greet my customer.

« You ! » we gasped both at the same time.

I still had my knife in hand and I took a defensive stance, ready, while Shiranui looked at me from head to toe with surprise until he eventually exploded in laughter.

« No way ! » he laughed « Is Yukimura here ? »

« Why do you care ? » I asked, prudent.

« Relax, I'm just asking ! » he said with both hands in the air in surrender « can I get'a room or not ? »

« State your business here. » I ordered.

The clients in the common room started to look at us, probably wondering what was happening and why I still had my knife in hand, and Shiranui turned on his heels to adress the room.

« Don't pay attention, we're long lost friends » he explained with a giant smile « it's only a game between us ! » He then turned to me and muttered « seriously, man, can we go somewhere private ? You're scarin' the shit out of your customers ! »

« I wouldn't if you didn't step in here in the first place. » I stated.

« I didn't even know you were there ! » he sighed angrily « man you're an INN on the ÔSHU KAIDO road ! I knew you weren't in Edo but I figured you'd hide better than that. »

« Haruhi ! » I called and she ran down the stairs and opened wide eyes.

« Kyô ? »

« Hey, kid. » he saluted her with a grin.

« Haruhi, replace me please. I need to have a conversation with... our friend. » I said grudgingly « and bring us tea. »

« Okay. » she nodded.

« Hey, you never wrote, kid » he said to Haruhi « you broke Daisuke's heart, you know. »

Haruhi started to blush from embarrassment and I adressed Shiranui again.

« Follow me. »

I brought him in the office where Chizuru was usually doing all the accounting. It was near the kitchen and so, I could still keep an eye on my cooking. I kept my knife close, just in case, and sat with Shiranui.

« What are you doing here ? » I asked, still with my guard up although my posture was polite.

« I should be askin' that question » he laughed « from bushi and princess to innkeepers, it's a long way down. »

« It depends how you choose to look at it. » I nodded faintly.

« I guess » he grinned « anyway, I'm just here for personal business and it has nothin' to do with you. I just need a room for tonight and I'll be gone in the mornin'. »

« How did you know we weren't in Edo ? » I asked.

« I'm sure you already have an idea, that's why you lied » he answered, his smile gone « Yukimura clinic is nothin' but ashes now. »

« Kazama ? » I asked.

« Who else ? » he replied « so can I get a room or what ? »

« Aren't you a part of the Kazama clan ? » I asked with an icy gaze.

« I am » he nodded « but I'm here on personal business, how many times do I need to repeat it ? I have no reason to tell my queen about you. Besides, if I wanted to, I wouldn't have to ask for a room. I already know your location, I would just need to tell her that. »

« Not if you never leave this place. » I replied coldly.

« Can I come in ? »

That was Chizuru's voice and I tensed, not eager to reveal my wife's presence, but now it was too late anyway... I sighed and agreed for her to come in and she served our teacups, polite. Shiranui though opened wide eyes.

« No shit... » he said « You're pregnant... »

« Ah ! » gasped Chizuru, embarrassed « yeah... »

« Congrats ! » he smiled « may it be healthy. »

« Thank you. » she smiled shyly in return.

She looked at me and I made her understand that she should leave, without words. She knew me well enough to understand all the things I wasn't saying now and so, she politely exited the room. Shiranui reported his attention on me and stared at me gravely. I didn't say anything. I knew already what he was going to say.

« Man, she's pregnant. » he stated.

« I know. » I nodded.

« You do realize she's gonna need Oni midwives ? » he asked, raising an eyebrow.

« No. » I shook my head « We cut ourselves from the Oni world. »

« If you really wanted to cut yourself from Oni, you should have kept it in your pants. » he stated « I'm not telling you you should have Oni midwives, you'll NEED them. »

« We will manage. » I said firmly « It's not Chizuru's first pregnancy, she's a doctor, she will manage. And if there's help needed, I'll do it myself. »

« As if you really could help » he laughed sarcastically « you can't be serious, you wanna kill her ? If you're tired of her there are ways less... definitive... »

« Otousan ? »

Ayame had entered the office and came closer with an enormous smile before he got all shy, noticing the stranger.

_Can't I have peace in here ?!_

« Hey, lil' prince. » said Shiranui with a grin « say hello to uncle Kyô. »

Ayame ran to me and burried his face in my kimono, his little fists clenching on it. He was looking at Shiranui from the corner of his eyes, hiding the rest of his face. I passed my arm around him to reassure him but I knew it wasn't alarming. Ayame was always shy with people he didn't know, and sometimes even with people he knew. He was often hiding his face in our clothes, both Chizuru and I, and would suddenly stop talking and close himself like an oyster if he noticed someone unusual.

« He's a big boy now. » said Shiranui, looking at my son, which caused him to hide his face even more « I bet he makes you proud. »

« He does. » I nodded.

« You know, if you want the second one you... » he tried.

« No Oni is getting close to my family ever again. » I said coldly « and that is final. Now if you'll excuse me, I have my stew to take care of. »

I got up, taking Ayame in my arms, and opened the shoji, showing him subtly the way out of the office. Our conversation was over.

« What about my room ? » he asked, annoyed.

« Ask Haruhi to show you the way. » I said before my eyes became threatening « and keep your distances with my family. Dinner is included and starts in one hour. There is also breakfast in the morning. »

« Yes, mister » he chuckled before heading out « Oye kid, you show me my room, please ? »

He followed Haruhi upstairs and I kept Ayame in my arms. No way I would let him wander around with an Oni in the house, especially one of the Kazama clan and a former enemy. I headed to the kitchen and pulled the step that I made especially for him so he could help cooking.

« Would you mind helping your dad, Ayame ? » I asked.

« H...Ha... » he stuttered, blushing.

I knew he was still asking himself a lot of questions about Shiranui but he wouldn't talk until he felt comfortable with it, which meant long minutes until he was sure we were alone, truly alone, and that the stranger wasn't going to come in the kitchen. I resumed cutting the vegetables in silence and then pushed the cutting board in his direction.

« Here » I said softly « Put them in the stew, please. »

He did as I say, his little fingers grabbing handfuls of the cut vegetables to throw them in the boiling pot, and I started cutting the meat.

« Can I cut ? » he asked after a while.

« No. » I replied « when you're older. This is sharp. Here. »

He put the meat in the stew and I covered the pot, taking another one out to cook some rice. I put a handful of grains in a bowl for him to wash and I washed the rest of it.

« Who's the strange man ? » he asked eventually.

« An acquaintance. » I replied calmly.

« Is he uncle ? »

« No. » I said « He's not family. »

« Is he friend ? »

« Sort of. » I answered grudgingly.

He stayed silent, thinking while washing the rice in his little bowl. I gathered all the grains and put the fire underneath it before cleaning the kitchen. I then opened the pot to taste the stew.

« Can I taste ? »

« Sure. » I nodded, handing him the spoon « careful, it's hot. »

He tiptoed and plunge the spoon in the stew. He brought it near his face and blew on it with force, nearly spitting, before he took it to his mouth. He took a stern expression before he smiled at me.

« It's good. » he nodded.

I smiled in return and took his spoon to clean it. I couldn't put it back in the stew now that he spitted all over it.

« When do we eat ? » he asked, balancing himself on the step, his hands closed on the edge of the working table.

« Soon. » I said « stop doing this. »

He stilled and took another spoon to stir the stew. I let him. He was helping and was happy to help. Chizuru came in at that moment and smiled, seeing him so concentrated.

« You're cooking, Aya-chan ? » she asked and the kid startled.

On his toes, he failed to regain balance and fell. I caught him before he touched the ground but he hit his forehead on the corner of the table and started crying in pain.

« Oh, Hajayame ! Aya-chan, sorry ! » said Chizuru, anxious « are you okay ? »

I looked at his forehead and it was bleeding a bit. If he had been human, it would have left a scar. He really hit it hard. Fortunately, my son was half-Oni and so, I used a cloth to wipe the blood and applied pressure until the wound closed itself, leaving his skin immaculate. Chizuru already had her arms wrapped around the little body and she looked at his forehead.

« See, it's closed already ! » she smiled, kissing where he was hurt « what a courageous little boy ! »

With that kiss, Ayame stopped sobbing. The pain was gone anyway as soon as the wound closed. It was the same with Kaoru when I tortured him. As soon as it was sealed, he was fresh as new.

« We are gonna take the bath, Aya-chan ? » she asked.

« We're eating » I objected « he'll bath afterwards. I'll take him. »

« I wanted Haruhi to take him so we could talk. » she said seriously.

« I'm not letting him get out of my sight. » I stated « We'll speak later. Call Haruhi. »

She nodded and went to fetch Haruhi. The both of them started to bring trays of food to the customers, including Shiranui, before they joined us around the small table that was in the kitchen. It was a bit narrow but I'd probably make a bigger kitchen soon, when I would be finished with the new bathroom. I prefered to eat here in private with my family than amongst the clients anyway. Chizuru gave all of us cups of tea before she sat with us all.

« What is Kyô doing here ? » asked Haruhi.

« He's only traveling. » I stated « He's not here for us. We'll talk about it later. »

Ayame was engulfing the stew and rice with his spoon as if he was dying of hunger, completely oblivious to the conversation around him.

« Ayame. » I said « use your chopsticks. »

He stopped and took them in hand. He wasn't really good with it yet but he had to practice at each meal. When he would have tried hard enough, I would authorize him to pick up his spoon again.

« You cooked that, Aya-chan ? » asked Chizuru and my son nodded vigorously, proud of himself « It's delicious ! »

« Thank you, Okaasan. » he replied, polite.

We stayed silent again, eating in peace until Haruhi opened her mouth again.

« Otousan, can I drop school next month when I'm fifteen ? » she asked.

« Why ? » I asked in return, sipping my tea.

« I got offered a job at the dojo. » she said « to teach. »

« Teach who ? »

« You know, teach. » she replied.

« Boys ? »

« Why does it matter ? » she asked angrily.

« I'm just asking. A lot of boys would refuse to have a girl as sensei. » I stated.

« Yeah, well I don't know yet, okay ? » she muttered.

« Are you sure you want to take the path of martial arts ? » I asked « the new government is already talking about forbidding swords and weapons to samurai as well. There will soon be no warriors anymore and no need for dojo. »

She didn't say anything and kept eating silently, her eyes dark and aiming at her food as if she wanted to kill it.

« Haruhi » I asked after a while « have you considered marriage ? »

« Marriage ? » she repeated, eyes wide.

« Fifteen is a reasonable age to get married. » I stated « I'm not going to force anything upon you, I'm just asking if you considered it. »

« You had offers ? » she asked with a grave expression « for me ? »

« I have one » I nodded « if you want to hear it. It's a good samurai family, Aizu retainers who served alongside us. »

« Do they know I'm defiled already ?! » she asked sarcastically.

« It... The subject wasn't brought up. » I answered, flustered.

« Great. » she nodded, getting up.

« Haruhi, I was just asking » I called, confused « and you haven't finished your food. »

She didn't reply and just headed out, probably to her room. I sighed. I had enough of her bad mood recently. It's not like I informed her that everything was already arranged, I just asked for her opinion.

« Haru-neesan is gonna marry ? » asked Ayame.

« Eat, Ayame. » I ordered « Take your spoon if you want. »

« Can I marry Haru-neesan ? » he asked again and Chizuru chuckled.

« Come on, Ayame, it's gonna be cold » smiled Chizuru « and after it's bathtime with Otousan and bedtime. »

« And story time » he muttered.

« And story time » she confirmed.

Ayame took his spoon and ate all of his dinner. Since I was taking him to the bath, I let Chizuru in charge of the dishes and we bathed together. I had to scold him a few times though since he was playing and splashing around which wasn't really agreeable. Out of patience, I eventually understood I couldn't have a relaxing moment this evening and I put him in his sleeping nagajuban before taking him to bed. He was still sharing our futon, contrarily to Haruhi who now had her own room, and I read him a story as we waited for Chizuru to join. When she arrived, Ayame went cuddling with his mother and I opened the cupboard to bring a tanto to bed with me and put it under my pillow before I joined them. One could never know.


	54. Dojo

« Shouldn't you go and talk to your daughter ? » asked Chizuru when I joined them under the covers.

« No » I replied « If she got that angry just with a suggestion, I'm not eager to put the subject back on the table. »

« Maybe you should tell her it was only a suggestion. I think she misunderstood. »

« Why do I always have to be the one doing it ? » I complained softly, closing my eyes.

« It's your daughter. » she stated.

« I know. » I sighed « I'll see tomorrow. There are more important matters tonight. »

I passed my hand into my son's hair lengthily, thinking. Shiranui didn't seem to have any wicked intentions but he still was an Oni of the Kazama clan. Danger could be upon us even before we realize it.

« Do you think you can manage the inn in the early afternoons if I let you sleep later in the morning ? » I asked Chizuru after a while.

« Probably » she answered « Why ? »

« There is a probability for me to sign at the dojo. » I explained « To see if I'm rusty. »

« You train every day. »

« Against Haruhi or alone. » I stated « I need to practice against other styles. »

« Haruhi'll probably not be very happy to have you at the dojo with her. » warned Chizuru « she's gonna feel like you're spying on her. Especially after the conversation you had. »

« I see. » I sighed « I'll talk to her and maybe we could find arrangements for us not to be there at the same time. »

« I think that's best. » she nodded.

« Can I go to the dojo ? » asked Ayame.

« You're not sleeping already ? » protested Chizuru.

« No. » he chuckled.

« Sleep. » I ordered.

« I can't. You talk. » he pouted.

We kept silent and waited for him to fall asleep which took a lot more time than I expected. When we could hear his steady breath between us, we resumed our conversation.

« Do you think Haruhi's in love ? » asked Chizuru out of nowhere and I frowned.

« What makes you think this ? » I asked in return.

« Her vehement refusal to marry an samurai's son, the time she spends at the dojo, her desire to drop school to spend even more time there... » she enumerated.

« You think there's a boy at the dojo ? » I frowned some more.

« I don't know. » she confessed « Just it's possible. »

« Haruhi has been very secretive about her feelings since she's not a kid anymore. » I stated « I wouldn't know anything and it's not my business anyway. I'm pretty sure she's just practicing, though. »

« Not your business ? » she repeated « your daughter's love situation ? »

« It's not like I have to protect her virginity or something... » I answered grudgingly « and I told her in Shimabara that she will have the power to choose, unlike her mother. I won't come back on that promise. Can we speak about something else ? »

« Yeah, okay. »

We stayed silent again, listening to Ayame's breath, but even if I didn't like to speak, or think, about the possibility of Haruhi having a lover, Chizuru had awaken my curiosity.

« Can you try to find out ? » I asked suddenly.

« What ? »

« If there's a boy at the dojo. » I specified.

« I thought you didn't want to know. » she chuckled softly.

« I just want to make sure no one is trying to take advantage of her feelings to act dishonorably and make her sad in the end. »

« I'm pretty sure if someone dared, she would kill him. » she affirmed.

« Likely. » I smiled.

« Why don't you ask her ? »

« I'm a man. » I frowned « and her father. I can't ask her. »

« Okay, okay... » she sighed « I'll do it. »

« Thank you, Chizuru. » I whispered.

I would have kissed her but it was a bit difficult without waking Ayame up. He took so long to fall asleep that neither of us dared to move.

« Do you think we could be in danger soon ? » asked Chizuru « That's why you wanna practice assiduously ? »

« It's a possibility. » I agreed.

« Shouldn't we get back to Yase ? » she asked shyly.

« Ayame isn't going anywhere near an Oni village. I can't leave both him and the inn in Haruhi's care, therefore, I'm not going to Yase. And you're not going anywhere without me. » I opposed.

« But Hajime » she protested softly « if I'm not with Oni in a few months we are going to have a problem... »

« Everything will be fine » I reassured her « We still have some time to find solutions. »

« Okay... » she sighed.

« I love you. » I said.

« I know. I love you too but I can't help but feel worried... » she confessed.

I hovered a hand on her cheek, trying not to wake our son and she put her palm on it to capture it. I let her cuddle my hand until she finally joined our son in dreamland and I stood up to drink a cup, unable to sleep. There was light in the kitchen when I arrived and I found Haruhi eating some stew and rice. Not surprising that she was hungry considering how she stormed out. When she saw me, she looked at me with defiance and took her plate off the table, apparently desiring to leave.

« I'm just here to drink a cup. » I said « keep eating. »

She sat back and resumed eating her dinner. I opened a bottle of sake and poured two cups. I handed one to her and she took it.

« Thank you. » she nodded.

I sat with her at the table and eventually opened my mouth, sensing that she was soothed enough to listen to me.

« I'm not going to force marriage on you, Haruhi. You will decide if you want to marry and with whom. » I told her « Also, I think a position at the dojo is a good opportunity. You should take it and if it doesn't make you happy, you can always work here. »

« Okay. » she nodded « thank you, Otousan. »

I didn't say anything else and we drank our sake in silence.

« I'm considering to sign at the dojo. » I told her.

« To teach ? » she asked, surprised.

« No, to learn. » I smiled.

« As if anyone at that small dojo could learn you anything... » she muttered.

« Is it a problem for you ? » I asked.

« No, it's fine. » she shook her head « You can come but you'll be disappointed. »

« I see. » I smiled.

« Otousan... » she said after a while, evading my eyes « It's not that I don't want to marry, okay ? It's that... I can't do it now. »

« Alright. » I nodded before I dared to ask the question that was burning my lips « is there someone you fancy ? »

« Otousan ! » she blushed.

« I see » I smiled.

_So there was a boy in the end. _

« No ! You're getting the wrong impression ! » she said angrily « I don't wanna be with anyone ! Not yet ! It's... I'm still too young okay ?! I need more time ! »

« Alright. » I said « Chizuru did marry at eighteen after all. Nothing has to be done now. »

« Okay. » She nodded « I'm going to sleep. »

She washed her plate and chopsticks and headed up the stairs to get back to her room, leaving me alone in the kitchen with my bottle of sake. I drank it peacefully before I went back to my bedroom. I still wasn't feeling sleepy but I didn't like the idea to have Chizuru and Ayame out of my sight. After several hours of ceiling-fixing and failed attempts to meditate, I eventually fell asleep.

No incident occurred during that night and Shiranui left as planned in the morning to take care of his unfinished business. I saw Haruhi give him a letter for his sons and I asked her if the content gave no indication about our location. She affirmed that she wasn't that stupid and I decided to trust her. Chizuru came to see him off politely with Ayame still hiding behind her, head in her clothes. He waved a hand though, showing that he wasn't that scared of Shiranui in the end even if he was hiding his face.

The days after, I signed to take courses at the dojo but Haruhi was right, there was nothing for me there. At first, people laughed when I arrived. They knew I was Haruhi's dad and they knew her prowess but I was the innkeeper. The didn't know about Yamaguchi, who killed an Hatamoto at eighteen, Saito, Taichô of the Shinsengumi, Ichinose, the Aizu elite samurai... They only knew Fujita the cook. No one ever saw me fight before and they even mocked me when they saw my left-handed stance on my bokken, saying that I should have asked Haruhi how to hold it properly before I came here for course. I let them talk and so did Haruhi, smirking on the side, arms crossed and back against the wall. The sensei sent me against beginners at first and quickly realized his mistake. I took them all, including the dojo master, and I defeated them all. I didn't know if it was because I wasn't that rusty or if they were all weak. Anyway, after a few days at the dojo, I stopped going. Helping Chizuru manage the inn had more point than defeating people who weren't of my level.

Even if my swords were only decorating the common room now, I sharpened, polished and oiled them just in case, to be ready if the Kazama clan decided to come. I did the same with Haruhi's chrysanthemum katana and her wakizashi even if she was tall and strong enough to use the longer blade now.

I could feel in my bones that the Oni we fled from for so long would soon be at our doorstep. In any case, Chizuru would need Oni mid wives in six months and I had no plan B...


	55. Midwife

July 1873

Chizuru was seven months pregnant when the Oni eventually came. They didn't take the form I expected though. Instead of the warriors I was waiting for, we received the visit of Amagiri, accompanying Shiranui's wife and younger son, Daisuke.

« Shiranui told us you didn't want any Oni midwives. » said Chizuru's uncle as if his presence here needed explanation « His wife's a human, if that's alright with you. »

« H...Ha... » I managed to answer « thank you. »

« Good. » he nodded « We need three rooms. »

« I... I have two available today, the third one in a week. » I said, quickly regaining my composure « You're planning on staying two months here ? »

« Yes. » he nodded « until the baby is here. Two rooms for a week is fine. »

« Alright » I said « follow me. »

« Is Haruhi here ? » asked the boy with excitement and I sensed a profound animosity towards him that didn't have any roots. Just a father thing, I guess.

« She's at the dojo. » I stated « you'll see her this evening. »

I showed them upstairs the two rooms I had available and then gave them the hours for the meals. The bathroom was in free access although there were hours were I would make sure there was hot water. Rest of the time, it was cold. It there was no more water, they had to warn me immediately so I could go and fill buckets at the well. They nodded to everything I said and installed their belongings while Amagiri came to pay for the rooms and register.

« I apologize for not being able to shelter you for free when you travelled all the way from Kyushu for us, but the third room will be on the house when available. » I assured him.

« Don't trouble yourself, Saito-san. » he nodded « We never expected to be treated differently from any customer. I appreciate your gesture. Where is Saito-himesama ? »

« Napping with our son. » I replied, happy that he used the Saito name « We are Fujita now. »

« I'm sorry, Fujita-san » he apologized « I will tell Daisuke not to make any mistake. »

« Can I offer you and your companions some tea ? » I proposed.

« Tea would be perfect. » he agreed « I'm pretty sure Junko will want some too. I will ask her. »

« Please. » I bowed.

He went upstairs and came back with the two Shiranui and I served them tea. The two men thanked me for it but not the woman. She made a sign to her son though.

« My mom thanks you, Fujita-san » he nodded.

« You're welcome. » I nodded and she smiled.

She wasn't deaf then, maybe mute ? I couldn't recall if Shiranui or Haruhi told me about it before and I knew it was rude to ask so I didn't. I brought them some homemade mochi to eat with their tea and I went to our bedroom to see if Chizuru was up. I kneeled near her and brushed away some crazy strands of hair from her face before waking her up softly.

« Chizuru... » I whispered, caressing her cheek.

« Hum... » she groaned, fluttering her blurry eyes « Hajime... Hi... »

« It is time to get up, Chizuru. » I said softly « plus, we have visitors. »

« Manabu brought us the plum I asked for ? » she asked, yawning.

« Okaasan » said Ayame « I can get up too ? »

He was seated already and ready to go and run somewhere. I gave him permission and he stormed out. I heard his loud steps in the staircase and supposed he was going to see if Haruhi was in her room upstairs. How could such a small body make so much noise ?

« Your uncle Amagiri is here. » I said as Chizuru was already drifting away back to her dreams.

« Amagiri ?! » she repeated.

« Ha. » I nodded « with Shiranui's wife and younger son. She will be your midwife. »

« Oh thanks gods... » she muttered « I wasn't ready to walk all the way to Yase like last time... »

« It's true that this one seems a lot bigger. » I chuckled.

Chizuru was having a lot of difficulty to move, even with the hara-obi. I couldn't make her dance like when she was pregnant from Ayame, every step was a battle and she was spending most of her time in bed or seated. Was it because the child was bigger that her belly was that imposant or was it because it was the second time ? I was glad that our bedroom was downstairs because the stairs were hell for her now.

« Otousan... » called Ayame before he got in, hiding shyly his face inside my kimono.

« What happened ? » I asked.

« Ah... Nothing... » he replied before he closed himself like an oyster.

« I suppose Amagiri tried to talk to him. » chuckled Chizuru « calling him oujisama or something like that. »

« Probably. » I nodded « are you getting up ? Or would you rather not see them for now ? »

« Yeah... No, I'm going... » she complained « give me a hand. »

I stood up and caught both her hands to lift her up. She was heavy but that wasn't a problem with my strength as a Rasetsu. Even if my hair were never white now, I still had more strength than most humans. It was multiplicated when I had my crimson eyes though. She landed against me and I helped her dress before guiding her to the common room, Ayame following me and hiding shyly.

« Fujita-himesama » bowed Amagiri and so did the others.

« Maybe we could stop with himesama, oujisama » I said « I don't want to draw unwanted attention on our house. »

« As you wish. » he nodded.

« Damn, that's big ! » said Daisuke with enthusiasm, talking about my wife's belly « it's probably healthy. »

« Thank you for travelling all this way up to take care of me, Amagiri-san, Shiranui-san. » bowed Chizuru, as low as her condition allowed her.

Again, the woman made some gestures to her son and he translated.

« My mom says you can call her Junko, Fujita-san. »

« Then you can call me Chizuru. » she smiled « thank you very much for your help, Junko. It is really appreciated. »

The woman made signs again and her son nodded.

« She says you don't have to thank her because she is very happy to help. » he smiled.

« I will have to learn that language. » bowed Chizuru again with a smile.

« Don't trouble yourself. » he said, still translating « I will speak for her if necessary and she can write if I'm not there. »

We drank tea together and Amagiri gave some news to Chizuru about Sen and Kaoru. Apparently things were going smoothly between the both of them. They didn't love each other but they learned to respect and recognize each other's quality which was already a huge step in a marriage. They had been blessed with a little girl two years ago called Ginko like Kaoru and Chizuru's mother. Amagiri suggested a marriage between the girl and Ayame instead of the girl from the Kazama clan and I politely refused again. We didn't shut ourselves out the Oni world to marry our son with any girl of any demon clan. He also informed me that Kaoru wanted me to come back to Yase because he believed he found a cure to the Rasetsu curse and wanted to test it on me. I refused though. Sannan lost four men by making them drink « cures ». I wasn't ready to die yet.

« I'm back ! » yelled Haruhi in the entrance when she got in and she opened wide eyes when she saw our guests « ah... ah ! Amagiri-san, Daisuke-kun and Junko-san ! »

« Haruhi-sempai » replied Daisuke, glowing, which annoyed me a lot « how was the dojo ? »

« F... Fine... » she stuttered, embarrassed.

« My mom says she's happy to see you. » he translated and that left Haruhi even more confused.

« What happened to Junko-san ? » she asked, perplexed.

« Kazama-himesama cut her tongue off. » replied Daisuke with a sad smile « a few months ago. She knew we got a letter from you and since my mom wouldn't say where you were hiding, Kazama-himesama decided that she would never say another word. »

« That's horrible... » whispered Chizuru, both hands on her mouth.

« Okay » nodded Haruhi « that is terrible... but it does explains a lot. Otousan, we have unwanted guests. »

« Have we been followed ? » asked Amagiri.

« Seems like it. » replied Haruhi.

« Haruhi, go grab your swords. » I ordered as I also picked up mines, which had been resting for years on a support. Haruhi ran upstairs and I tied my obi tighter for it to support the weight of the blades « Chizuru, you don't move from here. I don't want you isolated. Where's Ayame ? »

« I don't know... He was there a minute ago. » she replied, confused.

« My mom will look for him » assured Daisuke.

« You all Oni go outside » I threatened « pretty convenient to be followed, don't you think ? Don't even think about getting chose to my wife and son otherwise my blade will make sure it's the last thing you do. »

« Fujita-san » said Amagiri in his deep controlled voice « If we really had that kind of intentions towards your family, we would have attacked right away. »

« Hajime, I don't know where's Ayame ! » cried Chizuru, terrified.

« It's alright, Chizuru. » I said softly « he's probably hiding somewhere. He's too shy to go outside when there are strangers. They don't have him, you understand ? »

Yet she was unconsolable, all her emotions exacerbated by her pregnancy. She cried uncontrollably, looking all around her in panic and started to get up but I put my hand on her shoulder.

« You stay here. You don't move and you wait for him, and for us. » I said softly.

Haruhi was getting down the stairs with her swords in her obi and Ayame on her back and I couldn't refrain a sigh of relief.

« Okaasan is crying. » he commented.

« Aya-chan ! » yelled Chizuru in relief.

« That idiot followed me upstairs. » explained Haruhi before giving our son to his mother.

Chizuru closed desperately her arms on Ayame and kept sobbing. Poor boy wasn't understanding a single thing and he tried to escape her grip.

« Okaasan... » he complained.

« Alright. Chizuru and Ayame stay here and don't move. The rest, outside with me. » I ordered.

« Hai, Taichô ! » chuckled Haruhi and I sent her a disapproving stare.

« Fujita-san » said Amagiri « we are not going to fight against our clan, if it's indeed what's outside. »

« I don't expect you to. » I nodded.

We all headed out and I looked around me but there was no one. I turned to Haruhi.

« Where ? » I asked.

« They were coming from here » she showed me « I ran so I probably came here before them but I clearly heard them talking about Yukimura. »

« I see. Go check the garden and shout if you see anything. »

She nodded but when she made a move, I hastily unsheathed my sword to protect her against an arrow aiming at her forehead. She gasped in surprise and quickly took her katana out her scabbard.

« They're here. »

« Oye » I heard in a cheerful voice « we'd like a room for tonight, please. In the name of Kazama. »

The man revealed himself, along with his companions. Five swordsmen, two bowmen. Most of them had a darker skintone like Shiranui and his son, due to Kyushu's weather. I sheathed back my sword, hoping they would see that as an offer of peace and I subtly prepared myself to fight.

« Stand back. » I ordered « I do not wish to fight you but I will if you come for my family. »

« We're here to collect a debt. » replied the man.

« You'll find only death. » I asssured them « turn away. »

But instead of doing as I commanded, they unsheathed their swords. There was no way we could keep it civil. Haruhi next to me took a stance of her own, very similar to the one Souji used to take when business was serious, and she calmed her breath and pulse, as a real killer. Someone who had only been forged in a dojo never would have payed attention to all these little details but she had been forged at war, that's why I allowed her to be by my side today.

More surprisingly, Shiranui Daisuke positioned himself by her side, his sword unsheathed as well.

« Daisuke. » ordered Amagiri « we do not get involved. »

« If there's no survivors, no one would know. » he smiled candidly.

« I would. » objected Amagiri.

« Yeah but would you tell ? »

Amagiri didn't answer and crossed his arms while Haruhi replied to Daisuke's smile by one of her own. As if it was a signal, the enemy attacked and I dodged and blocked the first blows.

« Haruhi, take down the bowmen first. » I ordered as an arrow ripped on my temple.

« Hai ! » she replied and she forced passage in the swordsmen, both Daisuke and I protecting her flanks.

They were all in demon form, including Shiranui's son and I was in Rasetsu form. The only weak point was Haruhi. Despite her prowess, she was still human and had less speed and strength than Oni. That's why I sent her against the bowmen who will be less of a menace to her as she get closer. Daisuke was a good swordsman but he was still fighting like when I saw him the first time. He wasn't managing his energy correctly and was tiring more easily. Haruhi successfully took down the bowmen and we killed three out of the five swordsmen.

My sword landed on another Oni warrior and the last one asked us to stop the fight, releasing his grip on his sword.

« I surrender ! » he yelled « I'll go back to my queen and bring a message. »

« I have all the messengers I need » I said, showing Amagiri, Junko and Daisuke « You came here for my family and I will deliver justice. »

« No ! » he started and I swung my sword at his neck.

I thought Amagiri would have stopped me, or maybe one of the two Shiranui, but they didn't. They let me kill him while he was defenseless and just watched with a stern expression. I turned to them with still my thirst for murder burning in my eyes and I adressed them.

« If you go back to your clan, inform your princess that now, I haven't killed one, but eight Kazama. And I would gladly do it again. »

« Technically, one is Daisuke-kun's and two are mines » chuckled Haruhi and I didn't consider that was worth any comment.

They didn't say anything and just nodded. I went to the attic of the garden and took two shovels. I handed one to Haruhi and Daisuke took it from her hand, saying that he'll do it. She let him and we dug tombs for the seven warriors without exchanging a word. When we were done, we headed back inside and Chizuru hid Ayame's eyes so I could go to the bathroom and the bedroom without him seeing me completely covered in blood. I washed it off, changed my yukata and I washed my blades conscientiously before heading back to the common room and putting them back on their support. I sat back at the table and passed my hand in Chizuru and Ayame's hair.

« Alright » I said « now, let's drop the act. You knew you were followed. »

« Hajime... » said Chizuru, putting her hand on my arm.

« I have never been able to sneak up on Amagiri. » I said, plunging my gaze into his turquoise eyes « seven men wouldn't have been unnoticed. »

« Your husband speaks the truth, Fujita-himesama. » nodded Amagiri « I did know. I haven't shared it with my companions, though and they are innocent. »

« Amagiri... » whispered Daisuke.

« Why, Amagiri-san, did you lead them to us ? » asked Chizuru, confused.

« You needed a midwife that could handle an Oni baby. » he stated « Not coming here would have meant I abandoned you, condemned you to death. Yet, I couldn't oppose the Kazama clan. Letting them follow me was the only logical choice. »

« But... that could have meant our death as well... » muttered Chizuru, still not understanding.

« Not yours, neither the little prince. Kazama-himesama is in her right to ask for an hostage. I feel responsible for the trouble you are in since I never thought about telling you what could be the consequences of killing Kazama Chikage. Yet, no one is right or wrong in this conflict and the only position I could take was the one of a spectator. »

« Bastard. » commented Haruhi.

« I see. Pack your things. » I told him harshly « You aren't welcome here. »

« Your wife needs a midwife, Fujita-san. »

« She does. » I nodded « she doesn't need you. The Shiranui can stay here. You are leaving. »

Amagiri didn't expect that but I wasn't a forgiving man when betrayed. The only one alive was Kaoru and if Amagiri wanted to join the little restricted club of « the people I let live », he would better pack his things right now before I was out of patience.

« Understood. » he sighed « It is also a logical turn of event. »

He went upstairs and came back shortly after with his belongings. All the faces were glums and Chizuru and the Oni wished him well. I didn't, nor did Haruhi. He would return to his queen and deliver my message. Hopefully, it was the last time we were hearing about Kazama. If Oni were that rare, she probably wouldn't be keen on sending her people to me to die.


	56. Baby

September 1873

The Shiranui family stayed two months with us and that gave us time to learn how to understand Junko. She wasn't much of a « talker » though so we never had big conversations but the rare signs we learned were enough to communicate efficiently. The rest of the time, she could write down more complexe sentences.

Haruhi took the position she wanted at the dojo and she was training teenagers there. At first, she presented us half of her salary, telling us that it was for the food, the room and everything. We naturally refused. She would never need to pay for anything here. It was her home and we weren't poor. I heard that some families did pull their son out of the dojo, not accepting that a girl was their sensei, just how I predicted but surprisingly, they weren't that numerous. Moreover, some families signed their girls up for courses. Aizu had always been permissive on that matter and I knew it but I didn't expect my daughter to inspire so many little girls.

Daisuke signed up too but I wasn't a fool. He only did to spend even more time with her. These two were inseparable and I even had to argue with Haruhi about it when boundaries were crossed. She could spend as much time as she wanted with him but not in her room, neither in his. That was unacceptable and unseemly of a young lady. We had a pretty rough argument, especially about trust and lust which didn't really end well. She informed me that Daisuke was thirteen and that I was making things up but a lot of men could get married at thirteen... Later that night, I dug my head in Chizuru's belly and whispered « please, be a boy... » which made her laugh. Honestly, I didn't know if I was ready to have another daughter... Ayame was a lot too sweet and Haruhi was constantly playing with my nerves.

Haruhi obeyed and complied grudgingly nonetheless and I never had to complain again about her behaviour. I just hoped she wasn't falling in love with the Oni... He was obviously interested in her and I hoped his intentions were honorable ones but if she decided to marry an Oni... and moreover, a Kazama clan Oni... I would have problems accepting it and giving my blessings.

The two of them were sparing a lot and the Oni was improving. He was very assiduous and Haruhi was a good teacher. When they weren't sparing, he was telling her about Kyushu, its folklore and his clan. He had brought some maps and stories with him from his home and Haruhi loved to study them and learn about it.

In early September, Chizuru went into labor. At first, I wanted to help. I wasn't there for Ayame and the first one, I wanted to be there for this one. The women kicked me out though and Ayame started crying, asking why he couldn't see Okaasan and why she was crying. Hearing the both of them was driving me mad with anxiety. Chizuru seemed to be in terrible pain and there was nothing I could do to help her. With Ayame in my arms, I started pacing in front of the room, wondering if it would take long because I didn't know for her but I was personally reaching peaks of anguish unknown to me. After several minutes, I couldn't take it any longer and I tried to peek inside but I found myself in front of a growling Haruhi who asked me to « get the fuck ouf of here ».

Unable to listen and be kept in the dark, I brought Ayame to the garden and tried to distract him, and I, from what was happening in the house. We played together but he was always asking me « where is Okaasan ? » and « why is she upset ? »... He even asked me once if « Okaasan is gonna die ? ». I tried to explain to him that the baby was getting out but he seemed to have problems with the concept.

Haruhi eventually called me and I ran inside, leaving Ayame in her care. When I got in, Chizuru was alone and she seemed completely wasted. She looked like someone who hadn't slept for days and her hair were all sweaty, glued on her face. Yet, she was alive and that was all that mattered. Seeing her alone didn't make me anxious. I had to be deaf not to hear the powerful cry of the child who was probably getting all cleaned up.

« Are you alright ? » I asked softly, kneeling to be near her.

« Yeah... » she whispered « I'm fine... »

« I'm sorry... » I murmured, caressing her sweat-soaked cheek with the back of my fingers « I'm sorry I am so useless in these situations... »

« You've done great » she smiled « you took care of Ayame. »

« Again, my contribution seems quite modest. » I smiled in return « is the child healthy ? »

« It seems so. » she said « it's a son... »

« Thanks gods. » I sighed with humour and she chuckled in response.

« I wouldn't have minded a daughter... » she pouted playfully, showing that she was slowly getting better.

« Me neither » I told her with a kiss « I'm joking. »

« I know. »

« You're a miracle. » I stated.

I waited by her side for my son to come in and since I didn't like being inactive, I used that time to clean up a little and get away all the bloodstained cloths. She told me to stay still and that it wasn't my job but I didn't care. I needed to help in a way, to feel involved into this birth, one way or another. Besides, blood had never been a problem for me. I wasn't going to faint or anything.

Junko eventually came back with the baby, all cleaned up and in human form, and she put it into my arms. I felt completely overwhelmed, just like the first time. He was a lot bigger than Ayame even if he just got out and I met Ayame at four days. He was very chubby, like a minuscule sumo, and he was yelling like hell itself. His eyes squeezed weren't letting me witness their color but he already had hair and they were mines, just like Ayame. My son... My second son... So big and strong...

« Can you sit up ? » I asked Chizuru.

« In a minute... » she replied « He was hard to get out, I'm... hum... healing... »

I nodded and reported my attention on the small body. I was pretty sure that if I let him down on the floor, he would roll like a ball. I wondered if it was normal for a baby to be that fat and have rolls on his stomach, arms and legs, as if his flesh was too big for his bones.

« He's... imposant... » I said to Chizuru and she laughed.

« I guess that eating your cooking everyday is a lot healthier for a baby than eating a disgusting rice porridge and hike through half the country. » she replied playfully.

« That rice porridge wasn't that bad. » I objected.

« Every. Single. Day. Hajime... » she sighed with a smile.

« Well, you wanted to come to war. » I muttered « and I'm glad the only thing that traumatized you there was the rice porridge. »

I rocked the baby in my arms, trying to calm down the siren of his cries but he didn't seem eager to stop.

« His lungs are fine. » I stated and Chizuru laughed again.

« Okaasan ? » I heard behind the wood panel.

« Come in, Ayame. » she replied.

The boy entered shyly and looked around before he ran to his mother's arms.

« Careful, Ayame ! » I scolded « Okaasan is healing. »

« It's fine... » she said softly.

« Okaasan, why you were sad ? » he asked very seriously.

« I wasn't. » she smiled « It was just a lot of efforts to get your brother out. »

Ayame cuddled his mother, not interested at all in the crying baby. Maybe he got so afraid for his mother that he needed a bit of time to reassure himself that she was alright. Chizuru eventually sat up and extended her arms. I deposited the child in her open arms and she rocked him but that didn't make him stop crying either. Ayame, curious, looked at his brother with wide eyes.

« Why he is sad ? » he asked.

« He's not sad. » replied Chizuru with a smile « he just can't talk for the moment so he talks this way. »

Ayame looked pensively at the baby and turned to his mother again.

« Why he is fat ? »

« He's just a baby » laughed Chizuru « he'll probably be less fat when he grows up. »

« He's fat. » he stated.

« Hey ! » said a grinning Haruhi, getting in « how's sumo-boy ? »

« Alright » I said « no one is giving him that nickname. »

« Sumo-boy. » repeated Ayame, giggling.

« Chizuru if you're feeling better, maybe you would like to get cleaned ? » I asked.

« In a minute. » she said « I recover faster than other women but you overestimate my power. »

« I see. » I said, picking up both Ayame and the baby that I took in each of my arms « then we'll let Okaasan get a bit of rest. »

« Have you decided on a name yet ? » asked Haruhi.

« More or less. » I said, trying to stop Ayame from getting with his mother again. « he'll have it in three days anyway. »

« I have a few kanji ideas already » she complained, putting her hands on her ears « like 'fat', 'round' or 'powerful sound' »

« Thank you for your suggestions, Haruhi. » I smiled « but we'll find a name. »

« Hajime » said my wife as I was still struggling with my two sons « I appreciate your concerns but I think the baby is only hungry... »

She raised her arms and I tried my best to give her the child and keep Ayame. She put it against her breast and the baby immediately stopped yelling and started suckling peacefully.

« Here... my little sumo. » she chuckled.

« I'm stopping everyone right there, sumo is now a banned word in this house. » I stated angrily.

« Nevermind » giggled Haruhi « we had little prince now we have chubby prince ! Hello chubby-oujisama ! »

« Haruhi ! » I scolded « Alright, everyone out, we're leaving some space to Chizuru ! Ayame it's naptime. »

« I wanna nap with Okaasan... » he complained.

« Later. » I ordered « you go and nap in Haruhi's bedroom. »

« But sumo-boy naps with Okaasan... » he started crying « why I don't sleep with Okaasan ? »

I was sensing the beginning of a violent headache. Now that the little one was quiet, it was Ayame's turn. Fortunately, Haruhi came to my aid.

« Hey, Aya-chan, come. » she said, pulling his hand « I'll read you a story and then we'll nap, okay ? »

« I nap with Haru-neechan ? » he asked, sobbing.

« Sure » she nodded « come on »

« Okay... » he agreed.

I watched the two of them get out and sighed. That house was about to become very, very noisy.

« I'll leave you some space too. » I said to Chizuru « call me or Junko if you need anything. »

« Actually » she smiled « I'm not against some tea. »

I nodded with a smile and poured some tea for the both of us. I came back in our bedroom to give her her cup and kneeled. After he ate, the baby fell asleep and Chizuru was rocking him slowly, still seated in the futon.

« Do you need anything else ? » I asked.

« No. » she smiled, looking at the baby « Do you think he's that fat ? »

I took a moment to answer. He was fat and the sumo-boy nickname was well deserved even if it was annoying me.

« He's chubby without a doubt. » I said « is it important ? »

« No, I guess not. » she said softly « it shows he's healthy. I was worried he could be fragile like Ayame but he doesn't seem like it. »

« You did a wonderful job. » I said to her « I will let you rest and make sure you have hot water when you will be able to get up. »

« Thank you... » she smiled.

I leaned over to kiss her and stood up, leaving her. I was feeling completely tired, as if I had been the one giving birth. I guess all my stress and anxiety exhausted me.

« Can I help you with anything, Fujita-san ? » asked Daisuke who was in the common room, probably waiting for Haruhi.

« Not really. But if you really want to make yourself useful, we do have sweet potatoes to peel, if that is fine with you. » I said.

« Sure. » he nodded vigorously « I'll do that. »

I brought the potatoes in the common room and we peeled them in silence until he broke it.

« Fujita-san » he asked, speaking very quickly after he gathered his courage « can I have the authorization to court your daughter ? »

« Did you really wait for my authorization ? » I asked in return.

« Yeah, of course. » he nodded « Haruhi-sempai is a wonderful woman... »

« She is. » I nodded.

« So I was wondering if you would oppose... you know, I respect you, and your daughter, very much so... please ? »

I glared at the boy who was blushing red under his dark skintone. He was probably thinking that I was struck with happiness because of the birth of my son and therefore that I could say « yes » to anything now. Yet, his intentions didn't seem to be wicked and Haruhi seemed to enjoy his company.

« As long as you do not misbehave. » I told him grudgingly.

« I wouldn't dare, Fujita-san ! » he bowed « thank you for your trust ! »

_You don't have it. I just don't have much choice if Haruhi does fancy you... In any case, as long as you're just courting her, she has the power. It's not like you're asking me for her hand. _

Yet, I didn't say anything and we kept working together while his mother was checking up on Chizuru and the small one. I savoured this moment of silence and peace, knowing that it wouldn't last. I was about to remember how hard it was to sleep and live with a baby.


	57. Maple

November 1973

Three days later, our second son was still here and so, he got a name. We decided to call him Kaede with the kanji for summer and maple tree. Chizuru did make fun of me, saying that I really liked names both for girls and boys, but it was only a coincidence. What I liked were nature inspired names. I didn't like the idea to put qualities in it like it was mostly done for boys like « courage », « strength », « clever ». It was too soon to know and what if the boy didn't have any of those qualities ? Imagine a boy like Ayame with the « strength » or « courage » kanji in his name when he was so fragile and shy... Anyway, she agreed to call him Kaede and so I asked everyone to call him that and stop with the « sumo-boy » nickname. It hadn't been very effective though. They just switched to « chubby boy » or « chubby prince ». I hoped he would be less imposant growing up so people could leave him alone. When he would be able to understand words, it wouldn't be good for his self-estime.

Daisuke courted Haruhi although it hadn't been very effective. I had been mistaken about her interest in that boy and she made it pretty clear that he was only a friend. He was disappointed about it but accepted it. In a way, it reminded me of Toudou and Chizuru, a long, long time ago. I'm not sure he gave up though, he just acted a bit more subtly. In my mind, I was glad she rejected him. He was a nice boy and I was pretty sure he would have treated her well but I couldn't say the same about his clan. Plus, if she were to have Oni children, she would be dependent on Oni midwives. That wasn't a futur I was wishing for my daughter.

Daisuke and his mother left a month after the birth and got back to Kyushu. I told them we were in their debt and that they could stay here if they wished to. I couldn't understand their desire to go back where someone could kill them and already cut Junko's tongue off. Yet, they told me that they weren't expecting me to understand where their loyalty resided but that the Kazama Clan was their home. Plus, Junko was missing her older son Akira which was still living there with his wife from Yase. We wished them well, hoping they would be safe and we would hear from them again but it did left a bittersweet taste in all our mouths.

November was here and with it, the winter. We were a bit south of Shirakawa therefore we only had a bit of snow but I knew we would have more soon. Ayame's birthday was celebrated and he got new toys and a small shinai, a bamboo sword. He was playing a lot with it, attacking Haruhi or us restlessly, and I had to scold him a few times and threaten him to take it away for him to stop. He even tried to attack Kaede who was only three months old. We had trouble to make Ayame accept the baby. He was very possessive of us, especially Chizuru, and he didn't like at all that his brother was so much taken care of. He was still sleeping with us at night, and Kaede was too, but I was wondering how Ayame would react next year when he would have his own room and would go to school, spending less time with us.

Drinking hot tea outside, I was looking over Ayame and Haruhi playing with the snow while inside, Chizuru was taking care of Kaede. He seemed to have a lot more temper than my first son. I hadn't slept correctly in three months. He was sometimes quiet during the day but he was never sleeping very long and at night... it was hell. There was no doubt that his lungs were fines and he was putting them to the test every single day. I wondered how something so small could cry so much. We were lucky we had Ayame first because with a baby like Kaede as first son, maybe we wouldn't have kept the second one. We were so tired...

« Otousan, look ! » yelled Ayame and I opened my eyes.

I hadn't even noticed I closed them in the first place but that was just how tired I was. I sipped in my cup and waved to my son who was very proud of his snowman.

« Why does it have only one arm ? » I asked.

« It's a sword ! » he said, proud.

« It's not in the right place. » I said, confused.

« It's you ! » he chuckled.

_Oh... that's why he has a sword on his left. I should have guessed... _

« Well done. » I just said.

He giggled and jumped on Haruhi, trying to make her loose balance and they started to fight playfully. I reported my attention on the small vial I had in my sleeve, the one Kaoru sent to us. The cure. I hadn't drink it yet. I feared what could happen. He sent it to me along with some scientific explanations and calculus and Chizuru was reviewing it all but I didn't know if I wished to drink it, even if my chest had started to crack like porcelain since my fight against the Kazama clan. It wasn't big yet, only the size of a coin, but Chizuru was very anxious about it. Sometimes she was looking at me as if I was already in my dying bed. I didn't know it it would progress if I didn't use my powers, and I did consider taking my own life while I still could, but I couldn't. Not now that I had all this... The problem wasn't dying, it was what I was leaving behind.

_The cure... _

I made the vial turn in my hand. The liquid was crimson, just like the Ochimizu. Could it really cure me ? What would happen to the cracks on my chest ? Would they disappear or stay ? And could I die if I took it ? I looked at the kids again just in time to see that the game was taking a more violent turn and I saw Haruhi, probably out of patience, catch Ayame and throw him in the snow.

« No ! » I said « Alright, playtime's over. Ayame, come back inside. »

I was always anxious, every year, when the winter was here. As an early child, Ayame was falling ill easily and even if I didn't want to rip him off his childhood, I didn't really like to see him outside in the snow. He had a very thick scarf and a wool kimono, along with very thick tabi for his feet but it wasn't sufficient if thrown in the snow.

« But, Otousan ! » he complained but I gave him no choice.

I grabbed his hand and took him back inside where I got him rid of everything that was wet and put him in a fresh warm kimono, warming his frozen hands with my own.

« Now you play inside for a while. » I told him.

« Otousan... » he complained again.

« If you behave you'll go back outside. » I nodded.

« But my snowman... » he pouted.

« He's not going anywhere, is he ? » I said calmly « here. Drink hot tea. »

Haruhi came back inside too and she apologized for her behaviour. She told me she wasn't thinking and I replied that everything was fine. We could hear Kaede screaming in our bedroom and my head was pounding. I supposed Chizuru was in the same state and I went to check on her. She smiled when I came in. Her eyes were still as big and sparkly as usual but she had pouches underneath them and wrinkles in the corners, showing her lack of sleep.

« Are you alright ? » I asked, concerned.

« Yeah... » she whispered « I just can't wait for him to fall asleep... »

« Let me replace you. » I asked « rest. »

« I'm fine... and you have so much to do already. » she sighed « by the way, I checked all the calculations of Kaoru. They seem correct. »

« Are you sure your brother isn't trying to trick us ? » I asked, taking the yelling baby off her hands.

_It wouldn't be the first time..._

She didn't oppose any resistance, her body weak from the lack of sleep. She nodded softly though, fluttering her eyes in tiredness, and I pushed her so she laid on the futon.

« Can I sleep with Okaasan ? » asked a pouting Ayame in the entrance.

I let Chizuru answer since I didn't know if it was a good idea for her to have an effective sleep, but she agreed and Ayame snuggled with her under the covers.

« I think you should try it. » said Chizuru and it took me some time to figure out she was speaking about the cure. My brain was excessively slow.

« Is it really worth the risk ? » I asked.

« It's getting more urgent don't you think ? » she whispered.

« It hasn't progressed in five months. » I protested.

« Until it does. » she objected « apparently he used a special water for it, a source that could cure anything. He adapted it to the Ochimizu, I think it could work. »

« I don't believe in miraculous magical sources. » I muttered.

« Says the father of two Oni with horns. » she smiled « and whose hair turn white when he fights. »

« Alright » I sighed « I understand the point you're trying to make. Give me time. »

« Okay. » she nodded.

In my arms, Kaede was still sobbing but it wasn't as powerful as minutes ago. He was tiring. Ayame was looking at us with curiosity, wondering what we were talking about, while cuddling his mother and trying to get her full attention.

« Otousan is ill ? » he asked suddenly.

_Always so perceptive..._

« Kind of » replied Chizuru « But he will be better soon. »

« Because he played in the snow ? » he asked again very seriously.

He was always asking questions. It was exhausting...

« Maybe » chuckled Chizuru « although there were only a few snowflakes back at Toba-Fushimi »

« What's Toba-Fushimi ? »

« A war thing. » I told him « if you want to nap with Okaasan, you stay silent and sleep. Otherwise, you come with me. »

« No, I sleep ! » he said, hiding his face in his mother's arm.

« Then silence. » I ordered « If I hear you harass Okaasan with questions, I'll make you nap in Haruhi's room. »

« Okay... » he answered grudgingly.

I stood up and put a big scarf on Kaede before I took him outside. Haruhi wasn't there anymore, probably in her room like most of the time now. My son calmed down after a while and fell asleep, letting me enjoy the silence. I kept him in my arms and went back inside near a hibachi to warm the both of us, and even if I was seated, I fell asleep too, completely exhausted.

Later that night, I was insomniac again. Although the boys were both sleeping and silent and Chizuru too, I couldn't sleep. I went back downstairs, made some tea and drank it outside in the frozen wind. I loved the winter and especially that wind, the one which could cleanse me to the bone. I loved the calming sensation of the hot tea flowing in me while the wind was that cold. That contrast, it was very calming, always had, always will be.

I took the vial out my sleeve again and made it turn inside my fingers. Chizuru said I should drink it... I wasn't sure but every time I chose to trust my wife, she had been right. I lifted my gaze, looked at the stars above me and sighed.

_What do you think, Sannan ? What about you, Souji ? Hijikata-san ? Should I try to start again as a human ? Live a normal life once more ? _

There was no answer. I didn't expect for one anyway. I opened the vial and took a deep breath.

_If it fails, at least I will have the opportunity to see all of you again... _

Quickly, before I changed my mind, I swallowed the crimson liquid.


	58. Haruhi

At first, nothing happened but then, I became completely ill. I fell on my knees and palms and started to vomit uncontrollably. There was nothing solid but it was as black at night and the taste was horrible, like rotten. I prayed the gods, hoping that I didn't make any mistake by swallowing Kaoru's potion... When the flow was a bit less intense, letting me breath a little, I noticed that the liquid wasn't totally black, it was just a red so intense that it seemed black to the eye.

_Ochimizu ? Is that it ? Am I purging my body from it ? _

The liquid became clearer, crimson, and the iron taste made me identify blood. It wasn't delicious anymore though. If I wasn't already vomiting, I would have become nauseous. It slowly calmed down and I took a minute, panting heavily and sweating, before getting up. It had been so violent, it exhausted me. I felt like I could collapse right now, in my own spoiled puddle of... what, exactly ? I wasn't really sure.

I sat up and caught my breath, looking at my hands. Was I cured ? I bit my finger, enough to draw blood and I looked at it, feeling the little sharp pain. It wasn't closing. It wasn't closing ! It worked... Alright, I needed to calm down. I wasn't sure that all of it was cured, for the moment, I could only see that I wasn't healing anymore, or maybe slower ? It was feeling so incredible to me that I was fearing I could imagine things and be deceived. I decided to act carefully.

I came back inside and washed my cup of tea when I noticed the noise upstairs.

_So finally... It is time... She really chose her moment..._

I sat in the common room, even if it was dark, and I waited for Haruhi which I knew wouldn't be long. I saw her getting down the stairs, extra careful not to wake anyone up, and she stealthily went to the door to get out.

« You're not even going to say goodbye ? » I asked and she startled, escaping a little squeak of surprise.

« Otousan ! » she whispered « what are you doing here ?! »

« I should be asking that question. It's late for a stroll. » I stated

« I'm not going on a stroll. » she said with defiance.

« I know. » I sighed.

We stayed silent, with all the unspoken words we wanted to say each other floating in the air around us.

« How did you know ? » she asked eventually.

« I saw you prepare. I saw you plan. » I said softly « I didn't know it was for tonight, though. »

« You wanna stop me ? » she asked.

« No. » I said softly.

She didn't say anything and I wondered if she wanted me to stop her in the end. Here was her home, here was her family. What could be out there that mattered more than that ?

« Where are you heading ? » I asked.

« Kyushu. » she replied.

« Daisuke ? » I asked softly.

« No. » she replied angrily.

« What is there for you, in Kyushu ? »

« None of your business. » she replied on the defensive before her expression softened « If I succeed, you'll know. It's not a farewell, Otousan. I'm coming back, whatever the outcome. »

_No you're not... _

« What outcome ? »

« I can't tell you. »

« Haruhi, I know what I said about you having the power to choose your own futur but please, I have to ask you to reconsider. »

« I've taken my decision a long time ago already. » she said firmly « I've prepared, I'll be okay. The money I earned at the dojo is sufficient for me to go to Kyushu now. »

« But what about when you'll be there ? » I asked « You'll be without ressources. »

« I'll find a job. » she nodded.

« Haruhi, the only job you'll find in Kyushu is the one you've been running away from your whole life. » I stated.

« I can work at a dojo ! » she muttered angrily « or at a inn, a teahouse... »

« Dojos of the south won't accept girls. » I stated « and maybe you don't have enough life experience but inns and teahouses aren't so different from prostitution houses. It's not like here. Even if your job is officially only to clean or serve customers, if a client wants you, your boss will make sure the customer gets what he want... There are lots of girls willing to work, if you cause problems, you'll be fired and replaced. Do you really think none of our customers ever asked for you ? Here, you are protected. »

« It doesn't have to be that way ! » she whispered-yelled to not wake the others.

« Haruhi, you are taking a wrong path... » I said calmly « your mother dreamt of freedom too and you have a lot more here than she ever had. You are following her steps and you will know the same fate if you pursue that impulse. »

« You don't know everything ! And I can defend myself ! » she said in a broken voice « I don't have to die like her ! »

« You can't take the katana » I said, pointing at the sword « you're no samurai, the authorities will arrest you and take it away from you. You'll never see the sword again. »

« Mind you own fucking business ! » she lost her temper « I'm taking it, it is my sword and I need it ! »

« Alright. » I said.

There was nothing much more to say. I told her that it was a bad idea, that she wouldn't keep the sword and that her carreer prospects weren't ideal. Yet, her mind was set and even if I couldn't understand why she was leaving and even if it was breaking my heart, I was going to let her go, because I promised.

« Go tomorrow. » I told her.

« Why ? » she asked.

« Chizuru deserves it. » I stated « and Ayame. Tell them goodbye. »

« If I tell them, I'll never go... » she whispered.

I could see a part of her was wishing to stay, that she was unsure about her decision and that she was afraid of the unknown.

« Wait here. » I told her.

I went to the office where Chizuru was doing the accounting and took a reasonable amount of money that I placed in a pouch. I came back to the common room where Haruhi was waiting as instructed, her trembling fingers clenched on the scabbard of her katana. I handed her the pouch.

« I don't need you to give me money. » she said « I'll make some. »

« It's not for Kyushu. » I told her « it's for the way back. Try not to spend it and if you're in trouble or dissatisfied, use it to find your way back here. »

She nodded and took the pouch. Her eyes were looking at the ground and small tears were invading them.

« Otousan... I know I'm not a child anymore but... can I... hug you ? » she whispered softly.

« Ha. » I nodded.

She circled me with her arms. I didn't need to crouch anymore, she was taller than Chizuru, nearly as tall as me. I ran my fingers in her hair and closed my arms around her shoulders. Never a farewell had been so painful before, even if she was saying it wasn't one. She held me for several minutes and I could sense her body trembling as she was holding back her tears. I wanted to find the words, to be more persuasive and make her abandon that foolish plan. There was nothing in Kyushu appart from Satsuma, Choshu and the Kazama clan. Why would she want to go there if it wasn't for Daisuke ? It had to be that, she just didn't want to tell me, as secretive as she was.

She let go and tiptoed to kiss my cheek and I let go too.

« Goodbye, Otousan. » she said.

« Take care of you, Haruhi. » I replied.

We didn't exchange another word and she stepped out, leaving me alone in the emptiness of the common room. I stayed there several minutes, wondering if I should go after her or ask her to write or anything. I haven't even thought about asking her to write and forgetful as she was, she probably wouldn't do it... I hoped I could see her one day go through that door again and I hoped she wouldn't be broken or injured or anything, but that she would just smile and say « Otousan ! I'm back ! ». She wasn't my blood but I loved her like a daughter, she was my daughter... I hoped she would find in Kyushu what she was looking for, as foolish as it could be.

After a while, I got back to sleep, trying not to wake the boys up. I wanted to hug Chizuru but she had a child on each side of her and so, I stayed alone and fixed the ceiling for a while. I was exhausted due to my earlier unwellness but the fate of Haruhi was keeping me awake. Part of me wanted to grab my sword and run after her to go with her on that adventure and protect her... Yet, my place was here. I couldn't go and leave both Ayame and Kaede in Chizuru's care. She'd die of exhaustion.

« Otousan ? » whispered Ayame « why you don't sleep ? »

« It's nothing » I answered « Just thoughts keeping me awake. »

« You had a nightmare ? » he asked.

« No, I'm fine. Sleep Ayame. You're going to wake Kaede and Okaasan. »

« You want a cuddle ? »

« Shhh. Sleep, I said. » I ordered.

He shut his mouth and wiggled his little body under the covers to come and snuggle against me and I held him in my arms.

« You know Otousan, Okaasan said that the monsters they are not real so you can sleep. » he affirmed very seriously.

« Alright. » I escaped a small laugh « thank you, Ayame. »

« No problem. » he stated and that made me laugh again.

In the morning, Ayame went with me to prepare the breakfast for Chizuru while we let her sleep a little more. Kaede was calm and it was a miracle. In addition, the longer she would stay in bed, the later she would ask me about Haruhi. Holding the tray in both his hands, Ayame put it down, kneeled and opened the shoji before bringing it to Chizuru. Luckily, she was awake and sitting in bed, feeding Kaede.

« Okaasan ! » yelled Ayame, proud of himself « I made breakfast ! »

« Whaouh ! » she praised « fantastic Aya-chan ! Can you bring it back to the kitchen, though, I'll eat with all of you in a minute. »

« Okay ! » he nodded, all smily and he turned to me « Okaasan says I have to take it to the kitchen ! »

« Yes, I heard. » I nodded « go and wait for us there. »

« I wake up Haru-neesan ? » he asked.

« She's not here. » I said « just go to the kitchen. »

He obeyed and I closed the shoji, kneeling near my wife.

« Haruhi's already at the dojo ? » she asked.

« No » I sighed « she's gone. »

« Gone where ? »

« Just gone. » I said « Kyushu I believe. »

« For Daisuke ? »

« I'm not sure. » I confessed.

« You let her go ? » she asked, pain and sorrow visible on her face.

« Ha. » I nodded « She left last night. She said she will come back, do not worry. »

« You believe that ? »

« I don't know. » I confessed, unable to lie to her.

She stayed silent and I decided to change to a lighter subject to cheer her up.

« I drank your brother's cure. » I said.

« When ?! » she gasped.

« Last night. »

« Seems like a lot happened last night... » she muttered « and ? »

« Well, first of all, I'm not dead. » I smiled « second, it seems like I'm not healing anymore. And third, that happened. »

I showed her my chest where it had started to crack like broken porcelain. It was flesh once more even if the cracks were still visible, turned into scars.

« So you're cured ? » she asked, brushing her fingers on my scars.

« I believe so... » I muttered « I guess we would have to wait for a bloodlust episode to be sure... »

« You're cured... » she repeated « you're not dying anymore... Kaoru did it... »

« I guess leaving him alive was a good idea in the end. » I muttered.

« Okaaaaaaasaaaan ! » yelled Ayame « the breakfast ! »

« We're coming, Ayame ! » she replied, laughing.

« I should go. » I sighed « otherwise, he'll loose patience. We'll wait for you. »

« I'll be there in a second. » she smiled, raising her lips for me to kiss her.

I leaned over to accept her invitation and stood up to join my son in the kitchen who was pouting because he had been waiting for minutes and Okaasan wasn't coming and she wasn't loving him anymore and Kaede was mean. And fat. But mostly mean. Fortunately we didn't have to wait much longer before Chizuru joined with the baby and we ate breakfast peacefully. I took the opportunity to inform Ayame about Haruhi's departure before he could ask too much questions but he didn't seem to understand fully what happened because he was sure she was coming back tonight. I guess I would have to explain several times in the upcoming days.


	59. End

A few weeks after Haruhi's departure, we managed to find a rhythm. It wasn't easy with two young kids, the inn to take care of, and without another adult to help. I had to employ a girl to work in Haruhi's place, especially in the evening. The inn wasn't just for travellers, it was also the most social place of the village and we had a lot of customers coming at night to drink and party, even if they weren't staying. The girl, Shizuka Momoiro, was alright, very hard working and polite, I didn't have any complaints about her. Kaede seemed to be calmer too. He started actually sleeping at night and that was relieving for all of us. Ayame was still disliking his brother and it grew worse with Haruhi's departure. He couldn't understand why his sister had abandoned him and for him, there was only one logical explanation : It was because of Kaede. We tried, well Chizuru tried with a lot more tact than I, to explain to him that it wasn't linked, but he was sure of himself and asked us very seriously if we could get rid of Kaede so that Haruhi could come back. Chizuru told me that it was normal for him to dislike the baby now and that it would get better when he grows up but I wasn't really sure about that. What if my sons hated each others ? I couldn't remember if Hiroaki and Katsu used to hate me when I was young. My early memories didn't contain anything of the sort. I hoped Chizuru was right and that it was just a phase.

With Haruhi gone, Ayame had to grow up fast. He had to help around, although he was only five, to clean the house and serve customers. I had less time to train too, but I believed it was alright. I wasn't sure of course, but I had good hopes that the Kazama wouldn't send any more warriors after us and it was fortunate. If it were to happen, we wouldn't be in the same position we were the first time. I would have to fight alone, without Daisuke or Haruhi, and moreover, without healing and with less strength.

I was human once more. Now, it was a certitude. The shadow of the madness that had been lingering over my head for years had finally dissipated. The discomfort of the sun, my treatment, my life shortening... all that was in the past now, like the ending of a bad dream that lasted way too long. Somehow, it was feeling strange.

My hair were stil turning white though, and that seemed to amuse Chizuru a lot every time she was finding another white hair. I had no doubt my hair would be totally grey before I turned forty... She said it was because I was worrying too much and overthinking everything that my hair were turning white. I didn't know if it was true but I couldn't deny that it was one of my trademark behavior... She said it was appealing though so I guessed it was okay.

« Otousan, is it okay ? » asked Ayame and I looked at his vegetables that were pretty well cut.

« Ha. » I nodded « well done. »

I put them in the pan to cook them with some soy sauce and dashi. We had some nice fishes from the market and they would accompany perfectly these vegetables, along with some rice.

« I'm a good cook too ! » he smiled widely.

It was the lunch service so there was less pressure anyway. Our inn customers were usually going after the breakfast and our partying customers weren't coming before dark so the lunch was always pretty peaceful, most of the time, there was only us and maybe one or two clients.

« Hey, can I come in ? » asked Chizuru, standing in the doorway with Kaede in her arms.

« Okaasan ! » yelled Ayame, proud « Otousan let me use the knife and I cut the vegetables ! »

« Really ? » she lifted an eyebrow « aren't you too young to use a knife ? »

« Otousan said I was careful ! » he replied with seriousness.

« Good. » she smiled, getting his hair all messy « you're a little warrior. »

« I think it soon will be ready. » I said, tasting the vegetables « Ayame. Prepare the table but first, take your brother back to bed. »

« No. » he shook his head, frowning « I don't want ! »

« Ayame, I thought you were a big boy now but if you're still a baby then I won't let you use the knife again and I will make you nap in the afternoon. » I stated.

« Hum... Hum ! » he growled angrily, not happy at all.

He prepared the table as instructed and then went grudgingly to his mother and turned his gaze away when he lifted his arms.

« Okaasan... Can you give Kaede, please ? » he muttered.

« Okay » she said « thank you, Ayame. Your help is greatly appreciated. »

« Really ? » he asked, looking up.

« Yes. » she nodded with a maternal smile « you are a wonderful big brother and we love you very much. »

« You love me more than Kaede ? » he asked « he's not helping. He's only crying and sleeping and drooling. »

« You've been a baby too, you know. » she chuckled « and you were just like him. »

« No way. » he shook his head.

« Ayame, stop bothering Okaasan and take your brother » I ordered.

Chizuru handed the baby to Ayame and he took him out the kitchen. We could hear him growl and complain, and Chizuru chuckled again.

« He's very jealous... » she commented « Who would have guessed ? He's so sweet. »

« Who wouldn't be jealous, » I replied « with a mother like you ? I find myself quite jealous of them both sometimes. »

« Really ? » she chuckled « why ? »

I got closer and held her in my arms, my forehead against hers.

« On a day like this one, I would prefer to have some time on my hands to take care of you properly. »

« I know. » she replied, brushing my cheek with her fingers with an understanding smile « happy anniversary. »

« Six years of marriage. » I whispered.

« And I love you like day one. » she smiled.

« Chizuru » I asked « will you be my wife, one more year again ? »

« Yes » she chuckled « my answer didn't change from all the previous years and it will remain the same for all the years to come. » she assured me.

« We'll see next year. » I smiled.

« Is it too much to ask for a little bit more confidence in our marriage ? It survived a war, a hostage demand, a disobedient daughter and two babies. I guess we can be a bit more confident about it. » she laughed.

« Maybe you're right. » I smiled before I kissed her.

Six years of marriage... Eight years of relationship... and kissing her still felt like the first time. I could sense her breath quicken, her body tense and melt at the same time. I could sense how she was slightly loosing balance as her toes curled onto themselves and how that was making her push herself closer against me. I could feel her fingers running through my hair, that long mane she liked so much, and that she was diligently combing everyday even with all the work she had. And most of all, her lips, moist and soft, working on mine, breathing in my mouth as our tongues met and dueled. Shouldn't we be too old to kiss like this, without restraint, as if there was no tomorrow ? Maybe. We didn't care. We belonged to each other. Always had, always will. She was my everything, the sorceress who bewitched me, all those years ago, and had been able to melt my metal and drag me away from battlefields. The demoness who had found a way to turn a sword into a man. Chizuru. My confident. My wife. The mother of my sons. My everything.

« Gross... We eat soon ? »

Ayame was back and we parted slowly, not embarrassed, not ashamed. Loving each other wasn't a crime and I hoped Ayame and Kaede would have one day the same chance I had, to find a reason to live embodied in the woman they loved the most.

« Otousan ! We eat soon my cooking ? » he asked again.

« Ha. » I nodded, my eyes still plunged in my wife's sparkling ones.

I let go of her waist and filled the plates while Ayame was explaining again that he was the cook. Chizuru was gently chuckling at his proudness and complimented the _chef_ about the wonderful food. Her eyes were still lit with that sparkle that I loved so much. Her chestnut eyes, that she gave to both our sons, were still as beautiful as the day I first noticed them. Not sure when it was, the moment I started to actually acknowledge her existence in the headquarters, but after I did, there had been no return possible. She turned my whole life upside down and worst, or best, of it, I enjoyed it. She brought light and life, where there was only darkness and death, and for that, I would always be in her debt.

« It's not good, Otousan ? » asked Ayame, concerned.

« My apologies » I said, picking my chopsticks « I was lost in thoughts. »

I took some vegetables in my mouth and ate peacefully with my son and my wife. Her eyes met mines again and like everytime since a few years, the same thought echoed in my mind.

I was home.

**Author note : Finally ! After five months, 223 chapters and more than 370k words, that fic has come to an end ! (Whoah, I feel exhausted and enthusiastic at the same time !) **

**It was a lot of work but mostly a lot of fun to bring that story to you even if it didn't go at all like it was supposed to at the beginning :) **

**It's not the end of this AU though because next story will feature Haruhi in Kyushu. If you're curious, the first chapter will probably be posted tomorrow. I hope you will follow that story too, it is inspired by a place I actually visited in Kyushu years ago.**

**I hope you will keep good memories of this fic and don't hesitate to leave a review and tell me what you think about it now that it's finished. **

**Guest 1, as always, thanks for your endless support. I think you were already there day one, for the first chapter of the first part and you followed me days after days into this story, thank you very much ! Your support gave me wings at a difficult time in my life and this is your achievement as much as mine since maybe I would have given up without you. **

**Bye bye everyone and thanks for reading this looooong fic ! **


End file.
